Friday, March 11, 2011

Dear Universe

Dear Universe:

You suck. We mean it. You have earned a number of visits from the Cluestick Posse this week, and I want to warn you, they are in a mood. You just have to mess with perfectly nice people, don't you? And the fireplacing cancer visited upon random people just wasn't enough for you, was it? Don't you think smiting Japan was a rather extreme, show-offy measure? You, Universe, are on a time out. We expect better behavior, pronto.

Love, The United Federation of Pixies


This week's ceremony is brought to you by Aunt Kathy's Crab Cakes, on special this week at a fine whining establishment near you!

In the Old Skool category, Liz takes home the trophy with her Dunkin' Donuts complaint: they gave her the wrong donuts.

The Cluestick Posse is dispatched to the Fussy Church Lady (aka Official Church Bully) who sent Sue a nastygram about a prayer shawl, undelivered to a grieving parishoner due to circumstances beyond Sue's control. Some people could use a better hobby, no?

The coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award goes to Emily, who wonders "Sue--what is my MIL doing in your church? (Maybe there's a global network of fussy ladies?)"

The Kudos Posse is pleased to pay a visit to Esperanza's Baboo's Dr. Punctual! The importance of punctuality, and full attention, is not to be overstated -- especially with Baboos in tow. Kudos also to the Sweet Baboo herself, for really fabulous progress!

The Noxious Substance of the Week Award goes to gasoline, which in addition to costing a minor fortune these days, keeps dripping on people's shoes and clothing, causing headaches, excess laundry, and the premature disposal of shoes. Accepting the award on behalf of gasoline, which is not invited to this party, are Emily, Liz, and Sarah.

Annoying Repair Person of the Week Award goes to Sue's copy guy, who might fit her in sometime this year, or maybe not, things are busy doncha know.

Special Achievement Award, Stirring Things Up Then Dropping Off the Face of the Earth Division goes to Esperanza's [relative], for reasons stated.

Teachers Are Definitely Underpaid Award to Amy, who reports: My students' essays are so awful. So very awful. I just want to cry, they are so bad. Even my best student's essay is only mediocre at best. And I'm out of emergency chocolate. :( Sending emergency thin mints!

Sarah wins the Hormonal Storm Award, for battle duty, with an Anti-Whine Laurel for this gem: AW: Knowing it is wild hormones does makes me step make from the ledge of despair over which I theatrically consider throwing myself.

Hugs to everyone with relatives, headaches, the fireplacing cancer in their lives, pook, laundry, and other afflictions. See you next week, when the wonderful Redzils will host!


Sue said...

*applause applause*

Great awards kathy a - this is indeed a rough week for the United Federation of Pixies. What the Universe did not anticipate was our collective Power of the Whineage.

We, and our Cluesticks, shall ever prevail.

Ya heard it here first, folks.

Uh, Universe, you sit your misbehaving bu*t right back in that corner. ~gives Universe Teh Look~

kathy a. said...

ooooh, teh Look... watch OUT, universe!

emily and neighbor lady, would you mind contacting me? kathywithcats AT gmail DOT com.

amy said...

Sue! That was awesome delivery of teh Look!

Hmph! Take THAT, Universe!!! *stands behind Sue, giving the "What She Said" look*

Excellent awards, kathy! And thanks for the love. My students are in the lowest writing course my school offers, so I expect teh struggling, but I hate it when I feel like I don't know how to help them.