3, 2, 1, Liftoff!

Excitement at the homestead this morning, as daughter prepared to return to school, leaving a mere 37 minutes after the projected time of departure, placing them in some commute-oriented traffic. Ah, well, she'll get there eventually.

Passing the chocolate, because it's been that kind of week. Neighbor Lady wins the Old Skool Award for running out of chocolate right in the middle of a family-of-origin drama and scary noises coming from the car. Pixies, don't let this happen to you!

Drat You, Aunt Flo Award to Sarah, whose hot date at home while the kids are away may not be all she was hoping for.

Our deepest sympathies to Liz, who wins the Engineering Failure Award for her tragic tale of a workaday bra lost. We feel your pain. Kudos to Mom, whose gift card may make things right again.

Picture's Worth A Thousand Words Award to JenR, who got her first glimpse at the shy little one to be!

Parenting Dispensations to Sarah, Esperanza, and anyone else suffering from guilty feelings for not spending the toddler years trolling for playdates. Like we need more to worry about? Besides, the packed kidlet social schedule will arrive soon enough.

Whoopsie! Award to Esperanza, who left her computer behind at grandma's and had to drive halfway back [150 miles!] to get it. Kudos to Esperanza's mom for driving the other half of the distance to deliver the goods!

Weather Awards to Neighbor Lady, who whines of snow, and Sue, who shocked us all with tales from the far north, of at least occasional snow every month except July. Also, all the other Pixies with weather complaints.

The Universe is One Twisted Puppy Award to Sue, who got some great relief for the Headache Demon, but also picked up a nasty bug on the trip. The Cluestick Posse will continue to administer clue-by-4's to the universe until it stops acting out like this. We also hope the germs will take the pain away when they depart the premises. Kudos to the doctor who really took time, listened, wants to find a solution.

The Posse also has a few little messages about Esperanza's kitchen. Yeah, yeah, it is owned by the hub's employer, but doesn't it make sense in a remodel job to pay attention to the actual primary user of said kitchen?

AntiWhine of the Week Award to Amy, whose husband's midlife crisis only involves a motorcycle, not a floozy.

Addition to the Lexicon Award to Neighbor Lady, who complains of "the mack truck of family-of-origin dynamics." We hear ya. Sending hugs. "Mack truck" is an excellent description of the phenomenon.

ETA: Day of the Week Snafu Award to Liz, for that little mixup that meant MM was not at school at 7 a.m. for his workout class. Have we not all been there?

Until next time.

Go, Bananas!

This, the 400th post of the New Whiner's Ball, is brought to you by the letter S, for soggy. The endless rainy weather suits some creatures in my yard (see banana slug, pictured above), but most of the household is displeased. Particularly since S should stand for Spring, as in, the first day of. The feline contingent has an especially heartfelt plea for sunbeams.

Daughter is home for her spring break. Her U is in a state where residents pride themselves on webbed feet, but they have enjoyed sunshine while we contemplate drips from a skylight: leak, or condensation?

Anyway, the appearance of Mr./Ms. Banana Slug prompted me to share the following cheer, stolen from my sister, in the hopes of encouraging submissions in the Style category -- surely you can do better than this. (Feel free to use your own movements while demonstrating the cheer; that definitely impresses people.)

Go, Bananas! Oh go, Bananas!

B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Oh go, Bananas! Go, go, Bananas!

Hippo Birdies to Liz, who turns the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything today. May there be lots and lots of cake!

Days is awarded the Elevated Risk of Mullet for her plan for "Operation sit on the couch and do not much of anything all week." Days, we hope the chemo is going well and doing its job, and that people bring you chocolate on that couch whenever you need it.

JenR gets the St. Joseph Home Selling Kit to help her house sell soon, soon, soon.

esperanza gets the Understatment Award for slipping in a mention of her extra Baboo, after the possibility of [Redacted] was first mentioned two weeks ago. We hope you and all the baboos are getting some more sleep!

We Pixies are delighted to hear that Sarah at ratatat’s sweet daughter survived the school talent show, sans anxiety.

The Smarty-Pants Award for Sue, who put her "skool-lernin" to use: “Seriously. Someone in our church is taking a world religions course and came in for some basic info. I actually knew a bunch of stuff without having to refer to books.”

Sarah gets the Clever Pixie sash for her excellent use of the word scofflaw.

Days gets the Redzils Trophy for the phrase, “Queen of Nerd-dom.” When you are done with the trophy, Days, Sue can hold it until it is my turn again.

amy gets LOTS and LOTS of chocolate for her cataclysmic Aunt Flo / washer destruction collision. Who wants to shop for jeans any time, ever – much less when AF is in town?

amy generously nominated kathy a. “for the Silver Lining Award for pointing out the gray jeans are now un-wreckable yard work jeans. Her comment about the various barks, pooks, and pees reminded me that at least I can wear the jeans. If they had been peed on... Well, let's just say I cannot fathom how much more furious I'd have been at the total loss of the jeans.”

