Monday, May 30, 2011

No appointment necessary

Bring 'em on! Whines big and small welcome.

My son stopped by to work on his car. I had to hide his birthday quilt -- the front's all done and bordered, and it includes baby's first cool shirt, a piece of his grandpa's shirt, a bit of boy scout pants, curtains from our old house, music, animals, pirates, etc. etc.

Old Skool: he complained about the paucity of immediately edible food in the fridge. Dude, we do not need to stock for a platoon since you don't live here anymore! Ah, well -- a quick run to the market solved that worry and the dinner question [burrito night], and the leftovers got cleaned up in the meantime.

What's cookin' at your house?

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Hugs, Cluesticks, and Awards! Finally!

Ay, chihuaua, pixies, such a week.

Many hugs to the families and friends of Sue's son's friend, who died in the helicopter crash; p_k's friends' young boys, who have lost both parents; and YT, whose great-nephew died. We offer hugs and prayers and "holding you in the light" (as the Quakers say). We hope that each of these grieving people will be surrounded by loving friends and family, as YT has experienced.

Hugs also to KLee's husband, who lost his job this week; and to KLee herself. And to kathy a's friend's wife, who underwent extensive surgery.

And now (as she rubs her hands together evilly), the cluesticks! We will need several posses this week. One for KLee's husband's former employers. One for Liz's "friend" who needs some lessons in said relationship. One for people who call Sue while she's on study leave. Another for JenR's insurance company, the "poopyheads," with a bonus posse for her employers. And, while we're at it, Canadian weather.

I believe we have time for a few awards.

Sue gets Old Skool for her admission that she will miss Oprah.

We have two Mullet awards this week!
* First, to Sarah for her admiration of Sue: "..if there ever were a case for ALL CAPS"
* and to Sue herself, for this one that made me snort my beverage: "I want to patent 'phone coffee,' but I may need to come up with a name that doesn't sound so close to 'phone-you-know-what.'"

A very Happy Birthday to Amy!

As Days suggests, we'll send quilts to all of our winners, plus anyone experiencing vertigo, difficult situations with their mothers, teacher's evaluations, and any other whines we might have missed.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Whining

Yes, pixies, it's that old fable, The Boy Who Cried Wolf.
Well, if you replace The Boy with The Sweet Baboo.
And Wolf with one or more of the following: Tummy Hurts; I Need to Go Potty; Frow Up.

Tummy Hurts is useful when one wants the pink tub that one used to Frow Up about a month ago. It would be such a great container for toting toys around. Better than a direct request, which is likely to get denied, Tummy Hurts is the best in toddler strategy and manipulation. Bonus: gets Mama excited. When Tummy Hurts does not work as desired, try Frow Up.

I Need to Go Potty is used when in the carseat for extended periods of time. Boredom sets in, and I Need to Go Potty results in a trip to a convenience store, restaurant, or other exciting location. Best of all, it also results in removal from carseat. Bonus: grateful little sister also benefits from carseat removal. Alternate setting: in bed, while not falling asleep at the parent-defined desirable time.

Will the potty training whines never end?

AW: She's talking enough to play these little games. I'm grateful for that. Remind me of that, please?

Friday, May 20, 2011

Greatest Hits Edition

Don't touch that dial, Pixies! We've got a solid-gold lineup this morning. (NSFW with speakers on!)

First, a hearty Happy Birthday to the lovely Esperanza! We've pulled out our magic wands to ensure that you get your wish of a Mama's Day Off! (No way do they look just like cluesticks! They're, um, all sparkly and everything.)

The coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award goes to Liz, who complains: "In this humidity I resemble Roseanne Roseanadana. The hair, it goes SPROING."

Sue wins the We Are Family Award for her anti-whine about a good visit with her sister and brother-in-law. Apparently, her BIL still likes her after she divulged some of the deep secrets of the Pixiehood; sounds like a great guy.

School Days Award to Purple Kangaroo, whose search for the right school is turning up some good possibilities. Yay!

Liz wins the Theme Award for offering not one, not two, but three car-related musical selections! That's some dedication to the craft. My personal favorite is Fast Car.

The Medical Mystery Tour Award goes to JenR, who spent 4 days in the hospital, and they still don't know why. Hugs, chicken soup, and many wishes for a swift recovery.

