The dog put a dead bird on the bed, as a gift. Dogs. Nuttin' but trouble.
Big, small; whines, antiwhines; all welcome. But special attention will be paid to the faintly or overtly hilarious everyday stuff.
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About Wednesday Whining
Wednesday Whining is a weekly blog with rotating hosts. Whines and Anti-Whines, both big and small, are welcome! Our purposes are mutual support and sharing a few laughs along the way.
The Wednesday Whining Community is diverse, and strives to be safe, welcoming, and supportive. To this end, comments that are personally abusive or otherwise disparaging [regarding race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation] will be deleted by moderators, along with spam and self-promotion.
The Wednesday Whining Community is diverse, and strives to be safe, welcoming, and supportive. To this end, comments that are personally abusive or otherwise disparaging [regarding race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation] will be deleted by moderators, along with spam and self-promotion.
FAQ
Q: When does Wednesday Whining appear?
A: The Whiner's Ball commences no later than Tuesday, and ends when Awards are given (usually Thursday in theory, but definitely before Monday).
Q: Awards? Really?
A: Yes, really. Traditional awards include Style [music, poetry, etc.], Old Skool [piddly little whines], and Elevated Risk of Mullet [funniest line in a whine], but other hand-crafted awards may be granted at the host's discretion, and nominations from commenters are encouraged.
Q: Can I whine about someone who just does not "get it"?
A: The Cluestick Posse is on hand for persons in need.
Q: Is there a mascot?
A: Ralph is the mascot.
Q: Are there other traditions I should know about?
A: The passing of virtual refreshments is appreciated.
Q: How did this all get started anyhow?
A: Phantom Scribbler was our muse and host for two years.
Q: What was the first prize ever awarded?
A: The Playdough Violin
A: The Whiner's Ball commences no later than Tuesday, and ends when Awards are given (usually Thursday in theory, but definitely before Monday).
Q: Awards? Really?
A: Yes, really. Traditional awards include Style [music, poetry, etc.], Old Skool [piddly little whines], and Elevated Risk of Mullet [funniest line in a whine], but other hand-crafted awards may be granted at the host's discretion, and nominations from commenters are encouraged.
Q: Can I whine about someone who just does not "get it"?
A: The Cluestick Posse is on hand for persons in need.
Q: Is there a mascot?
A: Ralph is the mascot.
Q: Are there other traditions I should know about?
A: The passing of virtual refreshments is appreciated.
Q: How did this all get started anyhow?
A: Phantom Scribbler was our muse and host for two years.
Q: What was the first prize ever awarded?
A: The Playdough Violin
Moderators
Blog Archive
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2014
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March
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- WW - the "Keep Your Expectations Low" edition
- Awards! Rainy Day Edition
- Wednesday Whining: Had my fill of DRAMA for the sa...
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- Whining - the Lather, Rinse, Repeat Edition
- Amazingly short ceremony, updated
- Old Skool Week
- Awards
- New week
- Thankfully, it's cookie season
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March
(10)
90 comments:
W: a little-bitty, razor-sharp tooth made our night more wakeful.
AW: it's broken through! #8! I dearly hope that this means we're done with the runny noses and refusal to eat anything that involves chewing. (It also solves a lot of mysteries about why she's been refusing to eat foods that she normally loves).
QWP, when in doubt, put oragel on it.
Whine of the TMI variety: On Saturday I sneezed so hard I peed myself. I am so classy.
Liz, the FDA put a warning that babies can't have Orajel (or any other related products) anymore, because of infants and toddlers developing breathing problems. (http://www.fda.gov/forconsumers/consumerupdates/ucm306062.htm) I first heard news about it riiiiight before E started teething, at which point every parent I know said "Well, fireplace. Now what?"
So, W: what's a parent to do these days? Sometimes, the pain exceeds the cold stuff + massaging gums treatments. (And I'm hesitant to use the all-natural stuff, because it's made of chamomile, and I'm allergic to it, and so I don't know if E will react.) All that's left at general painkillers, which have their own drawbacks.
Liz, I'm sorry, but I giggled a bit about the classy comment.
ouchy teef...
Liz, it might be worth it if you were *laughing* that hard -- but a sneeze? No fair. ;)
This "spring forward" business is a giganto pain, the first few days.
AW: Found some girl scouts yesterday! Here, have some thin mints.
