I honestly have no idea how the time is flying so fast this year, but here we are in June again. The next week looks to be full of albatross polishing, for me. Then? I don't know. Maybe I'll start making inroads on the Things Requiring Sorting around here.
Our evening fog has returned, so we are not roasting, as in other areas.
What's the news where you live?
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The Wednesday Whining Community is diverse, and strives to be safe, welcoming, and supportive. To this end, comments that are personally abusive or otherwise disparaging [regarding race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation] will be deleted by moderators, along with spam and self-promotion.
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A: The Whiner's Ball commences no later than Tuesday, and ends when Awards are given (usually Thursday in theory, but definitely before Monday).
Q: Awards? Really?
A: Yes, really. Traditional awards include Style [music, poetry, etc.], Old Skool [piddly little whines], and Elevated Risk of Mullet [funniest line in a whine], but other hand-crafted awards may be granted at the host's discretion, and nominations from commenters are encouraged.
Q: Can I whine about someone who just does not "get it"?
A: The Cluestick Posse is on hand for persons in need.
Q: Is there a mascot?
A: Ralph is the mascot.
Q: Are there other traditions I should know about?
A: The passing of virtual refreshments is appreciated.
Q: How did this all get started anyhow?
A: Phantom Scribbler was our muse and host for two years.
Q: What was the first prize ever awarded?
A: The Playdough Violin
80 comments:
Daughter is off to take the LSAT. She's not totally sure if she wants to pursue law school, just keeping her possibilities open.
We don't believe in freaking out about testing, so I made the brownies and supplied cats, and dad took her on a good hike yesterday.
My mom is improving. And it looks like the school issue may be new school's mistake and easily resolved. And the kids' weekend with their dad appears to have gone ok, as far as I can tell.
Kathy A, I love that approach to preparing for testing.
PK, so great about your mom! And glad things are working out with the school, and no trouble with the visit.
YAY for both of you! I love starting the week off with pretty good news!
AW: feeling very accomplished. I mowed and weed-eated the yard today. It only took twice as long as I thought it would. It mostly felt good to do something and finish it. Baboos entertained themselves inside.
W: ouch. Sunburn (see above re: took twice as long).
W: exhausted. Did not sleep well at all last night.
Esperanza, that IS very productive! Bet you sleep a bit better tonight.
Reworking is done on ~80% of the albatross. yay.
The primary here is tomorrow, but I took the precaution of voting early (by mail). I'm betting that between now and the polls closing, I'll get at least 25-30 emails and probably some phone calls. Look, another email, while I was typing! This one is about the November election! There will be no peace!
So much happy news! And crossing appendages for Kathy's daughter to do well with the LSAT. (Excellent way to prepare for the test.)
Teeniest of whines: a good friend of mine from my academic blogging days (who lives on the other side of the world) is on MY campus for the next two weeks, and I now live two provinces away! Foiled blogger meetup! (BUT I'm scheming to get her together for lunch with my best friend, who does very similar work, and who is on campus there.) I spent a little too much time writing out recommendations for things for her to do in the region, because my brain is full of Old Home City today.
Yay for good news to start the week!!
Ah, living vicariously in the town where you used to be! No worries, you're not the only one. ;)
Excited AW: So, one of my most favourite people is moving to my city (the local university hired her as a professor)! And today I found out that she bought a house in my neighbourhood! Only a 10 minute walk from here, and right near my favourite shops! (She dropped the news to me on Book of Faces, by responding to my birthday greeting with, "Thanks, neighbour!")
Okay, living here has its perks. (We are both from this city, and then she moved to Old Home City to do her MA, and I stayed here. And then I moved to OHC to do my PhD, and moved there a week after she moved to the UK for her PhD! She's always been my Far Away Friend, who would mail me a scarf when she went to archaeological digs in interesting places, and I'm so excited that the university here decided to hire her!)
Oh, yay for a friend moving nearby!
How exciting, QWP!!!
Yay for real life friends!
Old Skool: five mosquito bites on my right foot. I think it must have been in bed with us last night :( This is the downside of drought-busting rains two years in a row.
W: Sweet is horribly out of sorts and has been for several weeks. I know that the end of school is hard for her. I know that moving is hard for her. But I'm about at the end of my tolerance. My parents went home yesterday, so we can start settling into whatever "normal" looks like here. They are begging to go swimming at the Y, where we have a family membership. I've not even seen it and don't know what to tell them to expect. I'm hesitant to take her *anywhere* right now because she cannot handle any disappointment, real or imagined.
Oh, no... Do you think it might help if you make today's outing about ice cream, and then happen to pop in and see what the Y looks like? (Or would that count as a disappointment?) Is there someplace else they could run off steam, like a park?
