Red Carpet Edition!

Welcome Pixies of the Academy and friends! We have a star-studded ceremony this morning, featuring only the finest in whines.

This week's Style Award, Musical Division goes to the fabulous Liz, for her composition "Lactation" (based on the GoGo's "Vacation"). Let's all sing the chorus:

Lactation

All I ever wanted

Lactation

But now it's gone too far

Lactation

I thought it would be gone.

The Style Award, Prose Division is presented to KLee, who laments:

And the Lord saith: "Let there be no hurling, for it is unclean! Let those of ye who hath hurled find solace! Be not afraid, and trust in the power of Ginger Ale." Here endeth the lesson. Go in peace, and serve the Lord.

I offer up praises to the Almighty Lord, who, in his wisdom, created both the saltine AND the Ginger Ale. Blessed be his holy name, Amen.

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Sara wins the coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award for her battlefield reporting of the Redcoat Encampment on a 10 hour drive: "Not fun, what with the cramps and the wondering if my redoubts and earthworks would keep the Redcoats from breaking through my defenses until the next rest area..."

Because 4,000 miles is too damned far, Dr. Redzils wins the Wow, This is One Big Country Award, along with any spare frequent pixie flyer miles. Best with the big move!

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Speaking of moving, Esperanza wins an OMG The Boxes, They Are Endless! Award. Many pixie hugs as you work through this ordeal, now with added hormones and relatives!

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Wayward Hormones were a big hit this week; tiny little cluesticks to those afflicting Pixies, including Esperanza, Liz, Margalit, and Sara.

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Bodily Fluids were also huge; wishing relief to affected Pixies, including Klee, Liz, Margalit, and Sara.

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The next best thing to bodily fluids is a wet basement; therefore, Madeleine wins the Bucket Brigade Award. Also for Madeleine, the Wakeup Call from Hell Award for her report on news you don't want to hear before coffee.

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Returning Traveler Awards to Sue and Amy.

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Ruminent Rats Award to Sara, whose local deer took out her peonies overnight.

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Waaa, I'm Toooo Tired Awards to Esperanza and Sue.

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Wonders of Social Networking Award to Amy, who whines: "Oh noes! My mom just joined Facebook." Condolances also to Amy, who attended a memorial service; but we're glad you reconnected with an old friend.

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Sympathies to all the Pixies also suffering from, among other things: heat, cold, stormy weather, sickness, school vacation, children, relatives, outlaws, pets, internet crazies, taxes, aches and pains, too much to do, packing, unpacking, laundry, grading, deadlines, food intolerances, and the need to find a sublet and/or cave.

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Thanks for playing! See you next week, when the host will be the fabulous and talented TBA!

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UPDATE: Next week's host is the ever-gracious Madeleine!

It's Like a Heat Wave

Is anyone getting April showers? We are having record-breaking type heat around here; it got close to 90 degrees in my un-air-conditioned house yesterday afternoon. I thought it was just me [as it so often is], until my Beloved started melting.

In anti-whines, we had a lovely date this weekend and laughed really a lot! We ate outdoors in a brick courtyard with the walls covered in trumpetvines, just as it was lo those many years ago when our first apartment was 2 blocks away. Isn't life grand?

On the whine side, another family dynamics dysfuntion extravaganza threw me into a funk. The disorienting effects of my new med, plus deadlines, did not help any. Bah.

Passing the chocolate, and some cooling lemonade! What's up with you?

Wonderful Whining! Great Music!

kathy a. made me laugh, suggesting that my “gerbillion stress points . . . really ought to be redeemable in frequent flyer miles and/or major gift cards.” I do agree, especially since those frequent flier miles would come in handy: it looks like the boyfriend and I have both got great jobs for this next year. . . four thousand miles apart.

We are sending sympathy and chocolate to everyone dealing with pixie kid homesickness, and not-home sickness, prunes in disguise, fruit flies, sore backs, hormones unleashed, packing, and dealing with annoying office staff.

