Monday, May 26, 2014

Memorial Day: Let Summer Begin!

It is gorgeous here.  As usual, we are not doing anything special for the holiday.  My sweetie will barbeque a bunch of stuff later.  He has just cleared the nasty blackberry vines from our small but wild front yard, which makes me happy because they've been biting me lately when I go to the car. 

In nature news, this morning a giant eucalyptus branch fell off a tree directly behind my office -- not in our yard, fortunately, but in the nature area, maybe 60-80 feet away.  I heard this loud cracking noise, and smash, saw it tumble to the ground.   There is a grove of eucalyptus back there, probably 80-100 years old, planted as windbreaks for a long-ago quarry operation.  That wood is very heavy.  Anyway, it was exciting to see nature in action.

Crabfest W:  Feeling cranky and irritable.  Don't like it.  AW:  Started watching Glee.  :)

Indoor wildlife report:  this group of foster kittens will be here until Thursday -- 3 weeks altogether -- and they remain just cute as heck!  Three will be ready for adoption, having achieved 2 lbs. and a high degree of sociability.  The tiny one, he is growing well and has gained tons of mad kitten skillz!!!   Know I'm writing a lot about kittens, but they are pretty much the best news lately.

Tell us all about it!


kathy a. said...

On crabbiness: The crazy killings near UCSB are really upsetting. I don't just blame guns -- he did, after all, also stab 3 people and run some others down with his car. But the whole problem of deeply mentally ill people wreaking broad havoc is very disturbing.

We do not have good systems in place for someone like this, who so troubled his parents a few weeks ago that they asked for a police welfare check. If a person doesn't look like an imminent danger to self or others at the time they are seen, they cannot be required to have an involuntary evaluation. There are situations where that is not adequate, and this is one of them.

kathy a. said...

And then there is this angle, too.

Sue said...

Sorry about the crabby kathy. Such tragedy - there must be a way to pre-empt such horror.

Kitten-therapy so recommended for all cases of crabby. And pretty much anything else that ails ya. :)

W: Local clergy in our denomination are fleeing like rats off a sinking ship. (For the record, my particular ship is far from sinking....but a few other churches are closing).

By September I will be one of two full time clergy in the city. Nine congregations, two ministers, one part time student minister, one designated lay leader. The math always comes out the same --- ACK!!!

AW: beautiful sunny day off today!

esperanza said...

W: Mini apparently had strep throat + cold. I have now caught the cold. She is still snotty/coughing but seems to be going at full speed. Me, not so much.

W: Mr. E's surgery is tomorrow.

W/AW: my parents are here to help with the Baboos.

AW: 3.5 inches of rain today!

kathy a. said...

Oy, Sue! That sounds -- a little fraught, and a lot like this upcoming time will be busy. I fear committees.

Esperanza, hope you are better; that Mr. E's surgery goes well; and that the parental units give you some time off!

Sue said...

Oh my - sorry to hear about the snot-fest esperanza, especially with Mr. E's surgery coming up. Ugh. I'm glad the parental units can be there to help!

esperanza said...

G'parents took Sweet to OT this morning, so that's one thing off my list. Mr E is home and just had another dose of pain meds. I think he's sleeping, but with the ice bag on his face it's hard to tell.

Snot is better, now I just have the clogged head feeling. Trying to keep my germs to myself.

kathy a. said...

Hugs to the Esperanza clan! Yay for pain meds and grandparent errands! Have you tried sud@fed for the head clog?

A city maintenance guy has been out there for hours, working on that fallen branch with a chain saw. Told you it was big! Pretty sure it fell on top of a dirt access road that needs to be kept clear.

esperanza said...

Ben@dryl, but only at night. Makes me less functional than usual during the day. :(

Andy said...

Been a long while; missed you guys. I haven't felt like whining, anti-whining, commiserating, or any other social activity lately. Mostly, I've been just getting by day to day until my life hits some semblance of "normal" again. It hasn't been a great time.

I had assumed Kelli would be moved out by now. She went to stay with her mom, and then her mom started feeling sick, so they went to ER and discovered growths on the lungs and adrenal glands. Looks like cancer. Now she's mostly non-functional (her father died of cancer 3 months after we started dating), gone for the foreseeable future to take care of her mom, and never told her family about our divorce. I feel pretty crappy broaching the "Sorry your mom has cancer, but we had an agreement we need to stick to," but honestly I can't live anymore hiding my lack of marriage and keeping up appearances. This chapter of my life needs to come to a close.

