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Sunday, November 8, 2015

Whine Central

It's been a tough couple of weeks here in Pixie-ville.  Our posses are tired from chasing after jerks and mean people. We ache for one another at the losses our beloved pixies are experiencing. So, dear Universe, enough already!!!

Here at Chez Sue, I've come to the end of my study leave week and will have my next non-preaching Sunday in late February. The very thought of it is exhausting. I'm not sure why that feels so overwhelming - it's the same every year - but tonight it's very big and looming. *sigh*

AW: My sister is coming to visit next weekend. Plans are in place from Thursday night to Monday morning.

W: The thing is, of all the four sisters, I'm the only one still working....so, there's that. Still, it will be great to see her when I can. (wow, that's whiny)

What's new in your world???


66 comments:

Queen of West Procrastination said...

I just caught up on the end of last week's whines, and I have many hugs for Kathy.

AW: one more night, and then Upstairs Neighbours are home, and I'll only be responsible for one creature again. I love this pup, but toddler + dog is exhausting (especially because E sometimes gets too rough with this small dog, and then she has to have time outs, to try to teach her to be gentle with animals). Of course, in a few days I'll be feeling whiny about shared space and all that, because I'm contrary.

esperanza said...

Hugs for kathy and her family.

Work W: I, weekly, have a small panic attack every Sunday morning: Am I going to the correct church? Did I forget the time of the service (there are amazing variations in this)? I'm going to be late! They've started without me! Etc. This week's was magnified. When I arrived at 10:00 am, 30 minutes before church started (I thought), the parking lot was full of cars! Very unusual. Heart starts beating faster. I hop out of my car, grab my stuff, book it for the front door. As I walk down the outside wall of the sanctuary, I hear music playing already! EEEK. As soon as I opened the door and saw people aimlessly milling about, I knew it was fine. Guy with a guitar has begun singing before the service and people like it, so they're coming early to listen. Good things. But whew did I almost have a heart attack there.

W: Sweet only sleeps late on Monday mornings.

kathy a. said...

Sue, how wonderful your sister is coming for a visit!

Hear ya about the looming work w/o breaks. My albatrossi keep getting pushed; one is almost there and that will be a relief; the other is currently projected to suck my soul until late January.

QWP, so glad you have been able to take care of Lost Dog since he was found again! It sounds like E truly adores him. And pets are a good way for kids to start thinking about how to treat others. Still, 2 creatures = a fuller plate. Hope the neighbors had a good trip!

Esperanza -- oh, that does sound like a good setup for a heart attack!! So glad it turned out to be folks enjoying one another.

AW: We have the miracle of rain, today only! Not just a little mist, either -- it is currently pouring. There was thunder! Assuming we keep getting some storms, we can stop worrying about wildfires, knock wood.

W of pettiness: 1-2 difficult relatives will be at the cousin b-d party and the cousin funeral. That's two events in 4 days, far more than the recommended level of exposure. Am arranging appropriate defense strategies, working on my attitude.

esperanza said...

W: and then there's the day when your husband posts on the book of faces that he just wants to cry. This grief business is tough.

Sue said...

QWP - I'm so happy the the Pup Previously Known As Lost was able to stay with you once he was found, but I'm sure it will be a relief to have your space to yourself again.

esperanza, I can SO understand that moment of panic. I'm glad it turned out to be pre-worship music.

Sorry about the difficult relative exposure kathy. I hope you can give them a wide berth and visit with the non-posse-worthy people.

kathy a. said...

Hugs to the hubs, Esperanza. Can't imagine what he is going through. Most guys wouldn't say that about crying, so publicly. Think he is pretty strong, pretty decent, to say that.

xoxo

Sue said...

So many hugs esperanza, to you and Mr. E - I can't imagine how difficult this must be. xoxoxo

liz said...

168 Thank You notes written since last Wednesday. More need to be written.

Sue said...

Liz, you are amazing. Truly. Also, the need for so many thank you notes means LOTS of people are in your corner. xoxoxox

kathy a. said...

