Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Wild and Wooly Wednesday Whines.

Ok, pixies, you know the drill... all whines welcome, none too big or too small. Points given for poetry or particularly creative turns of phrase. Hugs given liberally, cluesticks applied when necessary. Anti-whines allowed, but not required if you're just having a terrible horrible very bad day and everything's gone wrong.

At this end, things are going pretty well for me personally. I've got a new baby nephew whose head I will get to sniff on Friday, and we're out of the kitchen renovation chaos and it seems to be worth it. But I'm worried about world hunger, domestic poverty, the Democrats' amazing capacity to self-destruct, and our President who thinks the solution to the energy crisis is to drill in ANWR.

So, what's up with you? Pour yourself a virtual cup of tea, or a blender full of margaritas, and dish it up.

Thursday, April 24, 2008


Congratulations to Esperanza and her Sweet Baboo! Baboo is doing an experiment in weaning off oxygen, and all good Pixie thoughts are with you!

Cheering for That Mommy, who has finished her thesis defense and is nearing the end of all that. But who is feeling unwell and ze malaise.

Many hugs and a Style Award for succinctness to Amy, for her classic whine: "OMG, am crying over meaningless stuff. thanks, pregnancy!" Sing it, sister!

More hugs to Sarah, who suffers not only the sleeplessness of a child, but the pregnancy moodiness, too. And some fireplacing jerks are not being real supportive. If it wouldn’t be unfair to the animals, we would vote to put restless baby animals in their beds, and see how cheerful they are in the morning. Maybe they need Furbies?

Hugs, avocados, and gourmet ice cream to Turtlebella, who needs to be gaining not losing during gestation. We’ll all just join in for moral support, and send a few batches over to Amy and Sarah.

Much love to Sue, as well.

We have some very special awards this week: the Jeopardy Awards! In addition to the prizes noted below, the Cluestick Posse is saddling up.

Miranda gets a trophy (with ribbons for originality and "OMG, they did what?")
for her entry about contact highs at the family Seder. At which the children
were present.

Quinn wins another trophy, for her story of a student masturbating in
class. Her class. Not without notice by other students. Big round of "EWWWWW!"
We won’t comment [very loudly] on the need for a full-on investigation, exploring
the options, or whether jock-itch is an acceptable defense. As a matter of fact, Quinn wins a Lifetime Achievement Award for the screen-spitting glory of this special report.

Cluestick Posse also to a certain church hierarchy, which (after suggesting the impossible) led Esperanza’s beloved down the golden path only to dump him almost immediately after an official interview was scheduled. HUH? Friends, this is not nice behavior.

Elevated Risk of Mullet, for funniest line in a whine, goes to Liz for her ode to delish home-made pesto: "Never-ending Garlic Breath of Doom."

Old Skool Awards to Genevieve, whose husband helpfully bought 1/3 the needed amount of Passover cereal; and to Sue, whose cat brings the bodily fluids this week.

Condolences and refreshments of choice to all the Pixies suffering from: lost opportunities; witnessing spousal self-beratement; kitchen renovation; limited Passover food options; relatives who don’t seem to be following the Haggadah; nausea; yucky sensations even thinking about Quinn’s extracurricular annoyances; needing to wake up way too early; overscheduled weekends; zero appetite; extreme pain; creepy doctors, and the memories of them; moodiness; bad family sleep cycles; ill-fitting clothes; migraines; weight gain and/or loss; noxious co-workers; sprained ankles that, thank you very much, take time to heal; summer seeming impossibly distant; slave labor and corporate oppression; committees (of one’s own, or otherwise); interviews, and the poundage associated therewith; allergies, sickness, pollen; children with bad friends; schools that are not coming through; Mean Girls on ze internets; guys who pick divorce-worthy fights during Seder; pregnancies that threaten to last for approximately ever; and all of the other woes encountered this week.

