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Monday, June 11, 2018

Frazzled Edition

Greetings, Pixies. I hope everyone else's Monday is going more smoothly than mine.

Mine has been rocky and emotional.

First, I woke up to an email from a beloved friend, in response to the news that we'll be visiting her city in August, to tell us that her husband (another beloved friend of ours, who has been dealing with a rare form of cancer for several years now) is heading for one risky surgery this week, and that around when we're planning to visit their city, they'll be in a bigger city, while he has an even riskier procedure. (It's one that they previously said they'd only do as a last-minute life-saving attempt, since there is a survival rate from the procedure itself is low. Plans to do this means that they're out of options and he's doing really poorly.)

So. I started off my day emotional, and I don't know whether this means it's a good or bad idea to travel out there this August now.

And then my morning with E started off okay, until she had a weird, escalating meltdown, which started over something small, and ended up with her behaving in some really scary ways. Bad enough that one part of me wonders if we need to talk with someone about these meltdowns, and another part of me says "So many of my friends have dealt with at least one child who had terrifying meltdowns at 5, and then thought it was age inappropriate and possibly symptomatic of something bigger, because of all the advice stuff out there that says that these things taper off at 5."

It was rough. I don't deal well when my child reacts violently (and makes violent threats!). And then I get terrified that she'll react like this at school, and it'll be an even bigger problem. And it's easy to feel like it's the fault of one's parenting.

We've finally calmed things down, and have talked through a lot, and now she's listening to an Ernie and Bert record from my childhood. (She lost TV for a day or two, because the initial small issue was connected to TV.) But my anxiety levels are still really high. The weird thing is that she behaved so well, and worked so hard to be well-regulated, for the entire time that Mr. Q was out of town. And she immediately developed a bad attitude, the second he walked through the door. And he is at work today, but the bad attitude continues!

And that's my big word vomit for today. How are things going there?

14 comments:

Queen of West Procrastination said...

AW: a small victory! Last year, I tried to cancel a subscription to a service (to try to save money), and then they negotiated me down to continuing with a year of a lower subscription rate, and then in the past year, they had a giant privacy breach (one that affected most Americans, and since I haven't received a letter, it LOOKS like I wasn't one of the affected Canadians, but I'm still very mad at them), and my promotional rate just expired, and so I'm back to the costly subscription rate. So, I decided to use my lack of patience (and the fact that my phone only had a bit of battery left), and made a very firm call to their customer support line (they only let you cancel by phone!). I prefaced the call by saying that I wanted to cancel my service, and I didn't want any negotiations about it, and that I wanted a quick and simple cancellation process. And I got that! I'm free!

kathy a. said...

Thank you for hosting, QWP!

I'm very sorry about your friend's dire health. Fireplacing cancer...

Is E melting down with people besides you? One thing we noticed when the kids were little was that the "duty" parent caught more grief, especially when the other parent was away a lot -- your husband's been away, so that might have something to do with it. But physical acting out and violent threats are Not OK. She's old enough to understand that concept (in calmer moments). "Use your words" does Not mean use them to threaten -- it means, "let's talk about why you are upset." And then (she's also old enough to start on this), "what can we do to make it better?"

Is it possible to arrange play dates, or is there a part-day summer camp locally? It sincerely helped my kids moderate when they could run around with peers, get rid of some of that energy. xoxo

Well, I finally got this little thing filed. The court has a relatively new e-filing system, which was not the easiest website to navigate. It requires a PDF scan of the original, so that requires running out to the copy shop for scanning of the signed original. And, I messed up the first time, left out something important, so rinse and repeat. SIGH. Live and learn. At least now, I think I've got the system down.

Let's not even get into news and hair-on-fire....

Queen of West Procrastination said...

The weird thing is that the meltdown started basically because I was trying to talk with her? At least we were able to discuss later in the day (she later admitted that she scared herself by how out of control she got) that the biggest problem is that she is constantly getting annoyed when Mr. Q or I try to instruct her in anything, or tell her not to do something. She's pushing a lot of boundaries lately, and we're working hard to stay consistent, which she doesn't like. (And it doesn't help that she's constantly sleepy and hungry: this growth spurt! It's like having a teenager!)

The weird thing is that school isn't over until after this week! It's a really busy week, other than that today's play date we postponed by a week (which we a relief for E, since she's so tired). I suspect that the end of preschool, after two years in the same class, is weighing on her mind. She tells me that she isn't worried about it ending, and is excited for kindergarten, but she's having a lot of stress dreams lately, and also all her dreams (both stress dreams and happy ones) are about preschool, which is apparently unusual for her (she usually never remembers her dreams, but she's so surprised by all these preschool dreams that she tells me about them).

You know, last year we had a huge behavioural/developmental regression at the end of the school year (in that case, she started having potty accidents). I think this end of the year does have something to do with it. (Her anxiety levels are so high that her heart was racing even when she was relaxing this afternoon! Maybe tomorrow morning, I should teach her some meditation and breathing exercises before school.)

