Welcome, Pixies, to the Whiner's Ball! This edition is brought to you by the Muzak people and catalog retailers everywhere, whose fine holiday products will be wringing your last nerve for the next 6 weeks. Ho. Ho. Ho!
Antiwhine: We had a great weekend visiting daughter! It was Dads' Weekend at the U, and her marching band assured a victory at the home game, with the able assistance of the band's Dancing Dads. With only 2 hours of professional dance training, several dozen middle-aged dads marched bravely onto the field before 46,000 fans and performed to the Elvis hit, "Hunka Hunka Burning Love," with arms, midsections, and legs going every which-way. The crowd was breathless, particularly the spousal sector, which is still collapsing into giggles at the memory. Good sports, those dads.
Whine: My SIL, age 50, now has been officially diagnosed with early dementia and is apparently going downhill fast. She needs a conservatorship, and the doctor called my beloved on Saturday night to say SIL cannot live independently. She also cannot stay here; the last time she did was a 24/7 rolling disaster. Please think good thoughts for my beloved, and for SIL's first husband, who is helping out; there is really nobody else.
Antiwhine: Annika got to go home! Woo-hoo!
Antiwhine: Cats! Except the one who keeps pooping in the bathtub. And the one who thinks tearing up the carpet in front of a door is the same as saying "Open Sesame."
Let 'er rip, Pixies! What's the news this week? Prizes for Old Skool, Style, and Elevated Risk of Mullet. Passing the chocolate, and I'm pretty sure Liz is ready to saddle up the Cluestick Posse, should the need arise.
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Whine: I just wrote a comment on Liz's funny post and blogger seems to have eaten it. Really must do some calls and emails before it is bus-stop time. Maybe retype later.
I never have enough stuff to do here every day
And reading blogs doesn't do much to pass the time away
I'm trying hard not to show it (pixies)
But pixies, pixies I know it
I've lost that busy feeling
Whoa that busy feeling
I've lost that busy feeling
Now it's gone, gone, gone whoa.
I haven't written a line of code since I got here
And my mind's starting to leak out my ear
It makes me just feel like crying (pixies)
'Cause pixies, my mad skillz are dying
I've lost that busy feeling
Whoa that busy feeling
I've lost that busy feeling
Now it's gone, gone, gone whoa.
PM, PM, I'd buy some brie cheese for you
If you would would only give me some work to do (yeah)
I need a task, a task, a task I could do every day
So please please please send one my way
I said PM (PM) PM (PM) I'm begging you please (please!)
I need some work, I need some work, I need some work
So give me a task, give me a task, give me a task!
Give back that busy feeling
Whoa that busy feeling
Give back that busy feeling
Now it's gone, gone, gone
And I can't go on.
Whoa.
Ooh! We posted at the same time!
madeleine, if you still have trouble, email it to me and I'll post it for you.
Anti-whine: Got stuck on hold for a long time and got to retype my comment to liz.
Anti-whine: Got the answer I wanted when the person finally picked up. And also, how often does getting put on hold get me an anti-whine?
Liz is obviously rockin' the style vote already.
Liz, I found your busy feeling! Can I send it to you UPS? Fed Ex? USPS? I'm flexible.
My whine. The Early Childhood Intervention person just left here. She comes once a month to evaluate the Sweet Baboo for developmental delays, need for therapy, etc. Every single month I end up feeling inadequate and incompetent. I know this is more about me than about her. But really? Encouraging me to not just read books to the Baboo, but make sure I point out items in the pictures? Sheesh. We read books all the time, but I don't guess it occured to me to point out the pictures to her, specifically. I talk to her constantly (well, ok, lots of times I'm talking to myself, but she's there, so it counts as talking to her, right?). Just an example. Whatever I'm doing, it's not enough, or not right, or I could try something else. Like I don't worry enough by myself.
Antiwhine: I love Wednesday whining. Especially on Tuesdays. And the developmental pediatrician was happy with the Baboo's progress, so the ECI woman can go fly a kite this month. (I'm really hoping none of you are ECI people).
OK, I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow for more whining.
I posted about it (vaguely) at my place, but my demon-child got moved to another class! Wooty-woot-woot!
I know I probably shouldn't be celebrating, and I should look on this as confirmation as "mad skillz:I has none", but I can't hear you over the dancing of my happy feet.
