I figure it's my turn to host a whining session, but I can think of nothing at all exciting or thematic.
Or even particularly whine-worthy. (I'm sure I'll think of something soon).
So I'm all ears for your whines, pixies.
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79 comments:
((((PK)))) I have faith in your strength that no matter what the GAL report says, no matter what your STBX's response to the report, no matter what happens in your life outside of those two things, that you will do your very best for your kids.
You have the courage and the intestinal fortitude to go to battle to protect your children.
I am hoping for the best possible report from the GAL, but I know you can absolutely face whatever the report says and give your girls the love and support they need.
Sending all the love and support to YOU that I can.
What Liz said, PK. xoxo
Yes, what Liz said. Hugs.
Slow cooking pot roast
Mouth-watering aromas
Permeate the house
Shhhh don't tell my son
that we included oxtails
Along with the roast
He's never tried them
But the name grosses him out
So just don't tell him
And thus in Haiku
I share parenting secrets
From the world over
Liz for Style!
So, the rain is gone, and today starts the broiling, I think. It's supposed to be somewhere over 80F, anyway, and call me a wimp (because I am), but that starts stressing me out in the no-AC house. Maybe I should do the roast before it really gets infernal?
My husband and daughter went to see a movie in the city of his birth, some hours away, and it was about a genocide, so... But they also visited a swoozy new pet adoption place, and I'm told that one puppy *totally* fell in love with my husband, because that's the kind of dog magnetism he has. And I know he's not lying! (But I do have a no puppy rule, on account of no, I cannot raise a puppy. Which gives everybody the sadz.) Daughter also attracted some kitten love, even through the cage, because that is her personal superpower.
Liz for style, for sure!!
kathy, puppy and kitten love are good superpowers for your family to have. Also, the pet adoption place sounds like a perfect spot to visit after a sad movie.
AW: Sabbatical has begun!! Tomorrow I jet off to Scotland, so whine away pixie friends, and I'll catch up after my return.
Have a wonderful, fabulous, relaxing and adventurous time, Sue!
Happy Sabbatical!!
:) NL
Go, Sue!!! Have fun! It will be great. xoxox
W: My power went out, and gave me sadness. But then it came back, eventually.
Happy sabbatical, and happy travels, Sue!
Liz for the style and parenting advice! (Good to know that this approach to unusual foods will need to continue past the preschool years.)
Currently STBX has the kids (at least the older 3) about 40% of the time, and we have joint decision-making and are supposed to be coparenting. The kids are having a very difficult time with the constant transitions and things being so different at both houses, and not knowing what to expect. I can't even get STBX to agree on and commit to a target bedtime that's the same at both houses and communicate to the kids that their bedtime is X, even with the explicit understanding that it's just a general goal and variations are allowable as necessary. Argh.
Thanks for the encouragement and hugs to everyone.
And roasted oxtail can totally accurately be referred to as roast beef anyway, right? :)
((((PK))))
Yay Sue!!!
And yes, oxtail is totally beef
PK, that sounds very rough on the kids. And you! I mean, a reasonable target bedtime is pretty basic.
Oxtail is one of those dishes that inspires a "no thank you" in me. Just the idea of it squicks me the heck out.
It's amazingly tasty, great mouth feel. The recognizable vertebrae bones are a bit weird, but no more so than the recognizable thigh bone in a ham.
That must be so confusing for the kids, that STBX refuses to provide any consistency for them, PK.
A silly little story for you all: so, Mr. Q and I had been suspecting that E was probably overly gregarious at preschool, trying to answer all the questions, based on her enthusiastic behaviour at swimming lessons. (Also, the one thing we had been assuming is that she's really, really into memorizing the optional Bible verses for preschool, and earning extra stickers towards the prize pail rewards. She recites the verses at home, and in front of our whole church, all the time! She learns them quickly.) So, yesterday, I was chatting with E's preschool teacher, who mentioned that E is quiet shy during circle time, never says a verse, and freezes up when called upon to speak! And so, Mr. Q and I started finding ways to reassure and build her up, and to see if we could figure out why she's only freezing in this one specific circumstance (seeing as she's performed in front of large crowds, and is outgoing in social situations with her peers). E and I did some warm up and loosening-up exercises this morning, doing things like shouting the memory verse on the tops of our lungs. Then, I told her that she's allowed to say her verse and answer questions loudly at school, if that makes her feel more comfortable. She was horrified! "I can't! Circle time is QUIET time! No talking in circle time!"
It turns out that she's so literal, and has so fully internalized the "be quiet during circle time" rule, that she thought that speaking at all during circle time (even when called upon to speak) was breaking the rules. I told her that she's supposed to be quiet when other people are talking, but that she can speak loudly when it's her turn. "Oh! Just like church!"