Thanks to everyone for playing, and hope the next days are good. See you next week, when the fabulous Elizabeth will be the host!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Earth Day Edition

Earth day is actually Tuesday, but let's not be picky. As everyone knows, I like to post early anyway, in my ongoing effort to avoid work that needs doing. On the other hand, I'm feeling all whiney about delays that aren't my fault, resulting in a state of brokeness.

One of the top stories in the L.A.Times this fine day is titled "L.A. and San Francisco Vie for Title of 'Greenest City.'" Give me a break! The basic argument is that even though Los Angeles has far less ambitious plans (and, although they don't mention it, all that freaking smog), it is a much larger city, so their ideas for the glorious future count more. Who needs the cartoon page when this is on the front page?

My dogs are celebrating Earth Day by digging another fat hole by the fence, gleefully tossing mud to the path below a short retaining wall. We keep putting clay pots in the holes, to discourage them. This time they dug around a pot. Have I ever mentioned I am a cat person? There are reasons.

Let 'er rip, Pixies!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Awards: The "Stop This Week, I Want OFF!" Edition

I got nuthin' particularly pithy to say, so it's on to the awards!

This week, In the "Whine of Substance" category: kathy a.'s friend who is dealing with an attempted suicide on top of an anniversary of a suicide. I'm so sorry, sweetie. Sending them all our thoughts and prayers.


to CCW, whose husband just got pink-slipped by the assholes he no longer works for. CCW, please let us know if there's anything at all we can do. Besides firebomb them, that is. Ooops! I've given away too much already!

"Style Award" goes to Liz's lovely ode on people who choose not to clutter up their lives with complicated matters such as, oh, spell check, punctuation, and making sense. And, set to an Adam Ant song, too! You rock, Liz. Literally *and* figuratively! (Even with a miniscule typo.)

And in the "Old Skool" category: Redzils has that whole "actually wanting to graduate" thing going with a major exam looming, not to mention the determination whether a Ph.D is in the offing -- no pressure there.... Literally Old SKOOL.


Elizabeth, who is too tired to finish a Passover gift so the second child doesn't feel slighted. I know it's the thought that counts, but what if you buy a "small" gift, and make a certificate saying the blanket is nearing completion, but not quite done. That way, the recipient knows what you really intended, but the child gets a gift that they can have for the immediate gratification. Or am I talking out of my ass again? (That happens way too often for my taste, it seems...)

The "Work Sucks! Everything Sucks! You People ALL Suck!!!" Awards go out to: Sarah at ratatat for the pregnancy/headache/no sleep/nightmare terror breakdown. So sorry that it was all so traumatic for you, but I think you only get so many breakdown points per month, and if you don't use them, you lose them. There is no rollover plan on "tired" and "at my wit's end." We all get that way sometimes. No need to feel bad about it. Being a mom is hard enough without having to throw pregnancy and headache and all that other stuff in there, too. And, fell better.


Margalit, who is just SO OVER Passover. It's draining her, in more ways than one. You need a spa vacation, baby! Not to mention the PMSing daughter, and being overdrawn at the bank, being behind at work, and being addicted to the internet....


Ramblin' Red who, apparently, is a bitch because she's not pirouetting with joy that her mother is taking her fourth walk down the aisle *AND* who is also getting cornered at a homeless shelter function by people who can't seem to let go and move on. Not much "appreciation" going on there, huh?

The "Cluesticks At the Ready" Awards go out to:
Diane's dive-bombing by a parking lot asshat. Why do people think they have the right to go off half-cocked on things like this? If it looks like it's NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS, chances are IT ISN'T.


Sue, for everyone making her feel guilty for needing some recuperation time that requires Medical Leave. Sue, you do what you need to do to rest and rejuvenate -- don't worry about whether you "look" okay or not. The people who matter know why you're on leave, and know you deserve it with all you've dealt with. Don't let nosy, but well-meaning people, make ordinary, everyday tasks into something you need the Medical Leave for.

and to

Esperanza, whose hubby is being guilted and/or pressured into taking a position six hours away, necessitating change of venue for the Sweet Baboo AND, you know -- packing and actually moving. Boo, hiss! How come church people can be so downright mean and vindictive sometimes?