Whine/antiwhine: I got a cane.
Kathy a - so sorry about SIL - I have a friend who is in her late 40s in the same sad situation.
KLee - I'll second that Woot!
Early style points (of course!) for the always rockin' Liz.
PK - I know it's hard, and symbolic, but if it keeps you upright, it's worth it. I've been through this with my hubby. The first few days of a new assist are hard, but then you wonder how you managed without it. I know that's easy for me to say, but there's my two cents anyway....
esperanza - you are plenty of things, but inadequate and incompetent are not on the list. I double checked - nu-uh, not there. You're an awesome Mom.
madeleine - around here we call being on hold "Being on Terminate" because what's worse than listening to that "You're call is important to us" stuff? Blech. Glad it worked out well at least.
Anti-whine: It's snowing and I don't have to shovel. Ha! I am loving condo living. Big time.
Whine: Well, you remember my doctor right? I never know whether I'm going to see Dr. Happy or Dr. Grumpy. Could be either dwarf doc, depending on the day.
Today I got Dr. Grumpy. He signed off on me working half time for another three weeks (the church hierarchy types are going to FREAK when they find out)- but then he charged me for filling out the form. It was only $15, but he's NEVER charged me for a form before. WTF?
Anti-whine: He referred me to a local guy who does trigger-point injections because *whispers* my headache is back (around 6/10, but still, it's in the same place as before, same sharp intensity and very upsetting).
Whine: I can't blog about my sore head because it's not "positive" enough for the parishioner I whined about a few weeks ago.
Anti-whine: My partial disability was approved, so at the very least, we have that income. Plus, I have three more weeks at half time to adjust to being back at work.
Final anti-whine and then I'll shut up I promise: My sermon on Sunday ROCKED THE PLACE. Seriously. People are calling the church for copies. That feels good even with a sore fireplacing head.
As you were....
Oh NO, Sue. No headaches allowed.
oh no no, sue. go see the new guy, stat! we insist. xoxo and yay for the antiwhines!
Well, the guy in the summer who did my treatments said that some people do need to be re-injected occasionally. I was just hoping I wouldn't be one of them.
Dr. Grumpy was at least kind enough to avoid saying "I told you so" when the headaches returned shortly after I returned to work. He's still convinced it's all about the job. But then, he was so grumpy, he hardly spoke at all. His wife is a good friend of mine - how on EARTH does she live with this guy????? She ought to be sainted, really.
esperanza, every mother I know who has done EI has felt that way. Those young girls sure know how to make you feel inadequate. Ignore her. She's a douche.
Klee, great news about the demon child!
Sue, no more headaches. OK? Ask your friend why her husband is such a grump. Maybe she's playing the Lysistrata home game?
PK, I can one up you. I'm FINALLY getting a wheelchair. It's on order now. It will change much of how we live, as in I can take my kids to someplace where walking would not allow me to go.
Whine: Worthless Pet has destroyed my bedroom which reeks so badly now that none of the 'no stink' products even cut the smell. My son has moved in there because his room is too disgusting for him to sleep in.
Whine: My daughter is having SO MUCH trouble in US History this year and it's all due to her LD, but I can't seem to get anyone to care. So I have to work with her every frigging night, reading the material, underlining what is important and numbering what info will answer the questions provided.
Whine: i thought my shoulder hurt due to the flu shot, which made me sick as a dog, but it appears that my shoulder is really hurt, like a rotator cuff injury. I need xrays and a cat scan but I don't have the time this week. Hurts like hell, though.
Whine: we said goodbye to our beloved psychopharm today and I cried. He's not even my doctor but I honestly loved the guy. I'll miss him so much. Son was nonplussed. I have no clue as to what he's thinking.
AW: Daughter is back on the almost straight and narrow (she IS a teenager) and we're getting along well. Phew. Another crisis averted.
AW: Pepper continues to be the most adorable kitten ever. I have to have her spayed this month and I'm already panicking. Poor little thing!
AW: Although we are still completely bereft of funds, I must admit that I'm enjoying hearing other people who are broke, too. It's about frigging time! Now that the economy is evening out the disparity between rich and poor, I think the country will be better served.
Whine: Our town has planted hundreds of trees inside bags. WTF?