W/AW: Somebody almost ran into me in the stupid grocery parking lot yesterday. But he stopped to apologize and make sure I was ok! (It is a very stupid lot.)
QWP, I didn't know that about Orajel. That SUCKS.
Oh my goodness.
I guess I'm gonna suggest what my mom did: dip a washcloth in sherry and put it in the freezer. Let the baby gnaw on THAT for a while.
Sherry?! LOL
Laughing so hard, Liz.
Kathy a, please pass those thin mints! And, after that reminder, I phoned my friend who is a Brownie leader, and I told her that I want to buy all of the cookies in the world. (Especially since she DIDN'T MENTION TO ME WHEN IT WAS THIN MINT SEASON. Because we have thin mints in the fall and sandwich cookies in the spring.)
Hmm. Thin mints in the fall... I'm all in favor of an international cookie exchange, whenever the thin mints turn up someplace.
So, I may have just accidentally found online evidence that a friend doesn't like me. Well, that's fun.
Oh, and so classy, dissing someone online.
I talked it over with my best friend (who knows both of us), and because she did the complaining using a pseudonym that she'd told me about, at a site that we both used to frequent, and because part of the comment was complaining that I had done something that she perceived as being rude, I decided to address it with her directly. (The comment was from right before a baby shower that one of my friends hosted, and that friend decided to invite people by FB Event, and then added me as a host, because she couldn't invite people who weren't her friends. This online comment came from someone who saw that my name was on the list of hosts, and she was asking other people in an open thread about whether she was correct in thinking that it was rude to host your own baby shower. She then went on to say that I was "mommyjacking" in real life and online, and was annoying to be around. Oh boy! At a time when I was in continual pain, and was really working not to mention it much on FB at all, because I knew that there were people who think that any discussion of pregnancy et al is oversharing. So, I ignored the rest of the stuff, and let her know that I'd accidentally come across that comment, at the place where we both frequent, and I'm sorry that the invitation wasn't done properly and she was offended. It's a bit of the coward's way out, but do you know what? I really am sorry that it wasn't done properly.)
AW: That worked out well. Open communication with the friend did quite a bit. She apologized, and admitted that she had exaggerated for that audience, and that she had been stressed about other stuff at the time. We both talked about how I stopped being a functional member of society early on in the pregnancy (until I went in to the hospital, two days after the baby shower, a lot of people didn't really clue in to how very sick I was), and we both talked about how we're working on changing. We both affirmed that our friendship is important to us, and that we miss spending time together.
Okay. It is getting late in the day, and I need to get much more work done. My stress levels are pretty high, with this chapter, and the idea that someone is mad at me just hits me riiiight in that spot where I panic and end up with a stomach ache.
QWP - sorry about E's tooth pain. I didn't know that about orajel either. My grandmother swore by the cold sherry remedy. Sorry to hear about the miserable friend dilemma. Not what you needed. Ever. :
Liz - thanks for the chuckle! Been there..... :)
kathy, I'm glad the guy checked to see you were okay, but still - ack!
W: I spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out how to change the time on the clock in my car. Eventually I discovered a small button above the main control panel. It said "clock." Some days.....
AW: finally got a massage today after several postponed appointments. My RMT's "hands of steel" got a workout on my shoulders.
I disappeared last week. This was because my whines didn't come in the proper order for my usual delivery. I prefer "Serious whine, serious whine, close on the funny stuff" if I have to have serious whines at all. This form is very important to me, apparently.
That, and I sincerely felt like shutting the entire world off for a week, which I did.
So Tuesday: had two dogs (Diesel, a dachshund, and Luca, a chocolate lab) neutered and spayed respectively. I took off work to have it done. Luca was in extreme pain and distress up until Friday, and she had apparently also been in heat. Diesel discovered that the only thing slowing him down from being the fastest, most active dog on the planet happened to be his testicles, and also he felt like humping Luca repeatedly since she was in no condition to get away or resist. This resulted in me keeping them separated and listening to them cry for the entire week.
Locking a depressed man up with crying, miserable dogs and a wife who has terminal misery and incompetence is simply not a good plan. I was losing my mind, and discovered that my happy, loving dogs might be my last source of sanity. It messed my world up.
