Things are still bad after last week. Part of me keeps fretting about the train wreck; the other part is like, "Look! A baby cow! It's so cute!"
We saw a lot of cows and countryside on the fairly long drive to visit my sister in law yesterday. Our hills are greening up again after the rain last month. The leaves in the vineyards (the ones that are left now) are yellow, with bright green grass between the rows. The garden at SIL's facility is so artfully arranged, and looks lovely in all seasons.
My SIL has had a pretty significant decline recently. She can no longer walk unassisted; she's ready to topple at any moment. I could make out basically one word; her speech is very garbled. On the up side, she isn't agitated (as she has been often), is not trying to walk by herself, and does not seem to be in any pain. Nothing really unexpected; it is just very sad and sobering. She is younger than us.
It's my sweetie's birthday this week. We're taking the kids and future in-laws out to celebrate. He says he doesn't want anything else, and probably I should have devoted some thought to this before, but I'll keep my eyes open for some this and that he'd like.
And at your place?
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That is hard about your SIL. It is a relief that she seems to be at peace, but that fast decline is hard to see.
I mowed the yard this morning. I'd been nagging Mr. E about it, but he hadn't done it, and then got Bad Shrimp Plague, which still has him worn down. So, this morning I did it, even though it was way too wet.
Sorry about the soggy conditions, and the Bad Shrimp Plague.
Well done on getting the mowing done, Esperanza! I confess that it took me a moment to realise that "Bad Shrimp Plague" wasn't a thing for one's lawn (or a pest that affects lawns). Reading comprehension is low today.
So many hugs, Kathy. I'm glad that SIL isn't as agitated as she was before, but this rapid decline is heartbreaking. I hope your sweetie has a good birthday.
Forgot to whine that I totally lost my prescription sunglasses. I thought they were in my backpack since I last used them on our trip, but no. And when I thought of whining, lo, they turned up in a box next to the backpack. Why? No idea
Oh, I'm glad your prescription sunglasses showed up again!
Whining works!
My son's best friend is black. She made a poster for her Latin class that translated a Latin phrase that meant "free us from oppression" and added a Black Lives Matter symbol. The poster was beautiful, got an "A" and was put up in the school hallway for all to admire.
Today, it was torn down and stolen.
I keep thinking that I can't get any angrier, and I keep finding out that I'm wrong.
Liz! Oh, that's awful. xoxo
We shall overcome.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJUkOLGLgwg
((((Liz))))
I am right with you. My anger is a constant which I know must be bad but don't know how to fix.
One of son's best friends is Muslim. Family friends (and close friends of my daughter) are biracial, and have been targets of awful racist comments last week. (This is in addition to the other stuff in my town that I mentioned)
Daughter has several LGTBQ friends, transgender friends. Everyone is hurting.
I have decided that instead of my typical (meaning I have done it one year but loved it) Hanukkah blue and white lights, I am going to create a rainbow flag with lights this year. I am quite excited about this.
I think I am beginning to pass through the phases of grief. I passed disbelief, and depression (well, not really done with that), and am now firmly into mad as h311.
I loved the youtube Kathy. May it be so.
(((Kathy))) on your sister-in-law. That is so hard.
--Neighbor Lady
Neighbor Lady! I LOVE the rainbow lights!!
Am heartbroken about what your kids' friends, and their friends, are going through. Still pretty much wavering between outrage and tears, myself, with "we'll deal with this" gaining ground.
xoxo
Happy Birthday to Kathy's sweetie!
--NL
:)
I'm outraged that these kids are experiencing such hate. Hugs, everyone. And NL, your plan for your lights sounds lovely.
Following the news today brought me very close to another panic attack, and so I went offline and baked with E. We made banana bread together! And then I made fried chicken while E scrubbed colourful carrots, and Mr. Q cut them up and prepared them for roasting, while we all listened (and sang along) to Raffi.
So sorry to hear about your SIL's decline, kathy. It's good that she's peaceful, but it's so sad. I'm glad you found those sunglasses! Happy Birthday to your sweetie.
