Thursday, February 26, 2009

Statue of Whining: Bring us your boobs! I mean, your whines about boobs. Or your whines. Or something.

This seems to be a boobalicious week for the pixies, with kathy a. getting an additional boobal squashing, liz getting good mammo results, and this classic poem taking The Style Award:

I'm dreaming of a non-beige bra
That costs less than a new Ford
One that has a front clasp
And won't collapse
From the effort of keeping the girls on board.

I'm dreaming of a non-beige bra
Maybe even one with no underwires
One that's not going to hector
The metal detector
At the airport in front of all the other flyers.

My days would be merry and bright
If my bras weren't only beige and white.

Hostess Win: I got to eat lunch with liz, I <3>Whine of Substance goes to margalit for her “totally unexpected heart surgery” - those are words which should never go together – and the fall out in kid behavior and recovery time.

The competition this week is FIERCE, not to mention varied, in the Bodily Fluids category!
amy took an early lead with “my daughter barfed tonight. and i caught it. in my hands.” Which she thoughtfully broke into Whines / Anti-whines for us:
She barfed. Whine.
I caught most of it. Whine. (I hate vomit.)
More than half still hit the carpet. Whine.
She trusted me enough to stand there, not panic, and barf where I was telling her to barf. Big Anti-Whine.
Once she was done barfing, that was it - no more overnight or yesterday. Big Anti-Whine.
My husband volunteered to clean up the carpet. BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG Anti-Whine.

Later contenders for Bodily Fluids include Klee with the Creeping Crud, Madeline’s sick partner, and Sue’s Feline Fluids extravagana.

Sarah sweeps Old Skool hating the smell of ketchup. “Especially ketchup left on the plate after chicken nuggets. I don't mind eating ketchup, but if the smell persists as an issue, I may have to give it up. If only I could make my son give it up.”

Uccellina is Not a Worse Person for whining about things which do truly suck. And we hope she gets her internet back soon – work without it is hard to bear.

Genevieve and her Monkey Mind need an award of their own. Between the insomnia / the sleep-deprived hallucinations, and the incoming deadlines, that is a lot to deal with! I have my own monkey mind, and all its fall out. Genevieve, if you figure out a good way to meditate around it, please do let us know!

We are jealous of Madeleine’s attendance at “a rock-star event, of nerdy inclination.” However, we will generously let her keep the piles of laundry, with no coveting.

And, finally, in a new category I am calling Teachers are Human Too, it is *not* evil for KLee to “wish that Margalit's problem of exploding buildings to relocate to HumidityLikeABrickWall for my school tomorrow?”

Thanks for being here, Pixies, and sharing your lives. kathy a. will be our gracious hostess next week.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Statue of Whining

I always feel like I should do my Statue of Liberty interpretation. You know, "Bring us your tired, your hungry, your whining......" Would that be too much?

It's late here and I am posting this with a black cat meowing plaintively in the background. Last year's Thanksgiving boyfriend with the studio apartment is this year's boyfriend with the real apartment + cat. The cat and I are getting along, mostly. She has claimed my pillow as her sovereign territory, which we spat about, and tonight she is mad that he went to bed and I dare occupy the living room without him.

I can't decide if it is adorable that she wants my constant, ever-loving attention, or merely annoying. When she isn't getting it and adds claws to her gentle nudges, I know the answer to that - it gets her dumped off furniture and shoved out of bed, and she sulks and he laughs at us.

Anyway, you can tell my week is pretty quiet since I am spending most of it locked in... something with a cat. How about you, Pixies? What's the story?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Awards: Winter Wildness

I’m happy to report that my state’s Emergency Budget Rodeo and Standoff cluesticked itself into finding that one last vote to avoid insolvency, after yet another all-night session.

Style Award to Liz, whose blog was outed, but she has decided to keep it just the way it is, veiled political snark and all.

Elevated Risk of Mullet Award to Sue, for her complaint about a 12 hour church meeting: "I'm pretty sure it's covered in the Geneva Convention under ‘cruel and unusual punishment’ - but alas - I am required to attend." Runner-up is Uccellina, with "I keep checking the sky for windfalls, but none appear."

Old Skool Awards to Uccellina, who is bruised and exhausted after her bambinette’s all-night meltdown, and JenR, whose baby’s face got scratched just in time for his one-year portrait.

