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Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Whines of Times, They Are A Changin'

I spent 12 years of my life either pregnant, nursing, or changing a baby's diaper. Those were the 12 hardest years of my life and I never would want to go back to that very dark place where I had three small ones hanging off of me and sucking the life out of me.

So why am I so weepy thinking of how today is the last First Day of School for Teen Son? He is a senior and a most wonderful young man. All I can think of is how our relationship will never be the same after this.

Today was also my last Walk A Child to the First Day of School. Next year, Younger Son will be taking a bus to a different school. He barely let me walk him to the door even though he was secretly glad I took a day off of work to do so.

The seasons are changing here. The weather is colder at night. I am no longer a young mother. Other aspects of my life are undergoing changes and I feel disoriented. Yet, just as fall gives way to winter so that spring may return, these endings will also lead to new beginnings.

So how are things in your world? Is everyone settling into new routines? Bring your whines, big or small, pithy or witty, along a tasty snack or two for this week's Whiners Ball.

42 comments:

kathy a. said...

i'm passing some quesadillas, with sides of guac and sour cream, salsa if you like.

so, i was reading a column in a major newspaper, and i never read comments -- but this time i did, and one of the comments was particularly idiotic. huh. go figure. but the commenter used his full name and phud, and it only took the tiniest bit of googling to figure out that he was indeed my boyfriend freshman year of college. and also that he is a self-promoting, mean-spirited, pathetic excuse who passes himself off as a "motivational speaker." eww, i have to go wash up again.

i could not possibly be more grateful that he dumped me, since i wasn't smart enough then to dump him first. and the AW is: i'm still in good touch with one of my best friends from that time, and she is at my back still. and we say, "ewwwww!"

kathy a. said...

((( miranda ))) those changes make a mama cry. but you are a great mom, and what's next will be wonderful, too.

Madeleine said...

I've got a huge bowl of freshly made pesto! Minus the pine nuts, because the store was out of them yesterday afternoon. (Whine.)

Work craziness continues. I got a good idea to solve a travel dilemma. Two days late, apparently, so it won't be as cheap as if I'd thought of it two weeks in advance.

Sue said...

(((miranda)))

kathy a. - passing the loofah sponge for X-treme ickyness exfoliation. *shudders*

Whine for a friend: My now-retired office admin's husband died yesterday. She is so broken. She has been like a mother to me for many years (my mom died in '92) and I hate to see her so hurt. On the other hand, she has tons of support.

Anti=whine: She didn't hesitate to call when she needed me. I was genuinely glad that she did.

Whine: Her husband was on one level a fine man - supported his family etc... but if you look up the word "curmudgeon" in the dictionary, his picture will be there. This will be one of those funerals where (as my profs used to say) "stick to the theology".

Anti-whine: Someone else is doing a eulogy. Whew. Dodged a homiletical bullet on that one!

esperanza said...

I am full up on whines this week and too busy/tired to make them anything but whiny. Soooo glad y'all are here.

AW: Parties are over
W: waaaaay too much food leftover, which means we spent waaaay too much money on food I'm giving away right and left.

W: waaaay too much time with family. Did you know it's possible to be overly helpful? Yes, indeedy it is.

W: And now the two baboos and I are headed for a three-day trip for a meeting/board retreat. Why both baboos? Because it is also the only week of the fall when daddy is also out of town. Argh. I forgot this meeting would even happen, so it wasn't on the calendar. I am handing in my resignation letter at this meeting, but I really should be there to do so. Mini Baboo is teething and cranky. Sweet Baboo is, well, two. And she is getting a cold.

AW: Sweet Baboo started preschool today!!

And, it's flooding all over this state, and too many family members are out on the roads, including me.

esperanza said...

oh! snacks! I can provide snacks: leftover cheese ball, fruit tray, veggie tray, and lots and lots of fantastically yummy chocolate cake.

Sue said...

Safe travels esperanza and good luck with double Baboo travel.