It’s good to hear about the kid’s hanging out for Easter, the Mom’s Weekend coming up, great haircuts, internet breaks when you want them (but not when you don’t), holiday work being over, and vacations (particularly in places with massaging waterfalls).

We would like to award kathy a., KLee, sue, and all the pixies, “a diet of LOLcats and shoulder massages.” kathy a., hurray that your follow up resulted in good news and a new medicine.

sue, we hope you are having a great trip! Enjoy the sunshine – you deserve it after the HOLY MONTH AND HALF marathon of last week.

esperanza wins the coveted Technical Goddess Award this week for fixing the router (and knowing when to ask for directions. This is an important skill).

Sarah at Ratatat gets the "Tantrums That Bloom in the Spring, tra-la" Award.

Uccellina gets four, four, FOUR Bodily Fluids Awards this week, for her 21 puke score across her four stomachs. May this plague pass soon.

Madeleine, we are so glad to hear Snuggly Girl wasn’t flattened by the best friend bug. And what a nice anti-whine, to counter your Yet Again Wet Basement whine. We hope those boxes really are magic!

Genevieve gets the Family (No) Fun Award, for having to juggle family harmony and a migraine, all at the same time. Thank goodness for the Husband Buffer!And, congrats on the kiddo’s theater award! I love the mental picture of him in the tux!

And, last but certainly not least, this week’s Style Award Trio goes to kathy a., liz, and Genevieve. They whine, they sing, they are amazing!

Sing along, Pixies:

Chorus:
Down, dooby do, down down, comma comma
Down, dooby do, down down
Whining well is hard to-oooo do.

Lyrics:
Don't take your whines away from me
Don't let me whine alone in misery
Slip in the angst, I know it’s true
'Cause whining well is hard to do.

Why let your whine just slip away?
We can all use it on another day
Life’s so funny, so why be blue?
Whining’s not so hard to do!
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They say that whining's not hard to do
Well now I know, I know that it's true
Come lay your whines on me my friend
Don't be groaning moaning all alone,
you can laugh and whine to me instead.
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I beg of you
tell me of treatment shoddy,basements wet, and fluids of the body,
and don't forget what it's all about,
engorgement that will make you shout.

Welcome, whiners!

I hope you all had a lovely Passover / Easter / weekend, and are enjoying a wonderfully boring week.

It's a grey, rainy day here, and the uncertainty continues to swirl on the job / moving / life fronts. Fortunately I am not allergic (intolerant) to chocolate after all, which is one heck of an anti-whine! After all, there is a general pixie consensus that chocolate is very soothing.

What's going on in your worlds this week?

Awards: That was the week that was

Whoa. I had a week. It's mostly better now, except for the lack of bread and pasta. Thanks for your patience.

Our traveling pixies are probably on the road already, but a shout out to Genevieve, with hopes that your tummy held its own long enough for you to plop the rest of your body on a beach chair in the sun. Also, Passover in a place that lives on rice and beans is Teh Brilliant for all of us who follow that set of rules. Love it!

And, for Sara, who may not see this until it is *so* not funny that it still isn't funny, I bestow the Alanis Morissette Award, because her tale of MIL medical malfeasance is "Too much to ask for, and she is not the doctor."

Catch 22 Award to kathy a., for "the HBP is stressing me out, and that's bad for the BP."

Holy What?!? Award to our resident clergy pixies, esperanza and Sue. You probably haven't had time to read this yet, anyway.

Old Skool Awards go to margalit, for "The. Brisket. Is. Bigger. Than. My. Roasting. Pan." and to Amy for "morning is dumm." (I'm with you on that one, Amy!)

Awk-Award, Outlaws Division, to redzils. What color are the sheets in the guest room? And why the heck isn't your boyfriend staying put where you placed him?

Finally, Bite Your Tongue Till It Hurts Award to KLee, who couldn't whine (except to us, of course) about a colossal waste of money and time on her daughter's ski trip, because the rest of the group racked up an impressive number of injuries and acting like a grownup seemed like the best course of action.

Toodles for now, pixies. See you next week, when I hope to have my sanity back, and redzils will take the mic to tell us the latest whines in her moving/job/domestic extravaganza.

