zzzzB zzzzzB zzzzzB!

I'm sure you're all on tenterhooks waiting for the next FlyWatch Update. I’m happy to say there have been no further sightings. Phew. The remaining question is "What the fireplace?" but we'll move on regardless.

Great Big Happy Dance from all the pixies for Esperanza, who has a bundle of cells that will someday be a bundle of joy and is henceforth excused from a bundle of moving chores. Sit down, sweetheart. Rest yourself.

ICK! Award to Elizabeth, for her tick story which makes my flies seem like household pets. Ticks. Ugh.

The Coordinator's Purple Cross goes to kathy a., for meritorious service in the name of a happy family wedding.

The pixie baseball team has far too many players on the injured list this week. We wish speedy recovery to Uccellina's back (ouch!), Neighbor Lady and her sweet little boy, Sarah's friend's daughter, and Elizabeth's son's major bunkbed bruise.

Extreme Parenting Awards to Sarah, whose daughter is awake and worrying, Elizabeth, whose son hates her with the passion of a speck of shrimp, and Sara, whose son really doesn't need the Countdown To Change routine of the last month of school.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back Award to Can't Tell, our more-anonymous-than-usual pixie. Adjusting to a diagnosis for your child isn't easy. I hope that over time, it will give you a framework that helps you find good answers for your daughter. In the meantime, the pixies send hugs and we're always here to listen. Well, once a week, anyway.

Make It Stop Award to Sue, for both the return of Teh Headache, and a weekend church conference so miserable she was thinking "Please, someone stick pins in my eyes just to make this day interesting." Wow. That's a bad meeting, alright. Also, much love to Sue and our condolences on the death of your friend.

Two Degrees of Grief Award to Amy, who is coping with grief and loss at a slight remove, but feeling it strongly nonetheless. And, ahem, Happy Birthday to you! Yes, that feels as awkward to type as it is to read. But I hope that once you settle in, 36 won't feel so bad. Hey, it's a perfect square! Cut a pan of brownies into 6 x 6 and eat them all, and think of us.

The cluestick posse is on the way to Liz's workplace, to knock some sense into everyone who admired her bacterially-induced weight loss. The posse will drop off peanut M&Ms as they pass your desk, Liz. Nutritious and delicious!

That's all for now from FlyWatch Headquarters. Keep your fly swatter handy and meet me here next week, when kathy a. will host!

Bzzz Bzzzz Bzzzz Whine

I just had my second long weekend in a row, courtesy of working in one country and living in another. The whiny result is a lack of work-related motivation today. But that will work itself out, probably in a fit of evening haste.

The big story of the weekend, though, was flies. Big ones. Huge, black flies. All found in the upstairs bathroom or our office, which is next to it. (Anti-whine: none in the bedrooms, also right there.) When we saw the first one or two, on Saturday afternoon, I quickly accepted blame because I left the screen slider wide open when I went in with muddy hands to make lunch for the Assistant Gardener who was within moments of perishing from hunger. (Really! She was going to die!)

My Love is handy with a rolled up magazine, so he dispatched a couple, and I managed to shoo one out the little bathroom window. But they kept appearing -- there were several more on Sunday, and then on Monday, three more near the office window. Luckily they were really dumb flies and easy to bash.

I hatched a theory that they were coming in through the unfinished light fixture in the bathroom which presumably connects to the crawl space, which we suspect contains dead mice. My Love finally taped a plastic bag over it yesterday afternoon and we saw no more, but none in the bag either. So the jury is still out.

Did you have little critters whining on your parade this weekend?

Awards!!! There's No Place Like Home Edition

Thank you all for your support, commiseration, and friendship. You truly made it easier for me to be where I was. Bulleted list of phrases that helped me to (literally!) retain my shit:

• Cell phone died. It was 6 years old, which probably makes it a museum piece.
  
• Further Baboo Whine: snot and attendant snot sucking procedures.
• the move, the test, the snot and even the associated sucking.
• (thank goodness, finally an anti-whine, you're all thinking).
  
• ...the number of laptops in the hospital room often outnumbered the adults.
• ...dreaded ear drops of doom.
  
• ...red tape and the inescapable path of such red tape into your hands
• ...oh, the agony of the happy wakeful child.

You kept me going. You really did.

Now for the Awards:

Esperanza (who spelled linoleum correctly) wins the Rawhide! prize for her moving woes. My one question is: if you're moving because your husband got a new posting, why is dealing with the red tape your headache and not his?