Liz = ROCK STAR!!!

Think I'm almost there on birthday gifts for cousin's 50th + my beloved (a very difficult person for whom to shop). Next up: romantic b-d dinner reservation; the first choice struck out, because dinner at 9 p.m. on a work night? No.

One albatross is t-h-i-s close to being completely reviewed, so the genius helper can pull the whole thing together and do tables of contents and authorities, and then the final review and stuff can get done. This little last part is something I sent the reviewer in April.

kathy a. said...

Question for the Ms. Demeanors -- is it tackier to take a backpack or a computer case to a funeral, if you're flying in and don't have a place to stash a little overnight gear before the service? There is also a never-used black/white zipper-topped bag, which I guess won't look as out of place, except no compartments inside. Then again, large ziplock baggies; but on the other hand, no padding for laptop.

I normally check luggage even for a one-nighter, because it is just easier than sorting out what can get through TSA screening, and I don't have to think about it. But I normally am not going immediately to a funeral. Please feel free to pull out those teeny-tiny violins.

liz said...

Neither is tacky. AT ALL.

Miranda said...

I travel all the time and I agree with Liz.

Miranda said...

I'm busy but I wanted drop in with some virtual chocolate and hugs.

Kathy I'm sorry to hear about your cousin.

Esperanza, grief is hard.

As for me, the new job is a lot of work and a lot of travel. The rest of the time, I try to stay present for my teens who are happy this year.

Sue said...

Yay on the albatross kathy! I agree with Liz and Miranda - any form of bag/backpack is fine.

If the service is at a funeral home, the staff will probably keep your bag in their office if you ask. That way, it is not an albatross (ha!) during the service or lunch. I'm sure the same would hold true if it's in a church/worship space.

Miranda, I'm glad the teens are happy! I hope the new job is going well too - sounds busy, but I hope it's a good kind of busy.

kathy a. said...

Yay about the kids, Miranda! Work sounds busy busy busy.

Thanks about the backpack. The service is at a Catholic church, which back in the day was exceedingly formal, but informants tell me not so much anymore.

My beloved has the day off, meaning he is knocking around acting like it's the weekend.

Sue said...

Oh for the love of fuzzy ducklings (to quote our amazing Liz).

Backstory: A Very Dear Friend, whom I love, was dumped by her husband of 27 years when he was caught cheating. He had had several other women over the course of their marriage, but the most recent (and present) one is a woman I knew in high school. We were good friends and I still believe she's a good person despite dating a complete and utter d-bag.

I've run into Other Woman a few times recently and have had a nice chat each time. Today I was talking to a mutual friend of VDF after the service at the cenotaph and who should walk by but D-bag and OW. OW waved excitedly at me and smiled and so I smiled and waved back. She did not come over and say hello as she could see I was having a conversation with someone else.

When I turned back to my conversation, however, the shocked face of my friend (remember, mutual friend of VDF) would indicate that I had betrayed our mutual friend HORRIBLY by waving at OW.

Mutual Friend: I can't believe you just did that.
Me: What?
MF: You just smiled at d-bag and whatsername.
Me: I didn't think it appropriate to give her the finger. And besides, she's actually a very nice person.

MF then ended said conversation quickly and left.

I should note, because it's important...the marriage between VDF and D-bag ended 9 years ago. VDF has moved on and is very happy. Apparently our mutual friend hasn't moved on.

*sigh*

kathy a. said...

Oy, Sue! Sometimes it is like HS never ended... Being polite (and especially so many years after the marital blowup) does not mean you have [a] betrayed your dear friend, or that [b] you approve/d of the ex's betrayal of your dear friend. Geesh.

Not that I'm an expert on forgiveness, given my own difficulties with toxic relatives. But I don't expect anybody else to be rude to them because of my problems, either.

liz said...

What Kathy said. Also, it's been 9 years and he's still with OW.

