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Monday, May 2, 2016

(House) Closing Whine Week

W: I am ready to get this over and done with. Stressy dreams about having to move out here and put our stuff in storage, etc.

AW: Scheduled for Friday.

W: I comprehend about a quarter of the information that is presented to me re: loans, title, escrow, closing costs, etc.

AW: Scheduled for Friday.

On the rest of the week's agenda: appointment with principal at the new school, Mini's field trip, crossing things off my list(s)

182 comments:

esperanza said...

P.S. Be sure and check out the last few comments on last week's post for news about long ago pixie Moreena, and an update from PK.

Liz said...

(((PK))) Thank you for updating us! I'm sorry he's being a douchebag, but I'm glad he's doing it in public for all to see. That does bode well for you prevailing.

kathy a. said...

Esperanza -- yay, the closing will be over soon! And it really sounds like the everything else is lurching in a forward direction. Great idea to visit with the new principal. Hope the field trip is fun!

PK -- Oh, my! His idea of what sounds "fair" regarding the marital home, custody, etc is certainly peculiar. Seriously? He gets custody, you become the babysitter in his home?? Hoping this hearing goes well. This is so very stressful. xoxoxo

kathy a. said...

W: I think my extremely shy (formerly feral) elder cat is nearing the end of her time. She's clearly been sick for months -- bad sick: large tumors for a start -- but a cat so scared of human contact is not a cat you can just haul in to the vet. Just lately, after 9 years living in our house happily, I've been allowed to pet her (and just sometimes).

She is really falling off the past few days. If there comes a time she is weak enough that I can catch her, my plan is to take her to the vet to end her suffering. Won't describe all the reasons I know she is suffering, but they are fairly comprehensive.

And I don't know what to think of this -- my husband thinks we [by which he means, me] just need to get flea stuff on her and she'll be fine. She will not be fine! This is a very sick cat.

I've been talking about how sick she is for months. Don't think my husband means "you're wrong"; but maybe that losing another pet so soon after the last is just too much to consider?

Liz said...

(((Kathy))) Denial re: seriousness of illnesses seems to be par for the course for your husband. He hasn't wanted to face the seriousness of his sister's illness, doesn't want to dispose of her stuff, doesn't want to face the conversation with her son. I think at this point, you have to accept that his main form of dealing with things he can't fix is to stick his fingers in his ears and go "Lalala I can't hear you".

I just re-read that paragraph and it sounds harsher than I meant it to, but I don't know how to phrase it so it's not harsh.

Please believe that I'm not dumping on your husband, but I think for your sake you need to stop expecting different behavior from him around this stuff.

Anonymous said...

It is cold here today!!! I am not equipped to cope with this in May. The Baboos are less equipped, as they ignored my warning and went to school in shorts.
Esperanza on my phone

kathy a. said...

Brr, Esperanza!

Liz, I think that is actually it. He does come around in time. And nobody (daughter also included) questions my authority to make the decision if I can get the cat to the vet -- it is not a decision either would like to make. Think he would feel better if an actual vet had examined the cat. Which, one will if I can get her there; but there won't be any good news. Poor Miss Polly.

kathy a. said...

He really wants her to just drift off in her sleep. Same as he wants for everyone. I can't argue with that being the best way to go, should one be so fortunate.

Liz Miller said...

It's great that he wants that, but unfair of him to put the burden of dealing with the reality of her needs on you alone. I know I just said you have to accept he's not going to change around this, but I'm going to take the liberty of being pissed off on your behalf. How great for him that he can act like it's not happening while you make the hard decisions

kathy a. said...

Ms. Polly is prepared to sit in her sunbeam and hiss at anybody approaching, today, so this is kind of a theoretical discussion, anyway. Junior cat, meanwhile, is once again sharing my office chair, patrolling to see if there is enough kibble, chasing bugs, etc.

Some good news on an old albatross!

Pork and salsa in the slow cooker.

Miranda said...

Big Event went well! Post event on why blackface in cosplay is wrong is horrific.

kathy a. said...

Liz, we posted almost the same time! Well, I know who I want in my corner if the beloved and I ever really get into a fight. ;)

kathy a. said...

Yay, Miranda! Very well done! Did you get a chance to have any fun?

Sue said...

Cheering for you on the moving process esperanza! You're in the home stretch!!! (See what I did there?)

(((PK))) I'm so sorry you are going through this. As others have noted, he's being very public about all of his distorted thinking, which means everyone else can see what's happening. That's a good thing with the gearing coming up.

Yay Miranda for a good event!!!

Aw: spinny Kitty is less spinny today!! Yay!! She's still listing to starboard a fair bit but has stopped falling over. Progress for sure.

AW: hubby had a great consult with a speech therapist re: choking on food. We're fortunate to have such terrific care here for him.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Cheering for moving progress for the esperanza family.

So many hugs for PK. I agree with everyone else: public asshatery and documented lying hopefully will backfire for him severely.

I'm glad your event went well, Miranda, although my eyebrows shot up so high about the second part!

So many hugs about the Polly cat, Kathy. With this pattern of your husband's: he's been through a lot of awful things over the past few years (especially regarding SIL). Would he consider counselling, to help him process things? Or would that be another thing where he'd lalala and insist that things are fine?

Sue: cheering for improved kitty! I hope she is shipshape soon. (I couldn't resist, after the "listing to starboard" comment.)

Whiney whine: my cold is the wooooooorst. I barely slept last night, because of my nose faucet, and because my drowsy cold medicine backfired on me. (It was like I was conscious in a coma: I couldn't move, but I was aware of my surroundings, for three straight hours).

