On your mark! Get set! HO HO HO!

The cats already have their big present: the bestest toy shop and gymboree in the cat universe! They are in heaven -- especially the young foster kitties, who also appear to have special artistic talents with ribbon. Thankfully, there are a ton of unbreakable ornaments to festoon the battable sectors of the tree. We'll be finding them under the furniture for months.

That's about it for completed holiday preparations, unless you count the big bow I put on the shiny new water heater installed on an emergency basis last week [we are all about romantic marital gestures, around here]. I've got YT's Christmas Coffee Cake recipe and a partial possible menu. Got presents, but done no wrapping for those who will be here on Christmas. The cards, they did not happen, and I'm resigned to trying to make amends at some future date.

Also, the ants have begun the annual holiday pilgrimage to our kitchen. My husband has begun the annual festive hunt for tiny cracks that he has not sealed up during previous skirmishes. It's a classic war of the wits! We've already had the first snippy little exchange over something very stupid, too, so I'm calling this holiday ready for business.

Friends, Pixies, Elves, Parents, Adult Children of Persons, and Honorable Citizens: Bring your whines and anti-whines! Pass the virtual seasonal beverage of choice, and anything delicious! Hurl the fruitcakes, offer up those needing cluesticks in their stockings, and share the good, the great, the amusing and amazing!

This week's Brigadoon is an extended session, in honor of the season's vast array of emotional opportunities. Posts close Thursday morning. Be sure to nominate fellow travelers who are deserving of awards!

PS: Here's something to renew your holiday spirit. --Miranda

Awards! Guest Presenter Edition!

Good evening, folks! Welcome to the Umteenth Hepdominal Whining Awards!

Tonight, we are presenting a special award to a woman who is not only stylish, but seasonal!

Here to present that award is our good friend - humorist, music critic, songwriter - Gary Oxford!

Gary: "Back when I started reading blogs, I never once imagined that the funniest thing I would ever read on a blog was an ode to how menstruation was interfering with the amorous activities of a couple of middle-aged lesbians, set as a parody of a holiday song."

Liz: "Let's take another look at the song, Gary."

Yankee T:

Oh, the periods they are frightful,
Menopause would be delightful,
But 'til you hit the big five-oh,
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.

It doesn't show signs of stopping,
So we might as well go shopping,
No need to turn lights down low,
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.

When we finally kiss goodnight,
We'll pretend that no sex is the norm,
And if you really hold me tight,
I'll try to ignore the red storm.

Your desire is slowly dying,
And the sheets, they are not flying
But since I still love you so,
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.

(There's always next week, right?)"

Gary: "Yankee T - you're my hero and deserving of the grand bull moose award of Lifetime Achievement in Stylish Whines."

Liz: "And Gary, here's your award - an extra-absorbant towel with which to remove nasal-blasted Chai tea from your iBook keyboard."

Liz: "And here's Kathy A. with some more awards."

Kathy A: "'Ain't work grand'...for Susan and Sara! [And] DMD! A Woman of the Year virtual trophy and a very sturdy lock for your office door!"

Liz: "And a year's supply of Bag Balm."

Liz: "And now, for Sue's doctor, we have the Advanced Medical Clue Stick. For Margalit, the WTF award, and for S. the coveted boomerang award for the fastest whine to anti-whine turnaround. Many hugs for you all dealing with toothaches, heartaches, and headaches (both literal and figurative). That's it for this week. See you at our special time next week when Kathy A brings Brigadoon early for Christmas Eve!

Wednesday Whining: Liz got a job edition

Antiwhine - I got a job covering a maternity leave for the month of winter break!
Whine - It starts tomorrow.
Antiwhine - MONEY!!!
Whine - Long commute.
Antiwhine - BUS SERVICE!
Whine - Gotta leave at 0630.
Antiwhine - MONEY!!!

So awards will be late on Thursday, 'kay?

Please tell your tales of Whine and "No"ses. Holiday shopping? Baking? Money woes? Obnoxious bosses? Bring 'em here! Shoulders a-plenty!

Prizes!

There’s no doubt about it: kathy a. wins a hall of fame, lifetime achievement Style Award for her little ditty that sums up so much that we pixies whine about: Disengage!

Old Skool competition is high this week . . .