The coveted "Elevated Risk of Mullet" award this week g
oes to Madeleine for her totally Old Skool, minimalist entry: "I dropped the soap on my big toe! It hurt! Ouch!" Indeed.

Well, pixies (why do I have stupid fingers that always want to spell that "piskies"?!?).... That's all I have the energy for! Stay tuned when next week's hostess with the mostess is the incomparable kathy a!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

WW: The "So Much For Spring Break!" Edition

After a month of balmy breezes and ankle-deep drifts of pollen from all of the blooming azaleas, Mother Nature decided to backtrack towards winter this morning. My locale is scheduled to get down to 37 degrees tonight. Now, I know some of you are scoffing at my piddly little 37 degrees, but lemmee 'splain. It was 87 two days ago. That's quite a difference.

Spring Break has come and gone. (Sigh.) And, I spent most of that time with a cold. Which I then gave to my (unwilling and unappreciative) husband. Now, Offspring says she feels a tickle in her throat. Just in time for standardized testing! Which she cannot miss! Hooray! Once again, the Devil farts in my face.

The one measly consolation is that it's Wednesday somewhere, and we can crank up the pity party and whine to our heart's content! Let fly, pixies!

Thursday, April 10, 2008


The Whiplash Award for fastest Whine-to-Antiwhine turnaround goes to Esperanza who whined pre-emptively to good effect. Hooray for the sleeping baboo and the excellent results of the hearing test!!!

The Perils Of Popularity Award goes to Miranda on behalf of her daughter who needs to keep the motivation behind the impulsive invitations and lose the impulsive part.

The It's a Good Thing I Love Him Award goes to DevilMacDawg whose husband went off to an extra-curricular activity and left DMD home to take care of three kids while sick with a contagious illness and a 102 degree fever. Nice.

Please note that PK does NOT win this award this week, since her husband is truly terrific.

Also, Amy is not getting this award either, because she's the proud recipient of...

The 27 Whiners Agree Her Husband is Wrong Award! With Doctor Approved Clusters and a Hands Off Our Daughter's Issues ribbon. And I think Elevated Risk of Mullet for "She wrote back late last night to tell me how incredibly right I am."

The Cluestick Posse will be sent out to:
  • Miranda's friend who asked for honesty and was offended when he got what he asked for. At ten o'clock on a Sunday night. When Miranda had a host of other things to do.

  • Margalit's daughter's school administration. We may not put that cluestick where it'll do the most good, Margalit, but we'd like to.

The Bringing the Bodily Fluids Award goes to That Mommy. "Leaky G-tube button." Need I say more?

Honorable mention in this category goes to Amy who is bleeding where the sun don't shine.

The Not Quite Bringing the Bodily Fluids Award goes to Turtlebella for Persistant Pregnant Poots.

The Largest Whine in Fewest Words Award goes to CCW, who compressed her whine into 17 words, "Involuntary commitment. Lithium shakes that make it appear as if I am experiences DT shakes. Enough said."

The Does Amy's Daughter's Very Responsive Doctor Live in My Neighborhood Award goes to PK who's primary care doctor doesn't seem to get the "care" part. Can you switch to the other doctor in that practice, PK?

Sue gets many hugs from us and The Who Am I if I'm Not Who I Am Award for these words: "Not sure who I am when I'm not someone's minister. This is harder than I thought it would be."

Elizabeth gets the extra special Thousand Words Award for her whine in pictures. Oops! But the cabinets look Mahvelous.

Hugs to Elizabeth's N who needs a nice sleep and to Spot who hates Kathy A's guts, but who sings it sweetly.

That's it for this week!'ll be Klee hosting next week!!! (I misread the list the first time, sorry KLee!)