AW: my mother and sister traded off, coming over to help me, because I slept so little and was so sick. And E is much improved, and had a very good night last night, and so she was very good for them.

(Whispered thing: I've decided to be selfish for the Mother's Day weekend. We've never done anything to celebrate for me, but ever since E was born, we've raced around all over town, all weekend. I really have wanted a quiet weekend, because we always have a bad Mother's Day. After the hectic Saturday, I always end up spending Sunday comforting a sobbing child, while trying to prepare and share a meal with my family. I'd already decided that we were skipping all the other stuff that happens to go on that weekend -- there are a bunch of carnivals and other events that always get scheduled that weekend -- but my mom convinced me that I should skip any even with our family too, and just have a quiet weekend at home, like she did when we were little. And so Mom and I already decided this, and I told my siblings that I'd go in for a present for Mom, but that if they decide to do anything with her, it'll be their own plans, because I'm staying home. It looks like my siblings, or at least my sister, will be unimpressed. Now, we just have to work on the in-laws. I'd even be happy to have just Mr. Q's parents over for a meal sometime soon! But I'm not doing the two family meals in one weekend this time. It's too much.)

esperanza said...

Go, QWP! You're sick, anyway! You need to recover. And besides, you can choose what, if anything, you do on Mother's Day.

AW: new school is lovely. Principal was great. Way different than what we are used to, I suspect. I think the Baboos will get to visit while school is still in session, since we get out a few days before they do.

Sue said...

Go QWP!!!! As a huge Non-Fan of Mother's Day in general, I concur with your plan. Besides, you deserve a restful weekend!

Yay about the new school esperanza!! Great news!!

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Hooray for the new school being lovely, esperanza!

AW: I've successfully communicated our plans to my siblings, with minimal drama. I then told Mr. Q that he's allowed to take E to see his mom for a LITTLE while, at some point of the weekend, while I get a chance to rest. (This is also so that I get some solitude.) That way it's fair, because my mom will get to see (and sit with) E during church on Sunday. (I can't stress enough the fact that this is my secret plan to have some time to myself.)

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Please reassure me, you guys: E just woke up with a croupy cough. Barking, wheezing, fast breathing. We got her breathing calmed back down, and got her back to bed with the cool mist humidifier, and with her head elevated better (in case it's postnasal drip that's causing the coughing), but I'm panicking. No on in my family ever had croup, and my frame of reference for it is: Mr. Q being hospitalized with it at the age of 7, and my friend's kid going into respiratory failure with it. (She survived, because they had just gotten her into the hospital when it happened.) Please reassure me that it's going to be minor. (I'm planning on calling in to her doctor first thing in the morning.)

kathy a. said...

This is minor! You are doing the right things.

What also helped when my son had croup or asthma attacks -- if it gets worse -- first, go run hot water in the shower and shut the door, sit in the closed room singing or reading or whatever and breathe in all the steam for as long as you can stand it. Then, go out in the cool night air all bundled up, and sit there only a short while. xoxoxo

kathy a. said...

* You don't need to get in the shower; just make steam.

Sue said...

What kathy said about steaming up the bathroom. That always helped our boys (and ruined my hair - ha!)

esperanza said...

QWP, I hope E is better! When you call the doctor, see if you can get him/her to give you a guideline on how many breaths/minute is too many. Then you have an objective measurement of some kind rather than panicky mama judgement call (I know because I am one too). When Sweet was wee, that is one of the questions the pulmonologist (that is too a word, spell check) would always ask. The noise on the breath out, though it is alarming, is not really dangerous, but the wheezing could be. And if E herself gets panicked about not being able to breathe, that just makes it all the worse. So you get to practice your "fake calm Mommy" persona. It's nights like those where we break out the nebulizer, so we don't really use the steam technique.

kathy a. said...

Hope E is better! Esperanza's advice about the fake calm Mommy persona is wonderful! Very important!

esperanza said...

Big excitement in Small Town today: a sonic boom. Speculation is running rampant.

Miranda said...

Squatter is ex-squatter!!!!!!

Liz said...

Yay ex-squatter!

(((QWP))) the only croup experience I have is from reading the Anne of Green Gables books.

Esperanza, are you near a military base?

kathy a. said...

Freaky, Esperanza!

My big excitement yesterday was a long gossipy chat with the next door neighbor's daughter and another neighbor from the other side -- a little about how her parents are doing after mom's surgery, and a lot about the family that used to live across the street but moved away, and how it turns out the skunk of a husband pushed for the move so he could live closer to his secret girlfriend. (Now wife #3.)

The neighbor's daughter remembers growing up on the block 40 years ago. The other neighbor's been here around 30 years. We've only lived here 20 years. :)

esperanza said...

Hooray for ex-squatters!

Liz, you are quite accurate in your speculation! There is a military landing strip about 30 miles away, where pilots practice touch-and-go landings and takeoffs. Word from the officials is that it was one of those jets that got a little carried away and went too fast. That is very ho-hum compared to what some people "have heard" that it was.

esperanza said...

I've heard a sonic boom before, much louder. I was either closer, or the terrain (mountains) made it louder. Can the pilot hear it? It seems like it would be deafening. I don't understand the physics of it enough to know.

AW: I've been putting off cleaning the master bathroom shower for lo these many weeks, er months, oh I don't know how long. I was anticipating that it would be horribly tedious and difficult and take all day. I'm well over halfway done, here at my lunch break, and it has gone so easily! The product called Barkeeper's Friend is *my* new best friend.

kathy a. said...

Hooray, Miranda!

Great product tip, Esperanza! -- although it still sounds like a dismal job. Which I guess tells you all you need to know about my diligence in that particular area of housekeeping.

esperanza said...