Sue, within 10 minutes of getting the cane, I was wondering why I didn't do this sooner already.
It's not that I had actually been falling down, really. But it took SO much energy just to keep myself upright and to struggle with the unbalanced, foggy, dizzy feeling. And standing for any length of time was so very difficult, like if I had to stand in line anywhere ever.
The cane does help quite a bit. And it's something I can use when I need it, and not when I don't.
Margalit, hugs and I hope the wheelchair is a huge help to you. Is it an electric wheelchair, or a manual? I discovered this past week that using an electric cart at the grocery store made shopping much more manageable for me, at least sort of.
I think the combination of having the cane and using a cart/wheelchair where they are available would possibly allow me to get out more even during the relatively bad spells, except that it has become abundantly clear that I need to not be trying to drive places. So we will be doing a lot of staying home, except in situations where someone else can drive.
Giving up driving is the hardest thing so far, I think. Not that it's anything new, really--I've been not-driving much of the time for the past 7-8 months or so anyway, because I wasn't feeling up to it.
But realizing that I need to stop trying to drive even on the days when I initially feel like I'll be OK enough to handle it--that's something new. And that's hard to come to grips with. I don't know how long it will last, but I hope not for too many months.
PK - the important thing is to be safe. Hubby had a really hard time giving up driving also. With him, it was like a series of slow-motion losses, all within about two years. It gets easier - or at least it did for him. Now he's talking about looking at scooters.
Anti-whine: Good sleep last night.
Whine: Still a bit of pain this morning, but the worst of it seems to be gone for now. I'm working today, and have a difficult meeting, so we'll see how it goes...
happy wednesday pixies!
Happy Wednesday everyone!
esperanza, that "point to the pictures" comment sounds to me like "she's doing such a great job I have nothing to say. I have to say something. Think, think, think. Oh! Point to the pictures!"
My general approach to parenting is to assume I'm doing a great job compared to the dumbos down the street and therefore I'm fine. I think you are, too.
PK, my wheel chair will be a manual one, nothing fancy, but just enough for right now. I have promised my kids that I would not get a power chair or scooter from the Scooter Store until they go to college. :-)
I have dizzy spells myself, but when I'm driving I tend to sit in the car for a few minutes (irritating all drivers that want my handicap parking space so they can just "run in" to pick up the Starbucks coffee) until the dizziness passes, my driving is safe. But I had 6 months of no driving after I had my defibrillator installed, and that sucked.
I don't have the nerve to try those wheelchair shopping carts. I don't know why. I just don't.
Thanks, everybody. It's really that I just don't click with the ECI person. And that I am anxious about the Baboo's development already, so when something is pointed out to me that I could also be doing, I think "oh, I'm sure that's the problem, then." When it's just the Baboo taking her own sweet time to do something. And, if I'm reacting to the ECI program by feeling inadequate and incompetent (which I'm pretty sure is not the intention of the program), then what about all the people who need more encouragement and resources than me? They are likely to just quit, I think. Unfortunately, I cannot solve all the world's problems, apparently.
And another thing (this wheelchair talk has gotten me to remember this whine of long-standing): why do so many places not have automatic doors? ESPECIALLY the orthopedic doctor's office? You know, the doctor people go to when they are on crutches or in a wheelchair or pushing a stroller???
Man, am I grumpy.
Antiwhine: the Sweet Baboo has now learned to put herself to sleep. Thereby freeing Mama from incessant pacing, rocking, and singing.
Hey everyone, just checking in. This is my half-day - it's now 1:45 pm - I won't be home for awhile yet.
I don't know how half-time ministers do it. Really.
I'm tired. My head isn't too bad today - a little echo of the weekend's torture, but only an echo *knocks on wood*
Anti-whine: I didn't have to brush off the van this morning - I do love me some underground parking!
Whine: Dealing with insurance companies is NO FUN AT ALL. But most of you probably know that, right?
KLee, that is definitely something to cheer about but maybe not to openly at work since they might decide you and demon child need one another.
Whine: Husband is once again being a complete jack ass where my bipolar is concerned. I just want to shake him and tell him to deal with it already. Seriously, I know it is an ongoing condition that has a severe impact on our family from time to time but deal with it already. Or do something productive with your anger issues.