Dirty little secret: My step-father (who has been in my life for 41 years), was the Other Man. My mom met him before she and my dad split up. Forty-one years later mom and step-dad are still together. Also dad and step-mom are still together after over 40 years.

I take it as a sign that the original coupling would have broken up without an outside factor.

I really don't recommend outside factors, tho. Break up or get marital therapy before you take up with the other person.

kathy a. said...

Yeah, 40 and plus years of happily ever after seems like a good track record for after the breakup! Some things happen for the better.

kathy a. said...

My dad called me when I was 29, to tell me he'd fallen in love and was leaving mom. And I don't know what he was expecting -- he sounded so pitiful and like he'd never be forgiven, like a dog who'd already been kicked. It was a surprise. But I told him the truth from my angle, that I was really glad he would be happy now. And he was; his second wife made him happy.

Sue said...

You're quite right about OW and D-bag staying together long term. I do hope he is being true to her. D-bag was pretty nasty about how he ended his marriage. He lost all contact with his kids (his choice) and made a mess of his life. But, he's older, perhaps wiser, and seems happy with OW.

As in both of of your cases, it seems everyone's happier now. Except of course the friend I was speaking with today. *insert eyeroll here*

esperanza said...

Oh, Sue, the soap opera-ness of it all.

W: Mini came home from school with strep yesterday.

AW: we were able to see the doctor and get the penicillin shot yesterday afternoon (thanks, small town). No school today, for the holiday, so she isn't going to miss a day of school.

W: I had a meeting today. Daddy was going to take care of them anyway because of the holiday. But the last time I had a meeting, Sweet was sick. Scheduling a meeting apparently means scheduling an illness.

W: So tired. Mini slept bad last night. She usually sleeps like a rock; I often find her in the same position in the morning in which she fell asleep the night before. So when she kept waking up last night she felt the need to come tell me that she had woken up: "I'm awake but I don't feel like I'm done sleeping." Then GO BACK TO BED!

kathy a. said...

Yay, for shots that knock out the strep! For whatever reason, they never called it strep when I was a kid; it was always "tonsillitis," which diagnosis frankly never happened any more by the time my kids came around. Then again, the kids hardly ever got the shots; meaning these long periods of stuffing antibiotics down their throats. I'm kinda a fan of the shots.

esperanza said...

This is, exactly, why I'm fan of the shot. Get it done, get it over with, and improvement comes more rapidly. No 10 days of intestinal reaction to oral antibiotics (there can be some reaction to the shot, but it's short-lived) no 10 days of remembering, then arguing over the meds.

I, too, was always diagnosed with "tonsilitis" rather than strep.

Sue said...

Yay for shots that work quickly and well!!!

Do they still take out children's tonsils like they used to? Our family was odd in that all four of us kids still had our tonsils by the end of high school. Seemed everyone else lost their tonsils along the way.

kathy a. said...

Neither of my kids had the tonsils out. Daughter had her adenoids removed, though -- she needed tubes in her ears for several years, and somehow the adenoids were increasing her ear problems.

kathy a. said...

The cat peed. On.My.Desk.

Sue said...

Dear kitty: There are MUCH better places for doing your bidness.

kathy a. said...

She peed again. On.My.File.Cabinet. Which I might not have noticed, except there was an unfortunate gravity incident and she fell off, exhibiting very little grace in the process. Karma.

esperanza said...

Bladder issues? Or cat-ness?

kathy a. said...

I think cat-ness. Young cat, healthy. We'll work this out.

liz said...

I diagnose the need for a new kitty litter box. Alternatively, a kitty UTI

kathy a. said...

There has been purification of the boxes and certain surfaces, fresh welcome mats laid out for each box, and a conversation about forgiveness and hopes for the future with the cat who erred. (She was a little freaked by the crashes today, both on her, and some yelling on my part.) Upward.

My good longtime friend invited me to a very interesting but intense play a week from Friday -- all about identity, cultural assimilation, faith, prejudices. But I think the next week will just be too intense to handle that, too.

Sue said...