Poor Sweet. And poor everybody. Hope she is feeling more settled in a bit.
Oh, there are yelp reviews of the Y's in your town -- with photos! If that would help.
Aplogies for being a blabbermouth, and quite possibly off-base.
The election stuff is giving me a headache. Today's the primary in my state -- I already voted, not worried about that part except that there will be even more noise. But the crazy sector, dealing with that for 5 more months -- UGH.
Yelp reviews are not for our Y, but that was a good idea. It's my own anxiety about new places, especially new places that are likely to be crowded with people. Plus her very similar anxiety.
I decided not to pursue the job further. That decision is not without regret, but they deserve more attention and care than I could give right now.
Sometimes the timing isn't right. Sigh.
Many hugs, esperanza. I definitely can see the wisdom in your decision, especially as it'll take work to help Sweet to transition to this new place, but I'm sure that this was a hard decision to make.
AW: I went and had laser therapy on my shoulder and elbow, and at first I was ready to come here and whine that it made everything feel worse, but I had a chance to relax for a bit, and everything feels better than it has in weeks.
Also AW: my bestie got together for lunch with my bloggy friend, way out in Old Home City, and apparently it went really well. Bloggy Friend has some really specific life and professional experience that pertain to some life decisions that bestie is making right now, and so it turned out to be pretty serendipitous. I'm glad that she was willing to go along with my hairbrained scheme of "Please go and meet a stranger whom I know from the internet, and then maybe offer to take her sightseeing?"
(((esperanza))) You have made a difficult but good choice, I think, regarding the ministry position. It would be tricky to navigate with so many other major transitions happening for you and your family.
QWP - Yay for laser therapy and Bloggy and Bestie lunches!!! I nominate you for Mullet with "Please go and meet a stranger whom I know from the internet, and then maybe offer to take her sightseeing?" :)
Love the bloggy friend meet up, and praying that transition goes well for Sweet.
Counselor is having a teleconference with the lawyers soon (possibly today) to make some clarifications and possibly some additions to his report.
(((PK)))
QWP, glad the pain is better -- and that your friends hit it off!
((( PK )))
Also, seconding the Mullet for QWP.
Taking son and his sweetie for his birthday dinner tomorrow! One more time, it seems like some cash is the prudent gift -- between their yet-to-be-planned wedding, and that they are traveling far this month to go to her cousin's wedding.
Esperanza, sounds like the right choice for your family right now.
Thinking about PK and the teleconference. I really hope this is positive news.
Kathy, that seems like the most prudent gift right now!
W: You guys, it's supposed to be thunderstorming WITH 32C/90F temperatures this afternoon. Today was the earliest I've turned on our AC (usually our house keeps cool until late afternoon), because we woke up to gross humidity.
AW: I'm so glad that we decided to put in central air in the past month. There is no air flow in this house, and I'm pretty sure we would have melted today. (esperanza can feel free to laugh about how wimpy we are.)
It's 90F here, QWP! And low (for us, anyway) humidity. It's pretty nice outside, though I'd want to stay in the shade. Our AC is on, set on 78F. Does that make you feel better?
W: at point of settling in where *everything* seems more complicated, and/or requires more energy, and/or requires more time.
AW: we conquered the indoor pool at the Y, determined that the outdoor pool is a better choice, schedule-wise, and made it home with only a few tears (and they weren't from me!)
PK, thinking of you today <3
Hooray for figuring out the local swimming pool situation, esperanza! (But I have to confess that I'd melt if my AC was set at 78. Ours has been at 72.5 all day, and it's been glorious.) I really, really understand that point of settling in, and I hope that things get less complicated and tiring soon.
How is it that QWP and Esperanza have the same heat wave? Huh?? But glad you both have AC!
Esperanza, hooray for conquering the pool! (And that the few tears weren't from you.)
AW: I think we're gonna finally have a woman president. Not trying to wax political here, just -- there were so many things I was told, as a kid, that I could not do because I was a girl. And that's just wrong.
W: Remember those ancient maps that had markings like "this way be monsters"? Yeah.
* Monsters, dragons, whatever. I was referring to this other person, and the ugliness that lies ahead.
Ours isn't a heat wave! It's normal. And, just to boggle your mind a bit more, QWP, when we came in with wet clothes and hair from swimming, I got cold and turned it up to 80F.
AW: I have officially cooked supper for the first time in the new house. (We were eating home cooked meals last week, but they were all things my mom had made ahead of time and we just heated up. Bless her). Tonight was pizza, one of the standards.