The UCSB shooting bothered me a little bit, because it was much easier for me to get in the mind of this guy than the other shooters. Can I get a little personal here? I don't really want to vent this stuff to people I see, you understand.

I've never been remotely competent at meeting and dating women, so I get the frustration. I also understand his frustration when sleazeballs are able to successfully meet and date women. Unlike him, I internalized all of it; instead of blaming and hating women for going after the 'wrong' guys, I assumed (correctly) that the fault lay within me. I basically assumed I was just not attractive at all and no one would be interested in me for my looks so I'd have to find other ways to get attention, which helped develop a sense of humor and self-deprecation pretty quickly and inspired me to grow my hair out so I would have an easy in with the maybe 5% of women who like long hair.

So while I never felt his rage and hatred or his helplessness, I know all too well his frustration and irritation. I mean, just a couple months ago, I was complaining that my best friend, who again, is one of the most negative, condescending people I've ever met, has two or three women fighting over him while I have been told half a dozen times that I'm too skinny to be of any interest to anyone and can't find someone to flirt with me even jokingly. I understand how a person prone to thoughts of violence, victimhood, and rage fell into this. Instead, I'm drinking protein shakes and doing sit ups.

Please understand that I don't condone any of this or blame the victims or any women for not paying attention to the man. I am just a little unnerved on a personal level from understanding the origin of his sickness.

Liz said...


Sue said...

Andy, I'm so very sorry for all that you're going through right now. I sure wish your best friend was more supportive and less negative. :(

esperanza said...

Andy, we've been wondering how you were, and I'm very sorry that the report is so discouraging.

kathy a. said...

((( Andy ))) So much heartache. I'm sorry. I hope you can find a way to move on. It seems like you did a lot of the heavy lifting in the marriage, and deciding on the divorce hasn't exactly relieved you of the burdens.

Also wish your friend was more supportive. I don't really understand anyone offering the "advice" that you're too skinny (or I'm too fat, or X is too short, or Y should get a nose job, and so on). Physical appearance is far from the most important part of us. The whole dating thing, I was terrible at it and pretty much hated it, so don't look to me for dating tips. But you're a kind, smart, funny, caring, interesting person. Someone who's looking for more than arm candy will see that.


kathy a. said...

"If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." ~ Maya Angelou

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Quick moment for whining. Many, many hugs for Andy. Those are all really rough situations. You're a fantastic person as you are, and as you heal from all this hurt, and as things settle down, people will be drawn to your kindness.

AW: I am sitting in my new home right now. My kitchen is unpacked, as is the baby room, and about half of the living room. My kitchen is wonderful.

W: so much to do. So tired. We have to have our old apartment in perfect condition (wow, that move-out list!) by 8am on Saturday, which means that we can only work on it in the evenings. (Now that E is starting to adjust to the new place, there is no way in taking her back to the old apartment. No way. She'd freak out.)

W: my kid is teething so much that I fully expect her to grow a second row of teeth, like a shark. She's cutting ALL THE MOLARS, and at least one eye tooth, and the pain seemed to get worse on our moving day. We've been dealing with a perfect storm of moving stress, teething, and lack of sleep, so making each other worse.

AW: she had a good night last night, without painkillers. And she's napping now. We're slowly getting caught up, as she adjusts to this major change.

Liz Miller said...

QWP, is a service in the budget for the move-out checklist? I mean, can you afford to hire someone to do it? I ask, because it may be cheaper than losing the deposit, and it will definitely be easier on you given time constraints and teething.

Sue said...

I was wondering the same thing re: hiring cleaners.

kathy a. said...

Great suggestion! The pros are fast, and they'll see any tiny things an evil landlord might pounce on.

Andy said...

Oh, don't get me wrong. My friend is very supportive. He's just considerably pricklier of a person than I am, and one of the root causes of my divorce is that I'm not overflowing with warm fuzzies at all times. Also, I was unclear: he's not the one telling me I'm too skinny; that comes from every woman I've ever asked out, as well as several I haven't who just happened to be in the mood to weigh in about my looks. Plus, at some point once I remove all of Kelli's stuff from my abode, he is going to move in to help with the bills, which will be somewhat comical in its own right. Sort of like an episode of Winnie the Pooh where Tigger becomes despondent and depressed, so Eeyore moves in to cheer him up.

W: I've been swamped at work this week planning a big fun outing to the local minor minor minor minor wannabe minor league baseball team. It's been stressful, but it appears everything has fallen into place marvelously. And now the forecast is for thunderstorms all day.

