Monday, March 29, 2010

Wanna whine this week?

What makes you whine this week? If you are celebrating either of the Judeo-Christian Spring Equinox holidays, surely there is something professional or family related there to whine about. If you are not celebrating, you are probably annoyed that your local store has been taken over by Marshmallow Peeps and boxes of matzah.

And if you are me, you are so tired after the last two weeks of travel and excitement that you had to recite the spelling of your own name to figure out how to type it today.

We go elsewhere for the seders. No shopping, cleaning, cooking, or hosting for me. Because of my crazy travel and excitement schedule, My Love and Snuggly Girl went to pick up the candy-n-nut trays to bring to our friends' house. They had a blast. Maybe I'll send them every year. New this year: little gummy stars in fruity flavors. Love that store.

For lunch I ate my last bowl of pasta. Good bye, pasta, I will miss you this week. Also bread, and my favorite yogurt with the little cup of granola. But we will get by and we will ponder our freedom. And we will whine, no doubt about that. You are cordially invited to join me.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Awards posted on a lunch break.

Happy birthday to Sarah at ratatat! The Pixies wish you many happy returns of the day, and no stitches or pink eye.

kathy a gets the Distance Whining Award. I think she is our first Pixie reporting in across the Date Line from their usual whining spot. Look at us getting all world travel!

Days gets the I Love You Now Go To Sleep Award for parenting in the wee dark hours. We hope you get sleep (lots of sleep, lots of nights in a row) soon!

Esperanza gets the Little Bit of Help Award, since it sounds like she could use it. We are all glad to hear the Sweet Baboo seems to be enjoying school.

Jenevieve gets the Virtual Rock Award. It sounds like you have had a hard trip, and need a dark place to tuck in for awhile. We stand by with cluesticks for your family, airplane passengers, and anyone else who is harshing your mellow, to use a Californiaism that makes me laugh.

Quinn and amy are my heroes for telling students to manage their own time and do their own work. I wanna be you when I grow up, ladies!

Jen R wins the Photoshop Award, for two years in a row of scraped baby face in professional photos. You may want to keep an un-retouched version too – it will make a great story when he is old enough to laugh at his toddler self.

Amy, we have our fingers crossed that the potential job offers so much money that your husband can bring himself to leave The Bad People behind.

P_K, much Pixie Sympathy for your friend’s family.

Apparently nine isn’t too early for crushes. I remember marrying my sister off to a friend’s little brother at that age, in a Kl33nex veil, and neither of them seems to have suffered any ill effects from it. They haven’t crossed paths in at least a decade, and neither seems to mind.

Neighbor Lady, your filing systems sounds eerily familiar to me! I hope you have managed to row your way to shore, or at least comfort yourself with lactose-free Ghirade11i.

Liz gets the Prettiest Doorstep That Ever Was Award, for her 222 page masterwork..

Emily gets the coveted Double Helix Award, for wrapping “a whine within assvice.” The judges bow to that degree of difficulty. (And by judges, plural, I mean me and the mouse in my pocket).

Sue gets the Ten Plagues Award, for a hard week. I gotta say, the mental image of you throwing that magazine at your Hubby makes me snicker.

Sue’s friend N gets the Presumptive Cape Award, for swooping in to help Sue’s doctor understand that his job includes helping his patients with pain. We can provide her an array of cluesticks to choose from, as well, if she thinks swinging one would help him take her more seriously.

I hope all Pixies have had a good week. The fabulous Madeleine will be hosting next week. See you then!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Modern Fairy Tale Tortures

I've got one unbloggable whine here, which can be vaguely translated to, "Please lay your head on this block. The guy with the ax is busy, so be patient, and he will be along after a while. He may have lost his ax, so either you will be beheaded or he will give you a cookie." Being me, I keep getting the giggles and casting the Evil Queen, the misguided Huntsman, the Witch, the Wolf, etc. which should add an interesting layer to the meeting (that may or may not be today).

In anti-whine news: it's light here for 12 hours a day now! This is huge.

