Even though we don't celebrate Thanksgiving in November, we Canadians use your holidays as a measure as much you do. Our stores had Black Friday sales (and we all complained "Why must we have these extra sales? We already have Boxing Day," but we also all shopped in those sales). (Speaking of which: I have a Cyber Monday tea order that must be finalized today.) We put up our outdoor lights yesterday, because it's starting to feel like the lead-up to Christmas now, since the Americans have had their Thanksgiving.
And I'm a flurry of activity! As soon as I hit "post" on this, I need to do an hour of freelance work, and then go and get E from preschool again, and then we need to clean the living room and the kitchen, and then we're hauling in the Christmas tree from the garage. And THEN we're moving around the living room and decorating the tree until E goes to bed, at which point I do another hour of freelance research. (I'm working on a family history project for a friend, and she'd like some progress to show her family when she goes home for Christmas.)
If I'm this busy, I can't imagine how our clergical pixies are doing, with Advent beginning this week. (Oh dangit, I have to put interesting things in E's DIY Advent calendar. And make reservations for two birthday parties. And book a birthday cake from the ice cream store! And we have friends staying here on the only non-birthday, non-holiday weekend. Wheeee!)
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AW: Yay, my son and his beloved want to get married at our community center! And, they can go look at the place (which is very nice) on two evenings when the office is open later, or on Saturday! And THERE ARE DATES AVAILABLE AROUND WHEN THEY WERE THINKING OF THE WEDDING! This is so exciting!!!
W: While I was being excited, I forgot that I was quick-soaking beans (first step is bringing them to a boil), and yes, I managed to burn the uncooked beans. So now all the fans are running and windows are open. AW for this purpose: I do not live in Canada.
W: My son got failing grades on two assignments.
W: They were from three weeks ago (before we turned off most of his phone and iPad abilities) but his teachers only graded them this weekend. WTF? I realize his teachers have lots of things to grade, but it's really fireplacing hard to instill a belief in timeliness when his teachers are taking three flipping weeks.
W: One of those failing grades is because his teacher thinks he didn't hand something in. He says he DID hand it in. It was due on a day he was out sick, he says he handed it in the next class day.
W: He is supposed to maintain a spreadsheet tracking when assignments are due, and what grades he got...but there's a two week gap when he didn't record anything. Guess what period this falls in?
W: My husband held it together pretty well up until that last bit. There was yelling. There were threats to take away more beloved privileges (ie: the DS)
W: I would like to get through two full weeks without my son telling me he hates me.
AW: My husband has agreed that this cycle we're in is not helpful, and that we should go see a professional.
((( Liz ))) Oy, oy, oy. The grades; the disappointments; the drama; the family angst -- all very hard.
It is good to try some family therapy. That might help clear the air, and give everybody some better tools going forward.
I dunno about just piling on more punishment. MM must feel awful enough as is. It was more productive (with my own kids, in similar enough places) to come up with goals and a way to work out of the ditch -- we sometimes used contracts, with each side making promises.
Hear you about the teacher frustration. 3 weeks IS awfully long to get around to grading. And -- things do get lost -- is it possible to work something out about that missing assignment, that he do it again as make-up work even though he is sure he handed it in?
And finally -- this one did not come naturally to me, but it is NOT the end of the earth when a kid fails something, and has to find ways to move forward, to make it up. It can be an incentive to growth, to more personal responsibility. A learning opportunity. Natural consequences. A life lesson, delivered by someone who is not a parent -- because in fact, we need kids to grow to be responsible whether we tell them to or not.
xoxoxoxo
PS -- Your son doesn't hate you. I promise, this part gets better. xoxo
It's a busy time for everyone, QWP. You've got a lot going on! Be sure to be good to yourself too.
Yay kathy!!! I'm glad the plans for the big day are falling into place.
((((Liz))) I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Would it be worth a check-in with the teacher about the timing of this. I'm thinking there are likely other students in MM's class whose performance suffered in the wake of the election.
(((liz)) so sorry things are so hard!
QWP-- wow, so busy!!
esperanza, hope the colds clear quickly!
kathy-- yay! about the wedding!!! sorry for the burnt beans!
W: I just handed back a project that took me 20 minutes per kid to give feedback. There are 79 kids. So, when you do the math, it turns out to 26 hours of grading.. just on that assignment... not to mention other assignments, lesson planning, report writing, etc etc. And now I am off to grade another 40 of a different assignment that (yay!) only takes about 10 minutes per project, thus making my grading time cut to a mere 13 hours!
AW: the stuffing was delicious. pies too!