Sarah at Ratatat brings the bodily fluids; we hope everyone stops barfing soonest!

Developmental Milestone Award to Esperanza’s Sweet Baboo, who is putting things in her mouth, as in, putting all kinds of disgusting everything in her mouth.

Burning the Candle at Both Ends Award to Miranda, who asks: "Would someone please tell my managers that I can't do multiple ‘drop everything and only do this’ major catastrophes all at the same time on the same time schedule? And still do my existing work? kthxbai."

Many thoughts for Elizabeth and her mother, who is awaiting a liver transplant.

Hugs, condolences, and soup for all the Pixies afflicted this week with, among other things: TMJ; hunger; sore throats; bereavement; insane meetings instead of visiting family; travel; icky co-workers; packing, moving, sorting things; no extra pay for the extra work; brokeness; mammos; budget cuts; exhaustion; gravel-voiced beloveds; heartburn; headache; 8-year-olds who alternately employ whininess and martyrdom in an effort to strip their parents of every last nerve; and job responsibilities cranking up.

See you again next week, when the fabulous Dr. Redzils will host!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Tour de Whines

Welcome, Pixies, to another Winter Whinefest! The days are slowly growing longer, and locally, we are seeing some signs of spring: spontaneous outbursts of floral activity. We're also finally getting some much needed rain! The rain is not amusing Famous Bicyclists riding the Tour de CA, but them's the breaks.

The financial well is dry in my state, however: still one lousy vote short of the 2/3 supermajority needed for a budget in the state legislature. Checks shall not be cut. All public works projects are suspended. 20,000 state employees are getting layoff notices, starting today. Counties are already suing the state to get promised funding for social services. That hissing sound is steam coming out of my ears.

Things are nicer on the home front, though. We had a delightful visit with son yesterday, and he was thrilled with the invitation to raid the pantry! One of the formerly feral kitties has taken to sleeping on my legs, and [gasp!] letting me pet him!

What's new in your world?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Awards: The Sweep Me Away Edition

I know I promised to post awards on Friday but this pesky thing called "life" keeps intruding. First, I had a friend in need and then my body decided that it was in need of sleep and then the fireplacing airport wants to charge for internet access, which in my opinion, is simply cruel. I very nearly decided to pay for a one-day pass in one of those lounges sponsored by Craptastic Airlines but my inner queen of frugal won't let me support a system that perpetrates general traveling suckitude for the masses. As it is, I will have to whip out these awards in the twenty minutes alloted. This seems like the wrong week for that with so many serious and worthy whines of distinction and for that I apologize.

The Morton Salt Whine of Substance Award goes to Margalit. I have a teen at home as well and I know how challenging they can be. I hope that you found a worthy person who can watch them while you are in the hospital and that your health improves and that your landlady finds the wherewithal to replace your missing driveway section and that your lovely online "fan-base" gets a life that does not include carping on yours.

The Hanging on for Dear Life Award goes to Kathy A this week who must juggle mentally ill relatives, tax payments, and reduced income and credit streams all at the same time.

The Best Old Skewl Whine Award goes to Redzils for her loss of computing this week due to a horrible virus.

The coveted (at least by me) Elevated Risk of Mullet prize goes to Liz for her inspired idea to Oklahoma and Aladdin song pairings. Thanks to all the pixies who recommended further pairings.

Many hugs to pixies dealing with illnesses, difficult people, traveling, weather related woes, and parenting issues. Come back next week when Kathy A returns as the hostess with the mostest.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Wednesday Whining: Rainbows Only Happen in the Rain Edition

Whines are a curious thing.  They have an energy all their own.  A person can't predict what will happen with them once they hit the universe.  

My job has a heavy travel component at times and the heavy travel season is upon me right now.  I will spend more work days out of the office in training, site visits, and conferences than in the office.  These are all overnight trips for up to a week at a time.  After an exceptionally grueling weekend of ensemble performances and birthday parties, I had to wake up early on Sunday to pack and leave for the airport.  So many things kept going wrong that I was forced to leave my house sans either breakfast or coffee.

