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Sunday, June 1, 2014

Get Better Already Whining

Long, long ago, Mr. E and I decided, that though we were in the same career field, it would not be a good idea for us to work together. We would rather stay married than do that. We need our individual space, we thought.

After a solid week of him being at home recuperating from surgery, I can assure you that our long-ago selves were very wise. Holy. Cow. Do I ever need some space!

Not helping: first week out of school, so the Baboos are underfoot constantly.

Also helping and not helping: my parents being here to help. Extra people in the house, breathing my air, making noises I have to pay attention to. (They left Friday, but their energy remains, I guess, since I'm still whining about it).

It's the whine of the introvert, pixies.

He gets his stitches out tomorrow. Here's hoping he will be willing to be seen in public after that.

66 comments:

Queen of West Procrastination said...

I very much understand the whine of the introvert, esperanza!

W: construction continues around the house (even though everyone has moved in!), and even though there is excellent sound proofing here, naptime keeps getting interrupted by power tools.

Related W: some of the final things were done in a rush, and there are a few mistakes. The house as a whole was really solidly (and slowly) built, but there are some quirks from the finishing process. Most of bad ones are upstairs (dishwasher leaking, oddities with the wiring in the office), but the hanging bars in our walk-in closet are too low (he didn't put them higher to allow for the two layers), and so our clothes are draping instead of hanging.

AW: we're done with the old place, and (in spite of the quirks), this place is lovely!

kathy a. said...

Heck, yeah, Esperanza. Stitches out; back to work. Maybe he can take a Baboo to help around the office. Or two.

Hugs for all the grandparents. Our parents -- none of them ever showed up when we needed help. My MIL came for a lot of holidays, and drove me a little crazy with the silverware re-arranging and so on, but it was good she came. xoxo

QWP, if the construction people are still around, you can MAKE them fix things that weren't done to specifications. (Or, the actual owner can.) Moving the closet rods to where you need them is easy-peasy, not like the time I had to tell the contractor that they kinda forgot to put a door in where we expected one, and forgot to hook up the drain to the bathtub. Be assertive!

esperanza said...

...the tree trimmers half-sawed a branch and must have forgotten it. It fell down in some wind over the weekend. They are very glad no one was under it.

I am grateful for my parents. I am. There was a year or so where they couldn't come because of my grandmother, and we missed having them here. But...anyway, I need a moment to myself here and there.

liz said...

Esperanza, can you take advantage of Hubband being home and GET OUT?

Go to the city, go to a bookstore, go to a coffee shop (yes, I know there are people there, but you don't have to be aware of the noises they make...they're not making them at you.)

kathy a. said...

What Liz said. You need some quiet time!

Glad the branch didn't hit anything or anybody.

Three of the kittens went back to the shelter, and all were adopted this weekend! We still have the smallest one, but he should be at 2 lbs. this week. Tiny has decided he wants to be an explorer, and is very excited when he gets to snoop around outside his room.

A. Nonnie Moose said...

Caution: pity party.

Having trouble pulling myself out of the pit of sad doldrums, where productivity consists mainly of constructing lists of badness, and one becomes annoying even to oneself.

There is a lot of craptasticness -- deaths, dying friends, stuff going wrong. The most annoying part, though, is that a family relationship has gone to hell -- over a period of time, but lately has been special -- and I'm having trouble letting that go. "You're never going to make him/her happy," said a wise friend. "I don't know why you care so much," said spouse.

Maybe I have a tad of OCD. Maybe I haven't been viewing this very clearly as a grief process. Maybe it's ok for me to feel hurt and angry, even if I don't want to act that out. But I need to find a way to let the passive-aggressive stuff just roll on by.

esperanza said...

Hugs, Nonnie.

Re: alone time. Sigh. By the time he recovered enough to watch Baboos, I was too sick to want to go anywhere. Then...living in the sticks means "coffee shop" or "bookstore" is at least an hour away, as is any other place to sit and relax sans Baboos. It took more energy than I had. Whine, whine, whine.

W: Sweet is exhibiting some of her behaviors that she uses to reduce anxiety. Which means she's feeling anxious, but isn't able to tell me why. (Guesses: transition to summer, upcoming kindergarten, Daddy surgery). This behavior consists of gathering up small items to put in containers (purses/buckets/baskets/whatever). Harmless, but a pain in the patootie to help her clean up.

esperanza said...

W: Also, weird email from BiL. Worried about his mental health, as well as that of niece. Every part of their lives is in the toilet, and has been for the last 3-4 years if not more.

kathy a. said...

