Happy Thanksgiving to our Canadian friends! Happy three-day-weekend to some [but not all] in the U.S.
This week's festivities are brought to you by the 20 year anniversary of the Loma Prieta earthquake. My kids were itty-bitty at the time, and we were staying with my sister in San Jose. We sang a lot, as we made sure the gas was off, got supplies, cleaned up the glass, righted furniture, and so on. Twist and Shout was a favorite, because we were shakin'! My son also kept singing the Happy Birthday song, because of the candles we had while the power was out. Wooo!
So, I'll just lead off with a huge anti-whine: horrible things happened in that quake, and we were so very lucky. I will just never forget how wonderful people were, coming together during that disaster. We were so busy trying to keep the kids calm and take care of the basics that we did not even hear for hours about how bad it was. My beloved was still in Japan, and I couldn't reach him until the next day to say we were OK. The singing, that helped a lot.
What's shaking with you this week?
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You know, Kathy -- that really helps put things in perspective. Today, instead of whining about what I DON'T have, I will be glad for the things that I DO have.
Yikes, Kathy, what a story.
Whine: feeling neurotic, anxious, waiting-for-other-shoe-ish, etc. I'm at 24 weeks now (!), and the Sweet Baboo arrived at 29 weeks.
Antiwhine: visit with the OB today, with the above complaint, resulted in promises to run tests every couple of weeks (fetal fibronectin) to determine likelihood of imminent labor and ease of maternal mind. (Mini Baboo is kicking away, heartrate is good, growing well, etc. Mama is neurotic for purely psychological reasons).
Whine: gained more weight than I had intended (more than recommended 1 lb/week). Crap. Guess I'll have to give up the nightly chocolate cake. You think I'm kidding. I am not. I have been eating chocolate cake every day.
Funny Pregnant-with-a-Toddler Moment: I did not think my back had been bothering me. Had you asked, I would have said it felt pretty good. Then I noticed the Sweet Baboo sauntering around the house with both hands pressed to the small of her back. Then I realized I've been doing that too! Because it does hurt.
3 cheers for team baboo! i think the chocolate cake thing has been working so far; why mess with success?
Thanks for the smiles, esperanza. And for the perspective, Kathy A.
And for putting up Wednesday whining. Because I needed to whine after today's therapist appointment. At which the therapist asked AJ if she was constantly worrying about germs and washing her hands until they were raw, etc. etc. in order to get attention.
Because maybe she wasn't getting enough attention from Mommy, what with all the homeschooling, Mom taking her fishing, going to rabbit shows without Dad and little sister, etc.
Oh, and then she told AJ that she just needs to learn what worries are "real" and which ones are "just silly". Because that, along with disciplining her when she acts OCD-ish, will make the OCD-ish behavior go away. Riiight.
You know, therapist-who-is-supposedly-a-professional, rather than just telling AJ that she's behaving badly it MIGHT possibly be helpful to give her some TOOLS to learn how to funtion better (and maybe even give us some tools to help her better). Argh.
I found it particularly interesting that last week she suggested that we were being too nurturing and giving the behavior too much attention and AJ too much leniency, thus causing it, and this week it must be because we weren't giving AJ enough attention and nurturing.
Honestly, I just get the impression that the therapist has. no. clue. how to manage AJ's issues or even really identify what's going on with her. She said that next time she was going to spend more time with AJ trying to figure out how her brain works. We're a month into seeing her already, and she hardly talked with AJ the last couple of times except to lecture and/or criticize her. I'm getting really annoyed with this therapist. And this is the one the pediatrician recommended.
Antiwhine: I may have a lead on a recommendation for a better therapist.
Whine: We all seem to be coming down with the flu. AJ was the first to succumb--rather ironic since she's the one who has been obsessively careful about germs the last several weeks.
Almost forgot the most annyoing thing . . . AJ asked the therapist to PLEASE not use a particular word that upsets her very much. The therapist said, OK, she would use a different word. But then after she spent her whopping 10 minutes alone with AJ, AJ said that she used that word over and over again--after AJ asked her not to and she promised she wouldn't.
Oh, and AJ was talking about wanting to die again, but the T said that she was just being philosophical, and she felt the best approach would be to get AJ interested in something like mystery novels that would give her overactive brain something else to analyze and think about instead of obsessing about negative things and worrying about how unhappy she was.
Again, she suggested a lot of really simplistic basic parenting stuff that we're already doing--stuff that that ISN'T HELPING. If normal common-sense parenting would fix it, I can assure you we wouldn't be spending huge amounts of money and time consulting highly specialized professionals. Because, believe it or not, despite the fact that our child has issues, we really are reasonably good parents.
And may I remind you that a lot of this obsessing/worrying/overreacting/wierd behavior is stuff we've been seeing literally since infancy and/or toddlerhood, in various manifestations?
