Sunday, May 6, 2012

Of Inconsequential Whines

So here's my list of inconsequential whines (because I am tired of the great big ones--feel free to whine the great big ones yourselves--it's only mine that I'm tired of).

* blogger has some kind of new set up.
* mosquitoes, great hordes of them, like a plague
* Mini's itchy rash
* Sweet's preference for pink (of all things! *I* did not teach her this)
* frozen pizza (I know, I know)
* how hard it is to adjust the fan speed on my car's a/c
* absence of chocolate in this house

What's dragging you down this week, pixies? Share them, you'll feel better!


kathy a. said...

oy, yay! whines! profuse sympathy on mosqitoes and itchy things, and apparently heat.

yeah, the new blogger layout is a little confusing. ye olde pink stage is also confusing, but i have evidence that girls grow out of it.

frozen pizza, i consider a lifesaver. also absence of chocolate in the house is an emergency.

kathy a. said...

otherwise -- grumble grumble unbloggable grumble. skunk. stupid dog. grumble.

Sarah at ratatat said...

No chocolate? Heaven forbid! But the 2 small girls who live with you - it is probably not completely simple to rectify, right? All to the store...

KathyA - skunk? Ugh!!!

W the small: I want to go to the ballpark to pick up some essentially free tickets to a game, but trying to find the time and get everything else done. Argh! Logistics!

Sarah at ratatat said...

And mosquitos are a huge whine, any day.!

liz said...

Esperanza, did you know you can order chocolate through Amazon? It's true!

AW: Great weekend with my mom and sister. My sister and I planned it as a present for my mom for mother's day. And we all got massages, and now my TMJ feels all better. Who knew that getting a massage would help a muscle and joint issue? (DOH!)

kathy a. said...

how wonderful, liz!

sarah -- oy, logistics.

esperanza -- never a bad idea to keep an emergency chocolate stash hidden. for, you know, emergencies.

big old anti-whine: sn@ke f@rrm saw the light, and said the whole "you owe us $3500" threatening letter from their law firm (apparently about an accident that happened after our car was stolen last year) was "all a mistake."

i have a serious grievance about this insurance company and its hack law firm in illinois. there was absolutely NO legal basis for the claim. they happened to pull this stunt on two lawyers -- but not everybody who gets a letter like that is going to know it's a scam. this is your consumer report for the day.

liz said...

Kathy A., I'm not very fond of Ge!c0, but at least they've never screwed me.

kathy a. said...

the "sn@ke" designation is one i first heard at least 15 years ago, from a lawyer in a position to know their practices then. liz, got no complaints about the geck0, our own

bonus consumer tip: if this was a real claim, it would have gone to our insurance company -- not us. our insurance would have contacted us and gotten police reports to find out the scoop. then our insurance company would have said to the sn@ake (under these circumstances), get outta here, you jokers! ha ha ha! see ya in court. end of story.

esperanza said...

hooray for fighting the snakes! (We switched from them and saved almost $1000/yr on our car insurance. I feel like a commercial).

Further SiL whine: she developed severe headaches from a complication with the epidural. Where did they send her to get it treated? Labor & Delivery. Seriously, people?

SiL antiwhine: they decided to have the baby's body cremated. Funeral home doing it for free.

Re: frozen pizza. Yes, it's nice. I just try to feed my kids real food.

Re: chocolate. No longer a problem.

I would like to tag along on Liz's next massage expedition.

Sue said...

esperanza - your family's loss has been on my mind and in my heart. It's one of those losses that leaves one speechless.

Yay for massages Liz! Glad it helped the TMJ. I have one booked for Thursday for my rock-like trapezius muscles (which, btw, are no less problematic a month after my sabbatical began - that's neither good nor bad, just an observation).

I say we send the mosquitoes to the Sn@ke, yes?

W: Still too cold here for mosquitoes.

AW: Spring will arrive any day now. (Hey, we live in hope....)

AW: After last week's ambitious project, the weekend was one of complete and utter sloth. It was perfectly delightful.

W: Rain and fog tonight. Why can't I be one of those people who can predict the weather with a sore knee? I know sore knees are not pleasant, but dang, my head is so DONE with these low pressure systems. Rain, rain, go away!!!!

esperanza said...

Thanks, Sue. Two families in our (very small) town have experienced stillbirths at full term in the last couple of weeks too. It's just unspeakable.

Also? Who schedules Mother's Day? I'm boycotting. (I always do, but I really mean it this year).

I will try to send some warmth your way, in the form of a high pressure system ;)

Anonymous said...

Whine: friend with fireplacing cancer!

AW: not supposed to be life threatening; we live in a community where there is already a support network that has been mobilized among our friends for providing dinners, playdates for her daughters etc. Nice to know these are the people my daugher and son are growing up among.

whine: becoming more anemic by the second due to a fake relative whose name starts with F and ends with LO.

antiwhine: chocolate almond butter provides 8% of daily requirement of iron in one serving! Since I can eat the whole jar at one sitting, it should get me right back on track! ;)

--Neighbor Lady

Sarah at ratatat said...