I'm pretty sure that in Section 10, Article Eleventy Million of the Universal Snack Code, it says that quesadillas cannot under any circumstances be served without tequila.

Therefore, I offer up a large pitcher of virtual margaritas for the Pixie Ball this week.

Madeleine said...

Very weird whine/antiwhine:

A work project I've been working toward for four years which I hope will be HUGE impact just launched without me having any warning or time to test it. We built a pilot site and spent a lot of time testing, but hte new site was built with new code and I have been getting very little info and now! Boom! It's up. I'm freaked. And I need to test it. And Rosh Hashana starts tonight. And every other work project is also needy. And and and.

But it is up, they did build it, and thousands of people will see it. Please, lord, let it work adequately until we can make it work perfectly.

Madeleine said...

And I need to take SG to buy dress shoes for RH for tomorrow. Luckily I already decided that the holiday dinner would be take out.

Sue said...

Oh my Madeleine - that's a LOT on your plate all at once. Any one of the three - the project of Odd But Good Confusion, Rosh Hoshanna, and buying new dresses - all big, all important.

A deep blessing on you and yours as you begin Rosh Hoshanna!

Also - excellent planning re: holiday dinner!!

kathy a. said...

sue, i'm sorry to hear that your friend lost her husband. glad you are out of eulogy duty, freeing you up to provide comfort in less conflicted ways.

esperanza! relatives and flooding and baboo-ful travel, oh my! so, the help didn't stop at the silverware drawer, i gather.... congrats to sweet on starting preschool!

madeleine, enjoy your celebration. that launch is indeed weird, but since they decided to start the party w/o you [cluestick-worthy], i guess they can get in line for your time to perfect it. also, congrats on it getting to launch, however weirdly!

liz said...

Am home with a sinus infection. Green goop exiting my nose. Headache. Am not taking antibiotics because of my adventures with C-def last year.

kathy a. said...

oh, no, liz! green goop + headache gets my vote. hope you are feeling better pronto.

anticipatory whine: daughter leaves for her U in just over a week. so far, the packing progress consists of her unpacking the bags [not yet the boxes] from japan, and distributing the contents over her floor. biting tongue.

ancillary whine: i'm going all OCD over her first apartment, and first time away with a car. this car will be equipped for almost anything except rocket attacks. NOT buying the apartment odds and ends [mostly] until we shop together after we get there, at which time she will select needed items. with luck, she will locate all the useful items she already has before departure.

kathy a. said...

oh, forgot the antiwhine! i got invited to join a BOOK CLUB! invitation by an old friend who reconnected a few years ago, and the host is -- liz, i'm thinking of you -- a mystery writer! but the book club doesn't read mysteries, go figure. anyway, we'll see how it goes. i've never been in a book club before, despite my addiction.

liz said...

Which writer?

Sue said...

Liz has to win something seriously big for green goop PLUS the dreaded Headache. Feel better soon.

kathy a. - I'm green with envy. I've wanted to be in a book club since I finished my graduate studies, but haven't been invited to do so. I tried to start my own, but the group was really un-committed and the few times we met, only two or three people showed up (there were ten originally).

Enjoy your club!!! I'm sure it's going to be awesome.
Oh, and I share your book addiction. The way I see it, I could be addicted to worse things.

Sue said...

Whine: I touched up my pedicure tonight. It looks like Sweet Baboo (or someone in her age demographic) touched up my pedicure. What is the matter with me? When I get that little brush in my paws, bad things happen. Usually in pink.

amy said...

I missed WW last week. :(

My wee little 6 year old Tot started first grade. I think she loves it, but she's a total spaz. No emotional self-regulation At. All. Oy.

But my big whine is an on-going one. One of my walking teammates is being a jerk about how we divvy up the cash we raised. If we all just take what we need to get to the minimum pledge (plus an equal amount over), Jerk will receive a smaller amount than me and our other teammate, ergo she will have a smaller amount she can write off on her taxes next year. I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure that the tax write off is not why we chose to do the breast cancer walk. The drag is that our other teammate is out of the country right now, so resolving the matter is sloooooow.

