Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Midsummer Whine-O-Rama

My cats say this is Not Funny, but I can see them snickering behind their
little whiskers and paws.

So, here we are, weeks past the fireworks and weeks before school starts again. Let's rock and roll. I'm sure there are worthy whines on all fronts: domestic, vacationary, professional, neighborly, cluestick-ish, fluid-esque, weather-wise, big fat whines and lovely bitsy ones.
Special credit will be given for Style, Mullets, Dan Ratherisms, and Old Skool, or any category of your invention. Your host is humor-deprived this week, so please pass extra helpings of the goofiness.


Miranda said...

Mosquito bites really chafe my hide. That is all.

KLee said...

I've got the anti-whines this week.

AW numero uno -- Offspring is at Art Camp this week, which she really seems to enjoy.

AW numero dos -- had a workshop last night, and made some sales! (This *never* happens.)

AW numero tres -- I set up a new blog for my art, so that my family and friends and potential customers could see what I create. It is, unlike my blog, plastered with my real name and location, so I can't link to it here. If anyone's interested, I'll be happy to provide you with the URL via email.

AW numero quatro -- lots of good stuff coming up -- a Bloggy meetup, a trip to Fake German Town in the Mountains, and then annual vacation in Disney World! And all within the space of two weeks!

Madeleine said...

Learning more than I want to know about human subjects protections, for a project that would have been fine to self-declare exempt except that someone forgot to tick the box. Urgh.

Diane said...

I'm starting to worry about the looming child birth (and yes, mom - just because I'm having a C-section doesn't mean it's not childbirth) - and not about normal things. I'm worried about the amount of people that once again will see me naked, the poor lady that has to stick the catheter in, the dry shave, the wandering around in my jammies for three days with my gigantic boobs swaying in the breeze for all my visitors to see.

And can I get a head count on all mommies-to-be out there? I feel like I haven't heard from some of you in a while (which can be a good thing here!) but I'm getting a little worried about all of us!

liz said...

Diane, the best thing about the amount of public nudity involved in childbirth is that it totally destroys any qualms you might have had about people walking in on you while you're pumping at work.

kathy a. said...

diane -- hell, yes, that's childbirth! anyone who thinks it is the wimp's way out [a] has not faced off with a frank breech baby, and [b] has not done the recovery time from major surgery. i was fine for my c-section, but my husband, mr. tough guy, had to put his head down right in teh middle of it so he wouldn't faint.

my first was a c-section and second the other way. both do mess with one's sense of modesty, but except for the actual birthing extravaganza, you WILL be in charge again in short order.

when they say, "how can we help?" the correct answer is, "what day can you bring dinner by?" seriously. xoxox

liz said...

Background: My volunteer thing, which is actually more high-falutin' than I thought it was, is down in MyStatesCapital tomorrow at 10:00AM.

Anti-whine: I'm carpooling with another person on my committee.

Whine: I have to be at her house by 0700. Her house is 36 minutes away from my house. I think I'll leave a bit of extra time though, because traffic here is a "how bad was your commute today?" kind of a thing.

Why did I sign up for this again? Oh yeah, because I believe in it.

esperanza said...

AW: Week at Grandparental House was good. And the Sweet Baboo is a champion road-tripper.

W: Since we got back, SB has decided she needs to wake up in the wee hours to eat. A lot. Is this a growth spurt? It's stunting my growth, in any case.

W: And we have More! House! Guests! coming today. Am I running a bed & breakfast or what. Oh wait, I don't cook breakfast.

AW: At least these are my favorites of the in-law guest possibilities.

AW: It is too early to be so whiny.

esperanza said...

Oh, and another AW: Those are all I have to whine about instead of some serious health issue for the SB. Four weeks without any (extra) oxygen!

margalit said...

I am sick. I can't stop coughing. I feel like crap on a stick. Much of my day is spent examining the disgusting phlegm that keeps shooting out of my lungs when I cough. It is rather taudry.

My son continues to be the sloth of the year. I have warned him time and time again that if he didn't remove the dirty dishes and cups from his room he would end up with maggots. Yesterday he comes downstairs and complains that his room is filled with flies. I teach him the connection between maggots and flies. Dawn rises over MarbleHead. He announces to today he will clean his room. I will keel over and die if this actually happens.

School still refusing to pay for Daughter's summer school class that they promised to pay for. She is getting an A in the class but will not receive credit because they will not pay and I can't. How fair is that?