Sorry about the need for cat conferences about hopes for the future. It was nice of your friend to invite you to the play, but you're right, next week is pretty full of feels already.

Speaking of drama....

W: There is a sibling pressure for me to be part of EVERYTHING happening while our Visiting Sister is in town. I've already carved out significant chunks of time for them over the weekend, but hey, I still have to work too.

esperanza can witness for me - Sunday morning worship does not just happen. It takes a lot of preparation and work. I can't just opt out of the prep part. *sigh* Seriously, do retired people really forget about work life that quickly???

AW: We had a short but nice coffee together this afternoon.

liz said...

Is it maybe more than retirement? Is it lack of ability to see life from a different perspective?

A lot of folks forget that there are people who have to work weekends and holidays and don't get why their loved ones can't be at every Thanksgiving unless they're willing to skip every Christmas. Or they don't get why, say, a wheelchair user isn't able to attend an event in a sunken dining room that hasn't got a ramp. :D

Sue said...

Good point Liz. I suspect you're right...what's lacking here is perspective.

As I've mentioned here in the past, it's still a mystery to some members of my extended family why hubby doesn't want to be CARRIED into Christmas dinner/Thanksgiving/Easter. We have opted out of the shared family feast since he's been unable to manage all the stairs in the two local sisters' homes.

This puzzles them for exactly the reason you name - inability to see the situation from someone else's perspective.

Don't get me wrong, they are good people. They just don't understand...or they've settled on "Sue and hubby are just being difficult" and that's the end of it. Other narratives need not apply.

esperanza said...

Liz's diagnosis seems more than plausible. But, yes, I'll witness that things do not just "happen" for Sunday morning.

W: Which might make you wonder why I've agreed, in the past 24 hours, to preach 2 Sundays in December. It has always been easy to avoid December work, because people rarely take time off during Advent. But silly me offered to a friend who is having surgery (before we knew when the surgery would be) that I would be happy to help out. So...it's in December.

AW: Good news: if I'm careful, I think I'll be able to use the same sermon both places. Shhhh. It's not the same as zero work for the second place, but it cuts a lot out.

liz said...

That's perfectly acceptable, Esperanza. Politicians and professors get to reuse material, why not pastors? I mean my psych professors would not have ginned up two whole different lectures to teach the same subject in the same week. So if you're preaching in two different places in the same week, can't you do the same thing?

For that matter, my church has two services every Sunday now. Rev. Anya uses the same sermon both services. Isn't that normal?

kathy a. said...

Seems to me that people with free schedules can make accommodations for someone who has obligations. And similarly, hold holiday dinners someplace accessible -- because their opinions do not really matter to someone else who feels humiliated and man-handled.

Esperanza, here's to it all working out in Dec.!

kathy a. said...

Paris. No words.

liz said...

My aunt and my cousin live there. Am anxious.

kathy a. said...

Liz, hope they are OK. xoxo

This is awful.

esperanza said...

((Liz)) ((Paris))

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Paris. I'm beside myself. I hope your aunt and cousin are safe, Liz. (Check Book of Faces. They've implemented a thing where people in the area can check in as being safe.)

liz said...

Cousin is okay!! She's pretty sure aunt (her grandmother) is, too. She will try to reach her again in the morning. Her dad is in the south of France.

This is the 17 year-old daughter of the cousin who died of ovarian cancer a few years ago.

liz said...

And in petty news, Aunt Flo has arrived for a visit after a 111 day absence. But my cousin is okay, so Aunt Flo can stay as long as she likes.

kathy a. said...

((( Liz ))) ((( everybody )))

Aunt Flo is a total bitch.

esperanza said...

Aunt Flo has no sense of timing.

Glad your cousin is ok--she certainly doesn't need any more trauma in her life.

Sue said...

((((Liz))) ((((Paris)))

I'm glad your family is okay Liz.