I have a TMI question for the lady pixies. I have a lump in my breast that I am sure is leftover milk from nursing Tater. (Yes, I'm going to have a doc check it out. I've already seen the Lactation Consultant.) But I'm surprised that I could have milk after weaning back in February. Other former nursers, did you have this experience?

If this is a giant TMI, feel free to email me: amy at the texture of things dot com.

Sarah at ratatat said...

Hugs to Miranda - aww. I am at a different point on the mother timeline, but when I peek ahead I feel weepy. And awed.

KathyA - the HS boyfriend made me laugh. And the apartment for your daughter, aww, another mom moment. Hope your book club rocks. I love book clubs - even if the pressure to find a book that people will actually read and talk about is crazy.

Sue - glad you can be there for your friend and not do the eulogy.

Safe travels for Esperanza. And that post-party extra food just lingers.

Madeleine - L'shanah tovah! And all the best for a good launch. 4 years! Wow.

Get well soon Liz. Sudafed is your friend.

Amy - hope the jerk gets over himself soon and the lump checks out OK.

It is a mixed bag around here:

Whine/Anti-whine: My baby turns 2 tomorrow. How can this be?

Whine/Anti-whine: My oldest started on Zoloft ~2 weeks ago. She is having a hard start to the school year. I am finding it harder than ever to tease out symptoms and side effects and quirks. And her TMJ type jaw-clenching headaches are still tormenting her. Hope the zoloft starts working soon. Or reveals it isn't working and we can move on.

kathy a. said...

amy -- this is tmi, but i still could express something for at least a decade after i stopped breastfeeding. get the checks to be sure.

liz said...

I'm still lactating 8 years post weaning

amy said...

EIGHT YEARS?! A DECADE?! OMG, I am so done with milk. So. Done. :\

I just remembered that I was bummed about missing last week because I have a Grown Up Whine. I have to apply for a full-time job at my school. There is an opening and a very rushed search being conducted. I have nearly zero time to prepare. The last time I interviewed for a full-time spot, I had a panic attack so bad that I have blocked out most of the interview and the three days that followed. I guess I forgot to whine it earlier because I've been repressing. Yay! Go Team Repression!

So yeah. I would really like to not apply for this job, but I'd be a fool not to, and I feel like I owe it to my husband and myself to try. Still, just the thought of it when I found out about the opening last week sent me into an anxiety attack for an afternoon. Blech. Being a grown up is teh Dumm sometimes.

((hugs)) to you and your daughter, Sarah.

emily said...

Happy New Year! (Even if you don't celebrate Rosh Hashanah--it's a new school year!)

Whole grain whine: When I opened a new box of cereal--the bag ripped in the wrong direction--down the side (so cereal went flying) instead of across the top. Thanks Kelloggs! A clue: The glue is supposed to give before the bag.

Antiwhine: Everyone was out of my house for one full day this week (no school Monday or today) and will be again tomorrow!

Whines of vague anxiety: I'm starting back to full-time work next week. Well--I'll be out of the house full-time, but, as it is student teaching, I'm paying (rather than being paid--whine of stupid state regulations--which say that, even though I've taught for almost 20 years, it doesn't count) for the privilege. I have taught full-time, but that was college which meant that I had lots of flexibility in between classes and I've been teaching part time for the past 6 years. I'm just not sure how this is going to work....

I'm bringing angel food cake, for a sweet year (apples and honey are traditional, but I like angel food!)

Hugs to all!

kathy a. said...

sarah, hope things settle down for your sweetie soon. beginning of the year is a kind of nuts time anyway. xoxo

emily, best with the job! and amy -- can you think of this application/interview as just practice, no big deal, don't count on getting it?

emily said...