Also, while my world was all messed up, my cousin, who is 28ish, went to the emergency room due to crippling head pain that prevented him from even getting out of bed, and they discovered a tumor the size of half a baseball deep in his brain. They did brain surgery to remove 40% of it to send to pathology, and now he has little to no response on the left side of his body and is going to need lots and lots of physical therapy. Now we are waiting for the results, and here's a first for me: the doctors are hoping it is cancerous so they can try to melt the rest away with chemo and radiation because it is probably too difficult to get to with surgery. So, let's go Team Cancer. Yay.
Then my wife went to Kentucky with her new boyfriend, which mercifully gave me some time to myself with the healing dogs. Again, my wife leaving town for the weekend with her boyfriend was the clear highlight of my week. She then came back even more miserable than ever and spent her time stressing over a paper she wasn't working on and cussing at my wonderful perfect dogs for having the audacity to bark.
Three. More. Months.
This week's whines are of a much stranger nature. So I have this best friend who also doubles as pretty much my only friend. He's decent enough folk, we've been friends since high school, we disagree without judgment or fight, it's a good thing.
We also tend to attract the same type of female with one minor difference: any female that is mildly interested in me is much, much more interested in him. Every time.
So while I am staying with him last night to avoid my crazy wife and her dog cussing ways (she also forgot to give Luca her antibiotic, because of course she did), he takes some time to whine about his current situation: he does not seem to be forming much of an emotional connection with his current girlfriend, who has in fact formed a major connection with him. This poor girl also has had very few relationships in her young life, so a break up, which is coming, is going to be pretty brutal for her, and he hates that because there isn't anything so wrong with her just that he isn't feeling a major relationship-type bond. On top of this, another female friend of ours, who of course was sort of into me at one point, is now really, really going after him, and knowing him, his powers of resistance are not great.
So he is complaining of his horrible predicament of having too many attractive women around who want to have sex with him to me, the guy going through an unpleasant divorce (from a marriage where there was practically no attraction left at all) who knows pretty much no one interested in him except for the woman who is apparently much much more interested in his best friend. My heart simply bleeds for him, I tell you.
Anti-whine: I missed work pretty much every day last week and was sort of dreading going back. When I walked on my unit, my patients greeted me with a standing ovation and all came up and talked to me at once. It is nice having a job where you are loved.
Can't we just buy your wife a ticket to someplace? That seems like the best solution.
So sorry, Andy. Really crappy week, all of it. The dogs at least will return to being their own lovin' selves. I'm so sorry about your cousin, but get it about wishing for cancer in this one circumstance. Sending much love. xoxo
Oh, and your best friend unfortunately needs some cluesticking, and you have come to the right place for that. But your patients, I like 'em.
I'm totally missing the point of your award-worthy whining lineup, Andy (seriously, all of that is just--ugh) with the mental image of the dachsund humping the chocolate lab. Hugs. And I'm glad your patients love you.
W/AW: at my parents' house this week for Spring Break. With all the happies and frustrations that come with that.
Oh my goodness, Andy. What an awful time you've been having. I'm glad that you have such wonderful patients and a job where you're loved, because the rest of those whines are really tough. (Kathy is right: cluesticks are available for your friend.)
Eh, he mostly feels guilty about the impending break up, because he doesn't want to hurt the girl, he just isn't feeling a lot there. And it isn't really his fault he is widely considered more attractive than I am. The whole thing is merely my cross to bear, I suppose.
I just had a conversation with our mutual friend who is more or less stalking him and have inadvertently sent her into a spiraling guilt trip and self-loathing session. Not really my intent, but it may have solved the whole thing temporarily. Interfering in other people's problems is much more fun than dealing with mine.
Oh, Andy. Cluesticks at the ready. The thing that gets me through the sads is twice monthly drunken karaoke. I have fans with tiny amounts of taste so everything is in balance.
Retreat was well, over finally. A certain churchy quote I shared on that book of visages was a direct response to the weekend. I didn't sleep much. The food was not great but my church people really stepped up. We are wonderful hosts. I love the youth. Oh, and I have some letters to write expressing my extreme disappointment in someone(s). I am waiting until later to ensure my tone will convey disappointment rather than rage. Seriously, my kid has post after post on her wall of people thanking her for her kindness and you threaten to kick her out of the organization. Not without a huge fight and not without her family around her. My kid was the first kid from our church to participate in the organization in about ten years and she has brought several friends in. Heck, we hosted the event and she worked her tail off on the back end. Thus, I am very disappointed that this situation escalated the way it did and without my being given an opportunity to intervene as her mother and a youth leader. They could have spoken with our minister. Several other things could have happened that would not have ended with my kid crying for a solid day and struggling with her faith.
