Thursday, April 29, 2010

Awards: Lean On Me Edition*

This week in Pixieland is like an episode of M*A*S*H. "Attention all personnel: incoming choppers." And the Pixies have responded with their usual grace, humor, good sense, and caring. Love you guys!

Well Oiled Rube Goldberg Mechanical Disaster Award goes to JenR -- who knew that oil on the spark plugs would destroy successive pieces of a car until finally the exhaust system collapses in defeat? To the tune of $1000, no less, which in our opinion would about cover the amount of chocolate needed to make this seem OK.

Hers was not the only car-related disaster. Redzils wins the Oh You Have an Roadside Emergency? Please Hold Award for the saga of flat tire, broken jack, 400 hours on hold, and car in the shop. A Friend Indeed Sash to Redzils' friend, who did not even blink when she had a tantrum toward the end of the long wait.

Speaking of meltdowns, Madeleine wins the Incident Award, for dealing with her normally sweet child's kicking incident at the same time she was dealing with some scheduling madness, the kind where things get changed and you don't find out until too late. Gah.

Amy wins the coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award for "I'm PMSing so intensely that I was ready earlier today to give my children to the nearest ice cream truck driver. I even made it Facebook official." Have we not all been there, one time or another?

Amy's student gets the Tough Noogies Award for earning a failing grade, then getting all pissy about it. If PMS makes you not care about the student's hissy fit, I see that as a benefit.

Aunt Flo wins the Give Us A Break, Already Award, as she featured prominently in many whines and comments this week. Thanks in particular to Pixies offering thoughtful comments about dioxin in tampons [say, what???] and about the diva cup.

Noble Order of the Giant Pimple Awards to all fellow sufferers, past, present, and future. Didn't you once think this would cease to be an issue along about the time you graduated high school? Ha. Here at the Whiner's Ball, you will hear the truth about those issues that aren't discussed in polite company.

We're getting to the most important award of this ceremony: Sarah wins the Fabulous Addition to the Lexicon Award for her whine of fear about the giant Zip floating through the realm. Zip! Love it!

Best AntiWhine Award to Neighbor Lady, who got a new printer cartridge, so she could print her amended tax return! Yeah, it's a heck of a time when that floats your boat, but having some things work out really does feel good.

Tick, Tok Award to Liz, who is a little freaked out that her former babysitter is GRADUATING COLLEGE! We don't know what gets into kids' heads, going and growing up so fast. But yay, anyway!

Ding, Dong, the Meeting's Dead Award to Sue, who is finally, finally free from the breakfast meetings from hell!

Fingers crossed for Redzils, hoping the ~whisper~ interview ~end whisper ~ turns out well!

Hugs to all who are suffering this week from illness, ill friends and family, accidents, anxiety, job hunting, and the rest of it. Particular hugs to Anonymous during this time of crisis. xoxoxo

See you next week, when the incomparable Redzils will host!

* The title of this award session comes from the song that came to mind, reviewing this week's offerings.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Whines and AntiWhines: The True Saga Continues

We shall overcome. In the meantime, life continues, no?

I'm a lot less whiney than last week. Not much has changed, except I snagged a really good spot for a late-summer picnic with family and local friends, during a time daughter will be home! Think I'm with Sarah about liking the party-planning, although this will be casual and pot-luck. This year, I thought about it far enough in advance to get the primo spot; and this year, I will not be changing the date out of a misguided effort to accomodate people who won't show up anyway.

In other news, I inherited Sue's giant zit -- which is totally unacceptable for a person who keeps being recruited by AARP (your invitation is probably in the mail, so don't laugh) -- so just want to warn you that the bar will be high for Old Skool whines this week. Give it your best shot.

What's the news with youse?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

W(h)ine for Everyone! Awards

Ya know what? I love you pixies. It's true. Where else can I find a place to let it all hang out, and get some giggles in return?

The Bleach is a B**ch Award is going out to Days, because omg the ruined uniforms. Eeep.

Entrepreneur of the Week Award to Sue for suggesting that esperanza produce a CD of baby giggles. Every office should have a copy!

Old Skool Prize to Sarah, because her whole house is grumpy. Maybe on accounta the stomach flu that is sweeping the nation?

Elevated Risk of Mullet – Best of the Semester Division goes to Amy, for "I hate all my students, even the ones I like."

Elevated Risk of Mullet – Human Dictionary Division goes to Days for using the words "peckish" and "rabid" in the same sentence.

Best Whine/Anti-whine Combo is a tie between Days, for:
W: I am supposed to be pulling out of the driveway in 55 minutes if I want to arrive on time (i.e. for the free snackage) for a weekend conference and I have yet to start packing.

AW: Headed to a city where I love to shop. Why pack anything?

and kathy a., for:
W: still buried in the piles of reading for a deadline, despite working all weekend. am i fun, or what?

AW: this gave me a great excuse to reschedule the dreaded "deep cleaning" at the dentist.