Yay on lawn mowing, esperanza!
(((Liz))) (((NL))) I'm so sorry these awful things are happening. It's healthy to be moving through the stages but it's just so hard.
I'm still sad and angry. I went for two walks today because I just needed to be away from tv and social media for awhile. I should have listened to Raffi music like QWP!!!
AW: Both Baboos and I went for a walk this afternoon.
AW: Lunch with a nearby, likeminded friend was healing. We identified our white privilege (and typical Texan-ness) in that neither of us know how to ride a city bus. And we're embarrassed about that. But we laughed at ourselves.
Trying to find the good.
W: I think I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. That's gross.
I thought I was maybe feeling better. But there isn't much better news this week...
Try transit! There basically wasn't any useful transit when I was growing up (in Los Angeles; car is king), but it's pretty good where I've lived most of my adult life, and my way of getting around in far-flung places. Also, tres interesting for kids!
I grew up in the largest city in the U.S. without public transportation (Arlington, TX), so I feel dumb about it. A colleague recommended one of the express buses here, to avoid horrible traffic and difficult parking at events near the Gigantic University. Next time I need to go up there, I'm definitely trying it. And taking the Baboos on it would be an adventure, for sure.
Avoid rush hour, if possible. Do a trial run before taking the kids, just to get the lay of the land -- how to pay, etc. Express buses are great.
The nice thing is that G00gl3 Maps has a really useful transit planner, which also takes walking routes into account. Whenever I'm in a new big city, I use that app on my phone, and just have it find my current location by GPS, and then have it plan how I get to the next location, and where to transfer, and all that (including if it's faster to walk a block to a different stop). With that all planned out, all you need to know is how to pay for your fare, and whether you need to ask the driver for a transfer. (Oh, I'll bet your new city has really neat transit! I just looked it up online, and now I really want to take an adventure there. My brother -- who is a city planner -- and I both really enjoy touring new cities via public transit. Several years ago, we met up in Vancouver, and planned a day so that we'd use all of the different vehicles -- bus, SkyTrain, and SeaBus. It was so fun.)
Their website is very idiot-friendly. :) HORRIBLE traffic in new city. If we had some more train options, it would be nice.
Kathy's right: if traffic is bad, you're going to want to practice during a quiet time of day. Get a handle on it yourself before you take the Baboos, to make it easier. (Maybe pick a time when you don't have to be anywhere in a hurry? I have definitely accidentally headed in the wrong direction, when I've first gotten to know a new city. It's a special talent that I have.)
Practicing is a good idea.
I will say that I was able to use transit competently in Boston, which seems like a good sign. A little anxiously, but I managed. That was in the olden days (in 2006) and I carried an actual paper map and an actual compass, so I could find which way to turn as I left the subway. Talk about disorienting.
I should've used a compass, back before I had a smartphone with GPS! When I visited Berlin in 2003, I came very close to accidentally leaving the city, because I took the U-Bahn in the wrong direction.
I'm making lists of the little happy things in my day, because the bad parts involve "dear goodness, my background as a historian of the lead-up to Nazi Germany makes me all the more petrified by today's news," "Whoops, I read Canadian news and there are people here who are trying to make that happen here too, and some of them are running for party leadership," and "beloved cultural figures are dying before their time left and right." I need to put more limits on my online time, because it's not great for my mental health right now.
But the small joys today:
- I baked banana bread with E, and it was all her idea. (And when I took too long getting other things done, she went and got our aprons for me.)
- And we spent part of the day looking things up about planets and volcanoes.
- It looks like my little city is getting a new independent bookstore, and I'm so excited (we're seriously lacking in bookstores right now, other than the big box one, after a few closures a few years ago).
Agree re: public transit. It takes a few tries before it feels comfortable. I'm getting much better at using the buses, streetcars, and subway in the Big City when I go for my appointments. Hardly any anxiety at all now!
