We're getting another installment of Weather, brought to you by El Nino! So far this month, we've gotten 3.25 inches, punctuated by sunshine and the odd burst of thunder. The leak over the kitchen floor is still manageable. All the remaining plum blossoms went down a couple days ago, sitting prettily in puddles. The hills are awash in lush greens; gardens are bursting with blooms. Our back yard provides drainage for the hill behind, so there is a small ongoing flow. The dog wishes you to know that she dislikes puddles and mud.
I'm attempting a return to more work normalcy. Must get moving on organizing tax stuff.
What's new with you?
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Talked to my friend with cancer last night, and she had just gotten a shot of the good stuff, so she was really funny and philosophical for the few minutes we all lasted. We heard about the cute hot doctors! But, also hearing from the nearby friend that she is generally out of it, that she gets things wrong, that one of the affected areas is a nerve deep in her brain, etc.
I think I will do a happy quilt [crazy quilt] for her, but worry the time is tight to get one done and to her -- she said she may only have a few weeks, and I think that part may be correct. (And, just do not have the oomph of years past.) But this is something she'd like, even if it's not fancy.
xoxo
I think that's a lovely thing to do, kathy a.
W: I am also lacking in the oomph. I have hit some kind of exhaustion wall today, I'm sure from lack of sleep and fretting over Teh Move. Things should get finalized tomorrow evening, and we can then figure out what we're going to do about the house hunt.
When Teh Move is no longer a secret -- our kids had fun imagining themselves in different houses. After seeing more than one, they understood we weren't buying on the spot; but it was still fun. (We did not have the advantage of online listings at that time, which might help narrow things down for your family.)
The happy quilt sounds perfect kathy. Be sure to take care of yourself too - you are still recovering from surgery.
((esperanza)) Sorry about the exhaustion wall. :( I hope you get a burst of energy once the news is out. Secret-keeping is tiring.
AW: Spent the day watching Netfl!x with hubby and playing with kittens (who are now very sleepy).
Selfish secret: a happy quilt gets me away from my desk and busy with something creative. Plus, tons of leftover fabric from projects of love from the past, and 2 friends so far have promised to send some.
W: have been dealing with a kid picking on Neighbor Boy. He is handling it well, and the administrators at the organization where it happened have been good too. But, it is bringing up old issues for me, which seem to come in the form of dreams. ugh.
esperanza, sending calming thoughts for the stress of moving.
kathy a-- hugs for you and your friend. The quilt is a beautiful idea.
sue-- a day of netflix sounds wonderful
--Neighbor Lady
I'm sorry NB is being picked on, and that it's bringing up difficult issues for you, NL. :(
NL, so sorry this is happening, for both NB and you. xoxo
NL, we found out too late that my son -- small and very young looking when he started high school -- was being bullied and harassed at school. It was heartbreaking, and was the start of his rough patch (but we didn't know that at the time). A while later, there was some nasty harassment at another school -- and that time, he had better tools to cope; everybody stood by him; and the bullying kid was released from the program. It makes all the difference, not being alone.
Bleah on intrusive dreams.
Esperanza, hope all goes well with the announcement(s) about the move! Sue's right about secret-keeping being a burden unto itself.
Sue, hope the happy cat / netfl1x day off was restorative!
Sometimes, I think I'd rather be a professional happy-quilter than wrangle albatrossi. The only down side is that building a happy quilt isn't really a path to an income.
NL, so sorry NB and you are having to go through this.
AW: Given Sue's insight (thanks, Sue. Sometimes I need to be told things I am already supposed to know) that secret-keeping can be wearing on a person, I decided to spill the beans to my parents last night. There is little risk in doing so--they aren't going to tell anyone, and even if they did, that person wouldn't care. I do feel better and slept well....
W: until Sweet woke up *for the day* at 4 AM, which by my reckoning, is the middle of the night. Neither she nor I went back to sleep...
AW: until after she went to school and I crashed on the couch for 2 more hours. aaaaahhhhhh.
Hypothetically speaking, if I think I'm on the verge of a panic attack (I've never had one before), deep calming breaths should help, right?
Mr. E is in the meeting with new church right now.