And on the "How did this get to be MY job?" front, we have Kathy A. who went from champagne glass be-ribboner to wedding coordinator overnight. Plus she's got some actual work woes that involved groveling. But! She has a plan, and if "joy, joy, joy" is any indication, this wedding is a happy occasion.

This week's Whine of Substance Award goes to KLee who has a headache of Sue proportions and lost her shit in the parking lot. KLee, I hope you lose the headaches and you are perfectly entitled to lose your shit. Sending hugs and love. And Sue, I hope that the sub-occipital trigger point therapy works again. Hooray for finding a local doc who will do it! And yay for your Physio for having your back.

Sue At Ratatat wins the Brevity Award with "Whine: children up, must run."

Elizabeth wins the "Hanging's Too Good For Him" Award. Seriously.

Madeleine wins the "A Stitch In Time Saves Nine" Award for her tragedy averted.

JenR wins the "Ain't That Always the Way?" Award for her toddler's bad timing. So glad that the ear infection is gone and much nodding and winceful rememberance of nights when MM woke just as I was going to bed.

Hugs and love to Can't Tell and family, and I echo Kathy A's sentiments on the suckiness of biting your tongue on your blog.

That's all I've got in me today folks. Tune in next week when our host will be Madeleine!

Whining from my hospital bed

Whine: Hospital bed
Anti-whine: WIFI!!!

I'm gonna be undergoing a colonoscopy tomorrow, boys and girls. Beat that.



*Looks so far like a bacterial infection, they just want to look and make sure. I am currently bung-full of saline solution and antibiotics. Clear liquid diet. Have had unabated unpleasantness but feel much better than I did yesterday.

Late Closing

My computer's quirks reached a new high this morning, when the exotic "copy and paste" function caused repeated crashes. It is just one of those weeks, I guess. Many thanks for the good pixie wishes after the dog bite incident; dog and master are fine now.

Close Encounters of the Presidential Kind Award to Liz, who reports, "SQUEEEE!"

Happy Family Reunion Award to Redzils, who saved a dog from traffic and reunited it with its family!

Old Skool Award also to Dr. Redzils, who shall be sporting bandaids and a banged up knee to the ceremony honoring her doctorate. As Amy noted, "At the very least, you'll always have the best graduation story to tell at all the faculty cocktail parties. That's worth something, right?"

Elevated Risk of Mullet Award to Esperanza, who concluded her fertility treatment whine by observing that "Waiting till Monday was out of the question, unless I wanted to be the next octuplet mom."

The Everlasting Irony of Mother’s Day Award to Madeleine, for her classic: "Whine: the three pots from the wonderful mother's day breakfast are still on the stove dirty. I was ignoring them on principle but will need to scrub at least one for dinner making."

Joys of Parenting Award to Miranda, whose son earned a justifiable suspension from school.

Heartbreaking Limbo Award to Elizabeth, whose mother turned down a liver because the donor had track marks, fresh and old. Many warm pixie thoughts that she will get her transplant soon.

You Do Not Suck Award to Sue, who is wrangling institutional rules and unreasonable people right and left, about her partial disability. As Liz said so eloquently, "Sue, YOU are not everyone's problem. That their souls are shriveled and shivering in the cold of their frozen compassion is the problem." Esperanza adds harmony: "And a big cluestick for all the meanies. And an I-don't-know-what for the headaches. They can go on a vacation to Antarctica and never come back. Bah!"

The "Is that a Hallmark Event?" Award to Margalit, whose list of whines begins with "First Crack Whore Comes to House."

Great Balls of Ice Award to Madeleine, who followed up on the festivities by calling insurance over the dented car. Madeleine also wins the coveted Sheriff of the Bus Stop Award, for breaking up a fist-fight between two so-called adult men who were dropping off their children. Way to set an example for the kids, dudes!

Baby Blues Awards to Amy, whose baby boy cries himself to sleep at the babysitters, and Sarah at ratatat, whose baby girl refuses to nurse except in a darkened room. Many sympathies.

Sue wins the Full Circle Award with "amy and sarah - hang in there. This too shall pass (omg - the transformation is now complete - that is exactly what my now-deceased mother used to tell me when my boys were babies)." Thanks to Amy for the nomination!

Students! Incoming! Award to Amy, who is relieved to have a new crowd after having to flunk so many plagiarists last semester.

Yikes, Moving Awards to Dr. Redzils, as she prepares to move just about as far as one can get from her current place, and to Esperanza, who says goodbye to her congregation this weekend.

Passing the donuts. Hope everyone finds moments this week that make us laugh ourselves silly!

Early Opening

Happy Mother's Day, to all celebrants!