(((QWP))) I hear you about online time. :(
W: This morning, for the first time in a very long while, I struggled to get out of bed. I hit the snooze button but didn't fall back to sleep and just laid there thinking "I don't want to do this today" which quickly turned into "I can't do this today." Ugh.
AW: I hauled myself out of bed, showered and did all the morning things. I'm at the office and I feel somewhat better. The morning routine helps - I don't have to think about it all, it just gets done. Brush teeth, shower, dress, coffee, weather network, cereal...you get the idea. It seems once those automatic things happen, the thinking changes to "This is just like every other day...I'll be okay."
That's a lot of psychological gymnastics before 9:00 am!!
A female rabbi in our nation's capitol had her home spray painted with vicious slurs and symbols. What the actual fireplace is happening????
The hate is just horrifying.
I think I'm kinda losing my mind. It's not the shock, anymore. It's the everything.
(((Sue)))
Everyone, if you were wondering what the poster looked like, here it is
I can't see the page, Liz! I suspect that the privacy settings won't let non-friends see it.
Hugs, Sue. I'm so troubled by how this is playing out in our country as well. It's so horrifying. (It's not surprising, unfortunately. I'm thinking of the rash of violence that has happened every time the CPC uses anti-Muslim fearmongering, particularly during our election.)
((((hugs Sue)))
Another incident in our high school in town.
Beautifully addressed by the principal who set aside time in all classes across the school for discussion.
But still. And we live in a state where HRC won by a LANDSLIDE!!!
WTF!?!
I am firmly at rage.
There is a peaceful protest tomorrow evening in our town ("No Hate in [our town]" "Love not Hate" and such sentiments. Specifically requested that this be a protest addressing the hate acts that have been happening and not the election. (Ironic that these are the signs I will be holding, but I am so enraged)
We are going.
W: Son is hesitant. I say how this is one of the most important things we have ever done. He says, "But Mom, people get shot at protests."
:(
--Neighbor Lady
sorry to bring us down every time I post. It's just that this week feels like so much....
perhaps some medicinal chocolate.
AW: at Staples, a very nice gentleman helped me brainstorm good things for my signs, and we arrived at little light up LEDs so that people will be able to see it after dark.
nice
W: Before I could pay, our rainstorm somehow shut down the credit card and check taking machines, and I didn't have enough cash, so I have to go back later!
--NL
Go, Neighbor Family! I'm glad the school is standing up, and glad you have someplace to go be with people.
I'm outraged that it is to the point where your son fears getting shot, going to a peaceful, loving gathering.
Pretty outraged, all around.
Kudos to the nice guy in the store, thinking of LED's.
xoxo
I like your principal, NL. Horrified by the hateful acts, but glad you have allies.
W: I am beyond grumpy today, and so are both Baboos. Neither of them slept well last night (I'm looking at you, supermoon. It's a good thing you are pretty). I lost about 2 hours of sleep, at least, between the two of them.
Hmmm. I posted it on my facebook page, so you should be able to see it, QWP.
Hang on.
(((NL)))
AW: a decent night's sleep is a good thing.
W: While attempting a drink of water in the middle of the night, I poured it all over myself and my pillow.
Esperanza for Old Skool!
Yes, that's an excellent Old Skool whine!
Hahaha I'm sorry for laughing at your misfortune, esperanza, but that was the perfect Old Skool Whine.
AW? I've been getting some pretty effective stress cleaning done this week. I just reorganized E's bedroom, while she was at preschool! (I waited until she was gone, because then I could purge old, forgotten things without a fight.) The closet shelf that was devoted to diaper/pull up stuff is now full of blankets, and there's a basket full of her little activity book stuff (which were cluttering her bookshelf) near her bed, so that she can pick out her own activities during quiet time.
I got into it, in a restrained way, with a very nice older man who is preaching that we all just need to get over it. And because he is so nice, I'm sure he didn't realize that the additional comment about "try smiling!" is supremely insulting to those of the female persuasion.