AW: It's pouring rain right now, which means that the sky should be out of water by morning, because that's totally how weather works, right?

Also, QWP, I'm totally on board with hiring the pros, but mostly because that means you don't have to do it yourself. My lawnmower broke to start the season and by the time I discovered this and tried to have it repaired only to find out that it was totes kaputsky, my lawn was up to my knees (and I'm 6'4", remember). So, I hired my punk kid of a next door neighbor to do it for me while he was on break from his 9 to 5 of dealing pot. I paid him $30. It took him 5 hours. I got a good deal, and read a book for the last few hours while I watched him work. Sucker.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Oh man: I wish there was money for hiring pros! There is no money. Moving has been expensive enough.

AW: my parents are coming over tonight after E goes to bed (blessedly early). My dad will stay here with the sleeping baby, while my mom goes with us to the new apartment. We should be able to get most of the cleaning done tonight. Mr. Q went last night and got a lot of the walls washed, and E's entire room clean. Now that we have help, I don't feel as overwhelmed.

kathy a. said...

Great lawn mower story, Andy! Hope the weather gods cooperate with the trip.

Yay, grandparents!

Sue said...

Lol! Tigger and Eyeore - yes, that will generate some good stories and memories. I'm glad your friend is there for you - sorry I misunderstood.

LOVE the lawn mower story.

QWP - Hooray for grandparents!!

kathy a. said...

Eeyore! And Tigger!

The biggest of the baby-cats figured out how to jump up, grab the top of the table serving as a baby-gate, and scramble on over! It's an exciting morning that begins with a shout of "Escape! One got out!" Another developmental milestone to report when he goes back for adoption tomorrow.

Andy said...

AW: Sky totally ran out of water for today, so all sunshine for the baseball outing. Regrettably, Wannabe-Minor-League Baseball Team dropped its home opener (after leaving the tying and go-ahead runs stranded on second and third after both the 8th and 9th while also denying us the excitement of a squeeze play at the plate, no less), but all the patients loved ever second of it, so it was a good day.

kathy a. said...

VICTORY! Sounds great, Andy. The score doesn't matter so much as the being there.

Oh, I've been in a funk because of this unbloggable, and that one, and another. But -- figured out how to make an easily removable barrier to kitten escape. (Some days, you just have to thank dog you aren't deranged enough [yet] to post photos on tw1ttles, or something.)

kathy a. said...

Keep whining! Awards probably tomorrow.

esperanza said...

Sounds like a win, Andy.

W: Can Mr E please be all healed up and go back to work? I'm done with him hanging around the house.

W: Just as Mini is almost over the eternal cold, Sweet finally succumbs. If hers follows the pattern, we will be dealing with this cold for 3.5-4 weeks. Sigh.

kathy a. said...

Yeah, sounds like time for Mr. E to go back to work. No time like the present.

Ixnay on the attern-pay.

esperanza said...

W: teh fireplacing cancer. A friend's dad just entered hospice care.

W: double charged on a debit card transaction. Merchant can't find it. Had to call the bank.
AW: bank actually reasonable and easy to convince.

Sue said...

Definitely sounds like a win Andy!

Sorry about your friend's Dad esperanza - fireplacng cancer.

Yay for happy helpful banks!

AW: Lovely family dinner to celebrate several birthdays and Mother's Day. Good times.

W: my MIL is becoming quite frail. Strong in so many ways, but her body is getting tired.

esperanza said...

The bank guy was seriously perky. I could not ever work in customer service because (a) the whines and (b) I can't be that unnaturally perky. Nor follow a script someone else wrote.

Oh, that's hard to watch with a loved one, Sue. Hugs.

kathy a. said...

Fireplacing cancer. So sorry about your MIL, Sue. xoxo

Guess perkiness is a good quality in a customer service person who gets something fixed. Maybe it helps the good ones to have "fixable moments," no?

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Mr. Q worked did customer service for a certain famous cellphone company, and he really is that perky. And handled all of the whining and people mad at him. I just don't get it.

Hugs for esperanza and Sue.

AW: I finished cleaning the old apartment! I did some serious deep cleaning (I even polished the toilet), and did some surreptitious paint touch ups. If they're going to be particular, so am I.

W: tired. So tired.

AW: I'm weird. To relax, I oiled the butcher block on my new kitchen island. I'm enamoured with that thing, and the process of treating the butcher block is mesmerizing.

Sue said...

Polishing a toilet gets an award. Every. Time.