The Week We've Been Given

Sometimes we get the week we want, and sometimes we get the week we are given. If you know what I mean.

Workload panic, a wee bit of job security anxiety, and snow in April. An absent spouse, a holiday that involves no bread or pasta for a week, and a long drive in traffic to the home of our gracious friends who host us for Seders. The friends are, of course, an anti-whine. It's not their fault there are 12 kilometers of rush hour between us and them. They bought their house first.

I take my anti-whines this week in the form of charming kid conversations.* Such as this one, which I like to call:

Third Graders, They're Just Like Us!

[Brief conversation about parents who are from other countries and then . . .]
Boy 1: Where are you from?
Boy 2: I'm from here.
Boy 1: This is the best country to be from!
Boy 2: Yeah! It is! Except for the winter.
Boy 1: I know! Snow in April. Can you believe it?

I'm pretty sure I've had that exact conversation with a few adults since moving to this wonderful snowy country.

I know this week has extra-special extra-specialness for several pixies. What have you been given, and what would you have preferred instead?

* And chocolate. Passover brings out the best in chocolate, because treats intended to be served with a holiday meal including meat can't have any dairy in them. I'm a dark chocolate gal, so this is Teh Good For Me.

Awards: Bounties of Spring Edition

Spot, experiencing bounty.

Big Pixie Cheers for Dr. Redzils, for landing a most excellent job offer! Woo Hoo!

Old Skool Awards to Liz, who whines: "I got cream cheese on my new brown pants;" and to Madeleine, who has issues with "the newfangled cloth grocery bags" which hold twice as much and have ruined her shopping/bag calculus.

Stylish Intentions Award to Esperanza, whose inner muse is distracted by ever so many things, with a Mullet Sash for her description of the new house: "featuring the finest decor your 1978 dollar can buy."

Elevated Risk of Mullet Awards to Margalit, who laments: "I wish Passover would just pass me over," and to Genevieve, who responds to Liz’s whine of the pants with "better than chocolate on your new cream-colored pants."

We have a surprising range of fluids this week, including way-post-nursing leakage, monthly woes, ear infections, the ever-popular cat pee, and nausea. By popular consent, the Fluid Prize goes to Neighbor Lady for her procedure prep, with a Mullet Laurel for "anytime a bottle says "Pleasing lemon-lime flavor" you know it's a LIE!"

Unanimous votes for a MonkeyWalking Video featuring Esperanza’s Sweet Baboo! We are smitten with the cuteness.

Miracle Antiwhine Award to Margalit, whose worthless cat finally decided she is a pure goddess!

April Fool Blizzard Award to Sue; the silver linings, however, include missing a dreaded breakfast meeting, and getting a massage due to snow cancellations.

Domestic Intranquility Award to Amy, for her priceless, snort-inducing whine of the underwear and the husband who can’t find it. For sanitary reasons, the Cluestick Posse shall employ a fire hose, this time.

Medical Badges of Courage to all facing inspections, detections, and selections, including Madeleine, Liz, our super-hero Neighbor Lady, JenR, Sue, Esperanza, and Margalit.

Big Boobie Gratitude to Liz for the biggerbras link! [and thanks to Amy for suggesting this award.]

Condolences and part of my secret stash of GS cookies to all suffering this week from items mentioned above, as well as BP taken immediately after weighing, 3 month waits, pink eye, antibiotics, crowds around to observe the unmentionable, the need for tubes, jackasses in beat up trucks, Holy Week overload, insurance companies, impending moves, rotating corporate takeovers, rumors, friends with horrible spousal units, teenagers, trolls, too large shoes, "dumb@ass plagiarizing composition students," laundry emergencies, and disappointing medical advice (sorry, Liz), amongst other things.

Thanks for playing! See you next week, when the fabulous Madeleine will host!

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ETA: A Tubes Award to JenR and the sweetie-pie who needs them! Many Pixie good wishes for the procedure -- any sweetie-pie procedure is a little daunting, but tubes are a force for the good. xoxo