Argh, p_k. I sense that a cluestick posse is forming. Grr. And I really do hope you can find someone to help AJ. And soon.
P_K, sounds like that therapist is worse than no therapist.
Assvice thought for the day:
Given your family's issues w allergies, could some of the OCD behavior be tied to food issues?
Assvice new therapist suggestion: Call NAMI and ask for a list of good pediatric psychologists specializing in OCD.
And many hugs.
As
P_K, deffffffinitely time for finding a new therapist. This woman doesn't seem to have any strengths in treating OCD. I'm really astonished that she wasn't able to honor AJ's request for avoiding a difficult word.
I don't know where that last "as" came from.
Oh PK, that's terrible. Good luck finding a new therapist.
Esperanza - the sweet baboo holding a back in imitation of you sounds adorable, even if it means you do have unrecognized back pain. And good luck not letting your worries run away with you. Pregnancy, even my relatively boring ones, amplified all the things rattling around in my head.
Kathy A - thank you for the earthquake perspective.
Whine: my 5 year old was sick last week, missed 3 days of school. It was a virus, the doctor said cold, but I think that was doctor speak for virus as it wasn't a typical cold. non-stop fever, cough leftover from fall allergies, some congestion and fatigue. And on Sunday, my mom, who lives with us, came down with the chills and a fever. Her doctor says virus.
Anti-whine: both doctors say not H1N1. And the baby seems to be just a little bit under the weather, not nearly as sick as my son or mom.
Whine: my husband is in Las Vegas all week for work. And it is cold here. I want to go away...
PK, joining the chorus for finding another therapist who is better suited to AJ, and a better fit all around.
oh, sarah -- so sorry about the bug. hope everyone is better soon.
i have such peculiar memories of the earthquake, and they still seem so vivid. it was the ultimate parenting moment: my sister and i calmly said, "oh. it's just an earthquake. a big one. everything's fine. it will be over soon," as everything rumbled and tossed. and what we were thinking was: "OH SHIT! FIREPLACE FIREPLACE YIKES!", as she got in a doorway and i checked to be sure nothing would fall on the kids and me.
fyi, the toddler lyrics to twist and shout are "SATSUMA, BABY!", belted with feeling and accompanied by that funny dance with knees bending and chubby little arms pumping.
Liz, food could definitely be an issue. She is lactose intolerant and that does have an effect. Also, she did relatively well (though still worrying a lot about germs, things in general seemed ramped down a few notches) the week we were on beans and rice.
The day we came off the diet we had church, birthday party and then dinner out with family--lots of sugar, food dyes, and all kinds of additives I'm sure. The next two days were by far the worst of that two-week period. So we are keeping an eye on that.
Christmas items starting to show up at the mall. 2.5+ weeks before Halloween!
Please, mall powers that be, my life is going by fast enough. Do NOT encourage this!
I second Emily. Not ready, not ready.
I'd like to nominate Sarah for the Southwest Award. ("Wanna get away?")
Back later with more. :)
Sick kid with OCD=worst. patient. ever. I am about ready to run away screaming while pulling out my hair.
JF wants me to whine on his behalf: fireplacing headache that just! will! not! go! away! He stayed home from work today, and he does that very rarely.
I joke that he'd have to be bleeding from the eyeballs to go to the doctor, and while that's not far off the mark, he also stays home about as often as Leap Year rolls around. So, when he says it was a muther of a headache, I believe him.
Antiwhine -- I got a hundred bucks from my dad for my birthday!
Whine -- Thursday is my birthday, and my daughter is delighting in needling me about turning 39. And about how close that is to forty.
Antiwhine -- At least I have a hundred bucks! Even if I am older than dirt (according to Offspring.)
let's book PK on that flight with sarah, eh?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, klee! phffthhhh, is what i have to say to offspring. 39 is a fine age; 40, even better. hope JF is feeling better.
39 is the new 29.
Whines: cramps, temporary lack of car (in shop because tree branch fell on it), cramps, no RSVPs for upcoming birthday party for 6 year old, cramps
Anti-whines: mom got her sutures out yesterday, classmate gave me a ride home, ibuprofen
{{{{Elizabeth}}}}
As for me, the asbestos removal guys are due in 7 minutes. Guess how we spent the long weekend? Cleaning out the basement! Wooo!
With apologies, I haven't time at the moment to read the whines. Will do that on my lunch break.
Whine: Our conversation a few minutes ago, IMMEDIATELY after I sat down with my desperately needed coffee after a miserable night of sleep.
Hubby: "Oh look how beautiful the sunrise is over the lake!"
Me: "ya."
Hubby: "No, really, come and see it. And while you're up, get the camera."