Sadly, the dental fun was not completely avoided, and kathy a. also wins a Dental Disaster Award for trying to respectfully parent her treatment-averse son with a life-threatening abscess. They didn't really mean that, did they? And he didn't really mean it, did he?

Grape W(h)ine for Everyone Award to Emily, whose fickle kid won't eat the "reject grapes." Thanks for keeping me company in my grape whininess.

TGIF Award to Elizabeth who has (by now) gotten her entire office packed up and now simply MUST take Friday off. Can't work, nope, not at all.

Earth Day Award to liz because darn it, she's more vigilant than I am with teh the plastic bag re-usage.

The Cluestick Posse will be visiting Sue's previous doctor, just for old time's sake, and sticking out our tongues and saying "na na na na boo boo." Cluesticks are also headed for amy's classroom, to see if it could possibly be true that a student ate BBQ wings, with her hands, during the final. Bonus cluesticking for esperanza's friend's soon-to-be-ex-husband, the schmuck.

The Hope Fairies will be visiting Redzils to cheer her on for a date! and a job interview! And also Sue, who is trying a new headache med. And it's cheap! Hooray for cheap! The Fairies will also be visiting JenR to give her some hugs and help her wait another month, and Elizabeth to make sure her mom's liver keeps working.

Tune in next week when kathy a. hosts and there are sure to be some good whines. (Hey, esperanza, how was that seven hour drive with two small children and a stomach bug? Enquiring minds want to know.)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Magical Mystery Whine

Hey, I'm feeling realllllly whiney today. I'll host.

I'll share this morning's tale of woe later but first I need to go wash some Big Grapes. Because they taste better than the regular-sized ones that are already washed.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Turn, turn, turn...

Boo to strep throat, too much work reading, car troubles, Dr. WhatHeadache (who has earned a permanent place on the list), adult acne (any acne! but it feels especially unfair when grown ups get zits), uncooperative sewing machines, cut fingers, tax troubles, and finger smashing mouse traps.

Hurray for days when everyone goes to school/preschool, online shopping (try on bras and swimsuits in your own home!), and Pixies at large.

Liz gets the Coveted Lunch Award, for dining on roast duck and potatoes one day and meatloaf the next.

Remembering What It Is All About (non-nursing edition) to kathy a for her worthy brassiere whineage. I hope online shopping can save you, although I end up having to get measured Every. Single. Time. myself.

Purple_Kangaroo gets the Mystery Truck Award, for feeling run over. You may have to share it with me this week, P_K, I hope you don't mind.

KLee gets The Inadvertent Swimming Pool Award, for the leaky pipe and the flooded yard. Yick - I hope your plumber managed to stop the flood, eventually. I don't think lying to plumbers is nice, so you probably can't recycle experanza's plumber-goosing ""I just brought my premature baby home from the hospital."

Esperanza's Mini gets Old Skool for falling out hair. Some stages are a little less adorable than others, unfortunately.

Sue gets the Bon Voyage! Award. I hope your conference is a good one, and you are able to get what you need, while serving your friends.

Esperanza is my Linguistic Hero for the line, "I think you are right that it was a simple translation error. "Pook" in pixie ("poop" in English) sounds remarkably like "puke" in English, for which the proper pixie term is "bark," resembling "barf" in English." We dub thee the Official Pixie Professor of Fireplacing Linguistics.

We are a free-whineage space, and I want to encourage you to bring both the light whines and the heavy ones. Somehow all whines - big and small - are easier to carry in community, and the Pixies certainly offer that.

As the song goes:

to every thing [turn, turn, turn],
there is a season [turn, turn, turn]

...a time to whine,
a time to anti-whine,
a time to hope,
a time to grieve,
a time to plant,
a time to reap,
a time to "friend,"
and a time to de-friend...

Some Big Sad Things happened this week. Our thoughts are with Sue's fisher friend's family, P_K's friends, my family (our matriarch died at almost 90 on Thursday), and anyone who is hurting these days. We are here to hold you in the light.

Comments are open, and whines will return next week with A Mystery Host!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Wednesday is on its way...

It's been at tough week in the frozen north. How are things going for you, Pixies?

I managed to reach into the dish drainer while fumbling for a spatula and making gravy on Sunday and slice open the top of one finger on a carving knife. My whine is that bandaids fall off fingers fast, and it is impossible to keep them dry...