A gem from the speaker:
M- is your minister here, right? Oh, interesting. Where I go to church, 8 miles away, we interpret the Bible differently and do not believe women should preach.
(Like, seriously, who thought a conservative Baptist was a good idea? Even if he did grow up in our church? We are a humanistic bunch so the kids readily moved past it but it gave the weekend a nasty tone that didn't help)
(M's response will not be repeated here)
AW: I did a lot of rage crochet.
(((Andy)))
(((Miranda)))
Nomination for Mullet - "I did a lot of rage crochet."
The cluesticks are a-swinging this week!!
*rant alert* It boggles my mind - these people who try to pull off sexist, racist, homophobic, and generally hateful bull-hockey in the name of the church and G_d. And to share their "interpretation" at a youth event? Grrr... Even more rant-worthy is the way the organization treated your daughter. Entirely unacceptable. Cluestick-sized crochet hooks at the ready!
W: I tried to put together a fun evening out with "the girls" - a wonderful group of friends I don't see often enough but love dearly. (We don't do karaoke, but I'm thinking we should try it!)
The only night anyone is available (apparently EVER) is Saturday night. I suggested two different Friday evenings but those didn't work. Now everyone is waiting for me to say "Ok, just this once, I'll go out on a Saturday night."
The thing is, I don't go out on Saturday nights. Ever. My head is already in Sunday morning and frankly, I don't want to go anywhere. I want to relax and read a good book and go to bed early.
So I said no. I've got so much going on and I just don't feel like being the one who compromises. Not this time.
I think they are going without me, and that's okay, but dang - is it so much to ask?
Oh, Miranda! Your wonderful daughter, who has been doing so much work to help others, is being threatened with being kicked out of her organization? That's horrible! (Hugs) for both of you. You're a good Mama.
"Rage Crochet" gets a Mullet nomination from me. It sounds like a really specific band name, like heavy metal for grannies.
W: how I feel today can best be described as "panic attack hangover." Apparently, my anxiety levels have been high enough that the idea that a friend has been secretly mad at me was enough to cause me a full-on panic attack. Blergh. So many not-great connotations about that (about myself as a people pleaser, about how bad my anxiety has gotten).
W: either that little tooth is still causing E trouble, or she's also cutting eye teeth (I think I felt something in her mouth). Long night last night.
AW: caffeine
(((QWP))) Anxiety sucks. Sorry about the long night of toof troubles. Hugs to all of you.
I'll second that AW for caffeine. I could use some chocolate too.
Rage crochet! Oh, Miranda -- so sorry. And your poor daughter, to be treated like that. We've got your back.
Sue, wish your friends could have tried harder to find a time that works for you. Hope next time, they do.
QWP, hope the hangover fades. I thought you handled the problem very nicely; good that friendship was salvaged and repaired.
My SIL with dementia has been deteriorating the past couple weeks; many many tearful phone calls wanting to know "what time" someone is coming to get her and move her to an apartment and bring her pets back and etc. She says the nurses are "mean," because she got busted for trying to wander off on a walk by herself -- not that she could get very far; the mechanics of opening a door present challenges nowadays. It's gotten hard to understand what she is saying.
Anyway, the Big Teaching Hospital evaluated and diagnosed her a year ago, and they've been really helpful. They're going to arrange a followup visit! There are significant changes in all areas -- language, motor skills, cognition, self-care -- and I'm concerned about her mood taking such a turn to the tearful and agitated. So hopefully, they can recommend better meds, and strategies for caretakers.
SIL's kind of dementia is fairly rare, and most doctors (even neurologists) aren't familiar with it. So we are really lucky to have such good support from this Big Teaching Hospital clinic -- they do evaluations and research, but I'm impressed with their dedication to helping patients and families cope.
(((Kathy a))) I'm so sorry about this sudden deterioration in SIL. What amazing support that the Teaching Hospital is providing for you all. They sound amazing.
Sue: that's really disappointing that your friends aren't listening to your needs. And the need to rest and prepare on Saturday night are pretty normal, expected needs for anyone preaching on Sunday, right? My dad has always needed to keep Saturday evening free, and especially now, as he needs that time to rest up before the physical strain of the Sunday service. Your need is valid, and they need to understand that. There's no way they can't occasionally plan for Friday night instead?
(((Miranda and daughter)))
(((Sue)))
(((QWP)))
Rage crochet is the best phrase ever.