I would rather clean the kitchen 300 times than clean the bathroom. I don't know why. My college roommate was the opposite, and we promised each other that if we ever lived in the same city, that I would clean her kitchen and she would do my bathrooms. Alas, we've never lived in the same city.

Liz said...

Cleaning the bathrooms is the household chore equivalent of going to the dentist. I'd rather do ANY OTHER CHORE, similarly, I'd rather get a mammogram, a pap smear, and prepare for a colonoscopy ALL ON THE SAME DAY than go to the dentist. Yet the dentist is twice a year and those others are annual AT MOST.

esperanza said...

I was with you till you threw in the colonoscopy prep!

kathy a. said...

What Esperanza said.

Anonymous said...

I have TMJ, jaw hurts for a week or more after dentist visit

Liz on iPhone

Anonymous said...

QWP, hope E is doing better, and you are feeling better also.

W of the panicky mama variety: Neighbor Boy after school had a headache of 8 out of 10. He read for a total of about 20 minutes all day, (and drew for about 2 hours while other kids did standardized testing). Headache ramped up while he simply sat and waited while kids did gym (and it wasn't very loud). Is this normal???? He came home on the bus (good call to not go to band after school), took tylenol. Did homework (bad call- but I wasn't here yet), and his headache is stuck around 5/10. Listening to a book on tape in a darkened room. You guys, I don't know what is normal for a mild concussion. I have OFTEN been accused of worrying too much and am having trouble calibrating my sense of what should/ should not happen with concussion. I don't want to ignore something important, ya know? On the other hand, one should not suppose brain tumor explains things, given that he did just get hit in the head with a soccer ball. (Although he did get headaches before....) I know this, and yet.... my brain....it is not helping me right now. I also should not be thinking of all the many things I have read over the years of kids with headache that turned out to be a brain bleed and thank goodness they went to the ER (or, the flip side of they didn't).....as I sit here on Wednesday Whining.

It is hard to be a calm mama. (or even to fake it)

--Neighbor Lady

Anonymous said...

And also, as an update, though sad and frustrated and worried about NB's situation, I am no longer angry at Neighbor Guy, given that he was absolutely upset and emotional when we were talking about it again, and is really beating himself up about it. I told him I had "surveyed some friends" about whether I was within rights to be upset, (and that I was), and he wanted me to let the people I surveyed know that he feels really awful about it.
--Neighbor Lady

kathy a. said...

Call the ped, or the on-call if it is after hours. If it gets worse, this seems worth an ER visit, even if it turns out to not be a biggie. NB should not have been having this much pain today. xoxoxo

esperanza said...

I have no experience with concussions and no idea, NL, but 8 out of 10 seems a pretty severe headache.

kathy a. said...

I'm kind of a fanatic about head injuries, myself. And realize that I didn't even see your posts for an hour, so maybe things are different now. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Now, about a 3 out of 10. Pretty normal for this week. But he did take a nap, and would like to sleep again. We are keeping him up for about another hour or so, trying to guage things. May end up calling the ped. (But don't love our ped).
Hope to not do ER. I loathe the ER worse than colonoscopies. Which is pretty much near the bottom of the list.
--NL

Anonymous said...

Also, yay for no more squatters, Miranda!
And yay for great new schools!
And some sort of award for esperanza for the bathroom cleaning!
And QWP, your plan for Mother's Day sounds perfect!
May it be a restful day!
--NL

kathy a. said...

Down to a 3 of 10 sounds like progress. Yay!

If it spikes again tomorrow, though, think you need to get him evaluated. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Sorry for hogging the thread....
we also found out that NB used a computer in one of his classes at school ("but, Mom, I put the screen on its dimmest setting"-d'oh) so at least there is possibly some explanation for the worsening headache....
NL

esperanza said...

Don't apologize for "hogging" NL! And oops on the computer screen.

My award for scrubbing the bathroom is apparently sore arm muscles. This is a sad commentary on both the state of my bathroom and the state of my fitness.

Liz Miller said...

NL, I highly recommend a referral to a concussion clinic. They will be better able to tell you what is normal and not. You won't necessarily need to see your ped, just call the office, tell them what you told us and ask for a referral

kathy a. said...

It's still not right, NL, even if he did use a computer for a little while. xoxo Also, you're not hogging! We're all sending good cheer for figuring out what's going on with NB.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor over a political development that puts a fireplacing hairpiece of the first order in serious contention for a very high position. Everybody needs to vote. Everybody. I'm not kidding -- no "ew, I don't like the menu" excuses. Every.Body.

P_K said...

The counselor evaluating the kids said that he recommends visits with H continue to be supervised during the evaluation process, even if the judge doesn't order it.

Hearing in the morning.

Anonymous said...

Thoughts and prayers with you for the hearing, p_k. (((())))
--NL
and thanks for the suggestions of the concussion clinic.... there is one at the children's hospital near us...seems like a good idea

esperanza said...

PK, I definitely will be thinking of you and your children this morning.

Sue said...

I agree, NL, the concussion clinic sounds like a good idea. An 8/10 after a concussion is worth further investigation.

Yay, Miranda!!! Can we say the ex-squatter is the Permanently Ex-Squatter? Hope so.

(((P-K))) I'll be thinking of you and your children today. Think of the pixies surrounding you with care and support.

W: Terrible fire out west (further west, and north, of QWP) that is burning through a small city and displacing 15,000 residents. A friend of mine from highschool lives there and got out early last evening. I can't even imagine...

W: What kathy said re: everyone needs to vote. Seriously, this guy's utter stupidity and hubris is dangerous.

Liz Miller said...

Thinking of you and your children today PK. XOXOXOXOXOXOX

kathy a. said...