So, I sent the preschool teacher an email, asking that she give E permission to talk loudly when it's her turn to talk during circle time.
Well, E is not suffering from shyness! It does take many kids time to figure out appropriate behaviors in different settings, though. And no, how kids behave around us might not be anything like a classroom setting. Around first grade, my joyful and friendly boy had a thing where he just stopped talking in class; and I didn't believe it until I saw it.
I would have suggested leaving out the "loud" part of "it's OK to talk in circle time, when you are called on." What works to project to the far end of the room when she is speaking to the whole church is not necessarily the quieter, respectful discussion the teacher is aiming for during circle time. So, maybe it would help to talk with the teacher a little more about this, be sure you're on the same page? xoxo
* By "stopped talking," I mean, he froze up and was unresponsive. It was freaky. He felt overwhelmed being put on the spot in front of a group.
Kathy a-- Neighbor Boy did the same exact thing!!! It was freaky!!! Took him *years* at school to get beyond that and even now he is still really quiet (and a bit awkward, if I am honest) in social situations. (Turned out he was being bullied in kindergarten when it started... so frustrating-- it really changed his way of interacting with the world dramatically!). (And he still feels overwhelmed when he is the center of attention, like people are waiting on him to answer something)
But anyway, as a teacher I can also say that kids often are very different in different parts of their lives.
--Neighbor Lady
((( NB ))) And thanks, NL; because they don't put that thing about kids being different in different parts of their lives in the manual.... ;)
Damn, where did I put that manual, anyway?
Sweet and Mini both start out the year very quiet and reserved. Mini warms up rather quickly. It takes progressively less time for Sweet each year--second grade was Thanksgiving, but preschool was April. She will speak in front of the class and make a short presentation. But it is hard enough for her that her teacher sent me a photo and an email about how well she had done. I'm somehow doubtful that every parent gets that. (Have I mentioned lately how much I love her teacher?)
AW: I went thrift store shopping today and was fairly successful.
W: They gave me the "senior discount." I am 42, almost 43. What the fireplace?
AW: It was 30% off! I took it! (Actually, I didn't realize it until I got home, beyond thinking "huh. I thought that would have added up to more.")
Eh, a discount!
It is hot here, 80F in the house, which I know is causing certain pixies to laugh about my heat wimpishness. But today I have power, and therefore there are fans running. And because we have leftovers, all I'm cooking is garlic bread, whenever somebody comes home.
W: Sweet's glasses were so dirty (which I noticed, but not till we were already outside at the bus stop) that one of her teachers cleaned them for her. I'm feeling neglectful.
Not neglectful! That happens to me all the time, with my own glasses!
W: drug bust, ongoing, across the street from my parents' house. Son of one of their longtime neighbors/friends. Up to six police cars, multiple undercover officers, son and his friend arrested. The police have been there for six hours so far, so we are surmising they have a search warrant and are looking for something. I would not have thought this son organized or entrepreneurial enough to be a big time dealer, but it's clearly more than a baggie of pot. (To be clear, I am not at all surprised he himself had drugs in his possession, just not of the amount to warrant such a production). My parents are worried sick about their neighbor, who is close to 80. Son's girlfriend is there with her.
Oh, Esperanza. Yep, it sounds like a warrant is involved. (But even if there is nothing there that they hope to find, they'll take their time looking.) xoxo
* search warrant, I mean. Sounds like they had arrest warrants on son and his friend.
Toddler was asleep by 7:45 tonight (though she woke up and needed to be soothed back to sleep every half hour or so because I wasn't in the room) and the older three and I had a great time playing a board game. Moments like these give me hope.
p_k-- YAY for beautiful moments!!! I truly believe in the power of the "moment" to create joy and wonderful memories even in the midst of a very awful situation.
You are doing a great job giving your kids these moments, and speaking from experience, they will hold onto and treasure the moments. You and the joyful moments you create together will get them through this.
xoxoxoxo
Neighbor Lady
Yay PK for game night! Like Neighbor Lady, as a child of divorced parents, those are the nights I remember most. Particularly, I remember them with my mother.
Your authentic efforts to give your children stability, normalcy, and joy will be remembered and appreciated by them (even if they are unable to show it all the time).
Yay for game night, PK! And what they said, about stability.
W: I think I have news poisoning. Ugh.
W: A family member wanted to know where the paper invitation is, because it is now less than 6 weeks to the wedding. This person and everybody else already got a "save the date" a couple months ago. I mean, is it really necessary to add stress?