Other whine: I have gained seven lbs since January through a bout of what Anne Lamott might call "attack eating."

But it is light enough that my gym-hating self can start playing outside more, and I have a date with a friend for a run tomorrow (anti-whine).

I hope all the Witches and Wolves in your world are friendly, and that the guy with the ax doesn't know where you live.

How is your week going? What are your whines and anti-whines? Remember - there is no whine too big or too small!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Awards!!!! The At Last Edition

I apologize but this will have to be brief since I have one very upset little boy to console into slumber. He is very near the climax of Roald Dahl's BFG, a book he bought on Thursday night at the school book fair, but now he can't find it. He can't sleep without it. He has to know how it ends. This is is so unfair, Pixies. How can a book go missing when an eight year old needs to read the end?

First off, we are a pretty peaceable group so we tend to shy away from wielding anything larger than a cluestick; however, several of us have noted that there has been a very unwelcome visitor in too many of lives that requires something more, um, powerful to eradicate it from our existence. Teh Cancer, I sentence you to many, many, many brilliant scientists getting the necessary funding to discover how to turn you into a minor inconvenience in life instead of, too often, a death sentence.

Next, we are all so excited for Kathy A who is going all the way to Japan to visit her sweet, brilliant, darling, wonderful daughter. Thank you for checking in with us and letting us you know you made it across the ocean safely.

Klee, it is so hard to watch our little ones navigate more adult problems. ((KLee + KLee's Daughter). We are all ready with Cluesticks if the young man comes around to hurt your daughter again.

Madeleine, I laughed at your snack whine if only because I have done the exact same thing too many times to count while at different conferences. That is when the stupid overpriced "honor bar" becomes way too tempting. Instead, I award you a NeverEnding Chocolate Bar. Like Gobstoppers, they never end but chocolate is far tastier, yes?

Emily, I give you a lot of credit for sticking through it all. And a hearty HOORAY for organizing such a successful event with such great volunteers. A shiny gold star for you!

Sue, I am so sorry that you are still having problems with headaches and you have a less than stellar doc to go with it. A highlighter for you so that you can ever so helpfully highlight the parts of your file that you need to keep him focused on for the next visit. And a neverending supply of your rescue meds.

Diane, glad you are back and that your employer allowed access to WW once more. But a big cluestick at the ready for blocking access to restaurant sites. Forget planning weekends, how on earth do you and your colleagues plan lunch? One of those big city coupon books with coupons to all the best restaurants in town for you.

Esperanza, many hugs for the unbloggable/unwhinable whines in your life.

Neighbor Lady, I award you a big giant hairdryer to help dry out your basement and your belongings faster. Hope this week goes by more smoothly and that the person can fix your basement.

Jenevieve, let's all toast her new job with a pitcher of margaritas (lemonade for those who prefer it). CONGRATS!!!!!!!

Redzils, I hope the dinner with The Breaker Upper's mom was not unduly awkward. I saw that several pixies offered up several Get Out of Jail emergency phone calls. I hope you didn't need to use any of them.

Need to go NOW so I will say Sarah at Ratatat, enjoy your highlights and maybe see if your stylist can do a less expensive version next time. Mine does this thing with very strategically placed foils so it looks like I have way more highlights than I actually have and makes a scootch more affordable. P_k, I applaud the way you fight for your kids.

Well, this has to be a wrap for this week. Please join us very soon as the witty Redzils takes the helm of the Whiner Brigadoon. Thank you for your patience. And I found out that I can read WW on my crappy crackberry even if it won't let me post. Huzzah!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

For those not into the that whole luck o' the Irish thing

...we have Wednesday Whining!

I like the whole wear green and sing sappy songs and a pint of stout as much as the next person but, really? It requires not one but two whole days of hard drinking? Even my son, who I took my son to see my friends, the Top 40/Irish folk song, acoustic guitar playing band mates, perform at a local Irish club Sunday night, thought it was all too much. Teen Son has been their sound engineer helping them to lay down tracks and doing some sound mixer type things. Before Teen Son became involved, they would try to hand out their demo cassette tape to try and get gigs. Most places didn't even have something to play that on! Thanks to his efforts and a few software investments by dear ol'Mom, they now have a real demo CD. Here's to the 1990s!