((( PK ))) Sending love, and thoughts for the judge to do the right things.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Sending love to PK and the kids today. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I missed the first time around: Miranda, I'm so glad to hear that your Ex Squatter is now an ex-squatter! I hope that's the end of it!

NL: I hope NB does much better today. 8/10 headache is really distressing.

I'm with Sue, in being distressed about the wildfire up north. I'd say (due to the nature of the oil industry and all that), a lot of people across Canada know someone who lives there, or who has lived there recently. The most recent number I've heard in the news is 60,000 evacuated (and, at least initially, a lot of family members aren't together, because kids were evacuated while still at school). This is supposed to be a hot, dry summer (after a really mild winter), and I'm worried that we're going to see more of this.

AW: E slept through the night, and is hardly coughing today. What a relief. (Also: we are getting central air today! The guy is installing it right now. And just in time: today is going to be summertime hot.)

Sue said...

QWP - you're right, I got my population number wrong. Thanks for correcting that. I think I may have heard 50K on a news report and thought they said 15K - it's actually just over 60K as you said. Yikes, that's a lot of people!

W: Fireplacing Mother's Day. That is all.

esperanza said...

I just saw 80K evacuated. So heartbreaking.

W: right there with you on the Mother's Day garbage, Sue. Yet I am about to head out to the festivities at the Baboos' school, because Baboos don't hate Mother's Day.

Glad E is feeling better, QWP!

kathy a. said...

Yes, glad E is better!

NL, let us know how it is going with NB. xoxo

Sue and QWP -- that ferocious explosion of fire is horrible! And so early in the fire season... I'm very sorry for all affected. The Oakland Hills firestorm of 1991 was in the range of hills by our house [about 10 miles away], and so many people lost their homes, not to mention deaths and injuries.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Is it bad that I'm thankful I'm too sick to take part in anything this weekend, and so saying "no" to everything is easier? Operation Do Nothing Weekend is going forward! (Okay, I just have to have Mr. Q break the news to his parents that we're doing nothing this weekend. They're usually the ones who take up our entire Saturday.)

I'm also thankful for preaching folk like Sue and esperanza, who know that Mother's Day is hard for a lot of people. (I was weirdly into our Mother's Day service last year. It was about a week and a half after Grandma died, and everyone just talked about processing grief, and how Mother's Day triggers that, and moving forward with the positive. I think it weirded out friends who asked me about our service. "We talked about dead moms a lot.")

AW: We have AC! Esperanza and Kathy, who get too much teasing from this Canadian during the winter, will be amused to know that our "scorcher" of a day is going up to 86F.

esperanza said...

86 is enough to want the AC! It's 80 here and I've got the windows open, but it is nice and not so humid out there.

Hope you start feeling better soon, QWP, but you have my permission to fake illness through the weekend.

kathy a. said...

86F is hot hot hot! I live in a very temperate part of California, and usually fog rolls across the bay at night -- especially during the summer. Averages here are in the 50-60F range; daytime highs most months are in the 60's or 70's, mostly.

Hoping things are going OK for PK.

Anonymous said...

Thinking about PK.

NB stayed home from school today because woke with headache and felt crummy. Neighbor Guy took him back to the doctor (and we saw our regular doctor for the first time since concussion). He said fluctuation is normal this early on, and that an increase to more pain doesn't mean doom and gloom (my words). To be expected, but that we really need to dial back activity. NB is to stay home from school for the rest of the week and only go half days Mon and Tues next week. I am now writing an email to the dr. requesting specific accomodations for school, as the school nurse says we don't have anything other than no gym and breaks as needed from the original dr. note. He will miss some high-stakes testing (what a ridiculous phrase for a 6th grader!) next week that is also used for placement, but .... oh well. He actually ended up taking some classroom tests last week as it turns out (no testing wasn't listed, apparently)-- and shock... did worse than normal! These things are no biggie in my mind, but they sorta bum him out.
ANyway, he is now snoozing. Hope this all resolves quickly, but at least it's not seeming to be dire like my worries....
Thanks for all the support and advice. If you could spare some healing prayers, I would be grateful.

Thoughts and prayers with all affected by the horrible fire, too!

Wow, QWP--86F?!?! It is probably 52F here. I am in a sweater. Hope you feel better soon-- glad E is sleeping better.

Hope we hear from PK soon-- sending thoughts and prayers her way too!

--Neighbor Lady

P_K said...

H and his attorney agreed before it was our turn in court to extend the restraining order and supervised visits for another 2 weeks until the evaluation/screening of the kids is complete, and to postpone the other matters until then as well. I feel very good about that.

kathy a. said...

NL -- the school testing doesn't matter; and in the long run, neither does missing some school. But needing to take that time off because of pain and etc. -- sending so much love. Rest really is all he can do right now. xoxo

AW: Dinner next weekend with an online friend, the correspondence keeping up even after that blog hit the dust. He and his wife took me and my daughter to dinner in DC, when she arrived for her internship, and they also gave us lots of great tips about neighborhoods and such.

kathy a. said...

((( PK ))) Wow, they agreed? That's good news! Does that mean the judge heard nothing about the past 2 weeks?

I'm sorry this will keep dragging on for a while, though. Hope there are no more troublesome incidents this round. Continue to believe that what he has in mind for a "resolution" is just pretty insane. xoxoxo

P_K said...

Everything was filed and the judge read it, but because of the counselor's recommendation last night, we were able to settle on a temporary agreement to follow his advice before we got before the commissioner, so she just signed it and there were no arguments in court today.

P_K said...

It's actually a commissioner hearing our case right now, not a judge.

Liz said...

So glad!

kathy a. said...