Oh my goodness, esperanza. 80! Of course, this is the whole thing about being acclimatized, hey? 72.5 is a warm house here, since in the winter we heat our houses to a much lower temperature. (Meanwhile, in that city in the Canadian part of the PNW where I used to live, 78F was the point where everyone in the city melted and complained about what an oppressive heat wave they were experiences. They also panicked when it froze. The joke was that they couldn't really handle weather.) (Seriously: as soon as it is a couple of degrees above room temperature, people stop wearing clothes there. And I'm wearing long pants.)
Yay for good weather - and, of course, for central air and heat as needed. I hope your weather is coming our way QWP. We had frost yesterday morning. Today started out better at 4C. I mentioned to someone that it felt like a lovely October day.
In this part of the country, we live in denial of *actual* weather and simply dress for the season. Yesterday morning, with the frost still thick on the car windows, most people I saw on the way to work were in shorts and flip flops. Because it's almost SUMMER, dammit. :)
Sending good thoughts PK - I hope the teleconference went well.
A financial gift is always appreciated, kathy. And a nice dinner out too!
Way to go, esperanza, on scouting out the best pool options and making dinner in the new house. How nice of your mom to make meals for your first week in the house!
I dropped a friend off at the hospital for some surgery this morning. Her family is out west, so she needs some help this week getting through this. We had a fun morning, especially once they gave her happy juice in her iv. They were prepping her when I left.
W: I made a terrible error in judgement and picked up breakfast on the way to the church, since I had not had time for coffee or breakfast earlier. I pulled into the drive-through of the arches place...you know how this ends...now my egg on a bun thing feels like a lead ball in my tummy, which is already saying "What the actual fireplace, Sue??!!" At least the coffee is good.
Oy about breakfast, Sue! Glad you were able to help your friend, though.
Bleah. My SIL fell again today. The director of her place caught her almost in time, so she just had a red mark on her face. The doc has already taken her off the heavier meds (ones that can contribute to unsteadiness), so this is just progression of her brain degeneration. They really watch out for her, but every time they call now, they talk about how unsteady her gait has become.
Is there anything they can do to keep her safe? Or will her increasing unsteadiness lead to them wanting her in a different facility ?
There is nothing besides what they are doing. She will keep falling. No hint they want to move her! They are really trying to deal with this, and nobody can prevent it. I just don't know what will happen if there's a bad enough fall, because SIL can't understand this is part of her disease, or that she has a disease. Sorry for venting so much! I just fear whatever is around the corner, with her.
My lawyer emailed to say the telephone meeting went well, but she doesn't have time to call and discuss it this afternoon. :/
((( PK ))) Hopefully, details on good news in the a.m. xoxo
(((kathy))) And you are not venting too much! It's such a concerning situation.
Crossing my fingers (and praying) that your lawyer has good news, P_K.
The scariest thing happened today: my sister's car was hit in a hit and run collision! She's okay (although her neck is sore), thanks to some quick thinking: a guy in a van blew threw the four-way stop and swerved into her lane, and she turned quickly enough to avoid a head-on collision. He clipped the back of her car, and careened into a nearby park, where he hit a lamp post. When bystanders went to check if he was okay, he took off on foot! (Stolen vehicle? Driving under the influence? Both?) My sister's car is likely a write-off, since it wasn't driveable after the accident. So scary. (It's weird to be in a situation where we're relieved that whiplash is the worst of it. She is pretty upset about her car, too, since she doesn't know how much she'll get for it from insurance, since we're in a no-fault insurance province, where on the one hand you're pretty much automatically covered without lawyers and such, but on the other hand it's pretty rare to be allowed to sue someone for a car accident.)
(((QWP and sister)))
QWP, hope your sister is OK, and that things work out swiftly for the replacement car. What kind of jerk does that?
Wow, QWP. I'm so glad your sister is ok, and hope she's still ok this morning.
PK, hoping the attorney calls pronto--way to leave you hanging!
AW: outdoor pool was much more fun than indoor pool, with no pesky lessons or classes to take up the schedule
W: sunscreen, sunscreen, and more sunscreen
PK, I'm glad your lawyer gave you a brief bit of good news about the call, but I do hope she doesn't delay too much in sharing the details.
kathy, so sorry to hear about your sister's continued falls. That's very concerning. I'm glad to hear no one at the home is whispering about moving her, though.
(((QWP and your sister))) Oh my, how awful! I hope your sister is okay today. It never hurts to get a neck injury checked out by a doc.