What are your whines and antiwhines for the week?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Awards: Good Egg Edition

In this week's eggstravaganza, we heard many interesting eggxamples of creative approaches to that icon of Spring, the humble and hopeful egg: raw eggs dyed; blown eggshells dyed; blown and decorated eggshells strung from fishing line for an "Easter tree"; eggs dyed by boiling with vegetables!; and the reliable and popular plastic egg filled with goodies. Who knew eggs could be so fun?
Also, y'all are way too kind about my eggsperiment, but many thanks anyway. You are among My People.
On to the awards! Emily wins the Old Skool Award with her widely-acclaimed whine of the "high falutin' toilet paper holders (look like a "C" clamped to the wall) that don't actually hold the toilet paper, resulting in my pulling the roll off the holder, almost every time." This struck quite a chord with the Pixies; Liz calls for banning the design altogether. Runner-up in the Old Skool category is Esperanza, with the whine of swimsuit shopping. ~shudder~
The coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award goes to Days, for "I don't know whether bra shopping or bathing suit shopping is worse; they both make me want to bury my face in a DQ sundae." Hear, hear!
Amy deserves praise for acting like a grown-up when another mother wasn't, but she wins the Golden Google Award for tipping us to, a website so fabulous and insightful that it still has us in stitches! Amy also wins the Friend Indeed Award, for helping a friend write her grandmother's obituary; we are sure it will be lovely, and your willingness to take this task must be a great relief to your friend.
Family holidays often come with a side of simmered angst, and this season is no eggception. Family Dynamics Awards to KLee, who was so not looking forward to a forced-feeding of political invective, and Days, who ended up ferrying around her ungrateful brother and his girlfriend, kids in tow, and got nothing but complaints for the headache-inducing effort.
On the other hand, Family Anti-Whine Awards to Sarah, who reports a plethora of lucious, adorable babies at the family party! and Liz, whose boys are back and happiness is unbounded! and Purple Kangaroo, whose beloved got where he was going! and Esperanza, whose Mini-Baboo slept for 8 straight hours!
Cheers also to Days, whose son got a school spot and started this week!
No Rest for the Weary Awards to Esperanza, feeling overwhelmed with the 24/7 baby routine and busybusybusy spouse; Days, sleepless with 4 kids in the room; and Miranda, juggling work and 4 kids with multiple activities and a spouse whose health is not out of the woods yet. You are Our Heros. We need to figure out how to kidnap the deserving for some days of R&R.
MamaMamaMama Mia! Award to JenR, whose little one awakes calling for Mama, then Daddy, and no position or arrangement of parental units soothes. Much sympathy; we don't know why this happens, only that this too shall pass.
Finding Our People Awards to Redzils, who feels lonesome after moving nearly a year ago, and to the many other Pixies who feel or have felt similarly, including Esperanza, JenR, Sue, Neighbor Lady, Days, Sarah, Amy. As exciting as the home office is [she says with sarcasm], especially with a full complement of feline employees, it's hard to feel connected here, too. Liz has a point about the internet helping. Talking, laughing, having shared sentiments and experiences, being able to bring up the bad stuff -- those are things that help someone become one of My People. I miss the everyday "let's have lunch" or "you want to do X?" or "can you help me with Y? I'll help you with Z" stuff though; doesn't happen enough. Sigh.
Hugs and crossed fingers for Sue today, as she first endures followup squishing of the girls, and then dons her superpowers cape for another round with Dr. WhatHeadache. Talk about limbo. Cluesticks are at the ready, if needed.
See you next week, when the fabulous Dr. Redzils will host!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Festive Spring Whining

Opening early this week due to the holidays, which frequently offer bonus whines. Easter is tomorrow; I'm not sure if son and his lovely girlfriend will be coming over. If not, my beloved and I have an awful lot of ham...

Perhaps the baskets will entice them. Is there an age at which moms are supposed to stop with the baskets? Do I still have to dye eggs? 'Cause even though everyone likes seeing dyed eggs, nobody eats them. Maybe just a few...

Bring your whines and antiwhines, big and small alike!

ETA: eggs! I tried doing something creative with tape and only 2 kinds of food coloring. Maybe I could use some practice on the technique....

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Limbo, limbo, limbo!

Silly whines, serious whines, we've got them all this week. With no further ado...

Limbo Dancing Awards
this week for kathy a. and Miranda. Good news, and right quick please, doctors!

Old Skool Awards – Extreme Edition are going out to liz (extreme lack of chocolately snacks) and esperanza (cooking events requiring extreme math).

Succinct Award for Sarah at ratatat for this densely-packed whine: "Passive aggression. Mother-daughters. Holidays." There's a novel in there, I'm sure.

Ewwwwww Awards to P_K (dog toenail dust up her nose) and amy (cat bark and partially-eaten cat bark). Ewwwwwwwww!

Thou Shalt Not Settle, Even if It's Unsettling Award to Redzils, who is turning her life upside down in an effort to meet her own needs, thank you very much! The pixies stand by you to lend whatever virtual help we can.

Anti-whine To Make a Mother Cry Award to Miranda, who is so distracted by her spouse's illness that she doesn't have time to dwell on the 12 year old's "Relationship." Oy!

People's Choice Awards this week include:
Elevated Risk of Mullet Award to Gary for giving us the phrase Reform Dessertitarian (nominated by kathy a. and Sue). I'm so happy to have found a tribe where I really belong.

Understatement of the Century Award to Diane for "Easter/passover - they can be a pain!" (nominated by Sue).

And finally . . .Congratulations to KLee, who continues to be the Pixie's star student! Our sympathy about the Perfect Storm in your gut.

Join us next week, when our triumphantly-returned traveling Pixie, kathy a., will play host.