Thursday, July 29, 2010

Stinky, Anxious, Sullen, and Weepy Awards Ceremony

Big hugs and ice cream (as requested) for Days, with the fireplacing cancer diagnosis, even if it is a treatable kind. Many hugs in the upcoming weeks, too, Days. As many as you need, we have an unlimited supply here at WW.

Stinky Dwarf Awards go to...Sue, with the hot weather + exercise = stinky equation. And to...KLee's teensy weensy stinky rental car. And to...Amy's kids' plastic cups, with their invisible "husband hands off" stickers. And to...kathy a.'s cat's pook incident (which, although stinky was not mentioned, surely it was).

Anxious Dwarf Awards go to...8 year olds around the continent, including Sarah's, p_k's, and Neighbor Lady's children. And to...Sue, Days, and Sarah's mom.

Sullen Dwarf Awards go to...Emily's daughter and KLee's Offspring.

Weepy Dwarf Awards to kathy a. and Amy, as that grief that you thought you'd worked through comes back when you least expect it.

And those dwarves can take their heigh-ho's and stick them in a deep, dark cave, so kathy a.'s project from hell and the various bosses at Liz's place can join them there.

Old Skool to emily, for her heartbreaking whine about the discontinued chocolate raspberry granola bars. Runner Up Old Skool to Liz for the absent crab cakes.

Elevated Risk of Mullet to KLee for this metaphorical gem: "Obviously, the person who had the Beetle before smoked, so in order to kill the smell, the rental agency lobbed a Magnolia-flavored bomb into the car, slammed the door, and ran like hell. So, I drove around in a flower-scented ashtray, with my knees crammed up around my ears."

The Cluestick Posse is headed up by a (mostly) pain-free Sue this week. Kathy a will outfit her in red cowboy boots, and she will start with the Canadian government. When she's finished there, she'll head south of the border. Non-treating doctors, watch out!

Ice Cream also to all those experiencing ouchies of all kinds, sick kids and animals, and heart palpitations at the thought of Only One Whine per Day.

Apologies to all I might have missed. Save up your whines for next week, when a busy KLee will take time out to be our lovely hostess.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Rules That Come Back to Bite You

So, several years ago I was a youth minister. And I went on lots and lots of trips with the youth group. These trips had various hardships (cold showers, sleep on the floor, hot weather, baloney sandwiches, etc) and annoyances (turns out someone else's little brother is just as obnoxious as your own). Left to their own devices, the charming young people could get into a whining competition that had no end.

So I made a rule.

The rule stated: only one whine per day per person. Whines may not be saved, traded, or sold (this last sentence was an amendment after such activity did, in fact, take place).

This worked well for several trips; in fact, I got well known for "one whine per day." Before a person whined, he or she had to make sure it was worth spending a whole day's worth of whines. "No whining" would have not been practical, and besides, I would be likely to break that rule myself. You didn't want to spend your one whine on "but it's so eearrrllyy" when I tried to wake you up, because that would be it for the day.

I was pretty proud of myself, pixies.

And then God laughed, and I have a two year old.

Thankfully, I don't make the rules for Wednesday Whining. Let 'em rip.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

OK, so that total organization thing didn't work out....

Passing along a nice, soothing, cooling piece of art. And, a nice tray of delicious snacks [not pictured], because one needs sustenance. Especially when nobody feels like cooking.

Let's start off with the birthdays. Happy Happy to our Sue, whose hubby did a wonderful BBQ, and the boys both checked in with wishes. And prospective good wishes to Esperanza's beloved, who settled on an Open House, which takes care of the "who do we invite" problem. Yay!

Old Skool Award to Emily, whose supermarket is reorganizing. The nerve of them, pulling switcheroos and blocking the aisles. We anticipate the need for future cluesticking, should they mess this one up.

Elevated Risk of Mullet Award to Days, whose new kitten is blessed with a plethora of creative names, and who threatens to tell the vet next week that the baby's official name is "Identity Crisis."

Style Reference Award to Sue, who remembered TS Eliot's poem about the naming of cats.

Green Acres Award to Purple Kangaroo, who is negotiating a vision of farm life in a more urban "fancy-pants yuppie" setting. We hope things settle down.

Automotive Angst Award goes to KLee, for the cracked windshield of doom and one of those expensive little fender-benders. We are relieved that teh windshield is recovering nicely, and fixes in the works for the other part. By the time Offspring becomes a Student Driver, you will thoughtfully assign her a more "experienced" car, one that won't bring heartache in those rare moments when something doesn't go 100% right.

Esperanza brings Remembering What It's All About (with Mini-Baboo's middle-of-the-night hunger) as well as Bodily Fluids (this time in their absence, since Sweet-Baboo is rocking the potty training)!

Hugs and Dancing for Jenevieve, who is settling into her new place, PASSED the boards in California, and just began her new job!!