Me: "It'll happen again tomorrow. Do I have to?"
Hubby: "That's the spirit, dear. Cease the moment."
Me: "Shut up, 'kay?"
Hubby: (in golf commentator voice) "Folks, we are seeing the rare three dwarf morning. Sleepy, Dopey AND Grumpy. Be sure to approach the subject with care."
Me: *death stare*
I'm off to the office. Back later.
Elizabeth, your body and mine are on the same delightful schedule!
Whine: Fan belt squealing.
Anti-whine: Fans squealed for Mr. Spock at the debate last night. He did great!
Happy Birthday KLee!
I'm a bit older (47) and get a lot of those types of comments. In some situations, mentioning that a woman's sexuality peaks in her 40s will silence all future comment:-). Not sure what I'll say next decade though.
It may not be appropriate for your daughter (not sure how old she is), but it works on other family members who think they are being "cute".
Whine: Failed my dermatology rotation! That's sucky but not monumental (i.e., I can still be a vet!), but what really sucked were the harsh, mean comments that clinical wrote in the feedback form, and what he said to our group all week. I feel a formal complaint a-brewin'.
Antiwhine: Had M,T,W off this week. Productive studying, spending time with HB, and letting Matt have a wee break. Yay!
Whine: My family is totally insane, manipulative, passive-aggressive, and ridiculous. Also, they're crazy.
AW: I have realised this early enough in life that I can (hopefully) avoid the same behaviours in my family interactions.
Jen--that totally s*cks! I will be happy to take a clue stick to your instructor--harsh mean comments do not help people learn (which is the point, no?)
I hear you on the family whines--am also trying to avoid the same in my own!
Elizabeth and Liz--I am on the same schedule as you, apparently....hugs and motr1n to go around...
KLee--Cool! I am exactly one day older than you! :) Happy Birthday tomorrow!
Jenevieve--Sorry about the rotation. For no good reason, what sprang to mind is the line from "Alexander and the terrible, etc. day" about counting to twenty and leaving out the number sixteen. "Sixteen! Who needs sixteen!?" Don't know why...very random...but "Dermatology. Who needs it?!" Anyway....maybe it's only funny to me....some days are like that.
:)Neighbor Lady
Grumpy First-World Whine: After no rain for about two years, it has finally been raining this month. Wonderful. Also? Muddy. Wonderful housekeeper is here as we speak, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, mopping, etc. Doorbell rings...people are here to replace the windows. When I told them to wipe their feet before they come in and out (you know, holding large panes of glass), the reply was "uh-oh."
I think I can kiss the clean house goodbye, almost before it gets here.
And Sue? Your husband is too clever for early morning conversation. I'd confiscate his coffee if I were you.
I nominate esperanza for an "Is it really too much to ask? Really?" award for the window guys. Also, cluesticks to every worker who leaves footprints.
cluesticks for Jenevieve's instructor and esperanza's window installers.
And some sort of prize to Liz for fans squealing being both good and bad.
Happy Birthday to KLee and Neighbor Lady.
Elizabeth - hope the week gets better. I never used to require an RSVP, then moved to "regrets only" and now I just want to shake people. Tell me! Tell Me! I don't think I am more uptight than when I was younger, but who knows?
Sue - at least your husband didn't suggest you were grumpy because you stayed up too late :) I second the suggestion to take away his coffee, or at least steal it.
Jeni - an unconstructive review deserves a complaint. Will you take Derm again? If so, new instructor, I'd hope.
Esperanza - If only these things cold be arranged, like if the messy workmen came today and the lovely housekeeper tomorrow.
Whine of the moment: My parents live with us (generally an AW) and my dad is doing something in the basement. And he is yelling/cursing at whatever he is doing (moving a pipe, I think). And I do that sometimes and I didn't trace the source, I guess. It has been very weird to see so many of the bad habits I've identified in myself, things to change, things to not pass on to my kids...yeah, mostly from my dad.
AW: my dad is a nice person, he never yells at people, there are worse things...I still think I will try to curb myself if I can.
Whine: Still no time to read whines!!! Maybe later this evening...
Le sigh.
Also, I must have been REALLY sleepy this morning. I believe he said "Seize" the day, not "Cease". Good Freudian slip on my part, however....I would have gladly ceased my day at that point and gone back to bed, but alas, no one will pay me to do that.
Yes, it would have been nice if the sequence went windows-housekeeper. Which might have been arranged had Mr. E remembered to tell me about the window people coming today. Oh well. No muddy footprints, and they "cleaned" after themselves, but there is mortar and dust and whatnot everywhere. Which I can't vacuum b/c one cannot vacuum while butt is on couch. Sigh. That means Mr. E can do it when he gets home.