Finances worse than ever. Daughter advised me yesterday to go to a pawn shop. When I asked her what should I sell at said pawn shop, she was struck dumb. That's for the advice, sweetie. So appreciated.

BlogHer was this weekend so half the internet is clogged with "I was SOOOOO drunk" posts. Please explain to me why mommyhood is SO hard that you have to spend $3K to fly to San Francisco, and drink for 3 days until you are totally blitzed out of your mind. Cause I'm not feeling the love here. I'm feeling degraded.

Legal problems which may or may not be serious. Let us just say that I'm not a happy camper with the prospect of having a criminal record (I was NOT arrested) because I took a pen out of someone's pocket. I mean, really!

Cat continues to try and hunt bunnies by laying down on lawn and psyching them out with his mean stare. He is very very scawey.

Food situation dire. But... got paid a bit for a new blog design I did for someone, so can buy staples like milk, eggs, cheese this week. Phew.

Anyone need a new blog design?

And that's been my fun-filled week. Excuse me while I go honk up some crud.

redzils said...

Lots of transition whines here, but trying to remember life is still good.

Much sympathy to madeleine for her IRB whines; liz cause I think we might be neighbors and I am glad people like her are working in the political system; and everyone else with all the worthy whines.

Sue said...

diane - I had two c-sections. Ya. That's birthin' allright. I hope everything goes well for you.

KLee - email me at suecanatgmaildotcom and I would LOVE to see your art.

votes for miranda for old skool whines. It's been too cold around here for the bug problem. Really. We haven't had much of a summer. Today is fairly warm though - so I can add that to my Anti-Whines.

Margalit - cluestiks aplenty for the stooopid school. And I agree - the whole BlogHer thing annoys the hell out of me. It's like all the popular girls at highschool who made sure that everyone knew how much fun they had on the weekend while everyone else stayed home alone. I really wish the internets weren't so damned clique-ish.

MAJOR ANTI-WHINE: We sold our home!!!! To a lovely young man and his fiancee who will love the house as much as we have. The sold sign goes on the lawn this afternoon.

Another Anti-Whine: (I know you're probably wondering "Who are you and what have you done with whiny Sue?") I may be able to see a specialist who does myofascial release. Apparently it's really successful in a lot of headache patients.

Whine: Tomorrow I have an appointment with family doc. I get SO nervous now when I have to see him. I never know what he's going to do next. Last month he took me off all my pain meds "Just to see what happens." Well, I hurt like fireplacin' hell, that's what happens! Also, he's still bellyaching about the Headache guy's diagnosis.

Honestly, I don't know how these guys manage to fit their egos through doorways.

Anti-whine: I sent a sh*t-gram to the Headache Doc by registered mail complaining about his abusive secretary. I'm not normally a letter-writing type, but her behaviour toward me was over the top cruel. He needs to know what's going on while he's treating patients.

Sorry- long post. I'm done now.

kathy a. said...

Elizabeth has graciously offered to assume the prize duties. My mom died peacefully late last night. I'm not at my most entertaining right now.

My evil sister, the one y'all cluesticked a while back? She is still a contender for Queen of teh Clueless. Mom's been in hospice care since last week, and there have been daily updates all around. So I call this sister at 11:30 p.m. [hint: no good phone calls happen at this hour] and she's all chatty, and I told her the news. "OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED? DID YOU TALK TO THE DOCTOR? WHY DID SHE DIE?" That wasn't quite what I was expecting. We may need the c0stco tub-o-valium to get through the rest of the festivities.

Diane said...

Let's all leave pleasant thoughts for Kathy.
And her sister.
Who obviously was abducted by aliens throughout this ordeal and had no idea that her mother was sick. At all. Because that is the only reason you would come out with that response.

Really Kathy - I am so sorry.

Sue said...

Aw Kathy, I'm so very sorry. Sending good thoughts your way as you navigate these next few difficult days and the weeks and months after that.

I'm just so sorry.

esperanza said...

Hugs to Kathy and family. Even the cluelenss sister. Denial is a powerful thing.

Uccellina said...

Hugs and chocolate to Kathy and Margalit.

amy said...

Kathy, there are no cluesticks big enough for your sister in that situation. I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry you have to deal with clueless relatives along with it.

amy said...

Pregnancy check-in, per Diane's request.