Antiwhine: it's not Monday and Lefty the kitty seems to be here to stay.
I can't do this. I don't know what to do.
This being my life (I mean the tasks and res[ponsibiities and beng functional, not living its3elf).
(((( PK )))) lot of stuff and changes to deal with. step at a time, sister! it won't all get worked out at once, but you are diligent and creative and loving, and you've got backup. some thoughts:
1. breathe! step away from the panic. find some things that are calming; take breaks.
2. break the problems down to manageable chunks. each piece, you can deal with on its own -- but if they all clump together, that feels very overwhelming.
3. it's OK to lower expectations. i don't know a single person who is perfect, and know for sure that i'm not.
4. delegate. seriously! bribery may even be in order at times. it's not that i lack any standards, but one must be practical.
5. how can some stuff get done in a less labor-intensive, hand-wringing, head-throbbing way? i'm thinking particularly of errands. can some stuff be arranged online or by phone calls? would a neighbor be able to drive you sometimes, or is there a local teen who'd like to earn a bit by helping/driving? might there be local transit options that you haven't thought about?
sending hugs, PK.
P-K, I know it's hard. You CAN do it! Look how you were such a crusader for Ebee when she needed you to become an advocate/allergen researcher? You did it, and AMAZINGLY well. Don't you think the same spirit applies to you as well? You're worth the struggle, too. God made you, and God don't make junk. Love yourself, and fight for yourself, the way you fought for Ebee. You deserve the same intensity and the same attention to detail.
We love you. Please let us know if we can help.
(((PK))) We're all here for you sweetie. I can't add any wisdom beyond what's been said here, but just know that you're not alone.
I'm all about a Group Hug award for PK this week.
ccw - sorry about the family issues. *sigh* wish I could help. Lefty is entirely sweet though. I would have done exactly what you did - I would have brought him home and made him part of the family. I hope Lefty is helping a teeny bit to soften the wounds of hubby's need for the cluestick posse.
I think I've figured out the source of all my apartment whines: I live in a garret! Dictionary.com defines that as "a small attic, usually a wretched one."
Well, it is above an old garage, so we have attic covered.
Wretched? You be the judge. It is equipped with:
- brown recluse spiders
- no insulation to slow the wind down on its way through
- an oven that cant hold a temperature, and is down to one working burner on the stove
- a washing machine that gave out today, full of water (and clothes, obviously), and had to be emptied by bucket
- an ineffective and expensive heat system
- a refrigerator that runs near constantly, while freezing the veggie drawer and experiencing melt in the freezer compartment
- and, the VERY LAST STRAW: a hot water heater that does not hold enough hot water for a whole shower, unless you are *very* efficient. I wasn't efficient today, and I'm sitting here with conditioner in my hair, because I couldn't bear to stick my head into the freezing stream and then go back out into my cold apartment
What do you think? Is that wretched?
Ah, the glamour of graduate school...
Weirdly I find labeling it "a garret" amusing. Quite possibly this is because I leave tomorrow for a week and a half with my boyfriend in OurNation'sCapitol, where I will be staying in first a hotel (hot showers! someone to make the beds!) then a friend's apartment (hot showers! heat!).
Small, Sulky Whine: I will be sharing my boyfriend with his parents for this whole trip.
Wicked Sense of Humor AntiWhine: no matter how difficult his parents are (and I am not expecting them to be at all difficult), it simply cannot be as miserable as last year's "holiday" with the boyfriend, his ex-fiancee, and I stacked up in a 600 square foot studio apartment for several days.
Redzils, I am near Our Nation's Capital. Any chance for a sneaking-away?
PK, many hugs, many many hugs. And some practical questions: Can you grocery shop online (Amazon.com has groceries)? Do any of your church families have a college-age child who could stay with you and do some driving for you? And more hugs.
Sue, I hope that your headache goes away again.
CCW, I'm breaking out the cluestick and writing your husband's name on it.
liz -
If you are anywhere Metro accessible, we should talk! redzils/gmail/etc...
aaack! i remember that whine from last year, redzils! boyfriend definitely owes you the heat and nice hotel showers and meals out, and then some. if his parents have any sense, they will spoil you rotten, too.
also, your landlord sucks.
Redzils, definitely a garret. We are reading "a little princess" right now--maybe you would find that inspirational? It's the epitomy of surviving with style in a garret.