It's my beloved's birthday, a big one! And he says he doesn't want anything, but I'm assembling a basket of goodies he likes; and there will be pork chops, roasted brussels, salad, corn bread, and pie. Family dinner out on friday.
Good job on the toy disappearance, QWP. Our Baboos are too old to fall for that so easily. I got asked just this week about some things that got "lost" when we moved.
I had to wait until now, because E has finally let up on her fear that we've forgotten something at the old house! For a while, she'd suddenly panic, and ask me where some obscure toy is, convinced that we lost it in the move.
AW: E was so excited to see what I did with her bedroom! She especially excited about the activity basket that I put together for her, and she is playing very quietly in her room right now. (I'm thankful that she liked the reorganization! Particularly that she was happy that I got rid of the diaper shelf. I wasn't sure that she'd like the change: when we gave away her old change table, she was sad about it for months.)
I think I told y'all that the Baboos had some friends over last Saturday? Their mom came with them, so it was just their dad, home alone. Dad is a super-introverted engineer, so I figured he was not too sad about that. The kids told him he "would be so happy because he could clean house all by himself." He told me on Sunday that, while they were all out of the house, he got rid of three (!) garbage bags of stuff from their rooms. He *was* pretty happy to be able to clean house all alone!
AW: the peaceful protest was AWESOME!! Turned out to have probably a hundred or more people (maybe 200). Lots of kids and teens too. The church bells on the corner were being rung in support. So many honking supportive drivers as they went by. Exhilarating!!! Love for the win!
--Neighbor Lady
plus I think I might be hooked on the protesting thing.
as we drove away eventually, Neighbor Boy wanted to be the one to honk the horn as we drove through that intersection. :)
Amazing, NL!!
W: I wish Mr. Q didn't spend the time right before he left for tonight's night class winding up E and pretending to be ghosts in her bedroom, using a flashlight. It was funny for her when she wasn't worn out, but now I've spent the past forty-five minutes trying to calm down a terrified, sobbing child, who is also upset that her daddy isn't here for bedtime. The regular bedtime routine went well, and then five minutes after I left she completely lost it. If she wakes up in the night tonight, Mr. Q gets to deal with her.
WOOT, Neighbor Family!
Yeah, playing ghost and then leaving before dealing with the bedtime stuff? Not cool, QWP. Is there a nightlight, or can you leave a hallway light on outside the door?
I'm working on the birthday dinner. Probably too early, since dog alone knows when everybody's getting home.... But there's a big basket of goodies! And flowers! And a blueberry-peach galette!
Yay, NL! I'm so glad it was a positive, community-building experience!
QWP, Mr. Q gets the Not Cool Daddy Award for that.
I wish a nightlight would help! I have an odd child: she only really sleeps unless it is pitch black in her room. She didn't even really want the light on (other than to read one more story), and was acting a bit like the bits of light in her room (the LED on her baby monitor, and the one glowing stick-on star on her ceiling) were making her room scarier. (We actually bought two nightlights when she was a baby, since she initially had her days and nights so mixed up that she'd only sleep when there was light. But then she would only sleep when it was very very dark. We try to get her to handle a little light, and it always backfires badly, and she just doesn't get used to it.)
But: AW!!! She's been asleep since I posted forty-five minutes ago. Hopefully she just stays asleep and this isn't a thing all night.
Kathy, that birthday meal sounds amazing. Especially that galette!
Kathy, that sounds delicious!
QWP, hope she sleeps peacefully! xoxo
--NL
AW: Sweet's glasses came today. You can see the cuteness on the book of faces. Or if you want to get a photo by email, just tell me.
W: Though she was really excited, she had a hard time keeping them on this afternoon. Following an epic meltdown that was ostensibly over homework (after she had calmed down), she finally said that they were hurting. So I tried to loosen up the earpieces a little--I hate when they rub on the back of my ears. That seemed to help. I suspect new glasses hurting + math homework was too much for her to bear.