I stand in awe of the lactation goddesses of Wednesday whining! Being able to express after a decade? Wow. I was never good at expressing *while* I had a nursling.

A. Nonny Moose said...

Dear Miss Demeanor,

If a relative sends an email announcement with the subject heading "Proud Mom," and the email is about her *dog* getting picked for a calendar, and she has not bothered in the least about your own children for 10 years, is the proper response to [a] press delete repeatedly and find a drink, [b] send an appropriate gift, such as some of the beer after which teh poster dog is named, and/or [c] re-submit her nomination to the Amazing Relative Hall of Fame?

Sincerely,
Nonnie

Miranda said...

Pixies, I will have to post awards tomorrow. Today has put me in migraine territory. It wasn't a bad day, just a very, very long one.

HUGE ANTI-WHINE: I get to take Younger Son out on the baseball field at the local MLB ball park. He's so excited, he promised to sit through a boring baseball game to get that opportunity.

KLee said...

I, for once, have very little to whine about. School is going well, family are behaving as well as can be expected, and I'm feeling okay, health-wise!

Thank God for a dry spell at last!

Much love and hugs to all in need of them this week! There's a lot of worthy whines out there this week, and I'm glad that I don't have to hand out prizes for Major Life Suckage! If you stop and really think about it, we all have a terrible gallows sense of humor for lauding the horror in our lives! But, I love you all, and am SO glad that I have you guys to turn to, both in good weeks and bad!

*mwah!*

Sue said...

(((Miranda))) sorry about the migraine. Hope it eases up McSoon.

Whine: Worst. Board. Meeting. EVAR. Apparently, despite being CALLED to that church because they wanted good preaching (which I have dutifully and gladly provided for nine years with VERY few complaints about worship), NOW the top priority of the Board to "provide worship that is less traditional in style and content."

WTF?????

I'm going to bed. I hope to wake up and find out this is all just a bad dream.

emily said...

Gah--Sue--I hope it was just a bad dream! Honestly, humans can be the most annoying people.

(For my learning--are you hired by the board for that specific church or are you sent by a central body? I'm not sure what denomination you belong to, other than being obviously not Catholic:-))

Miranda--I feel your pain--I hope your pain is gone by now!

I had a migraine earlier in the week which was exacerbated by the fact that my daughter, despite numerous request for "all her school supply needs" (so we didn't have to go to Staples on the first day of school), forgot that she needed a planner (a planner! like she's had every year for the past 6?). So, we were in crowded Staples with the remnants of my headache.

Also--in addition to my earlier fling-age of high fiber cereal around the kitchen, I've managed to:

dump sugar on the floor while refilling the canister

and

drop the used coffee+filter, getting wet coffee grounds all over the floor.

If I had timed it better, I could have dropped the coffee and the sugar at the same time, and just licked my caffeine off the floor, perhaps avoiding the migraine.

Gravity is beating on me this week.

Miranda said...

Migraine is still here. :(

I have to go to work for a few hours. :( :(

Person who said she'd sell me the baseball ticket for Younger Son is being flaky and now may not have an extra ticket for Younger Son. The same Younger Son who is so, so, so excited to go. :( :( :(

Hoping while doing the second sucky thing, I can fix the third.

kathy a. said...

oh, sue. yuck.

emily deserves a prize for her gravity whine! i so hear you about the lack of preparedness whine, too.

emily and miranda -- so sorry about the migraines.

miranda, the kind of flaky that will break your kid's heart is unacceptable to the cluestick posse.

Sue said...

Oh ick emily - hope the migraine is over with by now.

Hubby talked me off the ledge after last night's meeting. I managed to keep my mouth shut and not scream at all the utter stupidity of all this nonsense. Srsly. Stoopid.

However, hubby reminded of the same thing emily mentioned. The church itself does not have oversight over my ministry - that would be the Presbytery. So far, no complaints from them. Sadly, only ten signatures on a letter of complaint from my church could start a Spiralling Winter of Doom for me, but I'm not going to look that far ahead. For now, I'm just going to keep doing what I do and hope for the best.