Opening the Whiner's Ball early, on account of busy-ness the next couple of days, and also I had a crabby attack today, so why not?

On the anti-whine side, daughter spoiled me rotten during last weekend's visit, and she hand-painted a lovely vase for Mother's Day! And my son visited today, we had a nice dinner and I got hugs, even if the primary reason for the visit was that he wanted to fix his bike. My beloved, father of our children, was very sweet all day.

And more anti-whines -- wonderful family wedding in 2 weeks! Having fun working on my upcoming college reunion!

But today, I also am tired and underslept and hot-flashy, low on funds, high on behind-in-work, grumpy about some stupid family dynamics and about my stupid recalcitrant computer. Icing on the cake is my mentally ill SIL with dementia, who left a message this morning wanting her barely-9-year-old son's phone number, so she could call him on Mother's Day and say she never wanted to see him again. My beloved didn't return the call, so probably she will kind of forget about this urgent need, but it pokes our hearts badly anyway.

..... I thought that was all, but my husband just drove himself off to the ER. He got bitten pretty deeply in the leg on the evening dog walk, when some loose dog tried to attack one of ours. He never goes to the ER voluntarily. Did not want me to go wait with him. Gah.

To Every Thing, There is a Season

Amy captures the spirit of the week graciously: "wow, a lot of big stuff this week, a lot of worry about our loved ones. if i had the perfect balm to heal these pixie souls, i'd share it. all i have, though, is some virtual amish friendship bread. would you all like it vanilla or butterscotch?"

Condolences to Margalit and Sara on their losses, and on the angst still flowing from the newly departed. Pixie thoughts are with you.

Crossed Pixie Fingers Award to JenR, whose little one had ear tube surgery. Glad to hear things are better!

Hormones Aplenty, Hormones Galore Award to Esperanza, who finds that even a wisp of hair and her glasses are conspiring to irritate her these days.

Exploding Head Award to Klee; we all hope that migraine goes away and stays there.

Madeleine wins the Old Skool Award for her classic whine about pimples: "You know what I hate? Pimples that won't get better but they won't get worse. At least when a pimple gets worse you know you are moving along toward healing. The fireplacing unchanging painful under-the-skin pimples make me crazy."

Meeting, Shmeeting Award to Sue, who has fireplacing workshops during her vacation. Many good healing thoughts for her Ouzo, currently in the kitty hospital.

CuteCuteCute Award to Liz, who reports "liddle baybee foxes!!! Right outside my office building!!! Five of them!" Sue wins a coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award for her response: "Foxes!!!! (I have this image suddenly of Steve Martin in polyester pants from SNL in the 70s)."

Bed Inspection Award to Redzils, who was offered a place to stay with an old family friend, but only if her boyfriend from 4,000 miles away (or the apparently suspected hundreds of them) never darkens their doorstep. Thanks, old family friend! Geesh. Liz also earns an Elevated Risk of Mullet Award for her response, "Redzils, sounds like they need a rectal polectomy."

The What’s So Great About Technology Award to Madeleine, whose mom just got Skype. Sympathy, too, to Genevieve, who sees this horror approaching and is already strategizing to hide the eye rolls during parental calls.

Grading Hell Award to Amy, who is DONE with the grading! But had to flunk all the miscreants who think their teacher is too stupid to know about the Google and the cut-n-paste function of computers.

Long-Distance Mama Award to Elizabeth, who must travel on Mother’s Day.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms in Pixieland! May your toast be unburned, and your beloveds warm your hearts.

Thanks for playing! See you again next week!

Turn, turn, turn

This past weekend was Moms' Weekend at my daughter's U, and it was wonderful! We had a great time -- pottery sale, dinner/movie/comedy show etc. with her best friend and best friend's wonderful mom, Pet Day at the Vet School, shopping, more eating and hanging out, lots of talking & laughing, etc.

The only thing that went wrong was my brain, when I messed up on the time for the return airport shuttle, missed it, missed any chance of lunch, and barely made my flight. Oh, and my old reliable rollerbag also died on the way up, the handle permanently extended. And I accidentally threw away a lovely handmade glass pendant that I bought for $1.50 [1/2 off, because we got there late] at the pottery sale -- it was worth a lot more.

OK, here's my real Antiwhine/Whine: my baby girl [age 20] was just officially accepted to an exchange program in Japan next school year. ALL of next school year! I'm so proud, but this brings tears to my eyes, and every so often I hyperventilate. How am I going to be graceful about this??

Please bring your whines and cheeze. We may as well wallow together.