AW: For about 10 days, she has been using a "medical food" called V@y@rin. It's essentially Omega 3s, requires a Rx, and has been approved by the FDA for treating ADHD. And...I don't want to jinx anything, but I (and her teacher) think there are already some positive improvements. Her doctor says it helps about 50% of the kids that try it. She does not have the hyperactivity, but the distractability has been getting more troublesome (I don't know that it's been getting objectively worse, but school tolerance for such things decreases as kids get older).
W: It apparently tastes disgusting. It's made of krill.
Yay Neighbour Family!!!! WooHoo!!
(((QWP))) I hope the night went well for E, and if it didn't, Mr Q pulled the night shift. *shakes head*
Sweet's glasses are so adorable, esperanza. It's so tough getting used to new frames, especially if it's an entirely new experience. When I started using reading glasses, I seriously wondered how everyone wears them all the time. Now it's no big deal and I walk around the house looking for them while I'm wearing them. :)
I likened it to breaking in a new pair of shoes. I'm not sure that that made any sense to her. What I love is that she's been talking to her friend (Good news in itself) at school who wears glasses. I love that she's reaching out and is willing to ask people about their experiences.
Yay, Sweet! Very good she has a friend who also wears glasses.
Such cuteness, esperanza! I love that picture of Sweet. And hooray for Sweet, talking with her friend about the experience of getting used to glasses!
AW: the night went well, and apparently E had the happiest dreams ever last night. (It involved flying a little airplane around her preschool classroom.)
W: we're averaging one cold every three weeks. It's getting old. My face hurts.
Yay, E and the sleep and the happy dreams!
I'm more resigned to the fireplacing election, but the news about its consequences is not putting me in any kind of happy place. So today I donated again to the ACLU. And have spread some word about nefariousness, and threats of nefarious actions. Don't tell me to let a smile be my umbrella; saddle on up with me. xoxo
Yes!! (Applause applause) This is exactly how I'm feeling, Kathy.
Yes Kathy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Neighbor Lady
Yeah, you've pretty much nailed it, kathy.
Bedtime tonight didn't involve as much screaming as last night, but as we were wrapping up the routine, E started crying and panicking about not wanting to be in her room, and everything being scary. We got her calmed down (one more trip to the potty, another song, jokes about how she doesn't actually want her daddy in her room when he sleeps because he snores so loudly...), but the delays took an extra half hour. At least she doesn't have school in the morning and so she can sleep in, but this whole bedtime terror thing is new for us.
(One thing that did resolve things, weirdly: during the potty break, I took away the extra pillow that she's been using to elevate her head during her cold, thinking that maybe it was making her sleep weirdly. But then when she got back to bed, she demanded that pillow back, and told us that the second pillow keeps the bad dreams away. Sure! I'll go with that.)
QWP-- when my kids went through this phase, we put a dreamcatcher near their beds.(There are craft kits for making these if that might be fun.... or I think you can just buy them too) They kept them for a long long time. Seemed to help-- just a thought.
--NL
Get a spray bottle, fill it with water with sparkles inside. Shake it up. Spritz everywhere. You can call it good dream spray, or monster repellent, or guardian angel mist or whatever. Monster repellent worked for muffin man for a year.
-Liz on iPhone
Yay kathy!!
QWP, would E play a breathing game? I'm wondering if she could take a deep breath in (breathing in all her superhero strength...filling up with courage...etc) and breathe out slowly (breathe out all the fear...all the bad dreams...you get the idea). Some of the fight or flight reactions come from shallow breathing, so maybe this could short-circuit some of that?
W: MIL back in hospital. Her BP was high yesterday, so FIL took her to ER. Within an hour or so, they had her pressure normalized, but they had also called the social work team in as they recognized how poorly she is doing. She was disoriented and argumentative with the doc and staff (soooo not like her, she has always been so proper).
She became more and more agitated and by last evening had to be restrained. The woman weighs about 90 lbs (not exaggerating - when you hug her, it's like she'll break) and it took two nurses and two security staff to get her into the bed and restrained. My FIL was devastated, but knew he wasn't helping by being there, so he went home. They drugged her and thought she'd be okay through the night, but she got out of the restraints, got out of bed and fell. Now she has stitches on her head.