Neighbor Lady is the Fashionista Of The Week, for her brilliant idea to sell amy’s rust stained jeans on eeee-bay. After all, some people buy jeans with holes in them on purpose – this could be a new fashion trend!

We’ve added two new dwarves to the forest: Prickly and Unpleasant. Watch out for these guys, Pixies, they aren’t any fun.

Cluesticks for Breakfast Meeting and the people responsible for Breakfast Meetings, appointment forgetters, fireplacing cancer, bad washing machines, and natural disasters.

Kudos for good meetings, someone else taking Pook Patrol, smart husbands, and the squeals of delight from a little girls who finally learned to pump her legs and can swing by herself, and people being kind to one another in the face of disasters, both the tiny, domestic and horrific, national kind.

See you next week, Pixies, when the marvelous kathy a. will host!

The Universe Is On Notice

Hi Pixies -

I am typing this with three dogs under my desk. They add up to 225ish pounds of canine, so we are lucky I can reach the keyboard at this point.

Last week was a busy one at the Whining Carnival, and the Teh Universe is on notice that the Cluestick Posse is saddling up. Hopefully things have mellowed a bit, as we begin this next week.

My no-good-very-bad week was largely redeemed by a good weekend: two great hikes, two German Chocolate Cakes, and a three generation family party at my house that was delightfully a an AW (not the W some may have feared).

What are things like for you this week, Pixies?

Dear Universe

Dear Universe:

You suck. We mean it. You have earned a number of visits from the Cluestick Posse this week, and I want to warn you, they are in a mood. You just have to mess with perfectly nice people, don't you? And the fireplacing cancer visited upon random people just wasn't enough for you, was it? Don't you think smiting Japan was a rather extreme, show-offy measure? You, Universe, are on a time out. We expect better behavior, pronto.

Love, The United Federation of Pixies

~~~~~~~~~~~~

This week's ceremony is brought to you by Aunt Kathy's Crab Cakes, on special this week at a fine whining establishment near you!

In the Old Skool category, Liz takes home the trophy with her Dunkin' Donuts complaint: they gave her the wrong donuts.

The Cluestick Posse is dispatched to the Fussy Church Lady (aka Official Church Bully) who sent Sue a nastygram about a prayer shawl, undelivered to a grieving parishoner due to circumstances beyond Sue's control. Some people could use a better hobby, no?

The coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award goes to Emily, who wonders "Sue--what is my MIL doing in your church? (Maybe there's a global network of fussy ladies?)"

The Kudos Posse is pleased to pay a visit to Esperanza's Baboo's Dr. Punctual! The importance of punctuality, and full attention, is not to be overstated -- especially with Baboos in tow. Kudos also to the Sweet Baboo herself, for really fabulous progress!

The Noxious Substance of the Week Award goes to gasoline, which in addition to costing a minor fortune these days, keeps dripping on people's shoes and clothing, causing headaches, excess laundry, and the premature disposal of shoes. Accepting the award on behalf of gasoline, which is not invited to this party, are Emily, Liz, and Sarah.

Annoying Repair Person of the Week Award goes to Sue's copy guy, who might fit her in sometime this year, or maybe not, things are busy doncha know.

Special Achievement Award, Stirring Things Up Then Dropping Off the Face of the Earth Division goes to Esperanza's [relative], for reasons stated.

Teachers Are Definitely Underpaid Award to Amy, who reports: My students' essays are so awful. So very awful. I just want to cry, they are so bad. Even my best student's essay is only mediocre at best. And I'm out of emergency chocolate. :( Sending emergency thin mints!

Sarah wins the Hormonal Storm Award, for battle duty, with an Anti-Whine Laurel for this gem: AW: Knowing it is wild hormones does makes me step make from the ledge of despair over which I theatrically consider throwing myself.

Hugs to everyone with relatives, headaches, the fireplacing cancer in their lives, pook, laundry, and other afflictions. See you next week, when the wonderful Redzils will host!

Marching forward...

Welcome to another edition of the Whiner's Ball!

We are on Day 4 of beloved's sickness of doom, and heading to the doctor soon. Various pets have been celebrating his confinement, snuggling on or near the big bed.

My shoulder still hurts, but is getting a little better.

What's happening out your way?

Waiting to Post Awards Didn't Restore My Brain

Sorry about the delay. And my brain is still fried, so I'm not sure how coherent these will be.

Elevated Risk of Mullet Award to Sue, who edged out lots of competition with "I'm only a few steps away from my own reality show."

Old Skool Whine Award to emily's daughter, who has that dreaded stiff new-sheets feel. It's hard to achieve that happy medium between stiff and threadbare, huh?

Hugs to Sue. And to everyone experiencing ouchy shoulders, accumulating small whines, boo-boos right on the front of the face, and [unbloggable] whines.

Antiwhine of the Week to kathy a, who passed all her "just checking" medical tests!

And, just so you know, Wednesday Whining is now the home for advice on all matters pertaining to quinoa, taxes, and gluten-free rodents.