A commissioner is still a judge, just lower level. This is the one dealing with preliminary stuff, gathering evidence, making orders to keep the status quo -- if I understand this right?

Great about the counselor's report! And that the commissioner read everything. Documenting ALL concerns is important, because that written evidence goes on up the ladder as things proceed. Because your ex is so aggressive in his wishes and behavior, please be sure your lawyer knows about everything. Even smaller things. xoxo

How are the kids doing? How are you? xoxo

esperanza said...

This all sounds good, PK. Thanks for checking in.

W: Waiting ever-so-patiently for Sweet's special ed paperwork. Ever. So. Patiently.

kathy a. said...

I can hear your foot tapping all the way over here, Esperanza -- but don't blame you.

esperanza said...

As requested by the person-in-charge, I have inquired after it twice. Person-in-charge is not in charge of mailing it, apparently. "Early next week" is the newest prediction. I could walk to the responsible office from my house in 15 minutes, yet it's going to take 20 days to mail it to me? Ever. So. Patiently. Waiting.

kathy a. said...

Green thai curry with jasmine rice. We did chicken + veggies [broc, zuke, onion, carrot, mushroom]. Mmmmm.....

esperanza said...

W: Second friend in the space of two months to resign because of a pain-in-the-butt boss. When you're a jerk, people don't want to work for you.

Liz Miller said...

God deliver me from Bernie Bros who insist, citing articles from FEBRUARY that Sanders has a path to victory and Clinton should drop out because he's polling better than she is against Trump (against whom she is predicted to have a landslide victory). And doubly protect me from them when they insist that her campaign has been plenty negative against Sanders. She has not mentioned the words "illegitimate child" and I'm pretty sure Trump won't be so kind

Liz Miller said...

Not that I think there's anything wrong with having kids outside of marriage, but I'm not who that attack will be aimed at

Anonymous said...

Kathy a.-- green thai curry sounds delicious.

NB has told me that since I am home from school with him today, I will get to snuggle up with him and read to him. I am looking forward to this! (Sadly, this is not as usual as it used to be, now that he is 12-- I have missed it!)

--NL

Sue said...

NL - I'm glad the doc has asked for rest for NB. It's really the only thing that works. Thoughts and prayers with all of you.

Thanks for checking in PK. It sounds like things are moving along as they ought. It may be a slow process, but at least for the next 2 weeks, things are good. As mentioned earlier - document, document, document. Everything.

esperanza, I hope the requested paper work shows up asap!

That's hot for this time of year QWP. And kinda scary given the heat and wind further west. :(

kathy a. said...

NL, hope you have a restorative day.

AW: My son's been going through a security clearance investigation for months, for his job. It is finally over, and he's all clear!

Liz said...

YAY!

Miranda said...

(((P_k)))) (((kids))))

Miranda said...

Related to Liz's whines, I'm glad I'm covered under the Hatch Act.

Liz said...

:D

kathy a. said...

I developed a headache from political atmospheric conditions, but thankfully it is fading now. Oy oy oy.

P_K said...

Looks like he took most of the money out of our joint accounts. Good thing I had the foresight to insist that we set up an emergency fund in an account in my name only. And he did it after I had filed things and he wasn't supposed to be redistributing assets or making any unusual expenditures, so I think it's going to come back to bite him.

kathy a. said...

Oh, PK. I am so glad you have that emergency account! This person (I have stronger fireplacing words) is not gonna look good in 2 weeks, either.

I assume bills are still coming to the house. Can your lawyer demand that he pay them, since he took all that money and claims to care about his own children?

xoxo

esperanza said...

Jerk. That's the nicest thing I can come up with at the moment.

I'm so sorry, PK. You deserve way better than this.

Liz said...

WHAT. A. DOUCHEBAG.

Anonymous said...

What Liz (and kathy and esperanza) said.
(((((pk)))))
also, I assume your lawyer knows about this.... and document, document, document.
What a pain in the butt, and such smart foresight on your part for the emergency fund!
--Neighbor Lady

Sue said...

What others have said, with a few choice expletives added on. Grrrrr....

So many hugs PK.

P_K said...

The funny but not really funny thing is, he tried and tried to insist that my emergency fund had to be in an IRA because he would never ever do something like this it was ridiculous for me to prepare for it. I said no.

kathy a. said...

Like an IRA account is any good for an emergency.... Jackass.

I'm truly troubled by the many many ways he is still trying to control things, even now. Very glad you stood up for this account. But having it is not enough for any length of time, probably.

xoxo

kathy a. said...

Esperanza, wishing you well with the closing tomorrow! May your dominant hand be strong, for all the signatures. ;)

esperanza said...

Thank you! My wrist is already sore from something? box escapades? shower cleaning? Both hands are peeling from not using gloves for the shower cleaning. So I'm sure I'll be in fine shape. The realtor assures us it can all be done in an hour. I am skeptical.

W: exhausted from kindergarten field trip. Though I had three charges (most other parents had only two), they were all very good and got along well together. I am still worn out.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

PK, I'm enraged for you. Seriously. Only expletives.

W: continued sickness (no voice, awful coughing), and then Aunt Flo showed up early, and the twelve hour painkillers stopped working after hour eight. And the child is still dealing with coughing and sickness, and is so grouchy that she's still sick, and she acted out in ways that made her coughing worse, and that made my day worse. She got two quiet times today.

kathy a. said...

Big fan of time-outs to cool down. Sometimes I even framed them as "Mama needs some time out to cool down." The breaks work, though. Hope everybody is feeling better, QWP.

P_K said...

He also rented an apartment for the same price as our mortgage payment, after asking the court to order our house sold because we supposedly can't afford it. He's probably getting a 2-bedroom for that price.