Last night at Shakesville, the question of the day was, "What is the last subject that drove you into full-blown rant mode?"
My answer: "Microsoft Word. For reals. I spent the day at work yesterday trying to force it to accept some SIMPLE [fireplacing] FORMATTING and it would NOT COOPERATE. Then I went to the Manassas City Council meeting and confronted angry anti-choicers for a few hours. Quite relaxing in contrast. Seriously, rabid 40 Days For Life people were less frustrating than MS Word."
Oh, Liz, I hear ya. I hate hate hate MSWord. People think I'm a dino for still using wordperfect, but WP has this nice little "reveal codes" feature that lets you look and take out all the bad code. It's a miracle! It is way better than sliced bread!
(((((((((all the pixies)))))))))
what a week.
and it's only tuesday.
unbloggable but unbelievable stuff to whine about. srsly, i could not make this stuff up. Let's just say that there will be no renovations on our house, or on any house we buy (like one we almost did this weekend) by a certain builder who it turns out is listed in a certain registry we happened to check and who has been in our house and met my kids .omg.
ok i guess it was bloggable after all
in addition to all the normal cr@p
--Neighbor Lady
NL, reading copiously between the lines and paying special attention to the R word, OMG!
Yup, Kathy a. And, nice job with the decoding.
--NL
NL: !!! I audibly gasped and made this face D: when I read the word "registry."
NL: Oh my. That is frightening.
Liz: MS Word hasn't been the same since they gave poor Clippy the axe. Clippy was my favorite. "It looks like you're trying to write a letter." Why yes, Clippy, I am! Please go ahead and format it for me automatically so I don't have to worry about it. Why did everyone hate him so much?
QWP: Anxiety is so hard to deal with. Hugs.
Miranda: I hate when church folk decide to tear each other down. From the sound of it, I think a touch of rage would be more than acceptable.
And I am totally up for some drunken karaoke. Or even sober karaoke.
AW: Tax refund came! It's like Year of Jubilee around here. Bills are getting paid left and right!
W: Tried to make the most of this whole divorce thing and flirt with a woman I know today. I empathize with folks who battle obesity and weight all their lives, because if I had a dime for every time a woman told me I wasn't her type because I am too skinny, I would be able to buy one of those questionable fountain drinks from my neighborhood Village Pantry, and possibly enough left over to buy a doughnut if it is after 4pm. I have always had a ridiculously high metabolism rate, and my weight has never fluctuated outside of five pounds here or there.
AW: But, rather than just shake my tiny, emaciated fist at the sky and curse my svelte frame, I decided to hit the hospital gym. It has the best equipment a low-bid contract in 1983 could buy, and I've always liked the endorphin rush of working out, even if it does burn the precious few calories I can spare.
AW: And, since it is Year of Jubilee around these parts, I went to Big Box Store and bought one of those huge tubs of protein powder. And it tastes like a melty strawberry milkshake. And it is so ridiculously filling that I might not eat for five days now.
AW: Plus, now I can engage in that long-standing Book of Faces tradition of recently divorced or mid-life crisis-ing dudes posting pictures of themselves flexing after a workout. That'll surely turn this ship around.
W: After my workout my arms were so sore and tired that I couldn't hold the phone steady. Alas.
Andy, I truly adore you, but I had a burning hatred for that paperclip guy. Even if he was the best feature. (Doesn't that just prove my point? The program sucks if the paperclip guy is the best part, and he's offering to format a letter whereas you have 180 pages of suckity-mess to edit.)
I think "the best equipment a low-bid contract in 1983 could buy" could be a mullet contender, though.
Andy, you have the most fantastic sense of humor. Thank you, thank you for making me smile today.
I can see why people cheer when you return--I would too!
:)
Neighbor Lady
Oh NL! Omg!
Andy, thanks for helping me laugh - I needed that. Sorry, but I wasn't a Clippy fan either. :)
I was not a fan of Clippy, because he would pop up AFTER I'd already formatted my letter.
My Name
My Address
My email
Date
Dear Andy, HI I'M CLIPPY!!! IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE WRITING A LETTER! CAN I HELP YOU WITH THAT?
No! I don't need help! Go away!!!
Train of thought, derailed.
When I typed the above, my name, address, and email were centered.
Blogger took out the extra spaces, the fireplacer.
Blogger has no respect for artistry. ;)
Giant winds last night -- rattling things, blowing stuff around. Kept waking me up. Like I need help with that!