We didn't feel very lucky. I think we whined about it too. I'm sure if Teen Son knew there was a Whiners Ball, he would whine about being initiated by stealth to our group. We are begging off tomorrow's performance. I think that is our Anti-Whine!

And now, let's hear some of your whines. Cry me a green river and I will award on Saturday...but I will have Cluesticks at the ready, a stylish prize for whines of style, and the always coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet award.

Can you believe it has been so long since I hosted that I lost my password for Blogger? I think the universe is trying to tell me get back on track.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

In which March roars like a lion....

Passing the virtual GS cookies, with extra helpings to Esperanza, Jenevieve, Sue, and anyone else sensing a shortage of girl scouts on the ground. There, there, Pixies. It will all be better soon. But what a week this has been....

The coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award goes to Liz, who complains: "So, I'm working on a doorstop. An unwanted 124-page (and counting) doorstop." "But it's gonna be the best damned doorstop EVAH!" Runner-up in the Mullet category is Sarah, who advises: "Maybe you can laminate it, Liz. :) More layers."

Old Skool Award to Madeleine, with her seasonal whine: "Spring coat doesn't have enough pockets thus requiring purse-carrying. Hate purse carrying. Don't wanna. Stay tuned for first 'got to the store with no money' whine of the new year, because it is inevitable."

When It Rains, It Pours Award to Amy, because everything they own keeps breaking, and the bills stretch out the door, and she took an entire day waiting for an installer who won't come until a different day. Icing on the cake? The coffee-maker was one of the lost items -- yeeps! "oh, and our coffee maker died, but my husband's dream coffee maker won't be available to ship for a month, so we're drinking instant. my husband ordered his dream back-up coffee maker, but it won't ship for another week BECAUSE HE CHOSE SUPER SAVER SHIPPING. WTF?! shoot me."

Liz wins the Don't Mind the Mess, That's Just My Head Award for: "That BANG! you heard? That was my head exploding. I. Am. FURIOUS. Too angry even to talk about it now. Steam....ears....anger....LIZ SMASH!!" Runner-up in the Head 'Splosion category is Elizabeth, whose ire was sparked by stupid politics. And a late-breaking runner-up is Sue, whose brain didn't quite make it through "THE BREAKFAST MEETING FROM THE SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL."

Best Condolence Award to Jenevieve, who offered Liz the following, post-explosion: "Um, margaritas? Kittens? Fluffy white clouds in a blue sky?"

Knuckle Sandwich Award to Redzils, who is so sad, and tired of inappropriate comments about the end of her long-term relationship.

Love and Hugs to Purple Kangaroo. We are so glad you are doing well! And so sorry that your young friend is so very ill.

Esperanza sweeps the Bodily Fluids category, with whines of lactation and potty-training. Much sympathy! Esperanza also wins the Baboo Road Trip Award, setting off to see the grandparents with approximately 48 metric tons of equipment and necessaries.

N'Sync Award to Madeleine, and her swift new technological wizardry.

Puddle Jumping Award to Days! That sounds fun!

The Tax Man Cometh, and the Tax Man Taketh Away Awards to Sarah, Sue, Madeleine, and others similarly afflicted. Sarah takes home the Computer Crash Sash, as her computer woes required her to do the darned taxes again. The thought of that gives us all chills.

Enough With the Bad Meetings Award to Sue.

That's Not Right Award to JenR, whose son's favorite daycare teacher disappeared suddenly. And it turned out she'd been let go. With NO unemployment benefits! Hugs to your poor son; best wishes to the teacher; this is all so unfair.

We Hear Ya Award to Sarah, who is pulled between work and family, and fears that those in her local circles just don't relate and won't understand.

The We'd Like to Give Those Cops a Piece of Our Mind Award goes to Jenevieve, whose traffic ticket arrived not, and now the penalties and such add up to $575. OUCH. Also hope the back is better, and the vet report gets done, so we can line it up in the Doorstop Hall of Fame.

