Thursday, February 28, 2008

Awards: The "Thank GOD This Is The LAST Wednesday in February!" Edition

Sorry to have both started AND ended late, but on the flip side -- it gave everyone extra time to squeak those whines in under the wire. See -- procrastination *IS* good for something!

This week, In the "Whine of Substance" category: Margalit sounds in with her woes about son and daughter's troubles; Amy's sickness (and lack of shortbread for the preggo woman, not that she could actually, you know, EAT them!); and anonymous' three kids with strep throat. Oy. 'Nuff said!

"Style Award" goes to Sue, for her woe-filled entry: "
Sadly, I have never tasted a Nutty Bar. Not that I needed any help making this day more miserable, but now I desperately want a box of cookies that I cannot have. *sigh*" Poor Sue. I'll mail you a box if it's THAT bad, sweetie!

And in the "Old Skool" category: we have kathy a.'s odorous rug and senior cat; Andy's epic lamentation of the rising price of Nutty Bars; and all those of you poor, unfortunate souls who've never experienced the gastronomic delight that is the Nutty Bar. Little Debbie, I hate you AND all your tasty snacks!; and to Uccellina for being pregnant to maximum capacity. Wishing you a soon and safe, speedy delivery, Uccellina!

The "PLEASE let February Be Over, Already!" Awards go out to: Miranda's scary episode with black ice while enduring a migraine; Elizabeth's entire entry, which made me more tired, just reading it. So sorry, and mucho hugs-o from the Pixie Posse!; and Redzils, who had me at "applied statistics." As if that's not bad enough, she still has relationship woes on top of that!

The "Cluesticks At the Ready" Awards go out to: Liz; who needs one for MM *and* one for the clueless people in her school district; Susan and her fireplacing performance reviews; and Madeleine's jerky, parking-place stealing contractor; and Fireplacing Hell, who needs to just burn the building down. That, or work out some sort of monetary scam where you steal fractions of pennies off a zillion accounts.

The coveted "Elevated Risk of Mullet" award this week g
oes to Turtlebella, who made my sinuses drain with the hilarity that was this entry: "Then again, I have some gay agenda! I swear, it's somewhere around here. Hang on a minute, it'll take me a minute to find it. Likely it's hiding underneath my latte-drinking Prius-driving agenda...." That's some funny stuff! Plus, it's like cosmic payback, since Google ate her whines, and then double-posted. An honorable mention in this category goes out to Esperanza, who is making the baboo smile and laugh, not the doctor.

Thanks to all for whining this week, and we send a special group hug out to Debangel -- you are NOT a crap daughter. And, even if you don't feel the love from everyone else, we got your back, babe!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The "Crap! Did I Miss It?!?!" Edition of the Whiner's Ball

You know -- I should have stayed in bed this morning when my alarm failed to go off. Waking up late was just the perfect start (and an omen of things to come) for today. That's one strike.

I showered, and got dressed for work, unearthing a cute pair of shoes that I intended to wear with the new skirt and blouse that arrived in yesterday's mail. Halfway through lunch, I realized why I never wear those shoes -- they hurt like a sonofabeech. I have blisters on almost every single toe. And one in the ball of my left foot. Score two for Team Misery!

I get home tonight (late, of course) after taking a pile of Girl Scout Cookie money to the troop leader, and start in cooking dinner. It hits me in the middle of wrapping egg rolls: "Dummy! You signed up to do Wednesday Whine this week!" Crap! And there goes strike number three.

Call this game on account of brain delay, people. I am probably not coordinated enough to manage to make it to my bed without either injuring myself, or calling the wrath of the gods down on me tonight. Pray that I come through unscathed. Sorry for the delay. You may now commence the whining!

Thursday, February 21, 2008


This week's fabulous prizes are brought to you by the month that will not end already. The Old Skool Award, therefore, goes to Madeleine, who stated the problem so well ("Still February"), and to a chorus seconding the sentiment, including Turtlebella, Sue, and Margalit.

Camera Obscura wins the Elevated Risk of Mullet Award for her ode to parenting during the flu season:
"ZOMFG, if this is the start of the gin-you-whine flu in my house, with all
that's happening in the next month, I will commit hari-kari right here and
now. With a Ginzu knife, or reasonable facsimilie thereof. (In the
garage, b/c I wouldn't want to ruin my new kitchen floor.)"