Liz said...

PK, I hope your attorney guts him. I hope the judge carves him a new one. I hope that he gets held in contempt.

I hope a hammer falls on his big toe (okay, not that last one).

kathy a. said...

Really, the same price as the mortgage?? I have no idea what's going on in his mind right now, but it's not terribly focused on the needs of the kids. IMO.

Liz said...

WHY DO I HAVE TO RETRAIN MY SON TO PUT DOWN THE TOILET SEAT EVERY FEW MONTHS?

kathy a. said...

Liz, hate to break it to you, but BOYS ARE LIKE THIS. xoxo

kathy a. said...

Not to generalize or anything. But this is a sector in which I personally have failed.

kathy a. said...

And, in the olden days when there was a gender-neutral rest room in my offices, it is also what led to various creative notes, ranging from PUT THE SEAT BACK DOWN to DON'T PISS ON THE SEAT, OR THE FLOOR! Often stated in verse. Or with threats.

P_K said...

Well, technically his apartment is $5 less than the mortgage, judging from the payment he made out of our joint account. Not counting the application fee that he also paid.

esperanza said...

Re: toilet seat. Mr E was permanently well trained in this area, prior to the beginning of our relationship. The bad news is that it was the result of the (truly and verifiably) wicked stepmother. I don't want to know what she threatened him with if he left the seat up. I can count on one hand the number of times he has left it up, in almost 20 years of knowing him.


Liz said...

Ugh. I don't want to scar my son for life, but I do VERY DEFINITELY want the seat down.

kathy a. said...

"Please don't make your Mom fall in the toilet again!"?

P_K said...

My H virtually never leaves the seat up. So apparently that factor is not directly related to a man's quality as a person.

Liz Miller said...

No, it definitely isn't.

kathy a. said...

I guess now I know why the dog's been barking so much the last couple of days. The carcass of a young deer is maybe 15 feet behind our back fence -- nothing I could see from here, due to the lay of the land. Yeah, I approve of nature when it is just a tad further from the house....

Sue said...

Hope you're feeling better QWP, and boo to 12 hr pain meds that only last 8 hrs. That's just wrong.

((((P-K))))

Liz, when we moved into our present home, I knew I was moving to a home where I would essentially have my own bathroom (ensuite specially-adapted bathroom is hubby's, main bath is mine and guests). I was excited about the move, but if I'm honest, the best part was the bathroom. Why? Because BOYS ARE GROSS!

Queen of West Procrastination said...

I'm hiding in my room from the Angry, Sick Threenager right now. I had to try hard not to start crying in front of her, when we were in the middle of a battle of wills, and the CBC started playing their Mother's Day "Thank You For Being My Mom" thing with moms and their kids.

Also, my favourite teapot broke.

kathy a. said...

Oh, QWP. There, there.

I do wish that everybody didn't push Mother's Day. The kid meltdown during the Hallmark moment is *classic*, and really there are so many other reasons why a person might not view motherhood as the rosiest thing on earth, or care to be singled out on one day alone.

Liz said...

(((QWP)))


Queen of West Procrastination said...

AW: I went and ordered a REALLY NICE teapot. I feel entitled to a really nice teapot today.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Note: E might not be the only one who is feeling grumpy and petulant about being sick.

kathy a. said...

I called animal control about the dead deer on public property a little behind our house. Nice dispatcher! So I went up to tie something colorful to the fence to mark where they should look for it, and very little was left where the deer was last night. As I was puzzling over that, happened to look down and saw that something had dragged the rest of the carcass *right up to our fence*. I mean...

kathy a. said...

Our fence is designed to preserve view, while keeping the dog in and other animals out. Narrow heavy-duty slats spaced every few inches. So it is not like you can just pretend it isn't right there once you've seen it. Don't even want to imagine what animal was strong enough....

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Well, I'm shuddering at the thought of what creature can drag the carcass to your fence, Kathy! Ugh.

kathy a. said...

There have been occasional mountain lion sightings in our area, but all uphill by a distance -- still, there is this open area between there and here. When I called back to mention the changed location, that I had marked the fence, and brought up mountain lions, the dispatcher person laughed and said, "Ma'am, we can't know what moved it." Ha ha. It was not a fox, possum, or racoon. Kind of large for a coyote or bobcat, too (not very common hereabouts). Daughter says, "Maybe a bear wandered by." (No bears.) Perhaps the moles did it, picnic ant style. harrumph.

esperanza said...

Wild Kingdom in your backyard, kathy a!

QWP, my utmost sympathies on motherhood and its not-so-Hallmarky moments, of which there seem to be an overly-generous helping.

W: a colleague and friend died this morning. He had been living with chronic lung problems for quite some time, but kept active, with frankly more energy than I. If you're the praying sort, send up a few for his congregation.

W: my phone started ringing with this news right in the middle of the paper signing festival at the house closing. We're all closed, but there have been a few mixups today. Like somehow the right people never heard about the amendment to the contract in which the sellers credited us for repairs, despite me asking about it to several people several times. And now somehow our file got mixed up with another one. Still waiting for the call that says everyone has gotten the right amount of money.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Oh, esperanza, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I will definitely pray for his congregation.

Crossing appendages that all the paperwork and money get sorted out immediately! Ahhh, I understand the frustrations!

AW: grouchy child is napping! I had a shower, and feel marginally more human.
W: air irritants are making our coughs worse. We're getting All The Pollen at once, with this sudden heat wave, and now the wind has turned, and is bringing the smoke from up north.

(But, at least I'm only dealing with the smoke. Oh, those poor people who have lost everything.)

esperanza said...