Yes, deep breathing -- and do a longer exhale, so you don't hyperventilate. Singing out loud works well, too! I do counting for the breathing in and out [like 5 in and 8 counts out], but the singing actually works better. xoxox
Uck, really hate the waiting parts of things.
Dang, you probably don't want to belt show tunes or whatever when it is probably baboo bedtime. If they're up, let it rip. But I imagine you can do it without the sound, also. Moms have to be so creative.
Singing is a good idea. Doing a bit better now. Mini is doing an admirable job of distracting me. I've never stayed home from one of these introductory meetings before. I may never do it again.
OK, it's done. We're moving. Gotta figure out how to buy a house. First, gotta figure out how to explain this all to the Baboos.
Yay? It's done, anyway. Maybe the old advice about just giving the basics, listening for their questions? Daddy got a new job! We're going to get a new house! And, see what pops up. xoxo
Yes, it is good that it's done. I think it will take the Baboos several weeks to work through what it really means. I wouldn't tell them this far in advance (not moving till mid June, probably), but people will be talking about it wherever we go.
Good luck with it all, esperanza! Glad the secret is out.
Not that you need advice, but in our recent move, it sort of helped to let the kids have some say in the design of their new rooms (NB now has an "accent wall" of teal, for example, with light gray other walls. Not my first choice, but I actually totally love it now, and more importantly, so does he)
He's the one who gets really attached to sentimental things, and so was sad to move.
So, the part in decision making helped him.
My two cents...
You can do this!
:) Neighbor Lady
(((esperanza))) Sorry about the panic attack - kathy's advice was right on. Deep breathing, long exhale, singing... I'm glad you were able to let your parents know. As you go along, the more people who know, the more people there will be to help out in the process. Is it today that Mr E tells the congregation?
Great idea re: inviting the kids to help with their rooms!
kathy, our eldest hid for three years the bullying he was getting at school. Poor kid. We switched him to another school, but he became such a cautious child who chose his friends very carefully. Bullying sucks.
Whew. Had a long talk with the local friend of my friend with cancer. They still don't know what kind, can't lay out treatment options until that gets figured out; but the situation is pretty grim, in any event. One relative has decided to be commandant of everything -- some of her behavior is truly disturbing. Ugh.
Yes, everybody likes a say in how their room will look! Great thought, NL. One doesn't have to go the whole 9 yards on decorating, either -- picking where to put the bed, this bookcase or that one, maybe color of curtains or the accent wall -- all easy, and making some choices is empowering.
Forgot to mention, my SIL had another fall when she tried to get up and walk in the night. Had to go to the ER for several stitches above her eye. She's been pretty steady (no ER visits) for about 10 months, but it may be time to see about further reducing one of the meds that has kept her calm, because it increases the risk of falls. Bleah. Her facility is really good about working with her unusual degenerative brain impairments, so that continues to be good news.
Sorry so silent the last couple of days. If you follow me on Twitter or the book of visages you'll know I was pretty busy shouting about political shenanigans the GOP was trying to pull.
AW: We won!
Go, Liz! Has MS had the other eye done?
Not yet, he's only just started feeling like he can see well enough out of the first one to risk doing the second. We've got a follow-up tomorrow.
Slow and easy sounds good.
Speaking of surgery, Kathy, how are you feeling these days?
Hope you are doing well...
--NL
Mercy, y'all. Mr. E told his church today. I had no idea there were so many sad/crying emojis. I attempted to explain to the Baboos. Sweet, the risk-averse one, seemed to take it in stride. Somewhat sad but already thinking that she wants bunk beds with a slide. (Now we see the downside of Baboo input into room decor). Mini totally lost it, almost instantly. She is the more social of the two, so I think it will be harder on her to say goodbye to her friends, but she will likely be more quick to make friends at the new place. It's a sad day when the kindergartner discovers emotional exhaustion.
Speaking of feeling whiny, my belly button still hurts! Think it is healing OK, though; and maybe it's bothering me overtime because of the other stuff going on. It will all work out, one way or another.
Menu: burrito night.