Honorable Mention in the Mullet category to KathyR, who helpfully suggested dealing with the garage leak by moving the dog's water dish to that spot. That's the kind of creative thinking we like to see.

The Bodily Fluids Award goes to Liz, whose son not only has strep, but it's not in his throat, and friends, it is just not pretty. Hope the little guy's feeling better. (Hint to future competitors in this category: pus is a serious vote-getter.)

Big Fat Hugs to Sue, whose headache plus insomnia are taking a toll; That Mommy, who has been working frantically to get a specialist appointment, and finally has one halfway across the country; Debangel, whose dad is in the hospital way the hell across the country, and decisions need to be made; Margalit, whose house is infested with teenagers who ran her bank account dry; and Purple Kangaroo, who is exhausted and in pain, and who wouldn't be grumpy with that going on?

Condolances to everyone suffering from illnesses, freezing weather, lack of GS cookies, tiredness, missing glasses, people who won't call back, long drives, guilt, impatience, trying to sell a house, and all of the other maladies of this endless February.

CCW wins the Marathon of Troubles Award this week, with her jaw-dropping collection of woes, including: sick kids, multiple school cancellations and delays, injured baby, whiney sick husband, and a dead hamster (whose funeral must await warmer weather, so he currently resides in the freezer). On the up side, she had 4 million boxes of GS cookies in the living room.

Congratulations to Esperanza, whose sweet baboo is sleeping more often at night! And to Uccellina, whose baboos have achieved 34.5 weeks of gestation!!

Thanks for playing this week! Start saving your whines now; next week's Brigadoon will be hosted by the delightful KLee!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Total Eclipse Edition

Big deal happening this Wednesday night: a total lunar eclipse! The events of the solar system are not generally accessible to those of us who are suburban and <cough> less in tune with science, but this one is free and available to all, barring local cloud cover.

Getting down to business, I've mostly got an antiwhine: spent the weekend at a conference, and it was great! Good sessions, learned stuff, saw lots of people I wanted to see, nice weather, and I only had to leave one presentation because I wanted to bop a member of the audience on the head with a cluestick. And, I got to have dinner with my fabulous aunt!

On the whiney side: Ouch! Muscles hurt from walking the approximately 400 miles to the hotel I accidentally booked [thinking it was a much closer place], and my head hurts from how much needs to be done in the next year on a certain project. Also, someone should do something about the litter boxes around here. And the roof is leaking, right over the dog dish. Sheesh.

What's up with you?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Awards! Helplessly Hoping Edition

The newly founded Helplessly Hoping Award goes to:

  • Anonymous whose friend is addicted to heroin
  • Sue whose headache is at 7 at 9:00. I hope it doesn't go to 11.
  • And to That Mommy. We are all helplessly hoping that your daughter gets to see the other specialist faster or get the idiot specialist you already saw to at least give some type of drugs or intervention. Thinking of you and praying that help comes soon.
The Singing The Mother-In-Law Blues award goes to Amy for having to deal with one who gets huffy and offended at the least little thing, like not being the first to know about the NEW BABY (squeeeeeee!) Nyah, nyah, nyah! We found out before she did!

The Waiting and Waiting and Waiting award goes to JenR. We hope you have a big anti-whine next week!

Madeleine wins the coveted Style Award this week!

The Golden Oops Award and a glass of milk goes to Eva for getting her cookies mixed up. I hope that your friend doesn't notice! (Hat tip to Madeleine for the award name)

The Old Skool Award goes to new whiner Ramblin' Red whose husband doesn't get the concept of cleaning up after HIS dog.

The What Was I Thinking? Award goes to DevilMacDawg. I have so been there, dmd. Hugs and hopes that the follow-up email you sent today will cover it.

DebAngel's husband wins one visit from the Clue Stick Posse*. And BitchyChurchLady wins another for being a spoiled toddler-like horror show and for making Sue have to deal with yet more crap.

And that covers it for this week. Tune in next week when our host will be the divine Kathy A.

*Hey, Deb? Can you post the recipe? 'Cause I want in on that baked chicken action.

Wednesday Whining: Potomac Primaries Edition

Dems outvoted Reps by more than two to one! Statewide! Heck, across the whole fireplacing region!