Thanks, pixies. It's not the diving that has me down right now. It's the fact that I had to call DH (yet again) to come home from work this afternoon because I simply could not function, and was at that point not capable of caring adequately for my children, not to mention supervising their schoolwork.
I went to bed and slept for a couple of hours, and was better enough that he could go back to work. But this sort of thing is happening too often. Really, I would probably be better off to be able to spend half or most of the day in bed almost every day, and I just can't. So I do the best I can until I absolutely can't, and then I have to call someone to come take over so I can sleep.
We took a look at our budget and figured out that we can afford to pay someone to come help for about 20 hours per month at $10 per hour. I have someone lined up who can do that.
It's just that 5 hours per week seems like barely a drop in the bucket, especially when I'm having so many days where ideally I really need to just be able to stay in bed for all or half the day.
If we stopped having the housecleaner come, that would allow us to more than double the amount of time we could hire home help, but then the house wouldn't be getting cleaned. At all.
Because what I need the home help to do is help care for the kids, drive me places, and help with meal pep, dishes, laundry and that sort of thing--different from deep cleaning.
Oh, and DH already does all the grocery shopping, with rare exceptions. We could order online, but he'd rather do it himself than pay the delivery fee.
AW: The rakes got leaved last weekend. We hired the same 15-year-old who helped oil the fence. Wow, that kid works hard. I'm going to have to force him to take breaks every couple of hours when he works more than 2 hours at a time.
Oh, and there is a bus stop quite near our house. But the idea of taiking 3 young children an a dog on thebus is quite simply overwhelming to me. I have looked into C-Van a bit, and that might possibly be an option if I qualify--which I'm not at all sure that I do.
But I don't have the energy to go anywhere right now nyway. I'm more concerned with just being able to take care of my family.
I'm hogging the whining. I'll stop now. Sorry.
PK, I think you need to keep the housecleaner.
Can you put the word out to your friends that you are looking for someone to live in with you, free room and board, in exchange for 3 hours a day or so of child-care?
Liz, we have tried to fid someone to live in, which is actually how we found the lady who is going to work a few hours a week. My mom heard she needed a place to stay, but she wants to stay where she is for now.
She is coming tomorrow afternoon and I am going to have her come 2 afternoons a week for probably a month on a trial basis. So I need to figure out what kind of written agreement we need, what we need to do about taxes, etc. before tomorrow.
We've tried to talk one of our college-age nieces into living with us for a term, but that isn't likely. I could put out the word to our church and homeschool group, though. I wanted to try to find someone we already knew and trusted if possible, first.
Hugs to PK. What hard choices. Good luck.
Anti-whine: the sick cloud that has been hanging over our household seems to be floating away (to continue the metaphor to its flowery end).
Whine: Christmas shopping is fun and ruining all attempts on my part to spend less.
Definite vote for style for Liz.
Hugs to PK. And Esperanza .. you are a good mommy.
I will whine that Sarah at ratatat's sick cloud has floated a few miles down the street to our house and parked itself here. One (more!) horrifying case of Hand Foot Mouth (Quote the Childrens Hospital ER Doc: "Wow! Ow... that's the worst I've seen in a while! Poor baby.") Seriously... the boy would not eat for 5 days and barely drank a thing. I think he lost a pound at least, and that's lot for a little guy. So that's over, he is just starting to eat again, and now we all have colds. Loads of fun around here.
A definite vote for PK. And redzils--I remember last year's Thanksgiving whine series too! I'm glad this year sees same said boyfriend with more of a clue.
And I don't even know what Hand Foot Mouth disease involves, but it can't be good. And ER trips are prize worthy in and of themselves, JenR. Get well soon.
Style vote for Liz. And another for Redzils with the garret post. :)
Esperanza, I do think it sounds like one of those, "Hmmm, you're doing so great I can hardly think of any advice to give you. But it's my job to give advice, so here's something you can do that you're not already doing." kind of things.
Another vote for Sue and CCW.
And I want to nominate the entire pixie clan for the "community support and encouragement" award or something like that. Thanks.
pk, have you thought about applying for SSDI. You are in the US, right? You need to do some very careful prep work, and probably find someone to help you file, but if you get SSDI, then you can get a FREE home health care aide. We have one that only works 4 hours/week right now, and that entails cleaning, but once my kids go away (please GOD) in a couple of years I'll increase her hours dramatically to do cooking, shopping etc. They do all of that. Mine is paid for by my state.