Sue, my sister is booked in for a full examination on Monday (to give any swelling time to calm down, so that the full extent of the injuries are apparent). The nice thing is that our chiropractor actually is the guy that our insurance sends people to, for car and workplace accident evaluation. (His office is even next door to the insurance adjustor office!) He helped her with all the insurance paperwork the LAST time, when my parents and my sister were in a horrifying car accident, a few weeks before E was born. (They were travelling through a small town, where the speed limit is reduced, on an icy day, and a guy tried to speed through the town, hit black ice, and smashed right into their van. I'm so thankful that they came out of it as well as they did, considering the fact that my dad spent a week in ICU.)
Okay, apparently my sister's accident is sending me into flashbacks to My Worst Weeks of 2012 (family in a car accident, dad in ICU, I end up in the hospital with high blood pressure right after Dad gets discharged, E gets diagnosed with growth restriction, I get put on Ativan for the next week until the c-section, NICU, head scans on baby). Time to get up and move around!
((( QWP ))) This accident is a trigger, all right, for that very bad no good horrible week from hell. xoxox
Glad your sister is good so far, and being seen Monday.
(((QWP))) I remember you talking about a lot of that back then. So horrific.
(((PK))) any word?
PK, heard anything? xoxo
It wasn't bad, but wasn't as good as I'd hoped. Counselor didn't tell the lawyers some of the things he told me, that seemed really important. He did say I am and should continue to be the the primary care provider, and that H should not get 50% time/custody with the kids. And he said H needs to go to an abuser treatment program.
But the visitation schedule he is recommending seems like a lot to me. Basically the kids would be with him about as much as they were before the separation; and way, way more than they were ever with just him without me there too.
I am grumbling in the counselor's general direction, PK.
((QWP)) My NICU triggers are many, and I didn't have so much surrounding trauma. Glad your sister is going to get checked out Monday. In the meantime, be gentle with you.
(((QWP))) I'm sorry the accident has triggered memories of such a horrible time. I'm glad your sister will be checked out on Monday.
PK, I may be missing something here. I don't understand why the counselor would insist on an abuser program for stbx, then grant all kinds of access to the children. The visitation schedule doesn't logically fit the other conditions. Grrrrr.....
PK, glad you got primary custody, that stbx's time is limited, and that he has to attend an abuse course. Not really sure what you are saying about the visitation schedule. xoxoxo
It seems like the counselor is considering "limitations on parenting time" to be starting at 50% and subtracting a little from there, which puts H's time with the kids at what seems to me to me as much as or more time than he had before the separation.
If I'm understanding correctly, he's suggesting 3 weekends out of every 4, or an extended weekend (4 day/3 nights) every other weekend, plus midweek visits to give him individual time with each child (not necessarily all 4 children every week) for the older 3, and visitation on a 2-3 day rotation for the toddler.
Then it sounds like he's saying H would potentially be able to work up to having 50% of the time with the kids from there if he does well in his abuser treatment program and shows change.
With me as a SAHM and him working full time, he never had anywhere near 50% of the parenting time even when we were together. But I'm hoping my lawyer or I misunderstood and the counselor meant the parenting plan he mentioned would be what H would hopefully eventually work up to rather than the starting point with the intent to add more from there.
My understanding is that in our local courts they usually don't go for a 50/50 arrangement when one parent has been the SAHM and the other worked full time, even without DV/abuse issues or other limiting factors in the mix. So the default would usually be local rule (every other weekend and half the summers, with perhaps a midweek dinner date on the off weeks) or something slightly more than that, if there were no abuse issues or limiting factors.
However,
Is all this going to be in writing? It sounds complicated, and the details matter.
As a practical matter, given that you have done so much hands-on time, he hasn't, and he's working full-time, I wonder if stbx (or the counselor) have considered what a drastic extra commitment this would be for him. Is he planning to leave the kids with sitters part of that time?
Also, asking for 3 weekends out of 4 plus additional time sounds like he's still trying to push the envelope, given that the usual arrangement (w/o domestic abuse) is more like alternating weekends and maybe an evening in between.
xoxo
That's what the counselor is recommending. H is asking to have the kids Sunday through Thursday every week. He claims he's going to homeschool the kids while working full time, because he has a flexible work schedule and can work from home a lot if he wants to. He has *never* done that consistently or for long periods of time.
He didn't take significant time off work or work from home to take care of the kids even at times like when I had mono and could barely get out of bed for months, or when the most recent baby was a couple of months old and I had my arm in a sling for 2-3 weeks. He stepped over me crying on the floor and left me to take care of an infant and a toddler (both of whom had stomach viruses) in an unfinished house we weren't fully moved into (or had even the basics unpacked), when I hurt my ankle and couldn't walk on it at all. I spent 2 or 3 days taking care of them by crawling on my hands and knees in a 2-story house because I couldn't put any weight on the ankle and he wouldn't take time off work to take me to the doctor or stay home and help me.