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News Awards to our ace team of long-distance diagnosticians -- PK, Liz, and Sue. Maybe it is Lyme disease...

Elizabeth wins an award she'd rather not have, the Long Distance Daughter Award, with all kinds of bad things happening back at the homestead this past week. Hugs, chocolate, strength to you.

The Dental House of Horrors Award goes to Purple Kangaroo. Yeeps.

Sarah wins the Rain Award for her big event scheduled for a time of showers, leading to the possibility of melting attendance. Hope it went well!

Liz wins the Old Skool Award for a surprise visit from Aunt Flo. No links for this one. The darned filmstrips don't cover this particular topic in the Joys of Womanhood series, anyway.

Amy is runner up in the Old Skool category, noting both arthritis and age spots although she is a whippersnapper of just 37. (I can say that; I'm older.) I think we can all agree that it sucks getting older. But heck, gives us something to complain about, eh?

That about wraps up this week's show. Tune in next week!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Good Moooorning, Whiners!

Radio station WHNE (that's "whiney" on your AM dial) is pleased to temporarily present round-the-clock, round-the-week coverage of all your rock 'n whine favorites, provided that Bl0gger does not decide to perform more "maintenance" and crash the station and collaterally damage the collection of valuable 33 and 78 vinyl whines.

Grace under fire, good buddies. Praise the intertubes, and pass the ammunition.

Let's start out with a little number by Bruce Springsteen, Stolen Car. My day started at 1:00 a.m. with a cop pounding on the door; he came to advise us that our car had been stolen. And it was quite a tale -- the perp was being chased up the hill in another stolen car; he abandoned the car and ran through the nature center, hopped a couple of fences to get to our sleepy cul-de-sac; hotwired the car; then crashed the car and was in custody. The officer evidently had not seen so much excitement since Desert Storm, an accomplishment he mentioned in passing.

And my husband and I -- once the panic stage passed and we were wearing proper clothing -- had to do our best to keep from laughing. This criminal mastermind stole probably the crappiest car on the block, a car I've wanted to offload for years, a car my husband kept exclusively for taking the dogs to the regional park, a car we probably could not have convinced the "donate your car" people to take.

Our vigilant dogs -- the ones who alert us to the dangerous mailman's arrival every day, and to unauthorized racoons in the yard? -- they slept through the whole thing, including the strange man pounding the door and yelling "police." The delicate cat responded, as always, with a few pook accidents.

Special prizes this week for stuff that makes you laugh, and music references. Let 'er rip!


Wow, I don't think the awards have EVER been this late before. I apologize for my own tardiness --- blame it on Lego Pirates of the Caribbean for the Wii as well as the Blogger melt-down.

Speaking of, I'm sending a cluestick posse out to Blogger for losing some of our whines, as well as some lovely comments I got on a post elsewhere (and comments Jo(e) lost too).

Remembering What It's All About goes to P_K for her mammogram and to Esperanza who is weaning (FIFTEEN MONTHS!!! AWESOME!!)

Anti-whine of the week, P_K has joined the fibrous ta-tas brigade!! May all her mammograms be as clear as the one she had this week.

Golden Throne awards to all people dealing with self-flushing toilets and potty-training children. Word to the wise, the toilets at the Panera near my house are NOT self-flushing, but they resemble Old Faithful. Flush and jump out of the way quickly.

Elevated Risk of Mullet to Esperanza for
I don't know what was wrong with me, except I had the patience of a gnat, and everything they did was obnoxious and annoying and frustrating and snot-producing.
Who among us have not been there?

Cluestick posse being sent forthwith to Sue's problematic parishioner.
Good ideas are only good ideas if the people who come up with them are willing to put them into action as well.

Old Skool award to Sue for "burned my tongue on yummy supper made by hubby. Ouch."

The love and kisses award to Days, we can't hug you or give you chicken soup, but we CAN send you our thoughts and good wishes and prayers.

That's it for um....last week. Tune in....tomorrow! When our host will be Kathy A!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Turns out, nobody likes a tyrant

The broo-ha-ha from last week is gaining attention from folks who actually have the authority to do something about it.

I'm trying not to gleefully chortle...but I'm not trying very hard.

Meanwhile, several local blogs have written about it, and my blog has over 30 comments. None of them are "I know you are, but what am I?" Which is nice.