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Wednesday Whining: All Lego Star Wars All The Time Edition

Whine and Anti-whine in one, my friends.

Let this be a warning: Six-year-old boys get obsessed. OBSESSED. Introduce them to your favorite classic science fiction at your own peril.

Super anti-whine is that I have it on good authority that I'm going to be Princess Leia for Halloween! YAY!

My eight-year-old self approves.
What's up with you this week? Extra bonus prizes for illustrations.

Thursday, April 3, 2008


Many hugs to Esperanza, whose baboo needs to see the geneticist next month. We are all thinking of you and rooting for ze babe, who is making good progress.

More hugs to That Mommy, whose fabulous parenting of her special needs kids produces no whines, only a "heavy sigh" about the debt and never sleeping again.

Much love to Purple Kangaroo, a great mama with 3 terrific girls. PK's doctor has earned a visit from the ClueStick Posse with uninformed and mean-spirited advice, which also happens to be outside the expertise of said doc. We'll throw in a couple quarts of Bedside Manner, since doc is running low.

Parenting Perils Award to Margalit, whose daughter wanted to stay alone while she is out of town -- HA! It is not yet so chilly in the hallways of hell, and no porcine aviation has been spotted in the vicinity of Margalit's home.

Congratulations to Sue and her boy, who just landed a fabulous new job!

Remembering What It's All About, as well as a Style Prize (poetry division) for Uccellina:
I shouldn't complain, my babies are fine,
but woe! for these oversucked nipples of mine!
They're red and they're aching and ouchy times nine.

Style Prize (prose division) goes to Klee for her minimalist tale of woes: "Oy. Bad situation at work. Friend in crisis. Still fat."

Elevated Risk of Mullet to Esperanza, for generously sharing a local news report about a "six titty tour," and to Diane, whose boss "is such a moron that he thinks that when he asks for the moon on a silver platter you just call the moon store and order one up."

Condolances (and your choice of treats from Cheap Candy Day) to all Pixies who are suffering this week from: papers and projects due that aren't exactly started yet; weather; teenagers; city hall disputes; income woes; busy busy busy-ness; medical procedures; spouse moving; uncertain future; stomach bugs; inoperable kitchens; being so very over this week already; students departing for a less expensive and far less wonderful exercise option; doctors who won't make appropriate referrals; not enough sleep; head/heart dilemmas; lack of appreciation at work; debt-bondage; the prospect of never sleeping through the night again; and etc.

The kindness, thoughtfulness, and good cheer of this group make me very happy to know you. Hope you have a great week! See you next time, when the Brigadoon will be hosted by our good friend Liz.

Edited to Add: PK's doc is already getting all the attention she deserves, so The Hat [pictured below] is hereby awarded to Diane's Boss.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

April Foolishness at the Whiner's Ball

This week's edition of the Brigadoon is brought to you by the multiple overflowing bins of recycling out in the garage, an impressive collection made possible by missing the last two weekly pickups, plus spring break and kids home, plus a big family deal. Last Friday, I actually hauled the then-current collection out to the curb, not realizing the truck had already come and gone. Such is the wonderousness of my planning.

In additional whines: Daughter's saxophone was declared beyond hope by the fix-it guy, who thinks we're better off buying another one. Yeah, not happening right now; it's still playable, anyway. Daughter returned to college Monday, arising in a supreme state of grumpiness at 3:30 a.m. to finish packing and catch her shuttle. And, I got that stupid hideous cold that's going around, leading me to give up and go to bed at 3:00 p.m. the same day. Today's not much better. Please send tissues. Or shoot me.

Antiwhines: Son may have a new job, in bicycle distance of his house! Also, the fever from my cold attracted one of the big cats and both feral kittens to sleep on me for a while during the night. One of the kittens has actually let me pet him lately. Progress, baby.

What's the news with you this week, Pixies? Perhaps you have a true story worthy of The Hat, or one of the many other valuable prizes available this week.