Nearly three times the number of expected voters came out today - our precinct had to get more ballots! (They were expecting an 8% turnout and got 21.23%) They even ran out of stickers!

Holy shit, people! Virginia really might go blue this year! The Dems might win the White House!

This is amazingly exciting! WOOT!

My only minor whine is now I'm too excited to sleep.

And now, without further ado, I turn the mike over to you. What's your whining pleasure?

Thursday, February 7, 2008


This week's exciting prizes are brought to you by the Committee to Abolish That Thing That's Going Around, and the National Cluestick Caucus. Please help yourselves to the complimentary hugs, chocolate, tissues, pain reliever of choice or margaritas, oxygen, bath oil, and flaming batons, as needed!

First things first -- Congratulations to Turtlebella! Many pixie good wishes for you and the baboo-to-be.

Hugs for Jenr, who is swelling up like a Macy's Parade balloon, and a visit from the precision cluestick drill team for her boss. Seriously, she doesn't even get a snow day until she is actually in labor?? For Jenr's baboo, the Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free Award so graciously nominated by Liz. Let's all sing it: "come out, come out, where ever you are!" (But don't sing it so loud that Uccellina's baboos hear! They need to hibernate a few more weeks.)

Andy, a previous winner in the Elevated Risk of Mullet category, appears to be competing in a different category this time: he wins the previously undiscovered Seventies Sitcom Award, featuring a Most Likely to be a Lesbian Homewrecker medal.

Turtlebella gets several pounds of the gourmet ice cream of her choice for her eloquent response to Andy's lament: "oh my, oh my. that's one not-so-good sitch there, andy." But Miranda made me laugh too loud for polite company with her award suggestion for Andy: "Not Sure If Bringing the Bodily Fluids Is A Good Idea" award, which is definitely in Mullet territory.

Moving right along, we have two winners of the Freaking Magic Schoolbus Award: Klee, with the horrifying combination of a bus driver from Mars and a field trip from hell, and Madeleine, whose entire school board is so in need of powerful therapeutic interventions that it cancels busses for snow, while keeping the actual schools open.

Lot of competition in the This Week Is Kicking My Butt category, so let's kiss the woes of the week goodbye: political angst and stupid politicians; having to make nice, now with extra head-banging; tiredness and/or sleep deprivation; workouts; kids with stuff to do; jealousy; crabbiness; achiness; any dealings whatsover with state agencies; doctor appointments; headaches; waiting lists; the existence of evil in the world; viruses; teething; cold sores; snow, too much damned snow; irritating bosses and/or employees and/or co-workers, especially the ones who will not shut up already; bad maternity leave policies; babies not sleeping through the night; spousal awols; speeding tickets; expensive books; asthma; divorce; grad program worries; irritable uterus; fevers; fluid behind eardrums; and anticipatory chocolate withdrawal. I'm pretty sure I left out a few items. May the afflicted find relief, especially Sue and Margalit.

And finally, one Free Pass to Whine Anony-mouse-ly to Redzils, who could only say: "I cant do my own whining or I will have to just Quit Everything. I cant afford that, so must drag grimly on and not think about the details..." Heck of a world, when it comes to that.

Thanks for playing this week! See you next week, when Liz is the hostess with the mostest.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Super Groundhog Week Edition

Lot of excitement around the nation this week! I heard tell of some big football game featuring commercials and a halftime show -- isn't that so done by now? The brand-name groundhog had one prediction about winter, and an upstart groundhog had another. A lot of us are infested with Wall-to-Wall! Political! News! in our particular states.

I have a grouse or two closer to home. The fireplacing heater went out [igniter took an early retirement], coldest night of the year. Slept in a jacket, and awoke with a small herd of cats sleeping on top of me. On the rodent front, I'm just glad that none of the groundhogs live nearby, because it was bad enough that the dogs found some other critter and left it as a gift. Outside, thankfully.

Voted this morning. The terrific people at the polling place had an election official out there because nobody gave them a key to the scanning machines, and they didn't have enough pens for the duration [one was a teacher, who explained that they always have to keep track of the supplies], but they were cheerfully dispensing ballots and "I voted" stickers -- and they brought cookies and bagels to share. Gotta love them.

What's the news in your neck of the woods?