--Neighbor Lady
NL, I don't know what you teach, but that sounds awful. I had a professor in grad school who did the following while grading our papers: for frequently repeated comments, rather than writing them in the margins of everyone's paper, she just wrote a number. Then she had a numbered list of comments that she attached to our papers when she returned them. So, she would write #2 in the margin and then on the grading key, it would be something like "Person X argued Thing Y in this way, not the way you have simplified it." It only worked because we were all making the same screwups. I don't know if that would speed things up for you or not.
Liz, sorry that you're stuck in a yucky cycle. I get there with Mini a lot, but we're able to start over the next day.
Busy day here, too, but I've crossed a good number of things off the list.
W: We all have a cold.
W: Mr. E has the Man Cold variety.
W: Which apparently made him think it was ok to say "I'm going to rest a little, y'all go ahead and eat" when I said supper was ready. The supper I cooked. Like a meat and two vegetables. On a plate. On the table. This is a serious pet peeve. If I'm cooking, you come eat it when I say it's ready. It's a rule.
He'd better not stay home from work tomorrow. One day alone running errands has not thoroughly counteracted the introvert overload from last week.
Oh no, not you guys too, esperanza! I confess that E initially asked to stay home from school today (because she's still been coughing at night) and I convinced her to go, for my own sake.
So many hugs, Liz. So many hugs. I'm glad that MM has been getting organized and making progress, in spite of these past failed assignments, and I'm glad that you guys are looking at help to get the whole family out of this cycle. But so many hugs.
AW: I managed to get the Christmas tree up and two hours of freelance work done.
W: the rest of the house is in utter disarray and I can't find anything. Mess mess mess everywhere.
NL: okay, I want to go and hug Mr. Q, and congratulate him for not having nearly that many hours of marking ahead of him. Was this 20-minute-per-kid assignment something really special? I can't imagine balancing that amount of marking with all the rest of your work.
It was a big lab project.... I teach middle school science.
What is this "balancing" concept you speak of?
Seriously,though, I do need to find a way to find balance!
--NL
(((Esperanza))) That rule is a good one, and I'm willing to saddle up and come cluestick Mr. E.
NL, thank you for reminding me about the math of grading individual papers, and that it's reasonable for it to take three weeks to get the grades in. Would it make it harder or easier to give two (or three) sections of the big project so the grading was smaller chunks?
AW: MM DID hand in the paper he thought he did. He put his name on it and a note saying "Sorry I was out sick on the due date :(" and somehow his teacher didn't recognize that it was a name? Or something? I DON'T KNOW. But she accepted responsibility, gave him an A+ and I'm hoping he learned a valuable lesson about keeping good records.
W: The other F, in Research Bio, was all on him. "Half-hearted effort, turned in a day late". I am hoping he learned something on this one, too.
AW: He no longer hates us. But lordy lord, can I please have that two weeks in a row? Please?
Hugs esperanza - the posse is ready to ride in response to the man cold. Sheesh.
NL - Wow. That's a whole lot of marking.
Liz, I'm glad the teacher took responsibility and gave MM a good grade. I suspect he will learn from the Research Bio grade. Fingers crossed for two good weeks of no drama.
W/AW: I'm finding it's a very fine line to walk when talking politics around the church. I mentioned the current political situation both south of the border and in our own country in my sermon on Sunday. The context was basically that the gifts of Advent (Hope, Peace, Joy, Love) are all acts of resistance in the face of divisiveness and conflict. I noted that it is not okay to "draw the curtains and pretend we don't see the violence happening at the neighbour's house." Most people appreciated it. Two didn't think "that kind of topic" should be part of a worship service. *sigh*
It won't change what I preach, or how I preach, but how can people really separate justice issues from Jesus? What have these people been hearing me say for the last 16 years?
Sue, thank you for talking about it. The non-welcoming churches bring politics into the church all the time and then claim Jesus as their own, when Jesus preached welcoming the refugee and outcast.
UGH.
Woot, Liz -- that A+ is a big antiwhine! And yes, hopefully lessons were learned. xoxo
NL -- jeepers, that's a lot!
Sue, all I can think is that some nerves are raw following the election. Current examples seem relevant -- I mean (jumping ahead in the story), people have given their lives preaching "love one another" and "we are responsible for one another."
W: Like my nerves -- raw. It is currently a Major Goal to get through the day without winning the Most Crabby award.
kathy, I was just in the office speaking with the church bookkeeper. We were discussing which one of us is the most grumpy person today. We decided it was a tie and the weather is to blame. We had some lovely early-winter snow on the ground, and now it's all gone. It's been raining for roughly 30 hours now. Bleh!!!
So, welcome to the Grumpy Day Club. You are in grumpy company.