I'm 29w3d today. I have Gestational Diabetes, which is currently diet-controlled, but only barely. I will have to go on insulin at some point and I'm terrified of needles. As in, phobic about sticking myself. As in, when I visualize it, panic vomit rises in my throat and I start crying. This is exacerbating my anxiety and insomnia, and that's so totally not helping my general crabbiness and tiredness.

My first child was a 3lb 9oz preemie, so I of course am counting the days until 37 weeks, but I am also terrified of having a big baby. I'm not sure how I define "big", but right now the baby is measuring 2.5lbs, so this will not be a 3.5 pounder, and that seems big to me.

I am *not* worried about a repeat c-section (and people who discount c-sections can bite me), which is nice. I am *not* worried about my weight gain, because against some odds I haven't gained much. I am *not* worried about the doctors I've chosen because I've found two in the practice I feel safe with and trust, and when I started this pregnancy, I was contemplating leaving that office because I wanted to deliver at another hospital system. These not-worries are good things.

Other random pregnancy stuff: I'm still not fully adjusted to the idea of having a boy, but I know that as soon as I see him and smell him, it'll be okay. My husband painted the boy's room orange, and while it looks all right, it is still not my choice. Also, the name we've agreed to doesn't do a thing for me, but boy names are - for us - really hard. At least my daughter has nicknamed the baby with something that has grown on me. I will probably call the boy by that.

Oh. Teh Heartburn. How could I forget that?

This whole thing is exhausting, really. I hope it's going better for the other pregnant Whiners. (And, see how long this is? I've been avoiding teh pregnancy whines because I knew this would happen.)

Gary said...

Kathy A - sorry about your mom, and your sister.

liz said...

KLee, you KNOW I wanna see your stuff.

Redzils! Email me! liz/at/millerhousehold/dot/com

Kathy, I'm thinking of you.

Amy, I hope that you get through the pregnancy without having to stick yourself.

Elizabeth said...

Whine: my parents aren't visiting because my mom thinks it's too hot. we have air conditioning.

Anti-whine: I've been having fun playing with the boys.

Madeleine said...

{{{Kathy}}} Thinking of you.

margalit said...

Kathy, I'm so sorry for your loss. And your sister? OMG she needs a giant sized cluestick. Maybe you can find an old flagpole hanging around someplace just for her?

Diane, if you're worried about the naked... don't. They have seen ME naked and believe me, it was not a pretty sight. My waist with the twins was 55" around. My belly looked like a roadmap to southern Botswana. Honest, they have see it all. But if you're really worried, get yourself to a waxer and have your self trimmed up down there. That seems to be what all the cool girls are doing these days. Bare is the new black, I guess.

Jenevieve said...

Kathy, I'm so sorry. Anything we bloggers can do to help, just let us know.

Diane, I third/fourth/fifth the nakedness thing. I (pre-childbirth, which was by c-section, and WAS a "real" birth since it ended in a baby) used to be modest, but I completely lost it about 5 hours into fulminant labour. And it made me nonchalant for lactation consultants, pumping at school, etc.

My whine is that my parents, who *insisted* that we stay with them for the summer, kicked us out of of their house last night with no (literally) warning or explanation, then told the rest of the family that we chose to leave, and that it was because we're so messy (um, we have a ten month old) and that we have people over all the time (well, Matt's brother comes over sometimes, I guess). They also saud they had told us "dozens of times" about these problems (mentioned offhand once, for each). I am just so hurt and bewildered and rejected right now.

Antiwhine is that Matt's brother and his wife, two truly excellent people, are letting us stay with them for a few days while we figure out our deal.

KLee said...

Kathy a -- I am so sorry. Please let us know if there's anything at all we can do for you. You have our love and support.

amy said...

@jenevieve, that's terrible!

srsly, there are some big contenders for Who Needs The Biggest Cluestick this week? holy cow. i cannot imagine grandparents doing that.

@liz and others,
thanks for the kind wishes. i'm sure i'll find a way to cope with the needles. i can't be the only one who's ever felt this way.

Diane said...

Amy - I totally feel for you with the needles thing. I'll try to send all my non-insulin needed vibes to you.

Thanks for all the kind thoughts on being naked everyone! I still don't think my first or last choice for a job would be to stick a catheter in but hey - everyone is different, right?

Sue said...

Amy, I hope it doesn't reach the point of injections. Not fun.

Jenevieve, that's just wrong. And so unfair.

Elizabeth said...

To whom it may concern: I am 36 years old, and going gray. I'm ok with that. But could you cut out the acne? It seems unfair that I should have to deal with both graying hair and acne at the same time.