Esperanza -- oh, my! Good that Mr. E is so loved. Yay for Sweet! Think you have Mini nailed on harder to leave, easier to adjust. Big fat day. xoxo
I'm cranky-pants because: woke at 4 a.m. yesterday. Between 7 p.m. and 7 a.m., I spend an hour on the phone about all this stuff around my friend's cancer; had trouble sleeping; senior cat (whom I still may not touch) hacked up a bunch of blood, and that can't be good; and then the call about SIL (for whom we are constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop). It would be good if the Universe could just space things better, ya know?
Esperanza -- I'm glad, for your sake, that The News is out. I know it was stressing you heavily to keep what amounted to a life-changing decision quiet. I'm sorry that Mini did not take the news well, but there is enough time between now and the move that hopefully, she will begin to accept the idea, and even grow to be excited about it. I know that the whole "packing" up thing will be stressful, but some advice I've seen is to try to space it out so it does not seem quite so alarming. Your mileage may vary, especially with little ones.
Kathy a. -- I've been out of the loop for a while, so I was not aware that you had surgery -- hope you are well, and recovering at a good rate. Sending you happy thoughts and wishes for your SIL to continue that long stretch of relative calm once again. Glad to know things haven't been quite so crazy with her care, and hope that you get to enjoy another lengthy spell soon.
NL -- sorry that NB is having some trouble with bullies, but it sounds like the Powers That Be are doing the right thing regarding his situation, and I hope that his situation is resolved soon. I know the anguish of bullying, both from a personal and parental perspective, and there's nothing quite so rage-making as someone being mean to your baby and knowing that there's not a lot that you can do to control or stop it. It sounds like you (and tPTB) have taken care of what you could, and I wish like hell that it was a non-issue. At least there's more attention being paid to the destructive nature of bullying these days -- back when I was a kid, you just had to learn to deal with it and figure it out for yourself. I wish more kids had empathy; it seems like there's less and less among some young people. and, holy crap, did I just sound like an Old Fuddy Duddy with *that* little gem! :)
Liz -- keep on rocking it in VA! I'm loving that we have our own personal Political Pundit here! :)
Got turned down for unemployment, which was not unexpected. I am somewehat disappointed, but only because I feel like a drain on the family finances, and still not a single nibble about the many applications I've put out. I'm sure it will turn around, and I will be where I'm supposed to be, but it's a little nerve-wracking right now.
I'm not sleeping much -- I've always been a night owl, so my sleep cycles are all out of whack.
Offspring called the other night, and we talked for 2 hours. I was glad to hear about all the wonderful things she's doing and seeing, and I'm missing her something bad. I am so grateful that she got this opportunity, and I'm in such debt to all of our friends and family who helped make it happen. I know it's going to be on her list of The Best Things She's Ever Done until she's an old lady herself, and I'm envious and so proud of her I could burst.
Too many words -- continuing in next response....
KLee
2 of 2:
Being so proud of her makes it so hard to find out that one of her closest friends back here is having such a difficult time. They grew up together, did GS together, and the friend's mom is my best friend. They graduated high school on the same day, and we all had dinner that night, both graduates and families. The friend got into a relationship that moved far too quickly, and broke up unexpectedly, and in a very explosive manner. She quickly became involved with another guy, one that most of us were not fond of, but we expected him to be a Rebound Guy and not long in the picture. Not long into their relationship, FriendGirl announced that she was pregnant, and was keeping the baby. My best friend called me to tell me the news simply sobbing and hysterical. Offspring and I discussed it privately, and we both feel that FG got pregnant on purpose. She wasn't trying to HURT anyone, but I think that she was so desperate for someone to love her for forever, she thought a baby would fill that hole. So now, Guy We Don't Like is not just a passing fancy, it looks like he will be sticking around a while. FG moves out with him, and it rapidly becomes a power play with her parents -- if you don't let me do what I want, I will not see you anymore, and when the baby comes, you won't see her, either. Fast forward to today, Baby is five months old, and GWDL is about as useless as a father as he is a boyfriend. FG is very close-mouthed about their relationship, especially because she knows no one around her likes him, mainly because he treats her like crap. Come to find out just within the last few days that some of our worst fears are right, he's been hitting her and smoking dope around the baby, and even worse, she's been smoking, too. Things have been bad for a while; screaming matches, and she's left him several times, but always goes back within a couple of days, and is not acting like the person we once knew. The girl I know would have never put up with an abusive boyfriend, and I'm at a loss as to why she is staying now. I know that there's a whole psychology to women who stay, and I'm not judging, I just can't reconcile the person I knew with this girl. Her parents are beside themselves -- they've offered her every chance they could think of; come home, you can live here rent-free, we'll help take care of Baby, you could go back to school, you can be a stay at home Mom, JUST LEAVE. And, she won't. I'm just heartsick for my friend, and for FG and Baby. I wish I knew what to do or say. There's not a lot that you CAN do in a situation where she won't leave. I'm afraid for the sake of the Baby, and pretty sure that it's going to come to a battle for custody if things don't change soon. His family is even more screwed up than he is, but they're trying to inch their way in there, and that's making my best friend all twitchy and ready to do battle for Baby. I'm just not sure what I can do to help, other than listen and try to be supportive. It's a hard time for them, and I don't see it being resolved in a nice little package. someone's going to come out a loser in this deal, and I hate that.