Additionally, apply for public transportation for the disabled. I get it, but I rarely use it now that I have a car, but I was carless for almost a year and relied on it to take me everywhere. It is the same price as taking the bus or subway.
If you got disability, your kids would get checks as well as you.
Now, you know that I'm doing all this household/childraising alone, and I'm really really sick. I've let most of my stuff go. My house is a disorganized pile of crap. It's a mess, we've been here almost 4 years and still haven't hung up the pictures. it's bad. Nobody has cleaned my kids rooms since we moved in. They are FRIGHTENING. When they go away, I'll hire college students to purge the rooms and clean them.
We have a dirty kitchen half the time, nobody cleans anything but once a week, and that's just how it goes. I can't do it, I know I can't do it, and I no longer worry about how it looks to outsiders.
Lastly, homeschooling? Really? Is that your only option? Because, as you know, I've done it in the past, and it just takes way too much energy. School isn't THAT horrible, and think how much easier your world would be if you had the time to sleep during the day. It makes a HUGE difference to me.
Take advantage of anything you can regarding disabled services. Get help. And make your life easier and more manageable.
Hugs!
Margalit, thanks. I have looked into SSDI. I haven't worked enough hours in the last 10 years to qualify. And DH makes too much money for us to qualify for SSI.
I have just started looking into disabled transportation services, but looking at the website it appears rather difficult to qualify.
We've looked into schooling options, but I have a 3-year-old. It's not like she would be in school all day even if we sent the older two to school, and they help out a lot with entertaining her.
And my 7- and 6-year-olds are reading at 5th-6th grade levels and doing pretty advanced work in several other areas too. So it's not so easy to just put them into 1st and 2nd grade in any old school.
The public schools here are not so good, especially when it comes to handling unusual kids. And we can't afford to do private school, daycare, AND houscleaning help. :) And then we'd still have to get them ready and off to school every day, pick them up from school or the bus stop, pack lunches, and help with homework. And most good schools require quite a bit of parent involvement, volunteer hours, etc. too.
I should e-mail you about it and pick your brain. I didn't know or had forgotten that you'd done both types of schooling. It's certainly something we're willing to consider.
But the people I've talked to about it who have done both public, private and homeschool all seem to agree that with our kids and their learning styles, the local schools, the girls' ages, and our situation, it's best to keep them home or find a private school with a good program for gifted/differing learning style kids and to avoid the local public school if possible, at least until they're a bit older. My oldest hasn't even reached mandatory school age yet, so they are still very young.
Thanks for the encouragement. How old were your kids when you became disabled? I do have some questions for you, so maybe I'll e-mail you when I get a chance.
Right now I just finished compiling and summarizing medical records for my appointment in the morning, so I need to go to bed.
PK, gifted children can often get scholarships to private schools. I know, I know, it's yet another thing to look into....
I forgot yesterday was Wednesday. Again. But I'll try to sneak a whine or two in, just because I'm a stinker like that.
First, though, I'd like to nominate Margalit's "Lysistrata Home Game" for some kind of award. I needed that laugh.
Then I whine:
1. My mom is so fireplacing needy. She's crybabying because her mother might not hold the traditional huge-family Thanksgiving dinner, so she wants me to have her over, but we're already committed to go to my in-laws. What she's implying is that I send my husband (sans kids, of course, because then she'd miss them) and stay home and cook T-day dinner for/with her.
2. My daughter (4) has a nasty ear infection. This is the daughter who tends to vomit when unusual food textures or tastes enter her mouth, so things like medicine are really, really not something I care to administer.
An anti-whine, for balance:
There is a turn-around in two of the things that left me too whiny to whine for the last month.
1. I love my baby. It took a while to go from "Yes, I am responsible for him and I will offer the best care to this creature that I am capable of" to "When I'm at Work, I Miss My Baby!"
2. My mother and mother-in-law have *almost* completely quit hassling my husband and me about not getting the baby circumcised. I have now spoken to each of them twice without them bringing it up again. That's pretty nice.
All my best to Sue and PK this week especially.
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