((( Esperanza ))) It's good Sweet has that routine for when things are feeling not-routine for her. Total sympathy on the cleanup. Any chance she could reverse the process for a next-morning activity? Maybe make it a game of "where does this go"?

Very sorry about your BIL and niece.

The last little kitten did OK over the weekend, after his sibs left -- but today, daughter is at work. He has suddenly started vocalizing! (He used to do these very funny silent meows.) Fortunately, baby cats have a short attention span and nap a lot.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

So many hugs for esperanza and Nonnie. Nonnie, I have a lot of sympathy for the doldrums and the lists of badness; I'm struggling with some of that myself right now. Hugs.

Esperanza, I hope you can find a way to get some alone time, and I'm sorry about Sweet's anxiety and the worries about BIL and niece.

W: the construction continues. E was startled awake from her nap because of pounding outside her window. The owners (my cousin and get husband, who live upstairs) have talked with the builder about all the problems in the house, and mostly in just feeling whiny about the problems because it means even MORE construction.

AW: I'm thankful that we're not in the apartment anymore and we're done moving for the next several years. This too shall pass.

Sue said...

QWP, my mom said that all the time "This too shall pass" - she was generally right. I hope the construction wounds down soon and the naps improve.

Hugs, hugs, gigs for esperanza and Nonnie.

I totally understand the introvert dilemma. Totally.

I have a running tally in my brain of all the ways I'm disappointing the people around me. As a rule, I can ignore the inner critic, but these days she's shouting at me. Bleh.

I'm so glad Tiny is doing well kathy!

Anonymous said...

Hugs and more hugs to Nonnie!!

Hugs to esperanza as I am also an introvert and crave alone time.

Sue-- Maybe you could actually write out a list of all the ways you are being awesome for those around you, because even though I haven't met you in real life, I KNOW that you are a blessing to those you interact with, because you have been a blessing to me, here.

--Neighbor Lady

esperanza said...

I am hereby proclaiming it Funk Week here at WW.

Sue...I don't think you meant to do it, but "hugs, hugs, gigs" is pretty funny.

Sue said...

Aw thanks NL....that's so sweet. I like the idea of the other list, with the good stuff. Why is the Crappy List of Self-Flagellation so much easier to bring to mind?

Ha! esperanza, no, I didn't mean to extend hugs and gigs. I don't actually know what that would look like, but it made me laugh which is always good.

Sigh, Funk Week.

kathy a. said...

NL -- you are such a sweetheart. Love the list of awesomeness! Hope the summer is going OK, and you are recharging.

QWP -- is it possible to notify the crew of naptimes, see if they have something to work on in another sector during that time?

Fresh tomatoes irritate my tongue. I made an orzo pasta salad that includes halved cherry tomatoes, and carefully excluded tomatoes from my portion, and ouch. My sweetie totally does not believe this happens. Good thing I made the salad mainly for him. Hope he's hungry!

Andy said...

"Funk" was my nickname in college ("Drew Funk" actually, but it was typically shortened to Funk or Funky, or lengthened to His Funkiness or Funkitronix or something like that.)

I feel the doldrums, Nonnie. I've been living the doldrums for months thanks to the neverending divorce from hell with teeth from hell. Finally filed the papers today though, since I've decided to just take care of everything and let her stay with her mom forever. This will mean lots of packing her stuff and lots of laundry and cleaning and all kinds of exhausting stuff. The fact that I'm commenting on a blog should inform you of how up to exhausting stuff I feel at the moment.

On the plus side, I got a pep talk from my dad, who is a go-to expert on divorce, having lived one. His words were, "I know what you mean when you tell me how bad you feel, but the truth is you aren't even able to be aware of how bad you feel. The stuff you feel is just the tip of the iceberg. When all this is through, you'll feel like a brand new person, and you'll come back and tell me 'I know exactly what you meant. I'm so much better now.' So the best thing you can do is buckle down and get it over with."

So that's the plan. On a day when I'm less exhausted, like tomorrow.

kathy a. said...

His funkiness! ((( Andy ))) You filed, and that's a good step on the road. The laundry and packing and whatever stuff can go a day at a time.

Sounds like a pretty good "buck up, it will be over" talk, too. Weird to hear, probably, but is dad available to toss stuff in boxes?

xoxo

esperanza said...

First the scorpions, now a snake. On my FRONT SIDEWALK. Boy am I awake now!

kathy a. said...

Is the snake poisonous? Creepy anyway! But worth looking up. We can always use spare snakes for the posse. ;)

esperanza said...

The snake is...er...not available any longer to join the posse. I don't think it was poisonous but I'm not positive. And it was on my FRONT SIDEWALK, as I might have mentioned.

kathy a. said...