Don't be jealous; have an appointment with my tax guy tomorrow. So that means today will be all kinds of groovy fun: sorting masses of paper; affixing receipts on paper so it's nice and neat in case of audit; making my little charts of this and that kind of expense; using the calculator. It is probably ridiculous for a small-potato self-employed operation like me to have an accountant, but I have a healthy fear of the IRS, and his cat is usually there to greet me.
kathy, if he has a cat, you can be assured of his trustworthiness as well. Because, cats. :)
I share your healthy fear of the Tax People. However, this year our church treasurer (who happens to be an accountant) is being a little difficult about my phone/internet reimbursement. My contract allows for reimbursement as long as the home phone is used for work. It is. All. The. Time.
His bugbear is the internet. He sounds like he's grilling me about whether I'm scamming the church to pay for my internet at home (which is crazy inexpensive anyway) - but I know he's just worried about being fully accountable in the event of an audit. I showed him the sheer volume of work I do online - at home - but he's still hesitant. He eased up slightly when I pointed out that other items on the same bill are NOT claimed (cell phone and digital tv).
After weeks of back and forth discussons on this, he finally told me to go ahead and file using the t4 as it is - with the phone reimbursement.
Bean counters....
Hey! Y'all remember that I've been working on stinky putrid documents? Well, guess what?!? The customer decided that, after I spent DAYS updating the pagination and captions to reflect the section number per his request, he wants 'em all changed back.
We managed to change his mind for the docs already completed.
Ralph's cludstick is itching pretty bad right now.
Clippy totally would've recentered those headings for you.
I just blame mr. paperclip guy for all the formatting problems in W0rd. Because when you have several people cutting/pasting into a big document, it is a total nightmare of bad and conflicting codes -- and one is likely to end up with random numbering + indents + paragraphing + spacing + font + margin problems. Clippy gave me document production PTSD.
We should definitely send Clippy over to help Liz's clients do it themselves.
But then again, someone's stupids are keeping Liz employed! Liz needs chocolate, and lots of it.
It doesn't actually take this many hours to sort stuff for taxes; but it is amazingly easy to find something else to do. Huh.
Tantrums intensifying.
I am so worried. and really not good at handling these things.
also, reportedly headaches going along with these violent mood swings and out of character behavior.
now I am worried about the fireplacing you-know-what. (I can't even write it) among other awful possibilities.
please tell me it's just hormones??
--NL
NL: It really could be hormones. Mr. Q's sister has a hormone imbalance, and it caused all kinds of issues. It might not be a bad thing to have a doctor check it out, because some pretty easy intervention made a big difference.
((( NL ))) Why don't you look into those headaches? When people are in pain, they don't do so well -- especially with the doses of hormones, and the this and that of those years.
do not go there with the fireplacing you-know worries, because the chances are way way against that. xoxoxo
QWP: Thank you so much. I needed that glimmer of hope. We're going to get things checked out I hope.
--NL
we're talking middle school age or so? wild hormones happen during that time. but it is certainly something to ask about, probably outside the hearing of the affected person. something like increasing physical activity can make a difference -- like joining a club that goes on major hikes, or builds things, or whathaveyou, etc.
Kathya., thank you! We are talking 4th grade, so seems early but might not be. We were going to work the therapist angle, but am thinking now that we need a multi-prong approach.
Can't wait for winter to be over so more physical activity can be had.
--NL
What QWP and kathy said NL - I would echo the checking out of the headaches. Sending hugs! And chocolate.
Finally finished the gathering of tax info at 10:30 last night. Only forgot one item! The tax guy's enormous cat hopped on the deak and demanded some lurving.
Actual email exchange at work:
Me: "All,
The captions and cross references in the MCC SUM are, many of them, typed by hand. This is going to add some time.
After the documents are delivered, I strongly suggest teaching folks how to do captions and cross-references in Word.
All my best"
Jerkface:
"That would be on me. This is a new document, but it had to be completely restructured and images numbered sequentially (from beginning to end) and all out of order. It was a mess to start with and essentially re-written."
Me:
"I’ll be happy to teach you how to create captions and cross-references in Word. Hand-typing them is absolutely NOT the right way to do it, as they need to be changed by hand every time something changes in the document.
Do you have time this afternoon for me to show you the functionality?
All my best"
Jerkface:
"Busy this afternoon and in Frederick tomorrow. How about before scrum on Monday, 10A?"