W: Also, watching, live on the book of faces, Mr E's brother and family self-destruct. This is the branch with the teenager who died by suicide last fall. They've turned in on themselves. Nasty threats and language and actions on all sides. Mr. E's getting lots of texts about it, too. I have no idea where the truth is in the current altercation, but I'm also sure it's about way more than the current altercation. Hoping (seriously) that no one dies or ends up in jail over the weekend. It's that bad.

kathy a. said...

((( Esperanza ))) Too much for one day! I'm so sorry about your colleague's death. OMG about the family mutual-destruct on FB. xoxox

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Oh goodness. Kathy is right: too much for one day, esperanza. So many hugs for you and Mr. E. (I hope this current move isn't bringing you into closer proximity to the volatile branch of the family, is it?)

esperanza said...

Thanks, y'all. There aren't many places I can air that kind of dirty laundry. We will be ever-so-slightly closer to that part of the family, but not appreciably.

Anonymous said...

(((((esperanza and Mr E)))))) sorry about the family issues....
but congratulations on the house closing, and may the snafus be wrapped up asap.
so sorry about the colleague too.... what a day!
--NL

Liz Miller said...

Sending so many hugs, Esperanza

esperanza said...

In related whines, people of Teh Book of Faces, please refrain from posting the news of someone's death until...say...family members and close friends have had a chance to find out in a more personal and caring way. From time of death to first posting this morning: an hour. For real. I know you think you need to emote in public, but please refrain.

W: and I"m a little pissy because funding for the house did *not* go through, people are not returning my phone calls, and we can't fix it till Monday.

kathy a. said...

Oh, you've got to be kidding! About the house funding; jeepers louise about the rest of it. Posse!

kathy a. said...

I should be doing something more important, but Grace and Frankie, season 2, is now on N3tfliz.

esperanza said...

So now the loan company has sent the $$ to the title company (there was a "minor condition to clear with the underwriter," which I would have thought would have been taken care of before now, but what do I know). But the seller won't get the $$ until Monday when the title company opens. So we're almost there.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Oh my goodness, the same thing happened to us, esperanza! Except that, thankfully, it wasn't a Friday. (But it WAS December 30th, and it was really dicey about what was going to be open on NYE!)

esperanza said...

Yikes, QWP. See...we had originally scheduled the closing for Monday, at our realtor's suggestion, for just such a contingency. Then last week, hurried emails about the seller wanting to move it up till Friday. Fine with us, because they are leasing it back from us till the 19th, and three extra days meant three extra days of rent $$. So now, here we sit in limbo for those three extra days, and I think we're going to have to refund that portion back to them. And, I really feel sorry for them anyway, because the house they had a contract on and were supposed to close on Monday, somehow fell through.

Liz Miller said...

Esperanza, you and my friend Barbara are in the same boat. Wtf banks? This is something they can't get right despite doing it multiple times daily?

Liz Miller said...

Omg folks, the Berniebotulism this week has been fireplacing exhausting. I know it's small potatoes compared to what you all are going through, but this is the only place I can whine about it with gusto

esperanza said...

Go right ahead, Liz.

So the word is it was something with our taxes. Our taxes always look bizarro because of the clergy self-employment thing. I *still* think this would/should have been investigated before today. What. Ever. It will be done soon.

kathy a. said...

Those Bern diehards need to settle the heck down. Fortunately, they have a few months to get a clue.

Bizarro, Esperanza! Yeah, they should have checked it out before.

I guess a dead deer is not top of the list for animal control, so we can expect more visitors in the night. The wonder of nature.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Esperanza: they hadn't cleared all the tax/income stuff before today? That is absolutely bizarre. (But I've only been through this once, in a different country. We were locked into pre-approval, including the bank having all of our documents, and then requesting more and more documents from Mr.Q's work and tax forms, by the time we did our second walk-through of the house! I thought they got that stuff out of the way before a person can even put in an offer on the house.) (Our hold-up was because of a document mix-up between our lawyer's office, the mortgage company, and the land title office. The mortgage company had an outdated document on their website, and then rejected it because it was out of date, which then delayed stuff with the land title office, and meant that the funds were released the day after took possesion. Our lawyer gave the mortgage company an earful about that.)

P_K said...

Shenanigans happening with visitation plans.

And someone asked how the kids are doing. Let's just at I've been yelled at, had backs turned to me and ears plugged, and had raspberries spit at me by multiple children in the past 2 weeks. And they informed the counselor that our current situation is all my fault.

P_K said...

Hugs to all the sick and bereaved.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

(((((PK)))))) Awful, awful, awful. So many hugs for you. Do you have good supports where you are, who can build you up, and reinforce that this isn't all your fault, and that you are doing what you need to do, for your and the kids' best? And I really hope that counselling can do the same for the kids. (I could kick that fireplacing ex of yours.)

kathy a. said...

((( PK ))) xxox

esperanza said...

Oh, PK. I'm so sorry. So sorry.

Anonymous said...

Sending so much love your way, PK

Liz on iPhone

Sue said...

Catching up from yesterday...

(((QWP))) I hope today is better.

Sorry about wild kingdom in your yard, kathy. I did chuckle at the thought of moles working like ants. :)

(((esperanza))) So many prayers coming your way. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all these things at once. Any one of them is hard to process, never mind all three.

(((PK))) So much love and many prayers heading your way.

kathy a. said...

They took the deer away, finally. There was noise up there in the night, and the deer had moved about 15-20 more feet from yesterday's position. Yuck.

P_K said...

My attorney sent his a strongly worded email Friday morning saying that he has until Monday to put the money back or else. He responded by taking more money out (a number of thousands of dollars more), draining the account to almost nothing (about $300).