Cluesticks to Sue's otherwise wonderful son, who thinks it's OK to call mom when he can't keep track of spending; Amy's "smart phone," which apparently does not recognize a quality website such as WW when it sees one; and other deserving parties.

Days, all good Pixie wishes with the biopsy next week. xoxoxoxo

Thanks for playing! See you next week, when the host is the delightful Esperanza!

Monday, July 19, 2010

In Which She Swears, "This Week I'm Getting Organized"

Welcome to the Whiner's Ball! Your humble host is going to break up the procrastination this week by finishing a project, and taking steps to organize the office disaster. For example, yesterday I filled 5 bankers' boxes with stuff to move, convinced my beloved to clear my storage shelves of the 3 tons of items he and our son had placed there, and lost steam. But it's a start.

A long and complicated family situation is lurching toward resolution. My sister required a voodoo doll for stress relief, and apparently it has gotten a good deal of use in the past week. Probably should have made one for myself. And one for you. ;)

Long distance whine: Daughter is headed into finals, and she really really hates her roommate. Sample complaint: "She always leaves her hair in the shower drain." I'm just glad my Skype camera/microphone is not working, because it is hilarious hearing this one from a person who, as recently as her Christmas visit, dealt with her own long hair in the shower drain by twirling it into a circle and sticking it to the wall of the shower, so the shower fairy could take care of it. Mom has taken the high road, and only suggested that it is a short time to the end of the term.

In Anti-Whines, the Wednesday Whining moderators are pleased to announce that Esperanza will be joining the rotation of hosts!

Thursday, July 15, 2010


The competition is tough this week -- so many stylish whines. Thank you all for playing along, or for chiming right in with your non-poemy rhymes as you saw fit.

Starting Us Off With Style Award to kathy a., dooby-doo down down.

Old Skool Style Award to Sarah, for the disappointing much-anticipated TV show.

Old Skool Straight Up Award to Emily for the "single use" razors.

Go South, My Pastor Awards to both Sue (Minnesota Miracle!) and the directionally-challenged esperanza.

Style Award, Gourmet Edition to liz and her amazing brioche! (I'd love to get the recipe. We've had mixed success chez moi.)

Dwarves of the Week Award also goes to liz, since no one else topped five this week.

The cluestick posse is worn out from hiking up and down hills in the rain and trekking through airports. I have faith that Liz's boss will still need cluesticking next week when the posse gets its energy back.

Love and hugs to all pixies facing fireplacing cancer at various degrees of separation.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Lady Sings the Whines

I'm mixing my classic singers today, because my carPod plays everything in alphabetical order, so this morning I heard both The Lady is a Tramp (Ella) and Lady Sings the Blues (Billie).

I think I run about 60% on the tramp-o-meter.

Too hungry for dinner at 8? yes
Like the theatre but never come late? not recently, but generally yes
Won't waste time with people I hate? yes
Won't dish the dirt with the rest of the pixies? sorry, Ella, I leave you there.

and so on.

Join me in song or in whine, whatever moves you this week. Personally I like the ones where the trumpets blare.

Thursday, July 8, 2010


This week's ceremony is brought to you by the bounty of summer! Which may not, if you are Amy, be as bountiful at the so-called Farmer's Market as one would hope. Still, we Pixies are well known for pressing on in the face of adversity, and passing the refreshments.

Dr. Jenevieve wins the Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News Award, being able to use that title now that she has graduated! WooHoo! And Jeni also earns the Marathon Woman Award for -- in the same week -- moving way the hell across an ocean and then a continent, with toddler, and arriving reasonably intact!

The idea of moving even someplace closer makes us feel a little faint. Pixies worldwide, therefore, are thrilled to award KLee the Miracle at the Schoolhouse Medal, for the terrific news that she is not being transferred to a new location!

The Old Skool Award goes this week to Esperanza, who has a very attractive and useful wart on her foot, conveniently located next to a toe so that no way, no how can those adhesive wart-be-gone products stay where they are needed. Sue is runner-up with a related whine about said products not working even when used in more convenient bodily locations; "2 years" is definitely not what one wants to hear about efforts to eradicate warts. The Pixie Consumer Product Cluesticking Commission is looking into these outrageous product failures.

Amy wins the coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award for the Lost Whine: "Good grief. I had a whine I'd been saving up all day to write, but now that I've written my little happy story, I seem to have forgotten my whine. Hm. Must have been about my husband. O_o" As is so often the case, whining worked and what was lost was found -- she meant to whine about the "Farmer's Market" that appeared to have products shoplifted directly from the local supermarket. I'm pretty sure Liz would send over some fresh berries off the vine, if MM hadn't eaten them all...

Blogger gets a cluesticking this week. Madeleine wins the Stupid Blogthing Award for never, ever, being able to login on the first try.

There's a good amount of workplace angst in the air, and all Pixies thus afflicted are hereby awarded a Silver Star for effort, plus beverages of choice. But Liz wins the Best W/AW Combo Award for her heartfelt submission:
Whine: I really, really, really do not like my job. At all.
Anti-whine: I really, really, really do like my co-workers. A lot.