W/AW: My head is hurting - again, thank you weather system - but not as much as it would be hurting if I weren't a month post-treatment. Unfortunately, the needles relieve the head pain part, but do nothing for the dizziness, nausea, and light sensitivity that are the bonus gifts of migraine.
I may go home early and do my visiting tomorrow. No one wants to see Rev. Grumpy.
Hugs, Sue. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with the dizziness, nausea, etc, of migraine. I think it's wise that you go home early and don't bring Rev. Grumpy to everyone. (And cluesticks for those who complained about your sermon!)
Liz: relieved that the teacher found the missing assignment and took full responsibility!
AW: it snowed here! And the forecast is for all frozen days, and so we shouldn't have melting anytime soon!
W: I just realised that, while I shut off the outside tap from inside, I neglected to drain it and remove the hose. Hm. Also, the rain barrel is still full. I hope it isn't frozen solid, and we can manage to drain off some of it still, so that it doesn't expand and crack the barrel. We need to prepare ourselves for the -40 weather that is inevitable in the mid-winter!
QWP, I know you're talking Celsius and not Fahrenheit, but -40 still doesn't sound like a real temperature....
AW: An old friend and I are having an amiable discussion about whether the first of an annual thing was in 1995 or 1996. I think 1996 is winning. ;)
Fun fact: -40 is the same in Celsius and Fahrenheit! That's why I didn't specify the scale. It happens here, and it is never fun.
That may be an interesting fact, but it does not sound fun at all.
It is close to 80 degrees F here today. The Baboos and I are going to put up the new outside lights before it gets "cold" this weekend.
Yay Liz!!!! So glad the teacher found the assignment and corrected the grade!!
(And, sorry, wasn't really trying to remind you of anything-- I'm just overwhelmingly whiny and grumpy about work and my inability to balance it. Everyone else seems to figure it out, but me... not so much?!) I like everyone's suggestions though.
Glad things with your son are improved.
AW: Finished the other assignment last night around midnight!
W: four and a half hours of sleep is not enough
W: need to have a difficult conversation with son about internet rules . bleh
W: I think I have a plantar wart.
Sue, glad you are preaching what you are! Keep it up!
sorry about the migraine!
--Neighbor Lady
NL -- good luck with "the talk." And yay about finishing grading, but that's very late at night!
1996 wins. My friend and I both have externally verifiable memories of things we associate with that event (it was the year that...). Plus, we're the longest-running dedicated participants. So there.
(((NL)))
AW: after decades (actually 37 years) of having TMJ, I've been finally actually doing something about it. I've seen an oral surgeon who recommended physical therapy and a night guard. The PT has really helped and I got the night guard today.
AW: the dental practice I've been going to for years got a new dentist, who specializes in jaw pain minimization and he did a thorough exam, got me fitted for a night guard that goes just in the front, AND he used to live in Park Slope!
W: He's leaving at the end of the month to take over a practice in Kansas City.
Also W: Despite having taken serious a monster dose of Ibuprofen before going over, my whole head is pounding. Fireplacing muscles, man, they are the worst.
((( Liz ))) Yeah, the muscle pain from dental stuff really sucks. I do my best advocacy -- like getting a neck pillow -- but that does nothing for the jaw area of a small-mouthed person. xoxox
(Don't even start. I have a voice, but mouth is still small.)
((((Liz))))
Sue, I'm hearing the very same tale from so many preachers. Keep it up.
Sorry about migraine stuff, Sue, and jaw pain, Liz.
I rocked the to-do list today, but whew. I'm tired.
Also, this state is ridiculous. They are reducing Medicaid funding for early childhood therapies. You know, like the ones that helped Sweet. Grr.
But, I'm not sure if you've seen the viral photo of the cowboy-hatted man holding up a supportive sign at a mosque near Dallas? He is a member of my denomination. Yep. And married to his husband. Yep. Breaking down stereotypes, we are.
Esperanza! I am so sorry to hear about the medicaid funding -- saddling the posse for those fireplacing jerkfaces.
But I LOVED the cowboy-had man! Go, team.
I saw that cowboy hat man! Absolutely great.
I'm raging about the medicaid funding, esperanza.
AW: I got particularly inspired, and pushed through to finish all my freelance work! And then I made a real invoice! Some well-needed money, to help defray the cost of presents.
W: oh my goodness, my eyes are so tired from transcribing old-timey handwriting and reading German websites.
W: My SIL fell again last night; we got a call at midnight that she was headed to the ER, because she needed stitches on her forehead. That makes 3 falls with injuries this past week (the other 2 didn't need stitches), and I don't know how many other near-misses.