NL - nice to find the silver lining to a friend with fireplacing cancer. It does take big trials to see what our communities can do.

And Ha! for the anemia cure.

Esperanza - oh my, two stillbirths in sucha small place. And thank heavens for caring funeral homes. So much sympathy and love.

Sue - hope the massage rocks.

AW: I am in a good mood. I would like to not break that mood.

W: My daughter asked at her therapist's office if I was ever going to date again. Oh baby.

Sue said...

Yay for almond butter. Who knew?

Yay sarah for the Good Mood (I almost said "always good to engage those moments fully" - but then I realized how much that would sound like preacher-speak, an unfortunate remnant from my seminary days). Still, you get the idea.

AW: My Friend With Style came over today and picked out exactly the right paint colour for our bathroom. Hubby and I weren't even close to that one, but when she held it up to the vanity, shower curtain, and towels, there was only one perfect choice. Once she showed it to us, it was so obvious! WooHoo!

AW: Headache? Much better today. It's even tolerable tonight. Yay!

esperanza said...

yay for good moods, chocolate almond butter (where does one find such a thing?), and tolerable headaches! I also would like to know where to obtain a "Friend With Style." I need one, on several counts.

My AW: TEN hours of sleep (with only a few interruptions) last night has made a big improvement in my health. Go figure. Resting helps.

kathy a. said...

massages for everyone!

esperanza -- how awful for your poor SIL. xoxo glad you are finally feeling better.

NL -- fireplacing cancer. so glad it sounds treatable and that friends are rallying around. thinking good thoughts.

sue -- glad the headache monster is letting up.

oh, sarah -- your poor girl. on the up side, it is good she is talking some about her anxieties -- that really really helps.

kathy a. said...

W: in my spare time (ha ha -- it is more like procrastination therapy), i read things not related to the Giant Project. one of those things is this anti-abortion bill passed in kansas, which allows doctors to withhold birth control if they think it works like an abortion drug, or withhold chemotherapy to a pregnant patient with cancer if that might terminate the pregnancy. doctors are also not required to tell patients they are withholding for their own religious reasons, and are not required to refer patients to someone else.

this makes me absolutely insane with anger. how can legislatures possibly justify this level of intrusion on ethical medical practice? how can a patient's desire for birth control possibly be subject to her doctor's personal whim? how can a woman with cancer's treatment be held hostage to somebody else's idea that a zygote is more important than her own life?

liz said...

Kathy, similar head explosions going on here. So much so that I haven't been able to blog about it.

kathy a. said...

liz -- when you are unable to blog about something, that is CODE RED. ;)

kathy a. said...

this probably goes w/o saying, but i'm fine with women making whatever informed choice is best for them. pregnant women with cancer might make different choices about their own situations. no skin off my nose if a woman not wishing to become pregnant chooses something non-hormonal -- i used a diaphragm myself, for my own reasons, but that's not for everyone.

my problem is that we have to trust our doctors to behave ethically, to give us the necessary information we need, to let US make the choices that affect our lives.

(and with respect to other laws, we do not need some fireplacing legislature forcing doctors to give us irrelevant information via intrusive means, like those ultrasounds. the only point to forcing that when it is not medically indicated is shaming, which rates a negative 10 on the respect for patient scale.)

kathy a. said...

big big antiwhine: the president just came out in favor of marriage equality!

Anonymous said...

esperanza--so so sorry for all the losses in your family and community.

also, one can find this chocolate almond butter (also choc hazelnut much like nute11a only without the milk) at Wh01e F00ds. Brand is Justin's. if you g00gle it you'll find a website about that brand of nut butters. SO YUMMY.

--Neighbor Lady

ps. WHAT is WRONG with those legislators?!?!?!?!?!? HOW can they get away with this, and WHY aren't people voting them out!?!?!?!?!

Sue said...

Oh my Liz - definitely Code Red. So sorry.

kathy a - agreed on both fronts, re: reproductive rights and YAY!!!!! for your esteemed President! I was so excited to see part of the interview where he speaks in support of equal marriage. Progress!!!!

W: I am SO not a fan of Mother's Day.

AW: I don't have to lead Mother's Day worship and try very hard to avoid mentioning it in worship.

AW: I managed to skate neatly around a "little visit" with my step-mother on Saturday. A little diplomatic wording, and I'm outta there!!!! She is NOT my mother. My sisters can put my name on the card, but I have no need to make a fuss over her. She barely remembers my name, or the names of our children the rest of the year. My indifference simply mirrors her own.

Wow - that was so b*tchy.

liz said...