- Diane was chewed out by Mrs. Fancypants for not properly addressing Mr. Dr. Fancypants!
- Elizabeth locked her keys in her car but didn’t get it stolen!
- Liz had a flat tire, but still got to her final final on time!
- Sara’s son’s teacher didn’t even read the poem she crabbily lovingly constructed!
- Turtlebella’s nose is cold!
- Sheila has (c)han(n)uk(k)a(h)* wax under her nails!
- That Mommy thinks “All those people selfishly wishing for the future to just get here already are speeding up time”!
- Magpie can’t get no respect for her successful volunteer efforts!

The lull between major holidays has a lot of us in its thrall. Thank goodness.

Not feeling so good this week: Hugs, sympathy, and wishes for good medical care go to KLee’s dad and Camera Obscura’s mom. I hope Elizabeth’s cold thingy doesn’t last too long, Andy gets his contact lenses sorted out, Margalit gets her plumbing fixed and a ride when she needs one (fireplacing fireplacers!), Scrivener gets his almost-ex out of his hair, and Genevieve’s co-worker enjoys her package when it comes in the mail, instead of with a hug.

By popular acclaim (and a whole lotta chuckles) the Elevated Risk of Mullet Award goes to KLee for " and I guess it decided to commit tree hari-kari." Third time’s the charm, right KLee?

Mazel Tov to Liz on finishing finals finally, and to Miranda for her fancypants award! Woohoo!

Thanks to everyone for playing, and tune in next week when the Christmas celebrators can complain about last minute mall crowds and the (c)han(n)uk(k)a(h) celebrators can complain that the house still smells like latkes and all the chocolate gelt is gone.

*credit to wolfa for this marvelous way of spelling the Jewish winter solstice holiday.

Whining: Through the Blurry Glass

Welcome, whiners, to the mid-December whinefest.

It's slushy and slippery outside, I'm solo-parenting this week, and family are about to descend for a fun visit. Which part will be less than fun remains to be seen, but I'll let you know next week. My SIL is bound to say something tactless, and my mom will find something random to criticize. I am somewhat immune to this since the time she told me I don't have enough medium-sized mugs. Big ones, small ones, but not enough medium! The horror! But I love them, and we will have some fun.

My real whine is that the weird new glasses prescription I've been trying so hard to get used to? Might just be wrong. It occurred to me yesterday to close one eye at a time, and I realized that the left lens is making my vision blurry, not sharp. Well, that makes it harder to see, doesn't it?

I think I'll run in to the glasses place tomorrow to see if they got the lens wrong . . . if not, then back to the eye doctor, hunh?

Don't fear for my safety, I am still using my old glasses when I drive.

What are you doing this week? Slipping and sliding? Groaning and moaning? Swearing and shouting? Wrestling other shoppers for the last Cabbage Patch doll? Share!

walking in a whining wonderland

Thanks to all for playing this week. It's time for awards...

The waiting for the other shoe to drop award to Madeleine, whose father suddenly wants her to know where his will is (and whose name I apparently can't spell -- sorry).

The lost that loving feeling award to Sarah, for whom sex has become another item on the to-do list (with thanks to Kathy A for the suggested title).

The got those health care blues award to Sue, Margalit, and That Mommy.

The style award goes to Lisa V for "I turn 44 next week. Forty-FOUR!! How is it that I am suddenly this far over forty? And I'm not rich, thin, charming, emotionally balanced, wise or a good skier. Shouldn't I have accomplished something by now?"

And the old skool award goes to all of us worrying about too many, or too few, or the wrong gifts.

Wishing everyone twinkling lights appropriate to the holiday(s) of their choice and the sort of light fluffy snow that looks great clinging to the trees but doesn't stick to the road or sidewalk.


Until next week....

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Another Wednesday

Huge thanks to Kathy who gently reminded me that I signed up to host since I'm such a space-brain that I had totally forgotten.

My whines: I'm not ready for it to be Hanukkah yet. I'm afraid my kids are present-obsessed ungrateful monsters who have no appreciation for how lucky they are. There's not enough snow to make snowballs with, but enough to make me dread my commute home tonight. And the idiots who fixed our car last month installed a locking gas cap on the tank -- without telling us! So I got to the pump yesterday morning and discovered I had no idea of how to get the cap off. (Fortunately I didn't actually run out of gas as a result.)

Please whine away!

-- Elizabeth