I finally arrived at the airport in a right awful mood.  A bag full of uneaten food ended up in the trash, the result of a poorly conceived stop at a McBarf drive thru.  I had to check a bag which meant I had to pay $15.  There was one screener at the airport and there were, count 'em, THREE families with small children who all acted like they had never been in an airport before.  Furthermore, I was scheduled to fly in one of those commuter jets because my destination is only an hour away by plane and, apparently, no one likes to fly on Sunday afternoon or something.  

Although I have plenty of work I am behind on, I decided to purchase a book and read it while finally drinking some dark, rich, fully-caffeinated coffee.  I don't even care I am abusing adjectives because like all addicts, that first sip made all the pain go away.  My job could go and do something anatomically impossible to itself.

About 30 minutes before boarding, the customer service clerk at the gate announced that the plan sent was even smaller than the one originally scheduled.  I have flown on the original plane type and that was a pretty awful experience.  When she asked for flyers with flexible schedules, I immediately sprinted to the counter.

For waiting a measly two extra hours for the next flight to City With Wind Like No Other, I received a nice voucher good for a roundtrip flight to anywhere in the continental US that this cruddy carrier flies.

I cried from the joy of it all.

But, there's more!  The next flight was a normal sized plane and the clerk upgraded me to Economy Plus so I had a nice comfy seat at the front of the plane.  I felt like a rock star since I am normally relegated to the row closest to the rest room or seat most likely next to a sullen smelly person.  The middle seat in my row was free meaning I had room to really spread out my elbows and I received my tasty beverage before those poor souls stuck in the cheap seats did.  Gosh, I need to get bumped more often.

So, Pixies, how goes life with you this week?  Who's bringing the bodily fluids?  Who will walk home with the Cluestick Brigade?  Whose wit will win the coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award.  Perhaps, you have a less dramatic whine and the Old Skewl Prize is for you.

this post brought to you by the letter W and a steadfast refusal to finish the report that was due last week so please, Pixies, give me lots of worthy whines to distract me in my big hotel room in the heart of City With Wind Like No Other and spotless bathroom

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Snow Flurries and Pixie Awards

Miranda gets this week’s Style Award (Yoda Edition) for her brilliant haiku:
Turning eleven
Her father will drive four states.
Pay for trip I must.
As usual, we have bodily fluids, of a wide variety. Our sympathy to liz for post-weaning leaking, lo these many years later; Sue for “bringin’ the barf;” and – happily - not esperanza’s baby.

kathy a. gets a Double Elevated Risk of Mullet for “collision of factory-installed quirks “ and her “supervisorial superpowers.” Remember, kathy a., if your sister wants to make you her project, someone in that conversation has “issues,” but it isn’t you.

Amy swept the Whine of Substance category this week, sharing that her daughter needs general anesthesia to get her tongue-tie fixed. We will be thinking of you both – when is her surgery?

Her runner up, who will assume the W-O-S sash, in the event that Amy is unable to perform her duties, is liz, with a toxic coworker loose in the cubicle farm. We are sending cluesticks - it’s up to you, liz: you can either arm HR or use them to build a barricade outside your door.

The Early Old Skool Award goes to Sue for “bringin’ the barf.” We hope you feel better, but in the meantime, please don’t share! The Late-breaking Old Skool Award goes to Elizabeth and her lost gloves.

Sympathies go to all Pixies dealing with early mornings, funerals, good sisters gone wrong, el-cheapo landlords, internet shopping errors that result in five sets of orders, travel expense for guests, vans self-destructing, and “living in a soap opera.” Hopefully the medical practitioners who listen and act on our behalf, successful bra shopping, little girls turning 11, ethics hotlines, babies feeling better, and the SCHIP reauthorization will lighten the load a little.

It’s still winter, so I wish snow days to those who want them (KLee), but not those who don’t, and a warm week to all the Pixies.

Miranda will be your hostess with the mostest next week.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Must morning come so early?

Hi Pixies -

It's early Tuesday here. I'm still on cloud nine over my big accomplishment last week, an anti-whine I expect to last many weeks, but I have to ask: must morning come so early?

I hope you are all well rested, perfectly healthy, and too busy rolling in rose petals to need to whine. Somehow, though, I kind of doubt it's been that sort of week for every last one of us, so let's hear 'em, Pixies. What's bugging you?