Esperanza, Queen of Home Protection, Slayer of The Snake. Nobody'd better mess with Esperanza. ;)

Sue said...

Eeeeek.....snake! Thank goodness for esperanza Slayer of Snakes!!

Sounds like a good talk with your dad, Andy. Sounds like another theme for the week is This Too Shall Pass. Hang in there....



kathy a. said...

Fireplacing cancer. My old boss was just diagnosed a few months ago, and he died this weekend.

We all knew this would happen -- he was straightforward. In his typical way, he credited others with many accomplishments that he made possible.

When you've known someone a long time and worked closely, it is hard to imagine them not always being there. Even though I left the office, I was fortunate to see him and talk with him quite a few times this past year.

esperanza said...

((kathy a))

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Oh, kathy. I'm so sorry. (((Hugs)))

(((Andy))) I'm glad you're taking positive steps now, and have your dad's support.

Esperanza's creepy crawlies have me squirming all the way up here in Canada.

Petty and wimpy whine: Mr. Q is going away for three days for his school's grad trip. My sister said she could stay with us, since her temporary teaching contract ends on Friday, but now she needs to have final exams prepared by Monday, for the sake of the returning teacher (who returns from her mat leave, reviews and administers the final, and then the year is over: there was no way around it! A year is a year, and she had the baby right before the school year finished last year). So: I'm alone with E from Friday to Sunday night. I've done it before, but she's still teething, and she's still adjusting to the new place, and we're both exhausted. I'm a little bitter about all the end-of-year stuff that takes Mr. Q away, because I'm tired and wish I had more help. It's just one child. I should be able to handle her.

AW: my cousin (who lives upstairs) said that she'll help me put E to bed. Maybe I can send her off for a morning with grandparents, on Saturday.

kathy a. said...

I don't know why people think babies and kids are easy-peasy. They're great, obviously! But 24/7 is a lot to ask of any individual person, especially without respite. So -- hope your cousin and mom can provide respite!

And now that the weather is better, are there places you can go see new things?

esperanza said...

Yes, I hope you can find a break in there somewhere. It's killer when they aren't sleeping. Says the mama of someone who woke up 6x last night.

W: I really thought I made a hotel reservation for me and the Baboos for the churchy meeting this weekend. Anyone know where? My credit card doesn't know. My email doesn't know. So now I'm wondering if I did it at all, or just thought really hard about it. I am usually not so scatterbrained.

kathy a. said...

We thought baby cat had topped 2 lbs. -- yay! But then he barked.

Unfortunately, baby barked all over daughter and her sheets, and she is Not Amused. (Even though her early development was marked by lots of cheerful bark, a fact that didn't seem prudent to mention.)

esperanza said...

That reminds me of when Sweet was in the NICU. I would call every night, after they weighed her. Victory was measured in tenths of ounces, which usually was a matter of whether she had just pooped or was about to. Poor baby kitty. Poor foster mama.

Anonymous said...

QWP--I'm sorry about the end of school year demands! They are endless, it seems. I have about 12 school days left, and can't really seem to visualize how in the world I am going to drag my sorry butt across this finish line.

So, hugs to you!

--Neighbor Lady

Andy said...

I really hate it when my Facebook news feed goes on a Two Minute Hate tear. It's annoying even when it's directed at someone I also find odious; when it's directed at a soldier who just returned home after spending five years in a POW camp, it just utterly sickens me.

Liz said...

Amen

Liz said...

Andy, you need to cull your friends. My feed is a long "welcome back" note, and also a ton of push back on the haters

Anonymous said...

((((Kathy a)))) So sorry about your friend.
--NL

kathy a. said...

Andy, I can't believe some of those comments, either. I think you can un-follow someone -- don't have to unfriend them, but their junk won't show up in your feed. You still can check in on them when you want.

Neighbor Lady -- end in sight! You can do it! All the rascals will go back to their home turf, and give you some peace. ;)

My boy's 27th birthday is tomorrow. Yikes, how'd that happen? We had a nice dinner with him and his sweetie last night. It turns out that "loan forgiveness" is the perfect gift.

A friend's retirement party is tonight. Two evening social events in a row is not very usual for me, any more. I kind of want to bail, but our colleague just died, and so maybe it is extra-important to gather. It may not be quite as celebratory as planned...

Sue said...

QWP: sorry about the end of year stress. (((Hugs)))

(((Kathy))) so sorry for your loss. Sorry about the cat bark too.