What's going on in your neck of the woods?

Friday, May 6, 2011

TGIF edition

I think we've had about enough of this week. So long, farewell... Without further ado, here are the prizes.

Amy takes home the Old Skool Award, for her pithy entry: "Chin hairs." Runner-up for Old Skool is Days, who has looked high and low and cannot locate her birth certificate.

Many Pixies feel solidarity around the issue of chin hairs, but Neighbor Lady wins the coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award with her response: "All I can say is if the nice thick hairs that sprout on my chin could somehow switch with my poor thin, fine hairs on my head, I would have the hairstyle I always dreamed of."

Runner-up for Mullet is Sue, who discloses the secret location of her birth certificate and comments that she keeps it "just in case I ever become an elected official and some comb-over doofus needs proof that I was born, not hatched."

Winged Demons Award to Esperanza, who is struggling with a fruit fly infestation. Her residential tribe of fruit flies spits upon Dr. Google's kitchen-safe elimination methods, leading us to suggest going full-fortress: maybe keep their favorite food, kid bibs, in the fridge?

Meltdown Award to Esperanza, for the winning combo of Sweet losing it in the post office, a not-great therapy session, hours in the car and another medical thing, then the cooking for 2 families, cleaning, yadda. We feel like a meltdown, just reading about all that in one day. ;)

The "Would You Care for Some Poison With That?" Award was hard-won by Sue, whose dining experience was not enhanced by the inclusion of shallots after she had advised the waiter of allergies. Big of them to take it off the bill! But that is an insufficient gesture, and the Cluestick Posse is ready to go.

As soon as the Posse has warmed up, it is headed on over to present Liz's Former Dem Committee with a special award: What, Have You Lost Your Minds? We are not amused at middle school behavior in a grownup political group, nor at lobbing petty disrespect at The Doorbell Queen, a tireless friend who walks the walk in a more literal way than most. Middle-school bullying is not a good demonstration of democratic ideals. What led to your resignation is appalling. Members of the Posse may be moved to multiple visits to a certain individual.

Political Angst Awards to our Canadian Pixies, Sue and Days, following this week's elections. Silver Lining Sash (and crossed fingers) for a strong opposition.

Hugs and a Housewarming Award to Miranda, as she embarks on the single life in a new place! Long time coming, and much sympathy on the Whines Left Unsaid.

Chicken soup and a medical breakthrough to JenR, who has suffered with bronchitis for, like, ever already. Also hoping that Sarah and Sue are feeling better. Kudos to Sue for the latest round of Taming teh Headache.

Button, Button, Who's Got the Button Award to Amy, whose mother's criticism mode does not seem to have an off switch. This prize comes with a handy set of earplugs, and a great deal of chocolate.

Hugs to Sarah for her latebreaking whine -- on the up side, her brother's moved on and is getting married; and on the downside, not even his parents are invited. The Cluestick Posse will stop by. xoxo

Mother's Day is coming up, and we congratulate all who celebrate! But as several Pixies point out, there are reasons not everyone is thrilled with this Hallmark holiday. Hugs to Sue, for whom the day is a reminder of the loss of her beloved mom; to Esperanza, who found that becoming a mom (after the pain of infertility) didn't make her like the day any better; and for those of us whose moms bring mostly painful memories. The real celebrations of motherhood and moms is in the everyday, in our opinion.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Big and small

The news of last night is so striking. It brings back so many feelings and memories of 9/11 and all that ensued. I particularly remember my 12 year old daughter trying to process the horror, writing her thoughts out that night, saving headlines, making origami cranes for peace and love and remebrance. She knew that day would change our lives, and so it proved.

I cannot celebrate any death, even of someone who inflicted so much evil. But I feel relief that he can no longer call for acts of violence, that he can no longer brag of what he did. I am grateful that this development was so carefully planned, that it did not take more lives than it did. And I am hopeful that we can begin winding down from nearly a decade of fear and war.

Please share your thoughts, if you are so moved. (But please also note our commenting policy -- messages that are hateful or disparaging will be removed by a moderator.)

This development does not affect our custom of welcoming whines and antiwhines of all stripes! On the AW side, sunshine and perfect weather! W: zit on nose, very unseemly. AW: first pasta salad of the season, and it's yummy! W: cut my finger cleaning a knife.

How are things up your way?