Today I'm much more interested in getting my funeral prep done, and my sermon for Sunday. This will be the first week in nine years that I feel nervous about what to say in that sermon. The first week that I'm not staring back at about 100 faces of people who support me. It feels weird and awful, but what can I do? I'll show up and get it done.

liz said...

Sue, dust off a sermon you decided not to give because you felt your flock wasn't ready for it. If they want you to change it up, then change it up in a way that is freeing for you. Be true to your inner voice that you have too often censored so as not to offend your parishioners.

They want change? Give it to them.

Miranda said...

Well, migraine is still around so I am not going in to the office. I have an Ongoing Zombie Project that my supervisor doesn't want me working on and his manager loves me working on. I would have gone in to finish a few things for the latest round. I can do it on Monday morning.

Flaky Girl directed me to another colleague with an extra ticket so I arranged to purchase a ticket from him. Huzzah, no broken-hearted child. Worst case scenario had me borrowing someone's ticket to go out on the field and then watching the game from the street and wandering the local area until Younger Son was ready to go home. Going on the Tiger ballfield is going is going to be so magical with him. Hope we get more than a few seconds.

Sue said...

Ugh. Miranda - so sorry about the migraine and the Ongoing Zombie Project.

Liz - the most frustrating thing is that people on the Board complaining the loudest are the people who haven't been in worship for months. They haven't heard the sermons in which I name and quote EXACTLY the new theological thinking that they are asking for. I don't have to change much of anything in terms of "content" -it's been there for close to a year - these people just haven't bothered to show up and hear it.

Therefore, my head could spin and I could spew pea soup at any given time. I wonder if THAT would be interesting enough for them. Argh.

liz said...

Sue, record your sermons and play them back for the non-attendees?

And what is up with the folks who HAVE been attending not saying to the others, "where have YOU been? She's been preachin' like that for the past YEAR!"

Miranda said...

Sue, I keep hoping that maybe you can be called elsewhere. And I make sure that I treat my ministers (who are hired by the board in our denomination) with respect and dignity.

Right now, I am dealing with a whole host of people who don't like this one colleague of mine and are stirring trouble just for the sake of making her look bad. Other colleagues would be willing to help her with this client except she has managed to alienate those who have the most pull with the "offended" parties. Therefore, they see an opportunity. Thankfully, I am on the sidelines with it but I can't do my part until Colleague finishes hers. And my part is a catalyst type part.

kathy a. said...

sue and miranda, those situations sound just AWFUL.

sue, obviously you are in for a lot more talking. it is particularly infuriating when people who aren't on the ground and aren't around much think they have the best take on problems. [i'm getting ptsd symptoms from my last job, just thinking about that.] but you are the one with the facts and who deals with the range of challenges facing the congregation, and so if you can start hearing really what is underlying this, you are prepared.

this means splitting yourself -- you must remain calm, reasonable, and reassuring, must listen and respond respectfully, and must recognize that even the stupidest comments come from someone who believes himself devoted to the best interests of the parish -- in other words, model the behavior you want to see. but you'll also need outlets for the justified fury, and the sorting you can't do in public. xoxo

kathy a. said...

p.s. -- not suggesting that you aren't listening, just that there is stuff underlying this. who knows what.

kathy a. said...

public service announcement: cheap student apartments do NOT come with free cable TV. parental units who promise that to students without either [a] reading the darned contract, and/or [b] consulting with the parental unit who knows something, deserve what's coming to them.

Sue said...

Thanks all. As I told hubby last night after the meeting from hell....'no one went home with my goat'. ie. I didn't let anyone get my goat.

I sat and listened.

There were a few people I could not look in the eye while they spoke, for fear of saying something I might regret later. Others got my "active listening" treatment - eye contact, nodding occasionally, head tilt - you know the drill.

Yup, rough times ahead I think.