Happy Birthday, Neighbor Lady! Sending you virtual cake with a "21 and holding" candle atop it!
My dad, who is a burn victim (and also insane, but that's neither here nor there) had several die-and-be-revived instances in during his trauma Back In The Day says that during these episodes, he actually DIED, so he gets to start over. This year, he said that he was turning 22. Of course, he also says that he's "21 with 45 years of experience."
Jeni -- that sounds AWFUL about your instructor. I mean, it's one thing to not do so hot in a class, but to have the instructor belittle you? No, I'd say go with the complaint. Who wants to learn in a hostile environment? Who CAN learn in a hostile environment? All you end up learning is not to take that prof's classes.
Esperanza -- sorry about the mess, but under no circumstances do YOU clean it up. That is NOT ON THE AGENDA. You do not want to make the pixies come over and get you with the comfy pillows. It is not a pretty sight.
Sue's husband is a crackup. Unfortunately, crackups are not quite so much fun at o'dark-thirty. I, too, suffer from a chipper morning husband. They are no fun for us grumpfaces.
Sarah -- I hear you on the picking up of unwanted habits from the parental units. Especially the ones you don't want to pass on to the successive generations. I'm working on that, myself.
Emily -- my daughter is 13, turning 14 two weeks after Christmas. It may not be appropriate to tell her that women peak sexually in their 40's, but it just might shut her up. Hmmmm.... Thx for the Ebil Plan!
A vote to Elizabeth for the cramps. There's not much worse than feeling both achy AND dirty to liven one's day up. I know that that "Have a Happy Period" stuff is utter bullshit. I'd like to show them where to place their products when I see those ads.
Major. major anti-whine -- I took my midterm tonight, and I only missed one question! Hooray! :) I know this kids in the class think I'm a total teacher's pet, but what they don't understand is that I have something to prove to myself, AND I really want to be there and to excel.
Votes all around - ((PK)) - definitely start looking for a better therapist and once things have cleared up a bit, you might even think about reporting this one to whatever college or supporting body he/she is accountable to - that behaviour is SO unprofessional and downright dangerous.
KLee - Happy Birthday tomorrow. 39!!! Yay!!! That's a great reason to celebrate!
Now I'm sleepy. Catch y'all in the morning, when I hopefully won't be Quite as grumpy....
i broke something. can't delete previous post. am completely computer illiterate today. :(
also, facebook is broken today. keeps telling me i have no friends. :( x2
Howdy pixies!
Esperanza..DON'T MOVE. Use the power of your mind to work the vacuum. Or, you know, wait for hubby to do it ;)
PK...what everybody else said. Plus extra hugs for poor A.J.
Sue..my fiance' can give your hubby a run for the "Stupid Husband Trick" award. Yesterday as I left for work (by way of reminder, I am 28 weeks pregnant), he hitched up his jeans and complained, "Aargh, my pants are falling down! My waist must be getting smaller or something!". I think a cluestick wedged in his belt would keep them up...what think you, pixies?
Whine: 4 year-old DD been sick all week with mystery disappearing fever and cough. Acting fine except for sneezing, hacking, and the thermometer reading high 1x day.
Anti-whine: her dad (my ex) watched her for me, so as to not expose her to my preggo self...plus I work as a private nanny and don't get sick days.
Whine: He's sick of watching her, and wanted to send her to school anyway tomorrow. Whoops, fever's back. Sigh. My poor baby.
Anti-whine: Daughter-to-be is staying put!! Wooohoo!
Small whine: But is kicking me in the bladder and cervix something fierce! Kid, if you don't stop, Mama is *not* buying you that pony.
Happy Hump Day to all the pixies!!
nearly forgot -- the best part about this week is not having to keep track of the tickets. (concert was awesome.)
Debangel - yup, the cluestick wedgie is definitely in order there.
Belated Happy Birthday Neighbour Lady!
Snow here this morning. I don't think that's actually a whine. It could be worse - it could be ice.
Whine: Can someone please come and organize my office? It's a mess because I keep leaving in a hurry for important stuff and lo and behold, but isn't all the stuff right where I left it the next day? How does that happen? Where are the organization fairies? Do they not come in at night and put things in order????!!!
Fan belt fixed. Fans still squealing.
Hugs to all. Stocking up on cluesticks.
Thanks for the birthday wishes!!!
Virtual chocolate cake with fudge frosting for all!!!
:) Neighbor Lady
***Singing Happy Birthday, loudly and off-key, to all applicable recipients.***
AJ must have been up at least 6-8 times between 3 and 5 A.M., freaking out because she coughed on her sheets, touched the wall, coughed on her hand, might have touched her clothes, someone else might have touched something without washing their hands first, etc. etc.
{{P_K}} and {{AJ}}
I'm sorry this is so rough.
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