Andy - what Liz said - and I think I heard the same thing kathy recommended (unfollowing). Worth a try...

esperanza, I've done that too. Is there a particular place where other chunky meeting people usually stay? Might be worth checking out.

W: I have had the barks since last night. I really hate the barks. Ugh.

AW: hubby making soup.

W: not sure I can eat it, though I'm sure it is delish.

Bleh.

kathy a. said...

Sue, hope you are feeling better!

esperanza said...

ew, barking gets my vote every time.

Found a hotel from the suggested list, no problem. I just paid more than I would have, had I done it when I thought about it. I think I was waiting to confirm that Baboos would be with me, and then closed that tab and completely forgot it.

kathy a. said...

My kids always thought going to a hotel room was THE BEST THING EVER. Tres exciting! Sorry about the reservations glitch.

kathy a. said...

I'm really glad I went to the party. Got to see a bunch of old friends, give the retiree (seriously one of the best guys ever) an award I made up, and it was good.

esperanza said...

Hooray for fun at parties!

It wasn't a reservation glitch; it was an esperanza brain glitch, of which there have been a lot of late. Sigh. Baboos around all day is sucking brain cells out of my head.

Mini's been sick(ish) for 3 weeks. Now her coughing is keeping her (and me) awake at night. Off to the dr again today.

Sue said...

Yay for parties kathy! And special awards!

Aw, sorry about another doc visit esperanza. Three weeks is a long time for coughing and lack of sleep.

AW: I've managed to get to the office this morning.

W: The process of getting dressed and driving here has knocked me flat. I'll answer a few emails, make a few calls and then it's back to bed. I feel better, but not good.

AW: I'm alone in the building on Thursdays, so no one else gets to enjoy whatever tiny evil viral beast got to me.

liz said...

Annual physical for Muffin Man this morning.

AW: Nurse Practitioner is amazed at his flexibility.

W: He needs to up his fruits and veggies and get more exercise. We knew this, but have been falling off that particular wagon.


He's on the 10th percentile for weight, which is where he's been his whole life. He's currently in 25th percentile for height (he goes back and forth between that and 50th) and the very shortest he will be if he continues tracking this way is 5'8", which is taller than my dad. He's not near puberty yet, and will probably hit it at around 15, which is good news for getting taller than my dad. (Not that height is the end-all-be-all! Short is fine! But taller is better for me and asking him to get things down from shelves.)

W: I hate filling out forms.

kathy a. said...

Hope Mini and Sue are feeling better! Sue, at least you can be alone in your misery as you limp along. xoxo

5'8" is perfectly respectable! My son is about 5'9" now -- but he didn't hit puberty until around 16, and kept growing until about 20-21. (He and I were the late bloomers.) Sounds like your boy's healthy!

esperanza said...

Mini got a prescription for steroids. Inflamed bronchial tubes. No infection, just irritated and swollen, he thinks. Steroids + Mini =? stay tuned, this could get entertaining. We'll go with entertaining, sure.

kathy a. said...

Steroids will take down the inflammation fast! But did the ped suggest looking into allergies / asthma? There are some lower-level prevention strategies, if that's what's going on. Meanwhile, expect some bouncing the next while.

xoxo

kathy a. said...

(bouncing off the walls.)

esperanza said...

this is post-cold/strep throat. I don't think allergies are to blame this time. It isn't unusual for her to develop secondary bronchitis. (or for me, actually). Her immune system gets all over excited. Even the eczema is flaring up, and we had thought she had outgrown it.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

My brother tends toward secondary bronchitis, as well. Steroids + Mini could get interesting!

Nervous W: E barked a little, right before supper. I think she just gagged herself with the spoon she had, but now I'm giving her some serious side eye. I REALLY hope she doesn't get sick on my weekend of solo parenting.

AW: I've been whining a lot about happenings around the new house, and so here are the positives. Now that she's settled in, E has been taking nice, long naps. We're all loving the living arrangements, and E and the upstairs puppy are enamoured with each other. (We've been keeping an eye on him this week, since my cousin and her husband have both had to work night shifts, and the pup is still adjusting to the new house. He now has a routine where he comes downstairs to say goodnight to E, which she thinks is absolutely wonderful.) Also, the unpacking is finally progressing, and so the rooms are starting to look clean.

kathy a. said...

QWP, hope the weekend is fun and bark-free! Very cute about E and the puppy.

I went crazy and have been gathering decorating materials for the class dinner at our reunion -- assorted small vases, votive lights, colorful cloths for the center, colorful snack bowls. No matchy-matchy. We are the cheap but creative class, a class with style. Probably the 5 year class will see us as the really old people, though.