AW: Dress #5 is a winner!
Hooray Dress #5!
I think I have news poisoning, too. I've contacted my (uselessly red) House member and Senators, for good measure.
W, vague department: I'm really, really, really hoping that something over which I have zero control goes the way I want it to.
Yay for the dress!
So sad about Tr0mpc@re news.
Fingers crossed for your thing esperanza!
--NL
High risk of news poisoning today, as well. Keep high quality cats and comic diversions handy, for best protection; and call your congress-critters.
Esperanza, sending good thoughts about your thing.
A friend's mom with dementia escaped from her facility yesterday, and was found wandering by a kind stranger. Then she tried to escape 3 more times. Much family angst ensued. Here's hoping things settle the heck down. (Yes, she is probably moving to a more secure place.)
Fireplace those fireplacing fireplacers. FIREPLACE THEM ALL.
Agreed, Liz. I am despairing. They passed the bill by making it MORE CRUEL. What. The. Fireplace. Is there any hope in the Senate? (My particular senators are a lost cause, I'm sure, but I'll go to work on them).
I'm praying at little town's National Day of Prayer tonight. I might not exactly say what they expect. (I am by far--way far--the most liberal pastor in town, which is why I agreed to participate, because I think people need to hear a different voice from people of faith).
W, big: car died. Bad. Repair costs more than the car is worth. I detest car shopping.
AW, big: Sweet's second grade teacher is moving up to third grade next year, and Sweet will be in her class again. This is the best possible outcome for Sweet, one that I had not even thought to imagine.
Grr. Fireplacers. And yeah, they got the votes by making it worse.
Esperanza, so sorry about the car. But hooray for Sweet!
AW: The official wedding invitations arrived! And they are beautiful, and the reply card is kind of funny! (It includes: "Please tell us if you aren't coming. Don't make us track you down.")
W: Mr E is a giant stress monkey about buying a new car.
I spent the day following American news and yelling at politicians inside my head. I'm sorry, pixies. I hope that it goes no further than the house, but am horrified that it passed by being more cruel. (I went through some of the lists of pre-existing conditions, and it's basically me and everyone I know?)
Kathy: hooray for paper invitations, and especially the funny reply card, and for finding a dress!
PK: I'm so glad you all had a nice games night. I hope that the good moments increase, and make a difference with the kids.
Esperanza: I'm so sorry about the car! And that Mr. E is being a giant stress monkey about buying a new one.
AW: yesterday, E went to school and spoke up during circle time, and said her memorized verse, and earned a bunch of stickers on her reward chart, and her teacher was amazed at what a difference it made. (I knew with E that I could tell her she could be "loud" when it was her turn, because she would just take it to mean that she could project her voice loud enough for others to hear.)
W: And then, after thinking I'd really gotten this parenting thing figured out, she had such a bad meltdown that afternoon, while coming home from the park, that she BIT Mr. Q! She's never done that before! She broke skin! (I TOLD HIM that it was too late in the day to go to the far-away park, and that they were going to end up tired and hungry and late for dinner, and that she was already too tired to go that far away. And then they were almost on their way home, when she sneezed and accidentally peed a tiny bit, and panicked, and when they ran to the park bathrooms, they were locked! When they shouldn't be! And she melted down, because she had no reserves for how to handle the situation. There were no bushes to go behind, and 300 other people at the park, and Mr. Q tried to carry her home to get to the bathroom. And so she bit him to get him to put her down, and she ran back to the locked bathrooms, shouting at the world to unlock them.)
So. We're working on it. A lot of consequences from that choice. (Time out, no video games or phone games for a week, no playgrounds for a few days -- even the nice playground beside the pool where we have swimming lessons.) We've also been role-playing situations like that, learning how to de-escalate the panic. She's pretty horrified with herself, and so hopefully this was a one-time thing.
Oh, biting! But -- you noted all the triggers: long day, tired, hungry, stressed, and she really really doesn't want to pee her pants... But yay, circle time. xoxo
My quiet street, I dunno what's going on. 3 police cars, apparently dealing something with the teen boy a couple doors up. And now an ambulance. jeepers.
One of the officers said everybody's OK, they couldn't say more because of privacy, which I totally get. Another officer apparently recognized me from the last thing and waved, because we are in a pretty small town.
Update from my parents' neighborhood police drama: Their neighbor's son was arrested for possession and sale of a controlled substance. Neighbor's son's girlfriend arrested for an outstanding warrant, as was a visiting friend who has terrible timing. The police began investigating neighbor's son because he tried to mail a box of pot to New York at UPS!!!!! He is scared to name names to the police--"I will be a dead man." They searched the house for 7 hours, at one point with 8 officers. The neighbor says they were extremely thorough but did not make a mess. Son is out on bail, getting an attorney. Neighbor is horribly humiliated and embarrassed and mad at him.