AW: The gerontologist talked to my FIL for about 45 minutes this morning. There will be a full assessment, she's been admitted, and all hands are on deck to get this sorted so she and FIL will both be in the right place.
*sigh*
Oh, Sue. I'm sorry it has come to this for your inlaws. Your poor FIL. He did the right thing by taking her in, and the hospital staff is doing the right thing, but how traumatic for everyone. (How in the world did a 90 lb woman get out of restraints?!?)
Oh, no, Sue! I hope hope hope that things are calmer today. That sounds like a huge change, and a fast one! It seems far more likely to be delerium associated with some other condition -- maybe whatever caused her BP to go so high? -- than a true deterioration. But I guess that's what they are trying to sort out.
xxoxo
* Sue, don't mean to discount the things that have been troubling lately, or the fact that your in-laws definitely need a place offering help.
No worries, kathy. When I heard how combative she was, my first thought was UTI, but apparently they checked all of that out last night. No infections of any kind. We'll see what the day brings...
W: We're having our first storm of the season. So far it's freezing rain mixed with snow and high winds. FIL took a cab to the hospital because no one wants to drive in this. I don't have my snow tires on, so my little car would be all over the road. Is it terrible that I'm not sorry to be home-bound?
My hat is off to those who live in frozen climes.... It sounds like you might not be the only one taking a weather day to work at home. ;)
So, the surprise party for my sweetie's 40th was great, lots of little kids and their parents (our friends), fun fun fun. And, he said I should never ever do a surprise party again.
It is 20 years later, and he did agree to dinner out with the kids, our son's fiancee, and her family. Yay! That's tonight, and he even picked the restaurant -- an italian place that is family run, wonderful food, we get greeted warmly every time by the kids of the family. Veg options for our future DIL. Cozy atmosphere. (This was all he wanted, although he has been plowing through the basket of gourmet treats...)
W: garbage disposal is leaking. Out of the motor section. I think this is bad.
AW: we did sign up for a home warranty when we moved in, and it seems to be covered.
W: it apparently has been leaking (just a drip, just when we use that side of the sink) for a while. I saw a puddle on the floor several days ago, thought it was the dishwasher. Ran the dishwasher, no leaks. But I pulled something out from under the sink today, and there was 1/2" water everywhere. Whoopsie.
Sounds like a nice celebration, kathy a!
esperanza - I'm glad it's covered under your home warranty. Leaky things are never pleasant.
Ick, Esperanza! Glad it's covered. Might be good to put a plastic dishpan or something under there, until things get fixed. (Plumbing is always award-worthy.)
Before noon, I had made two pies, one casserole, cleaned up the aforementioned garbage disposal leak, and washed the windows. (OK, ok, only two windows and two glass doors).
May I take a nap now?
Oh yikes, esperanza! I'm glad that it seems to be covered under the home warranty.
So many hugs, Sue. How awful for everyone. I hope that MIL stabilizes quickly, and that they figure out proper care for both of them.
Kathy, that sounds perfect. That also sounds like exactly what we'll want to do for my parents' upcoming 40th anniversary. We did a big party for their 25th, but then kept things quiet for their 30th, because Dad was just coming out of the hospital after an extended medical scare. Now that we're approaching 40th AND 10 years of Dad being well, my temptation is to do a big blowout surprise, but I hear that they're hoping to just have the immediate family together. So, now we need to think about a thoughtful present and a nice restaurant.
Re: finding the good: I hung all the wet rags from the mess out on the clothesline, just so I could watch them flap in the insane wind that we are getting from Canada (thanks, QWP and Sue).
Esperanza, that's inspired!
I'm having anger issues. Don't think they are self-inflicted. Think they are because there are so many threats to all I care about -- fairness, equality, decency, critical thinking skills.