***This would give us less than 15 minutes.***
Me:
"9:30 would be better. It will give me time to show you, and then for you to practice a bit while I’m there."
Jerkface:
"Well I already know about inserting captions, just the finer points :D"
*****!!!!!!!*****
Me:
"Please take my concern seriously.
It’s going to take several hours to fix the captions and the cross-references. Especially since we’ve deleted Section 2 and all the captions and cross references now point to the wrong sections.
Spending 45 minutes to ensure that you have the knack of it is not asking too much."
****Please note, the page-long profanity-laced screed I was going to send got edited down quite a bit*****
Jerkface:
Ok, sorry.
Another one for the Posse, Liz. So, s/he allegedly knew how to do this and just didn't?? With bonus @ssh0lishness?
(This is pretty much the kind of situation where a discreet office voodoo doll comes in handy -- one with very long pins and very funny afflictions.)
He doesn't know that he doesn't know, won't admit that he doesn't know, or doesn't give a shit.
Hmm, great combo! Ralph's bringing extra-large this week, and some gift-wrapped Karma.
Hi Liz! It looks like you're trying to write a profanity-laced email to boneheaded coworker! Would you like me to help you format it so that it will get your message across without offending?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
HA!
My arms are so sore that I can't fully extend them without feeling a serious stretch. I am either really good at this working out stuff or really bad. Not quite sure yet.
I took my mom and grandma out to see my cousin yesterday. My grandma gave me a Ziploc bag of cookies for payment. I got to eat a few, and then the dachshund and chocolate lab conspired to knock them off the table and devour the rest when I was in the bathroom, the brigands. Also, my grandma's car had a piece of the undercarriage cover dangling and dragging the entire way, making the most obnoxious racket for the entire trip.
As for my cousin, he looks about as well as a man who just had major brain surgery and still has 60% of an aggressive cancerous tumor attacking his brain can look, I suppose. Which is to say, not good at all.
((( Andy ))) Sending a lot of love and good thoughts your way. xoxo
Your dogs sound like they've recovered, though. Pets are good.
AW: Ever get a song stuck in your head, only you don't really know any of the lyrics, what it's called, or even if it's Katy Perry or Kelly Clarkson singing? Well I did today. And I was able to find it on YouTube after only 3 or 4 guesses. ("My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson. Woot.)
Also, my genuinely terrible tastes obviously extend to music. Whatever. I make no apologies.
Hey Clippy, I'd like you to help me write a few profanity laced missives to folks that will absolutely offend, you up to the challenge? I'm thinking yellow Comic Sans on a light green background. The background graphics should scream angelfire circa 1998.
AW: I have an awesome church family. They are on the cluestick posse and armed for, um, teaching. Things are still not yet ironed out with that other thing but I am hopeful that things will work out and I have no problem escalating things until they are worked out.
W: My daughter is still not great emotionally. I remain concerned.
W: My weekend plans are probably overly ambitious but I am so so sick of being cooped up. I want to DO ALL THE THINGS!!!
So, if I'm reading correctly, Miranda is hosting karaoke featuring Clippy, and the difficult chunky (church) and work people had better watch out?
((( Miranda ))) Ralph's got the jerks, and sending much love to you and your daughter. xoxo
W: tummy bug. AW: still at grandparents' house, so they are taking care of baboos and quarantining me.
((( Esperanza ))) Your parents are nice people. Hope this is like the really short-term bug. xoxo
Oh Liz - you should a massive bonus for having to deal with this do*che and the bag he came in. Bring it in Ralph!
(((Andy))))
(((Miranda)))) (((((Miranda's daughter))))) I'm glad your church has your back.
(((esperanza )))) I hope you're feeling better soon. Bleh.
Happy pi day!
Daughter entered shower only an hour before she is due at work in another town. She kept it to only 25 minutes. Then, she made toast. The parking lot at the commuter train station is full by now, so she will have to park some blocks away, on account of all the nearby blocks have 4 hour parking. Yesterday, she lost her car -- couldn't remember where she parked, and *(huge eye roll)* it would just be stupid to write that down.
My internal calculation of the appropriate launch time is different than hers -- it's like I have this unwanted feature, let's call him Zippy, holding a stopwatch and nagging. Down, Zippy!
Down, Zippy!
Quote from my brother, as he is departing, "well, I love you, but not quite enough to give you a hug right now."