QWP, sounds like Mr. Q should lose some privileges for going ahead with the initial poor decision that led to the (foreseen! by you!) meltdown. Can you give E a chance to earn some of those privileges back today and tomorrow, etc? No matter what, biting is wrong, but there was a tether and she was at the end of it. And YAY for circle time!
((((Esperanza's neighbors)))) sounds like their son is making really bad decisions.
((((Kathy's neighbors)))) I hope it all turns out okay.
Thanks, Liz..it's actually my parents' neighbors, but I've known them all my life. Your assessment is correct, and is consistent with many other life decisions he has made. I won't belabor it, but it's a sad situation.
Much love to p_k.
So excitedto hear the wedding related stuff Kathy a. :)
Liz, I'm horrified by our government. 2018 will hopefully be a year of change.
Esperanza, hugs for your parents neighbor. It must have been terrifying.
QWP, in my experience with toddlers, managing triggering situations and helping them with self control are the most helpful ways to prevent future incidents. My daughter was a biter until she was midway through elementary school. She was horrified each time. We finally gave her a chewy and taught her to recognize her triggers. One day when she was about 5 or 6, she marched into the kitchen "I NEED MY CHEWY". She grabbed it out of the fridge (the cold was also important) and I stopped cooking to cuddle her in the sofa. She was so proud she hadn't bitten her brother and that her chewy helped.
As I type that I realize how far back her struggle for emotional control goes. And how I'm still helping her modulate her emotional responses.
Anyway, E will learn so much from this and that you and her daddy trust her and will keep her safe.
So, I accepted the position of head of the church council. I start officially later this month. I am terrified I'm not up to the challenge for a whole lot of reasons but prayer keeps telling me this is what I need to do right now. I have gotten a lot of supportive feedback and I have a lot of good people who want to help. My charge is pretty big - we need to change as an entity. Change is also frightening to many. Accepting all advice on how to be effective without being a jerk.
Miranda! So good to see you! Congratulations!! It might drive you a little crazy sometimes, but you will be great at this! The only thing I can think of is that it goes a long way to listen respectfully; which you do already.
xoxo
Hi Miranda!!!
Advice: listen more than you speak, give adequate time for people to weigh in, describe the need for change in language that speaks to future needs rather than past failures. And accept the fact that there will be people who hate everything about this, and that you can't win them over, but you don't have to be mean to them, either.
Oh, I don't know what this is! My son will turn thirty just a few days before his wedding. I called to see if we could have him and his beloved and the inlaws over to celebrate with a low-key dinner, and HE IS STRESSED! A friend of the bride's mom has gotten all bride-zilla, and is planning a wedding shower that they don't understand, and wants to be the "concierge" at the wedding, and they already have so many things going on! And his bachelor party camping trip is right before his birthday! And etc.!!!! So. We will do something low key at his convenience, or else not. I think he really wants to just come over the day before the big rehearsal dinner picnic, bring some equipment for that, and rest up.
It sounds like the bride's mom's friend is walking all over boundaries, and inserting herself where not needed! Perhaps remind your son that not all offered help is helpful, and that they can say no to offers of help (wedding concierge?) that will only make things more stressful! (Good call to leave any birthday celebrations up to him and his schedule: stressful times!)
Miranda! Congratulations! I had no advice, but I know you'll do a good job.
AW: we're having lovely warm weather here now, even though it snowed very recently. Mr. Q and E are off to get propane and hot dogs for this year's first use of our grill. E and I had really nice days today and yesterday. (And the only remaining punishment now is that she's on a break from video games until next week. But we take long breaks from video and phone games all the time, whenever she starts getting too fixated on them and starts whining for them all the time. The weather is too nice to be spent staring at a screen! And we've spent the day reading books, playing in the back yard, and sorting through the summer clothes. It's been lovely having a break from the incessant requests for the Wii and our phones.)
Oh, good about things being better, QWP, including the weather!
It's not the bride's mom -- its her mom's friend. Who I swear wanted to be in charge of teh whole shebang, but it was hard for her to press that point with both mothers of the happy couple, another mother, a stray father of the bride, and several of the bride's friends present at the "summit." Still, she set up this [unwanted] wedding shower thing... My son asked if I was invited, and I know I heard about it, but don't have an invitation at hand....
How do the bride and her mother feel about a friend trying to take over the whole shebang? Are they getting as stressed about this as your son is?