AW: had a great lunch with a local progressives group.
W: am really angry. Wrote a long rant. Thought better of posting it on the book of visages.
AW: sent it to the Grey Lady instead. Let's see if they print it.
Liz on iPhone
Oh, send it to me! I'm angry, too!
Oooh me too!
--Neighbor Lady
((((Sue)))) so sorry about your mother in law! Hope they get everything sorted out soon.... that's so hard!
Liz-- I totally forgot we did the monster spray too, with sparkles. Worked like a charm for a while!
esperanza-- plumbing is ugh. glad it's covered.
Kathy-- hope the dinner is delicious!
Hugs to all!
--Neighbor Lady
Send to me as well, please, Liz!
Tonight's bedtime experiments: I suspect that her sickness is causing these nightmares (her father has awful stress dreams when he's sick). So, we've administered Tyl3n0l, and we're getting the humidifier going, and seeing if that helps her to have a better sleep. I suspect it isn't a coincidence that her bad dreams have coincided with her cold gettin worse. (Hopefully this works! If this doesn't, then we'll try monster spray, etc.)
Update on the Bedtime Saga: no crying this time, but with all the lengthening of bedtime routine, negotiations, three (!) trips to the potty, and strategizing for a happy sleep, she still got to bed at the same late-ish time as the previous two nights. So: progress, but we need to find a way to get her to sleep half an hour earlier before Sunday night (or else she'll want to sleep in on a preschool day). The most effective solution: she has a stuffy from a beloved movie, which is about not being scared at night, and she decided to have it in bed with her, to ward off nightmares. Whatever works!
Glad things are moving in the right direction, QWP. Whatever works!
The dinner was wonderful! We like the (almost) in-laws so much! The food was great, and there was lots of it -- only the birthday boy did not come home with a box. And next week, we go to their house for Thanksgiving. Yay!
The news is not making me feel any more positive about the state of the universe. Grr.
W: Tree trimmers expected today. I GOT UP and TOOK A SHOWER...and you know where this is going. Phone call around lunchtime. Man acted as if he had never talked to me and told me they were coming today. So, they're coming tomorrow. I said we wouldn't be here. He said that was ok.
Um -- he thinks he can just say it's OK if you aren't there? Don't you get a vote?? This is probably because I'm a city girl, but I do not like work happening around the house when I'm not there.
I guess I could have told them not to come tomorrow, but we're going to be out of town most of next week, so that would push it even farther. I actually feel pretty vulnerable if it is just me at home, or just me and Baboos, with strange men working. So in some ways, I'd rather not be there.
I hate when I spend all that time waiting and they don't show up!
AW (with the sound of trumpets): we got E to bed at a reasonable time tonight! Only mild procrastination and worries about nightmares (allayed by the fact that she hasn't actually had nightmares in several days, and we spent time planning all the fun dreams that she could try to have).
Yay for good bedtime! Sweet must have been tired tonight too--she fell asleep in about 5 minutes. We didn't do much today, but I think the brain work involved in getting used to the new glasses is wearing on her. It's wearing on me to get her to keep them on. I keep sneaking up on her to see if she's still got them on. It feels like a return to the potty training days, when I had to look at her constantly to see if she needed to go (longtime pixies will remember that she didn't talk at all at that point). Ugh. We had a talk, and things got better toward the end of the day.
W: Mr E was not on my favorites list, but he brought me a fountain drink this afternoon as a peace offering. I guess I'll keep him.
Guess this is a call for a posse. Or at least, some feedback on care and support of a 24/7 caregiver.
My friend's husband has a less-common dementia. He has very little speech now; even less reasoning; no behavioral constraints. She cannot leave him alone at all now -- for example, he keeps wanting to go to his mother's house a mile or so away, and does not pay any attention to traffic; so she drives him several times a day. He forgets that he ate 1/2 hour ago, and needs food NOW. He gets angry and aggressive whenever he does not get what he wants NOW -- and even by accident, "playing" with grandkids and dogs. His hygiene, it is a big problem. He has tried to attack her quite a few times; she carries a cell phone on her person at all times, and has an escape plan. Their marriage was not a happy one, even before the illness hit.