I wish I could help.
KLee
((((((KLee)))))))) What a horrible situation! You are a good friend, and I wish I had any advice for you.
Thanks for the support for Neighbor Boy.
esperanza-- glad all is out in the open; sorry about the bunk bed slide thing. Perhaps this phase will pass?
kathya-- sorry about all that's on your plate right now!
--Neighbor Lady
Hugs all around...
esperanza, I hope the emotional exhaustion gives all of you a break for a few days now that the news is out. Still, it's difficult... :(
kathy, between the still-sore surgery site, bloody cat bark, sleepless nights, and your friend's cancer, and well...that's an awful lot to carry.
(((KLee))) So many hugs. I hope something comes up really soon in the job department. It's great to hear about Offspring's wonderful adventure!! You are good to stand by your friend while her daughter goes through all of this. What a terrible situation for everyone. :(
Also, kudos to you, Liz for always bringing the political shenanigans!
Oh, KLee. How sad and terrible about your friend's daughter / daughter's friend. Hope the job of your dreams turns up soon. Yay for Offspring!
I do have faith that most young adults will end up finding lives that are positive for them. Some just have rockier paths than others, reaching that place.
Parents have to transition, too; the decisions don't belong to us anymore, which can be quite an adjustment. Nagging and lectures and etc. are just generally approaches that tend to make the newer adult dig in their heels -- at least in my sample of 2. (And, you know, my own time being a young adult, with other young adult friends.)
Domestic violence is really complicated for the victims -- and I imagine more so when there is a small child involved. Local DV support organizations will have info, including resources. That might be a good place for the mom to inquire. But I can say that when one of my very highly educated and successful sibs was in a relationship that ended up with controlling and violence and even an arrest (SHE got arrested after HE attacked her!), she still went back to him for a while. Hoping along with all of you that this young woman does find her way out. xoxox
(((KLee))) There's a reason I didn't go into DV after my internship at my local abused women's shelter. I recognized my younger self too much. In my case, I got out when my boyfriend kicked our dog -- the dog he seemed to love more than me! I took our dog with me when I left. And then found I was pregnant a couple weeks later. That's MY abortion story.
But my advice for you and your friend is to just let her daughter know you're out here. You're not judging, you're available for anything she needs when she needs it.
Re: jobs, I'm so sorry that you are going through this tough time. Re: unemployment, check again. See if you can get an organization to help you get anything you qualify for. Lots of states turn down applications reflexively.
XOXOXO
Oh, KLee, what a heartbreaking situation. I am glad to hear that Offspring is doing well, and that you got to talk with her!
AW/W: have just talked with the realtor. She knows what she's doing even if we don't. (Not-so-irrelevant aside: I don't like being incompetent at something). Meeting with her next week to get things going on the house front. Head still spinning. Several job possibilities for me, but I'm not in a hurry. It will take us a while to get settled.
AW: also talked with my parents on the phone this morning. They gave a substantial amount of $$ to my brother when he bought a house, and want to do the same for us. I didn't know about my brother, so certainly wasn't expecting this. It helps our down payment situation considerably.