The bride is pretty stressed about it; and this friend will have small assignments at the wedding. The wedding shower, I really don't know much about it, except the bride and groom dread it, and this is a good friend of MotB. (Yes, I have conveyed my son's stress to the MotB, privately. No, I have not mentioned that I do not seem to be invited to the wedding shower.)
The taking over of the entire wedding? That got squashed pretty quickly.
Rage knitting. It's keeping me from punching people in the face.
W: I slept only 5 hours Thursday night (My body really likes 9 hours, which I never get). So I was hoping to get a good night's rest last night. Nope. Mr. E woke me up when he came in. Mini threw up three times and still feels bad. Sweet woke me up when she got up to go to the bathroom, because I was sleeping so lightly to listen for Mini. Sigh.
AW: We have a new car. Picking it up this morning, barfing kid and all.
Oh no! Barfing kid and little sleep! (Congratulations on the new car!)
Oy, Esperanza!
Poor Mini. She feels awful. She's now kept down a couple of sips of water. She's on her second voluntary nap of the morning (on her floor, because I'm still trying to get the mattress clean). When I told her we needed to go get the new car, she said, "Do you know how hard it is to stand up when you're sick?" Yes, yes I do. She's usually overflowing with extra energy, so I know she feels horrible.
Oh, no... Hope things get better swiftly.
Liz! Rage knitting sounds better than some rage responses.
The list, she keeps growing and then shrinking and then growing....
Given the number of hours Mini has slept today (she's asleep right now for her third nap of the day. I haven't kept close track, but I think she's slept around 5 hours during daylight hours today), I have a new theory. More than once, I've been so exhausted and short on sleep, that I've vomited, repeatedly. Then, I sleep and sleep and sleep. No one else gets the tummy bug, and after I get some sleep, I recover fairly quickly. I'm wondering if Mini has inherited this weirdness?
My mom and I get stomach problems when we're overtired, too! It really made the newborn months difficult.
QWP, it happened to me while Sweet was in the NICU. That combined with the breastpump made me lose about 10 lbs in 2 days. Not good. The first time I remember it happening was at a youth conference when I was in 9th grade. So. Embarrassing.
Just sending lots of love around! Think we all need it! xoxoxo
W: Been trying to help people with a couple of super-stressy things today. That usually winds up hurty in the shoulder/neck area, and I forgot the advil.
AW: Found some really good handmade paper in my closet, to wrap a special something for my boy and his bride! Got expert adhesive advice about that wrapping! Ordered new bras! Shopped for more stuff on the list!
YAY new bras and lovely handmade paper!
((((Esperanza and Mini)))). Your new car is lovely, tho.
Mini seems to be on the mend. Church went well this morning--we were trying an experiment, and it worked! I'm especially relieved because it was my idea in the first place.
Hooray for your experiment working, and church going well!
AW: I've figured out a good balance between finding a way to do something for my mom around Mother's Day, while sticking to my new plan to opt out of EVERYTHING that weekend. (I just want to stay home and plant the garden, and spend time with only Mr. Q and E. Nothing else. I got burnt out too many years in a row, with meals for my mom and my MIL, and school events, and a bunch of other stuff, and it's such a fraught holiday. No more. I'll go to church, and that's it.) I invited my mom to go out for tea during the week, with E and me (and it turns out that my sister isn't working that day, and can come too). Then, my siblings and I are buying my mom a hanging plant. Mr. Q is responsible for figuring out some time with his own mother, over the next while.
I'm so relieved about opting out of everything. And it's so much easier saying "no" to everything, since it's the second year we're doing this.
Good for you, QWP!
I'm not big on mother's day. It was hard when my mother was alive, as we had a strained relationship. It's hard for my friends who lost a kid, and those who wanted kids but that didn't happen. And with my own kids, I'm a mother every day; don't really like the hoopla of a forced march hallmark celebration.
Vive la France!
Joining in on the "meh. Mother's Day" chorus.
Yippee for France!
I applied for a job with an organization which asked me to schedule an interview in their on-line scheduler. Their on-line scheduler doesn't work. So right off the bat, I feel like I am going to look incompetent when it's their tool that's broken.
Gah.
On the other hand -- getting things fixed before you even interview!
Turns out, it wasn't broken. They had no appointments available until 6PM Friday the 19th, and instead of having, y'know, filled up squares, the calendar was blank, and the AVAILABLE APPOINTMENTS were filled in.
Seriously? Who designs a calendar that way? And then doesn't say, "If you don't see a purple appointment box any time up to X o'clock, please scroll to the next week and so on until you see one."
You're supposed to randomly guess which spaces are available? Wow....
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