This weekend, their adult kids, spouses, etc. are there, and there was a discussion about her plan to place him after the holidays, if she can last that long. This met with wild opposition -- from family members who all live a distance. They think she should just hold on until he is ready for hospice! She was not allowed to remind them of the impact on her -- she's on 364/24/7 alert to keep him from danger, or from harming others; she had to go on meds; her hair is falling out; she does not have any time to herself.
At least one person suggested that since he likes walking, she should just let him -- maybe getting hit by a car would be better, anyway!!! I mean, that's pretty thoughtless... What about the driver that hits him? What about the potential lawsuit, or potential criminal charges for elder abuse/neglect?
Grr. I understand this is their father; but he is not a well man.
I guess my bottom lines are: [1] This is more than a one person job; [2] they are not considering that they could lose both parents to this disease; [3] they are not in the position of dealing with this all the damned time.
They are no doubt sorting things through and grieving. But it is so upsetting that they cannot see how deeply this is affecting their mom.
Posse for the family, definitely. My grandfather had Alzheimer's and was similarly affected. The first time he hurt my grandmother, that was the breaking point. He went to the nursing home that very day. Even if he is "not himself" or it was accidental, no one should have to live like that.
(((((Kathy's friend)))))) I hope that she ignores her children and does what she needs to do to keep herself safe, physically and emotionally.
--Neighbor Lady
Tree trimmers called just as church was beginning. Voicemail. Called again during all-important coffee hour. Voicemail. Bottom line: they're coming tomorrow. I will believe it when I hear their chainsaw.
Oh boy, am I ever getting ready to ride with the posse, Kathy. I am livid. My family has had a lot of dementia, and every part of that is just so awful. I hope your friend goes ahead with placement, and that they're both safe until then. (Forcing someone to continue caregiving alone! Thinking it would be for the best for someone to get hit by a car! Terrible.)
Esperanza: I can't believe these ridiculous tree trimmers!
W: I woke up sick enough that I stayed home from church. Mr. Q took E (mostly so that I could rest) and regretted not having her stay home as well. I'm about to email her preschool teacher to let her know she's staying home tomorrow. The constant sickness is getting old.
((QWP)) ((E))
I don't think we'll be calling these tree trimmers again. They're a local outfit (within a mile of our house), because I like to patronize local businesses when I can. But I also like to patronize reliable businesses.
(((QWP))) (((E)))
esperanza, the posse rides for the tree trimmers, local business or not. Grrr...
(((kathy's friend))) Good grief - the family members who want her to just tough it out should be forced to spend 24 hours in the house with him and see what she's dealing with every day.
Saw MIL in the hospital today. She recognized me and seemed okay (as in, calm) until she started telling me about all the people in her room all night bothering her because they were on their way to the swimming pool. I know the drill, so I just listened and didn't interject except to ask if she felt safe. "Oh yes, they were nice enough, just noisy and dripping wet." Poor dear. She's not eating much of anything at all and her nurse is concerned about that. Test results should all be in tomorrow (definitely no UTI though).
Oh, Sue. You are excellent at listening; and while I'm glad she is not alarmed at the "visitors," something is definitely going on. Holding thoughts and sending love for the test results and whatever is next. xoxoxo
I'm in for bopping the tree trimmers, Esperanza.
Thanks, Posse.
In the next big city down the interstate, police officer was killed today as he was writing a speeding ticket (by someone else, not the ticket receiver). That person is still at large. Motive is unknown, according to what has been released. However, and here is my whine, multiple state officials (governor, lt. governor, etc) have released strongly worded statements decrying "police targeting," "ambushes" and "hate crimes against the police.". Can we please just wait and figure out what actually happened and why, before stirring things up further than they are already stirred up?
So with you on that, Esperanza. Oh, really, awful all around without fanning flames.
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