Yes, Aunt Flo is a bitch.

esperanza, definitely use the same sermon. Think of it as a prolonged two-point charge. In my part of the world, preachers often have two or three church services on a Sunday. They go from place to place with the same service in each...thus the importance of numbering the pages of your sermon notes, so you can reassemble them at each stop.

esperanza said...

page numbering is a long-time habit here!

Anonymous said...

(((Liz)))))
(((Paris)))
---Neighbor Lady

kathy a. said...

Sending everybody love. Everybody can use some! xoxo

Making my beloved take me out for dinner, because tomorrow I am going to get through the long drive, be cheerful for my birthday cousin and others, and put up the bright shiny deflecto-shield against any evil brainwaves in the room.

Sue said...

Yup, we all need some love! thanks!!

All the best tomorrow kathy. The pixies are sending extra deflecto-shield energy your way to thwart any evil brainwave action.

esperanza said...

Hoping today goes smoothly, and that your deflecto-shield will be unnecessary after all.

liz said...

Sending love and extra deflecto Rays for Kathy's shield

Anonymous said...

(((Kathy))))
--Neighbor Lady

kathy a. said...

It worked out OK. Fun to see family! Few seats left when we arrived, so I ended up next to a difficult relative, but no bloodshed and even some positive chatter. The other diff.rel. said not one word, but wanted a fat show hug at the end -- what's that about?

Anyway, the birthday cousin looks good and was VERY happy! Got a chance to catch up some with other folks, plus 3 hours in the car with my favorite cousin and his wife. All good!

Very tired now. Not so used to 6 hours of being "on" anymore!

esperanza said...

Oh good, I was just coming over to check in and see how it went. We forgot to send the fake hug deflecting shield.

Rest well tonight!

Miranda said...

So I left an update hanging a few weeks ago when I said I was invited to the meeting where we would discuss a wider conversation about our congregation's official stance on same sex marriage. I went with not a lot of spoons due to other life challenges and I was relieved when the discussion was tabled for another session.

I've been so focused on me that I haven't realized that there is a growing unrest at our church and I'm really afraid that expecting people to follow the ways of Jesus - to help the pie and serve the disenfranchised and to be a community that supports one another regardless of sociology-economic background - may be too threatening to some people.

I've had two friends share some heartbreaking feedback and I've been in some awful conversations. My daughter heard some awful comments about gay people and Muslims in her Sunday School class. I gave her love and support but she is an activist at heart. She works to promote acceptance and unity for all in our community. She has studied the bible and she prays and she feels called to live her faith in ways that bring light to the world. She respects this teacher but she absolutely rejects that mind set. At least the younger son was at all day tech rehearsal. He is very outspoken about plurality and universalism.

This church is where my kids have grown up. It has given them a wonderful refuge from the more bombastic strains of Christianity in the world.

We want a church home that we can worship as humanistic Christians and that supports a secular, pluralistic society.

I sent my minister a message of support. She has to know about the situation but I wanted to let her know that I remain a supportive friend and loyal parishioner. We aren't going anywhere for now while all this plays out. We hope to never go anywhere. We will if we must.

Hugs to you Kathy. Sue I hope the visit goes well. Esperanza, how is Mini? Liz, I'm in your town in two weeks. I need to PM you!!

Miranda said...

Help the poor. Not pie. Socio-economic. Ugh. I hate training new phones on how not to change my words.

kathy a. said...

((( Miranda ))) That sounds so fraught. Good on your daughter, working to promote love and acceptance instead of hatred -- ya done good! xoxo

esperanza said...

Helping the pie seems like something everyone could get behind, though!

So sorry, truly, for the discomfort in a place that has been your haven. I know your minister will appreciate you articulating your support. I would wager she has a file labeled "when I'm feeling crappy" and she'll put your message in it for a pick me up.

esperanza said...

Oh, and Mini is fine. Currently procrastinating bedtime, but Daddy is in charge of that tonight, so I"m trying to ignore the whole situation. She and I have already had several ~ahem~ disagreements today.

kathy a. said...

Yay, for Daddy!

Sue said...

(((Miranda)))