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Kathy, is the new procedure going to mean you have to make PDF scans regularly? Would it be worth it for you to get an inexpensive scanner for your office?

Sue said...

(((QWP))) So sorry to hear about your friend's troubles. Fireplacing cancer...

I agree with kathy - playdates and other out-of-the-house adventures tend to de-escalate high emotions. The growth spurt might be part of it, for sure. Does she hurt at all? When our boys had rapid growth spurts, they actually had pain in their bones! It was a foreign concept to me, but I never grew much, really. :)

kathy, way to go on getting the thing done!!

AW: We had a great visit with our son on the weekend. He's gone from competing in the Pride drag show to being the emcee. He really enjoyed it! He was still in drag, but not stressed about competing.

W: My anxiety level is through the roof these days. I know it's because I'm worn out from another busy "church year" (sept-jul). This is the time of year when everything should be quieter, not so much to do, blah blah blah. In 20 years, I've yet to have a quiet spring season. I really need to stop expecting that to change! I'll be fine, but every now and again I catch myself holding my breath, and that's not good.

AW: I had a week of vacation to use up, so I'm "off" next week. I have a teleconference I can't get out of, but otherwise, a week at home! I can read a book!

kathy a. said...

Yay, Sue, about the wonderful visit! And glad your son had so much fun being the MC, felt less stressed than being in the drag competition.

Very sorry about all the stressies. The church calendar may have moved past the busiest observances, but there's ongoing business, and people keep having pastoral needs -- and, this time of year may be a transition period for a lot of folks, for one reason or another. Yay about the vacation week!

QWP, end of school year means things change. Changes in routine can be hard, and especially for a younger person. Her dad's routine has been in flux. Kindergarten is exciting, but also she hasn't experienced it yet, so that's an unknown -- and it won't be the same routine.

Well, the court person who told me about the problem with my thing? She called later, really embarrassed because she forgot to tell me that I need to use a different word in the title of this particular document. (Seriously!) So, after round 3, the darned thing finally got filed for real. Am now best buds with the copy shop guys. ;)

Dinner with son and DIL tonight, to celebrate his birthday and their first anniversary!

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Have a wonderful dinner tonight, Kathy!

I'm glad that you can take a week off next week, Sue. (Will your son still be around during your vacation?) I suspect the church year is like the academic year: the allegedly less-busy season is incredibly hectic, because that's when a lot of administrative and committee stuff happens.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

AW: I had a really productive preschool time today! After a dental cleaning, I went to the toy store and bought a birthday present for a kid from preschool (a box of art supplies), and then went to the art gallery gift shop and found all the teacher presents (various fancy unscented candles for the preschool teacher, the education assistant, and the piano teacher). I'm pleased that I kept with my teacher present principle of "only give consumables or gift cards."

Queen of West Procrastination said...

I hardly dare to anti-whine this before the kid is actually asleep but: she had a much better day today! I certainly helped that she had a good sleep last night, but we also worked on a bunch of stuff that a teacher friend (who has some really specifically helpful expertise) suggested for us to work on. She was open to talking about feelings and taking instruction today. And then she had an excellent day at school (and we spent a bunch of time talking about how it's okay to have mixed feelings about exciting change).

Sue said...

QWP, our son had to fly back on Monday as he had to work this week. So, short visit, but a good one.

I'm so glad you had a better day yesterday!

How nice to have dinner out to celebrate a birthday and anniversary, kathy!!

Queen of West Procrastination said...

AW: so, Mr. Q is our primary grocery shopper. (He and E go together on Saturday mornings, while I get more rest; he took over all grocery shopping back when he had our car all day, working in the same suburb that had our old city's big grocery store. Also, he's really good at budgeting and head math.) Mr. Q was fine last weekend, and I only had the time to grab a couple of essentials, and so today, E and I decided to use our free afternoon to do the big grocery shop. I was a bit worried that it would go badly, because E was such a slowpoke this afternoon that it was 3:15 before we got to the store, and it's frequently slow shopping with a kid. But! E willingly stayed in the cart the whole time, because she knew we were in a hurry, and we were home within 45 minutes! I only vaguely kept a running tally in my head, and managed to come in $4 under budget! The chicken that's on sale was still in stock, and a bunch of the things I need for the fruit platter that I'm preparing for tomorrow was cheaper in store (for today only) than listed in the flier! This is all a minor miracle!

Sue said...

Yay QWP!!!

Queen of West Procrastination said...

He was GONE, not FINE. Autocorrect!

kathy a. said...

That sounds like a superior shopping expedition, QWP!

I'm getting some really boring things done today, obsessing about the news and trying to not obsess about what next, cooking stew in the crock pot, avoiding the cat I threw off the bed so I could wash bedding, glad that the dog is at Day! Care! Yay!, and enjoying some sunny moderate weather.