W: have therapy today and am uncertain as to how to discuss the fact that I had utterly forgotten that my dad had broken up with my stepmother for a little while there back when I was 6 so that he could date a man. He came out to his entire family, then his mom guilt-tripped him (you're killing me! MY SON IS KILLING ME) and he got back with my step-mother.

Particularly, how do I discuss my regret that he didn't stick to his guns? That he wasn't true to himself? That he went back to my step-mother who, soon afterward, withdrew from my sister and me and became aggressively emotionally unavailable?

I have a good relationship with her now, but I do want to know what if...

Sue said...

(((Liz))) That's a lot to process, but it sounds like something you're already beginning to "unpack" (sorry: more seminary-speak). From my experience, having a good trust relationship with your therapist will help a lot.

AW: Slept well last night, so I'm feeling far less b*tchy today. Whew!

kathy a. said...

sue, that wasn't bitchy. a lot of us have difficult relatives, and it is to the good when we can create boundaries with the ones who are more toxic than not.

liz, i think you just say it. just like that. it is OK to have feelings (and examine the impact of events) even when it is not possible to go back and have a do-over.

it probably took a lot of courage for your dad to come out to his family at that time. your grandmother certainly reacted dramatically -- of course, he was doing nothing "to" her.

his decision to go back to your stepmother -- and her decision to take him back -- happened for their own reasons, and those may not have directly involved his mother.

(you have spoken well of your parents managing their own divorce and making sure your sister and you knew it was not your fault, that you were both loved by both parents. whatever your father was thinking at that time, it is very likely he was not sharing it all with you -- that he was not going to put his own daughters in the middle of whatever he was sorting out.)

kathy a. said...

p.s. -- i'm not saying they made the best decision -- just that they made a decision which was theirs to make. obviously, something was happening with your stepmother that was no good for you and your sister. really great that you have a good relationship with her now.

obviously, acceptance of LGBT people is much greater now than it was then. i had a friend whose father left the family for another man, probably around the same time -- all the difficulties of a divorce, financial problems, and really outright confusion about how that could happen. ("what's wrong with her that he could turn gay?" was the basic sentiment of the church ladies.)

it's also possible that the new love interest turned out to be one of those situations where one reflects: "sure, he was cute. but what was i thinking? this would never have worked. he's such a jerk."

apologies for rattling on. xoxo

liz said...

Thank you, Sue and Kathy. You are both so right.

I just said it out, and it was good.

The sad thing is, that most of my dad's friends are gay -- and that's been true for the last at least 40 years. And my mom's best friend left my dad's best friend at around the same time my parents split up because she realized she was gay. So it's not like he would have been in a vacuum.

So now I wish I could say something to him about it all, but would it have a purpose beyond just letting him know I know?

kathy a. said...

why don't you see how things go? sometimes unexpected opportunities come up to talk about things -- this is on your mind, but conversations need not be interrogations. it could be that your strong support for people of various orientations is reassuring to him, and over time he may be comfortable opening up.

i'm thinking it's not so terribly different from talking with our own kids -- that we try to make sure they know we will always love them; that we try to introduce topics in ways that may lay the groundwork for later. that we do not push if there isn't an urgent need.

my parents are gone, and i did not get all the answers to everything before they went. i know for a fact that some of my questions and concerns, though, shaped what i care about and who i have tried to be.

liz said...

Thank you. I will.

Anonymous said...

((((liz)))) for the conversation, wherever it winds....
--Neighbor Lady

esperanza said...

wow, when I said you could whine the great big whines, I didn't know this was coming! Liz, that's a lot to deal with--glad you have someone to talk to.

Awards tomorrow, probably. Mild tummy nonsense today. I am so ready to be well!

Liz said...

Be gentle with yourself, esperanza

Sue said...

Liz, it sounds like you are off to a good start just by beginning the conversation.

kathy a - thanks for affirming my choice not to visit with the toxic relative. My siblings are less than pleased with me. They had to change the date for their Mother's Day visit to tonight, and assumed that would make me available. Not.

So, just the three of us sisters are having coffee tomorrow. I feel a bit like I'm walking into a minefield, but I'll go anyway. If nothing else I can make it clear AGAIN that I am 53 years old and I really don't have to go anywhere (at least socially) if I don't want to be there. Life is short. Life is definitely too short to spend an entire evening with someone who sends me home feeling slightly ill.

My sibs, and I do love them, are just so tied to the world of "should" and they cannot understand that I am not. "Should" is a huge red flag word for me. It means we need to show up so that we don't "look bad". I really don't care what my step-mother may or may not feel about me. They just can't comprehend that I REALLY don't care.


As my beloved mother would say, "'Twas ever thus."


liz said...

Sue, I keep imagining you with your sisters saying, "I am taking the advice I often give to parishioners to avoid giving toxic people power over my life. I hope you all enjoy your time with her. I will be enjoying my time without her."

Sue said...

Excellent Liz!