Just be sure your lawyer has all that info. xoxo
The standard for deciding about kids is best interests of the child.
I've worked from home for a number of years -- beginning when my older child started HS and the younger was in middle school. It would have been impossible to work full time, care for them, AND home school, and we only had two. Who were old enough to be somewhat independent.
Also ((( PK ))) -- I think it is good news that the counselor is not swallowing your stbx's "proposals" whole cloth. At.All.
So your focus should be on how workable the *counselor's proposal* is -- because that will be the actual issue before the court. (Of course, your lawyer also needs to be ready to address the incoming from stbx's lawyer.)
xoxo
I second (third! fourth! and a hearty "Amen") to kathy's testimony about the impossibility of working from home while caring for children.
Hugs.
W: memorial service for my friend/colleague today. That's the second one in a month. I'm exhausted.
AW: Most selfless, wonderful friend ever. She arranged fun activities for the Baboos at a nearby park while I was attending the service (Mr. E is out of town at his annual big chunky meeting).
When is the next hearing? This coming week, or the week after? xoxo
((( Esperanza ))) Too many losses, too early, too short a time. In addition to just too much with the move and all. xoxo
What a great friend!
This coming week. Counselor is supposed to be giving a more detailed write-up Monday, then the hearing is Wednesday. So that doesn't give us much time to negotiate.
Negotiate, maybe; and develop factual reasons why the counselor's proposal should be tweaked. I expect the court will want regular check-ins about how it is going.
And if I recall -- you have other stuff on the table? There are money issues; terms of the original stay-away order; the motion about contempt of court?
It probably is good they will all be heard together. Easy enough for me to say, but stay cool and calm! The posse is right at the ready!
xoxox
The posse is here for you, P_K. So many hugs.
(((Esperanza)))
Whiny old-skool whine: I've had an off-and-on earache for the past two weeks, and it's really starting to bug me. I don't notice anything through the day, and then it gets sore in the evening, and then it gets so congested through the night that I can't hear out of it at first in the morning. It woke me up a few times last night. I THINK it has something to do with congestion from seasonal allergies, but if it doesn't clear up over the weekend, I'll have the doctor look at it. But for now, this evening, I'm feeling grumpy about my ear.
Thing is, this counselor was never supposed to be doing a custody evaluation and making specific parenting plan recommendations in the first place. He's not qualified to do that and didn't do the right kind of evaluation to do that. He was just supposed to be doing a limited screening to see if there were any limiting factors, if the kids had been abused, and whether they were negatively impacted by the domestic violence in the household.
What on earth?! Then why is he doing what he is doing? And is there anyone you can appeal to, to say he's making these decisions himself?
The counselor would only be making recommendations. The judge decides.
I'm absolutely horrified about the shooting in Orlando. When will this stop?
PK, sorry for the shortened comment above. I'm sure your lawyer will also be pointing out that for some reason, the counselor went beyond what he was asked to evaluate. And that the good arguments for restricting visits more than the counselor suggests will be presented.
STBX will likely push for his ideas about custody and visitation, but they seem so unrealistic and unreasonable. xoxo
I'm really starting to wonder if my attorney knows what she's doing in this realm. Because she's the one that pushed for the counselor to make parenting plan recommendations and now she's saying it won't go over well if we try to use his other findings without following his parenting plan recommendations.
It is awkward, if she was the one who asked for parenting plan recommendations. This is not my area of law! I know she is really busy, but I hope she can make time to talk after the written report comes in.
It is still ultimately up to the judge. And the other things will be heard, too? e.g., continuing the protective order; the motion for sanctions; the financial end? xoxo
I'm really upset about the Orlando mass shooting.
My attorney was thinking we might be able to come to an agreement on a parenting plan before the hearing, rather than just letting the judge decide. So I have to decide whether I want to make a compromise/agreement based on what the counselor is suggesting, or take it to court with the very real chance that the judge may go with a standard local-rule parenting plan, which would give him the kids for fully half the summer a full week at a time. The plan the counselor is recommending is more than the local rule school year plan, but less than (and more livable than) the local rule summer visitation schedule.
That's really something to ponder, then. Half the summer would make me very nervous! xoxo
P_K, I think that you should get input from the DV specialists at the local shelter. I don't feel qualified to give any other advice than that. None of your choices look good.
Liz's advice is a really good one. These choices really don't look good.
And hugs to everyone today. It's a rough one.
What Liz said, PK.
And yes to hugs for everyone.
xoxo
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