W: in the face of too many things to think of/do, I have mostly sat on the couch today.
Liz, thank you again for telling your story. xoxo
Esperanza! You get some butt on couch time -- lot to absorb. But, what a lovely gift from your parents.
AW of the big: Something wonderful finally happened today, with an albatross that became mine in 1990. Which I can't explain. But this is a big long-fought victory.
Hooray for Albatross successes! Um...almost 30 years is long time to wait, but hooray!
Baboos still processing. FULL of questions. Nonstop.
YAY Kathy!!!!
:) Neighbor Lady
What a lovely gift from your parents, esperanza!
Yaaaay, kathy!!!!!
YAY Esperanza's parents!
YAY Kathy's wonderful albatross news!
Thanks, friends. xoxo
Made my sweetie take me out last night, but then it was jammie and book time, early. Pooped already today. Am receiving feline support at the back of the chair, though!
OK, so. My husband came home early -- he took a half day to go see his sister -- and our very sick and elderly cat was startled. She had jumped on top of a 5' dresser and curled up in a basket of clean laundry that was up there for the express purpose of keeping it pet-free! Go, Polly.
That was not the worst pet mishap today. Somebody of another species with larger paws left mud on the sheets, which had been exposed by [large] paws because Her Man was not home. The list of suspects is short.
AW: Saw Star Wars VII, and just adored it, despite plot holes big enough to fly the Millenium Falcon through.
AW: Then saw my son's friend play her ASS off in a basketball game and WIN despite really bad referees.
W: But also have spent much of the day communicating with progressive advocates throughout the state about a freshman Dem state senator who just made a really bad call and has an even worse reason for it.
AW: Kathy has been ACES! Sent me the name of someone who can maybe help figure out some of the fixes. Sorry about vaguewhiniing, but this is pretty deep in Kathy's wheelhouse and I don't want to bring trouble upon her.
All I'm gonna say is, if you need some serious political kick-ass, Liz is your person.
The kind of week I've had: several times this week, I've gotten caught up on the whines, started writing my own post, gotten called away, haven't come back to it all day, and ended up accidentally closing my tab (on my phone), losing everything I've written. And so right now (at the end of the week!), I'm writing on my computer, and getting caught up in the evening (when Small Fry cannot drag me away).
((((((KLee))))))) What a heartbreaking, complicated situation with your daughter's friend.
I'm cheering for Kathy's albatross news, and for esperanza's parents' offer of help. Esperanza, I really hope that the news being out in the open helps your stress levels. (I saw Mr. E's announcement on Book of Faces, and it's funny how many blogging people I will know in that one city!)
AW: my head is finally doing a lot better, after ending last week with multiple days of migraine and postdrome.
W: my sleep has been weird, so much so that I didn't get to sleep until 4am on Thursday night/Friday morning.
AW: Friday was an in-town teachers' convention, and Mr. Q was easily able to take a personal day, to let me sleep. (He may have referred to the convention as "The most useless day of the year.")
Thanks, QWP. Yes, the revealing of the secret has helped the stress levels. Re: bloggy people in that city: if you follow lots of professor types, then that especially makes sense, because of the enormous university there.
Hoping for a good night's sleep for your household, and mine.
Hooray things are better, QWP, and that you got nap time!
Esperanza, I'm guessing the city, and if my guess is right, it is indeed a great place with really a lot of resources and wonderful things to discover.
Also want to put in a plug for sharing, networking. This is a week that reminds me that somebody I met decades ago might be just the person that somebody else needs; and that friends of long standing can still pull together for one of our own. I'm about to get mushy, so carry on.
@ust1n is the big city. (more info is on my book of faces page. I shared Mr. E's post).
@ust1n is a place I have many online friends in (never met most of them, all are involved in progressive activism to some degree or another, and some have young kids).
Yay, @ust1n!
W: my friend with cancer, it is so so bad. Still, also, with the family weirdness. No treatment options except palliative. Not a lotta time, either, so this will be a very quick happy quilt.
Also, Old Albatross and Late Albatross pressing commitments.
If anybody can step in to host this coming week, that would be great!
xoxo
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