While I understand Zippy very well - too well - I agree, Zippy must zip it. Very challenging, but necessary.
Lol esperanza! Your brother will hug you next time, provided you are no longer "typoid esperanza." I do hope you are feeling way, way better.
Speaking of health -- and we are hugging you from afar, Esperanza! -- this is too good to not share. A Canadian doctor slapping down a smirking American senator (very nicely, using her facts)! And if you look at the video clip, some bonus Bernie Sanders also.
I am feeling somewhat better, just wimpy.
Small but annoying W: parents have wood laminate floors. Dad wears metal taps on his shoes (don't ask me why, it's just what he does). SUPER loud on the hard floors. If he could stop tromping all over the house, I might be able to take a nap.
Kathy A, that video is just too wonderful. I've been sharing it far and wide, with Canadian friends who think that our wait times will be remedied by dismantling our awesome system. (As Mr. Q put it: "Allowing some people to pay more in order to jump the line won't make the line any shorter. It'll just rearrange the order of the line.")
So, it looks like some hugs are in order: (((Andy))) (((Miranda and daughter))) (((esperanza)))
Miranda, I'm glad that your church family has your back.
That whole Clippy business is the funniest ever.
W: I'm now two weeks over deadline. This chapter is now 14 pages long, and needs to be 30-40.
Old Skool: So, my library has a book I need, but only has the online-only ebook, and you have to view it through this SUPER non-user-friendly program, which puts the book in this frame in the bottom corner, and so you can only view the book in a computer browser (and not on, say, a mobile device). Super annoying, super hard to read, and it makes me miss my second monitor (in storage, because this were only supposed to be in this apartment for a couple of months).
Esperanza, the metal taps on hardwood floor is definitely prize-worthy. Is dad secretly channeling Fred Astaire? Is this one of those Texas things? Doesn't it drive your mom crazy?
QWP, that sounds tres annoying.
I'm giggling about the fact that esperanza's dad wears taps on his shoes. I'm likewise going to believe he's secretly channeling Fred Astaire. It can be funny to me, because I'm not listening to the noise.
AW: you guys, I took some non-E time to myself yesterday and GOT MY HAIR CUT! And it's awesome! (It's my usual short pixie cut, and I hadn't had it cut since Christmas, because I've been so busy, and going for that long without a hair cut is Bad News Bears.) My face is so happy to not have ANY hair touching it at the moment.
If my dad is channeling Fred Astaire, either Fred was not NEARLY as good as we've been led to believe, or my dad really stinks at channeling. I don't know how it (among other quirks) doesn't drive my mom crazy. 46 years in June.
The Dish Fairy has some things to say to people who don't rinse. I'm about to trade my crew for Esperanza's dancin' dad. (Kidding! Maybe.)
Yay for hair cuts!
Sorry about the tap shoe issue esperanza. Interesting....and possibly crazy-making.
The Dish Fairy and Ralph clearly need to work together kathy.
AW: First 5K of the year. Catching up with all the acquaintances.
W: First 5K of the year is a fundraiser for Gigantic Local High School's BPA Chapter, which is fine, but also means the course is designed by high school students. When I was in high school, our course ran through a park with a swinging bridge. Every year, we asked if we could change the course so it went across the swinging bridge. Every time we held a meet, the visiting team would ask if our course ran across the swinging bridge. My point is that high school runners are sadomasochistic fools who should never be involved in the course layout process. This course? It had a finish line stretch that included running up a large flight of stairs out of a gorge.
W: Also, I for some reason thought it was at 10, when it was actually at 9. So my prep timing was all off which led to stomach cramps and insufficient stretching, especially since the course included a gigantic flight of a stairs out of a gorge.
And now, I must make plans to go party tonight. It is well past time, and I have a bright green polyester leisure suit that is pretty much only suitable for wearing once a year.
Yay! You finished! Go have a great time -- I'm sure you'll stand out! (Or maybe not!)
AW: good to be home
AW: glad to be feeling better
AW: parents were HUGE helps this week with sickness, and getting us off early this morning to beat the traffic.
W: house full of dirty, dusty furniture from grandmother's house. Mr E drove it home and had help unloading it. Unless it had a specific home (labeled with sticky notes, natch), it is in the middle of the living room floor. Sigh.
W: birthday party for Baboos' friend this afternoon. Not feeling social.
Glad you got home safely. Condolences about the glut of furniture.
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