We Should Own Stock in Tissues Awards to Sue, who is still battling her illness from heck, Esperanza and the Baboos, Sarah, Days, Jenevieve ["Oh, now the whole family is joining in on the Head Cold of Doom fun. Sigh."], and all others waiting for the bugs to leave the premises.

Mystery Malady Award to Sarah -- we hope your daughter is feeling better soon. And that you can locate a new therapist soon, too.

The Cluestick Posse is hereby dispatched to Amy's husband [for the coffeemaker debacle], Those People at Liz's work, Those Other People at Sue's work, Those People tormenting Redzils, among other deserving parties.

See you next week, when the lovely and talented Miranda will host!

Monday, March 8, 2010

The Whines That Bloom in the Spring, Tra La!

Perhaps it is not officially Springtime yet, but it must be getting near! I hear tell of snowmelts in places that have had more than their fair share. In my neighborhood -- well, it's foggy and it looks like the rain is coming back again, but the hills are green, flowers are bursting forth, and fruit trees are blooming all the heck over the place. Yay!

Another sign of impending Spring is that I'm wrestling a year's worth of crumpled fading receipts and bills and official tax documents and such, because my big annual date with the Tax Guy is tomorrow. This would be a down side of self-employment. Every year, I'm afraid my Tax Guy will give me stern lectures about financial responsibility, which I surely deserve. In antiwhines, what usually happens is his cat settles in to be pet, he asks a few questions and promises to do his magic, and then we chat about our kids and stuff. But I have to get my numbers together first, so I'm taking the reasonable course and procrastinating between batches of numbers. Take that, you unruly numbers!

We are leaving in 10 days to visit daughter, a once-in-a-lifetime kind of trip. Yikes yikes yikes. Keep crossing things off the to-do list, and then more things pop up. It's like the arcade whack-a-mole game, but less rewarding.

GS cookies have arrived on the West Coast! My order is held up due to a temporary Trefoil shortage, so I made an emergency purchase of thin mints outside the supermarket. Go, girls! Yay, GS moms!

What's springing up in your neighborhood?

Friday, March 5, 2010

Awards! Whines Coming Out of Our Ears, and Other Orifices, Edition

Without further ado, I bring you the awards:

A Giant Margarita to Redzils. Drown that heartache. The pixies send love.

Blech Begone Award to Sue. Could this illness have been any worse? Don't think so.

Robbing Peter to Pay Paul Award to Jenevieve, who is canceling one important trip to pay for another.

But It Will All Be Worth It! Award to Days, whose current children are mutinying while her husband completes the paperwork to bring home the newest family member.

Trifecta Award to Amy for weaning, poor-quality feminine hygiene products, and worst of all, flavor-free cookies! The horror.

Heartfelt Plea Award to Sarah, who pleads "Could I be less dedicated to a job that pays so little?"

Remembering What It's All About Award to esperanza and her repeatably plugged duct. With a side of Mullet for "for some reason she doesn't want to eat while standing on her head."

The Cluestick Posse is inspired by kathy a.'s suggestion that Sue breath her horrible flu all over the horrible people in her work life. Now we're all snickering. And thinking about who we'd like to infect.

Enough already. See you next week!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Whine whine whine work whine work work whine

OMG so much going on this month at work. Busy last week, busy this week. Probably busy next week, though maybe a slight reprieve. Traveling for family event and maybe also for work the following week, big gigantic over-the-top annual conference on opposite coast the week after that. (I love this conference, but it is a BUSY few days.)

And a baby shower the day after I return. I was kinda hoping to finish the baby blanket before all of these trips because it is going to be substantially less portable toward the end, and the airlines are stingy with carry on lately. BUT! At least I have some guaranteed knitting time in the schedule should this come down to the wire. I just can't bring anything else with me on the plane. Not that I should be doing anything else. Oh, no. Knit knit knit if I'm not done by then.

To summarize:
Anti-whine: it is no longer February.
Whine: March will be summarily kicking my butt.