KLee wins the Recipient of Teen Drama Award, for her daughter's excellent and very dramatic demonstration against the tyranny of keeping the A/C use to a moderate level. Instead of just dialing the temp up from "meat locker" in her room, she unplugged everything and sulked in the dark with only a small flashlight between her and imminent death by boredom. We think she should go visit grandma for a while -- they need one another.

Sarah wins the Good News in the Battle of the Thermostat Award, for her report that her parents, who live with them and previously set the A/C on "arctic," have now come around to more moderate temps.

No News Is Good News Award to Days, who reports she hasn't gotten a phone call to pick someone up from summer camp. But Days also wins the No News Stinks Award, on accounta she's not feeling great, is behind on stuff, and is waiting around for tests to come back. Bleah. As Sue said, "be good to yourself."

Sue's hubby wins the Lord of the Weather Award, for grilling steaks and thus inviting rain for exactly the time it took to BBQ, on an otherwise perfect day, weather-wise.

Angst and Reconciliation Awards, and lots of hugs, to Esperanza and to JenR. These are very different family situations, but both incredibly painful on several levels. We love you both, admire your strength and caring, and will be here for you. xoxoxo

And speaking of LOVE, this week's proceedings are notable for the many and various reports of the devotion of loved ones, including but not limited to -- Esperanza's beloved's "I know, and you know", not to mention grandma's potty training efforts; Days' beloved's uncomplaining picking up of slack, and how he once reconditioned a bike just to her specifications; Liz and her BIL's strawberry jam; and Amy's beloved's impulsive gift of mega-memory for her phone.

See you next week, when the terrific Madeleine will host!

Monday, July 5, 2010

The Perils of a Long Weekend

So, I'm sitting here minding my own business, thinking deep legal thoughts, trying to write something work-related, when BAM! Something hit the roof and shook the house; the cats all ran to hide, the dogs went on high alert. I screamed and jumped, and tried to locate my beloved. It turned out that he was on the roof, continuing Day 4 of his Yardwork Marathon from Heck, and he had succeeded in sawing a largish branch off a dying tree.

This afternoon, our he and our son will continue efforts to repair son's ancient Volvo. The car wouldn't start on Friday, so they did a bunch of stuff (changed the oil; replaced the corroded distributor cap; jiggered the whatchahoozits) before discovering it was a blown fuse. This car is close to 30 years old, so they could conceivably spend the rest of time doing driveway maintenance, and it would still be an ancient Volvo. I'm looking forward to everyone going back to their day jobs tomorrow, so I can do mine.

It has otherwise been a nice weekend. We cooked and barbequed a bunch (good thing son is coming to eat some of the excess!), visited our local fair and music festival, saw parts of 3 fireworks shows from the hill (despite the fog). How was yours?

ETA: Blogger is acting creepy in several ways: [1] comment counts are off; [2] several comments disappeared; [3] our sidebar migrated to the bottom of the page in the last week or 2. I've put in a complaint. There doesn't appear to be anything like a live help-line. If anyone has more Blogger expertise than I (which wouldn't take much), please offer suggestions in comments or email me.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Flags, Music, Fireworks, and CAKE!

Happy Canada Day! Happy 4th of July!

Further feliciations to Dr. Jenevieve!

Hooray for Sue's friend, on the occasion of a transplant!

Emily wins the Old Skool Award for her classic whine about the half-full vs. too-full summertime dishwasher dilemma.

Amy wins the coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award for pointing out that I'm not exactly the Animal Whisperer: "I mean, bringing cat nip with you is like bringing a case of candy bars to a fat camp. You are bound to be the most popular person in the room if you do it. ;)"

Question of the Week Award to Sue, who wonders what the Queen carries in her ever-present purse?

Incoming Kittehs Award to the Days family, who are still trying to decide names.

Traveling in Style Award to Liz, who reported in from the train -- yay, WiFi! -- on her way to visit family.

Woes of the Working Woman Award to JenR, for her succinct yet moving whine: "Work requires too much work this week." Wishing you a good long weekend away from Those People.

Midsummer Frostbite Award to Sue, whose general location has not yet caught up with the season.

Sea of Half-Packed Crap Award to Jenevieve, who is moving halfway across the world next week, one way or another! Put the Sookies in the carryon, is my advice.

Sympathy to Tara (my hair out), and cluesticks to her brother, who is inundating the family with depression and obsession, but he doesn't think he's got a problem.

Good wishes and cake to all the Pixies suffering this week from pook or bark, embarking on summer adventures, keeping wonderful unbloggable secrets, looking for a palace in which to live, struggling with medical issues, wrestling familial disagreements, recovering from poison ivy, celebrating a promotion, and/or wishing for more time with someone who is Awesome!

Many thanks for the good thoughts offered for my friend with cancer. He's in good spirits.

See you next week, when we might have more on the menu than CAKE!