Tiny cat went back for adoption. We miss him. I kept thinking I heard those little mews in the night. He is so darned cute, though, that he should get his forever home right away.

Sue said...

Here's hoping for a bark-free weekend for E. Love the puppy nighttime routine!

The table decor sounds perfect kathy! I love it when there isn't the matchy matchy going on...it's so much more interesting.

I'm glad Tiny found his forever home. It doesn't take them long to leave an imprint on the heart, does it?

kathy a. said...

Tiny's not adopted yet. He'll come back Sunday, if he doesn't find his forever home. I have a feeling everybody will miss him for years -- like Little Bear, a singlet foster from 7 years ago. Mr. Dog Man thinks I made a huge mistake, letting him be adopted by someone else. (Which is probably true, seeing how our current adult cats are former ferals who love the housecat life, but have a lot of issues about humans touching them.)

Liz said...

Sending hugs out there.

Remember The Euonymous That ate The House? It really did eat the house. Have to get a whole section re-sided. Meanwhile, need to cover with plastic or something.

kathy a. said...

Argh, Liz! Sending virtual tarps, pizza, and chocolate. Cause it rains there in summer, no? Argh!

esperanza said...

oh no Liz! At least my snakes and scorpions don't EAT our house!

Big church meeting fail: NO SNACKS at breaktime! They had them out at lunch, but I was too busy feeding Baboos and catching up with friends to eat much, thinking I could snack again at break time. Then, they took the food away! What is wrong with these people?

Sue said...

Oops, sorry kathy, I misunderstood. I hope a forever home is in Tiny's future very soon. Sounds like Mr. Dog Man might be a little attached to Tiny - the power of kitten adorableness at work!

Ugh, Liz. So sorry.

esperanza - no snacks??? Do you have evaluation forms to submit at the end of the event? Under "What could we improve for next time?" - SNACKS!!!

kathy a. said...

What is so hard about snacks, especially if they had some out earlier? You can't be the only person too busy catching up.

My party planning committee has been having intense discussions -- about some serious substantive issues, and now we've moved on to the irrational reunion pricing [with large registration fee when a person only intends to go to one event]. We've still got it!

esperanza said...

Pixies,
In addition to NO SNACKS, the meeting overnight involved too little sleep with Baboos. Then a text this morning with the news that the friend's dad I whined about last week had died from teh fireplacing cancer overnight. So everything about me is weary and I still have to write a sermon.

All that is to say, you might see some awards tomorrow, you might not.

Andy said...

Kelli came over today to pick some items up she needed and to "discuss some things."

Turns out she wanted to discuss some practical divorce things (bank accounts, phone accounts, etc) and then try to call the whole thing off. So I got to do the whole "yes, we are getting divorced" talk again, and once more lots of crying and discomfort is involved with the end result of everyone feeling awful.

And then she asked what she could do for money until it was final.

The simple act of bipedal locomotion seems impossibly difficult for me today, consequently.

kathy a. said...

((( Andy ))) I'm sorry it was all horrible all over again. xoxo

esperanza said...

how exhausting, Andy.

esperanza said...

AW: Mr E is taking over Baboo care tonight, even though I had said I would help. That may leave me just enough energy to finish this sermon. I'm reclined in bed attempting to do so, which is probably not my smartest move ever.

liz said...

(((Esperanza)))
(((Andy)))

AW: A siding guy came out this! morning! Gave me a reasonable estimate (under $400! when I was fearing $1000!), put plastic over the one big hole the house-eating bush had eaten into the Tyvek wrapping and will be back Monday! to side the house. YAY!!

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Andy, I'm so sorry. So exhausting.

W: Upstairs Dog was going to hang out with me for the evening, while his owners went out. Each of them thought the other had let him outside. I thought his urgent barking at the door was because he missed them (he's been doing a bit of that, as he adjusts). He peed on Li'l E's sheepskin rug.

AW: apparently it's a special rug for babies, and it's machine washable and meant to handle a little pee.

W: but wow, was that ever a lot of pee.

Sue said...

Andy, I'm so sorry.

So sorry about your friend's dad. Fireplacing cancer... I hope the sermon is coming along. It's Pentecost, so are there some sustainable elements you could pull from other years? No worries about awards either!

Yay Liz!!!!!

QWP - I'm glad the rug is washable. :)

kathy a. said...

((( esperanza ))) So sorry about your friend's dad. Fireplacing cancer.

Liz, yay about siding guy! And the low estimate!

QWP -- I like this dog. At least he picked something washable! And now you know his "I really need to go to the little dog room" bark. ;)