The blatantness with which he is flaunting the rules and openly violating court orders really scares me.

esperanza said...

W.O.W. PK. I don't mean to be an alarmist, but you've changed the locks on your house, right? He obviously has no respect for the rules, which would include the restraining order.

Hugs. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

kathy a. said...

PK, very glad the lawyer sent that letter. He continues to amaze. His disregard makes me nervous, too. xoxoxo

P_K said...

Yes, I've changed the locks, and all the neighbors know to call the police immediately if they see him here.

Anonymous said...

(((((((pk))))))))) stay safe. love and hugs
--Neighbor Lady

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Oh my goodness, PK. I'm glad that you've changed the locks, and have the neighbours on alert. Maybe a security system with cameras that record? Please stay safe.

kathy a. said...

PK, the kids will calm down in time -- even though this hurts so much now. You are the safe parent, remember that.

I assume there is a temporary support order? If his idea is that you can have that much and no more, everything else is his -- that is not how property divisions work. $300 is not a lot with 4 kids in the house.

Not to mention, judges SINCERELY disapprove of people violating their orders. Draining bank accounts; sending the person into the house to get stuff; violating terms of visitation -- those are all things that can get someone thrown in jail for contempt of court, and/or get their wages garnished, etc.

xoxoxo

Sue said...

(((PK))) I'm glad you've taken precautions and have neighbours on alert. xoxox

P_K said...

There's no temporary support order yet. Court order is that the money is supposed to remain accessible to both of us and nothing is to be touched except for reasonable and necessary normal expenses.

kathy a. said...

Oh. This isn't lookin' good for him....

What is going on with the bills? I'd be concerned that he could start cutting basic services and defaulting on the mortgage, which would be a serious financial problem for you and the kids. xoxoxo

kathy a. said...

I assume the $300 is less than you need for mortgage, utilities, food, and other expenses.

P_K said...

There is still some money in the checking account, and I have 2-3 months expenses in my emergency fund. H is supposed to be paying the bills out of our joint accounts, but he didn't pay them all and I don't have the website logins for most of them. I was able to figure out the username and password for the water and electric bill and paid that Thursday, the day it was due.

kathy a. said...

NOT ACCEPTABLE! And he doesn't get to complain about the emergency fund when he stole all the joint money, and yadda ya. This is really messed up.

kathy a. said...

I'm so sorry, PK. Hope there can be an emergency hearing about the financial stuff, at least, because he needs to be following that court order and is not. xoxoxoxo

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Is it just me, or is he trying to financially force you out of your home/get your services shut off, PK?

Queen of West Procrastination said...

On a much lighter whiny note, three bees have gotten into my home in the past twenty-four hours. This is not okay. (There seems to be a gap in our backdoor, which is allowing them to crawl in, and then panic when they're stuck indoors. I hope we have identified the gap, and that weatherstripping prevents further bees from getting through. Because there are too many motherfireplacing bees in this motherfireplacing house.)

Anonymous said...

PK what everyone else said. Thinking about you every minute.

I'm glad your lawyer is on the ball,

Xoxoxox

Liz on iPhone

P_K said...

He asked the commissioner to order our family home sold because he claims we can't afford it. Then he turned around and signed a one-year lease on a 3-bedroom condo for about the same price as the mortgage on our 5-bedroom house on acreage. He hasn't had an amount approved by the court for housing for himself yet, either.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Does he think he's really clever, trying to force it to look like there's no money for you to keep the house? Does he not understand that documentation exists, and judges aren't stupid?

P_K said...

I don't know what is going on in his head, but it's clearly not rational. Scary thing is, the reason for the restraining order involves him writing abut having fantasies of my death and telling the kids about it, among other things.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Oh my goodness, PK. I hope that the counselors are really good. And please stay safe. We're all worried about you.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

(On a side note, we've now had five bees in the house, and esperanza just told me about a church that had a hive in the walls, and honey dripping from the outlets!)

esperanza said...

It is now totally my fault that QWP will get no sleep tonight. I'm sorry!

Queen of West Procrastination said...

It's so hilariously nightmarish! Anything dripping from the outlets in an old church: horror movie material!

esperanza said...

The hundreds of bee carcasses (due to standing appointment w/exterminators) were also a little creepy. In the little kids' Sunday School room, of course.

Anonymous said...

PK, please stay safe. I hate to ask, but I don't remember completely, does he have access to guns?

Liz on iPhone

P_K said...

No, but he's about 3 times my size. He wouldn't need a weapon.

Anonymous said...

(((PK))) I wish I could put a force field around you.

Liz on iPhone

P_K said...

Liz, you have email.

kathy a. said...

((( PK ))) He is definitely not well. I hope you get back into court, pronto. Also, what Liz said about a force field to shield you. xoxoxo

Ick on bees in the house, QWP.

Anonymous said...

pk-- based on his recent moves, can you get a closer court date to deal with the money issues and all his violations?
Also, could your lawyer contact your utilities and explain the situation? Are the utilities he is not paying in *his* name or yours? If yours, you can change passwords etc. so you have access.
Hugs and hugs and more hugs to you.
Also, prayers and love.
-- Neighbor Lady

Miranda said...

Many hugs p_k.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

So many hugs to everyone today, and especially for PK. I hope you're safe.

P_K said...

I'm planning to have a lovely day with my children, mother and grandmother and other family members.

kathy a. said...

((( PK ))) Hope you have a good day. But there are sincerely not enough cluesticks....

Jeepers, bees in the walls?? Ack. QWP -- I think your major home improvement stores have quality weatherstripping. And maybe traps, where the bees fly in and can't get out?