Her balance is completely shot due to progression of her disease, and she cannot walk unassisted. But she also doesn't think she has any limitations, and still tries to move around independently. They are keeping her in the common area as much as possible (literally catching her as she is falling on a number of occasions), and they keep an alarm on her clothing -- but they can't always get to her in time. Her facility is doing a heroic job! But it is pretty frustrating, knowing she will fall and fall again.
kathy, so sorry about SIL. :(
esperanza, I love cowboy-hat man!! Do tell him the impact of his resistance is felt waaaaay up North, and we're cheering him on.
W: Ongoing heartbreak and stress over what happens next with my MIL. It's all pretty awful. For now, she's in hospital. She may go home next week with daily nursing care...that's in the works.
W: Old Skool - while eating lunch at my desk, I managed to get pickle juice on my keyboard. That stuff is sticky.
((( Sue ))) I'm so sorry about your MIL, and the stress and uncertainty. Glad that if she does go home, there will be nursing care to lift your FIL's burden some. xoxo
Oh, (((Sue))) and (((Kathy))). Both of those situations are distressing. I'm glad that SIL and MIL are receiving the care they need.
Sue: pickle juice on the keyboard! Old Skool indeed. You might need to unplug your keyboard and pop off some keys to keep it from getting sticky, or to keep anything electrical from being affected.
Sue, if your keyboard is still acting like it is fine, then I'd just swipe off the sticky parts and pretend nothing happened. :)
(((Sue))) ((((kathy)))
Mouth guard made things worse. Have appointment to change it tomor " got last minute PT appointment today, made things much better but still not as good as they were yesterday
Hugs for Sue and kathy and their in laws of various kinds.
Liz, that is a huge bummer about the mouthguard.
Definitely Old Skool for Sue's keyboard.
W: Poor Sweet. It's her picture day--the makeup day, because she missed the original date because of a doctor's appointment out of town. Her--whatever you call the area between your nose and upper lip--is all red and chapped from repeated runny nose wiping. Her eyes are all swollen. She just looks like she doesn't feel good, because she doesn't. And she chose the least flattering color of shirt that she owns. I don't interfere with things like that, and it's not like a cute shirt would have made for a better picture.
I wiped the keyboard with a handy-wipe thingy I found in my desk. That seemed to work. Of course, soon after I had to leave for the afternoon, so I may arrive tomorrow morning and find it sticky. Stay tuned...
Sorry about the mouth guard, Liz. Glad you got the two appointments though.
(((Sue))) (((kathy)))) ((liz)))
Poor sweet!
-NL
Poor little Sweet! (That part of the face is called the philtrum! I learned this from my kid, and I don't know why she knows this, but Mr. Q confirms that it true, and so I suspect the household biology teacher is responsible for this knowledge.)
How is that pronounced, QWP? Fill-trum? I have learned a new word today!
That's how E and Mr. Q pronounce it! She's always practicing and poking her nose then under her nose. "This is my septum, and this is my philtrum!" (It's that groove between the lines on your upper lip thing.) (She also spends a lot of time talking about the bronchioles in the lungs. I checked the kids' book where she claimed to have learned it, and it didn't have technical words! Then Mr. Q confessed: "She keeps asking questions, and I keep answering them until she's tired of answers!")
Two of my kids still hate me. To the point that they do things like tell me I'm "not smart" and that the only way going for walks would be fun would be if I wasn't with them because they hate being forced to spend time with me. P@rental @lienation is fireplacing horrible. At least I have third parties willing to testify to the fact that this was not at all characteristic of my relationship or interactions with my kids prior to H telling them all about how the separation was all my fault and a bunch of other worse stuff he said about me and the situation and how I was just being mean to poor him for no reason and he was going to be so lonely, and poor victim H. And one of the older kids is coming around. While STBX is doing his best to make the youngest upset about going back to me by doing things like handing her a special favorite toy (something that she's not allowed to play with at my house because it's not age-appropriate and carries a significant risk of injury or death for a child her age) moments before the exchange, only to take it away just as he hands her off to me. Stuff like that. Fun times.
And he still hasn't paid the GAL so she can get started.
(((((p_k))))) What an ass.
I'm so sorry that things are so hard!!! I believe that all of your kids will come around in time once they are old enough to assess the situation for themselves, but I know that doesn't help you right now! :(
Hang in there.
--NL
p.s. QWP, I love the biology words!!! (Though I confess to not knowing the upper lip vocab.)
QWP, I love Mr. Q's response, and willingness to meet E's curiosity.
pk, I'm in full agreement with NL, except "ass" may be too nice.
(((Sweet)))
(((pk)))
The older three are all teens/preteens now. High school and middle school age. They can't be given the information they would need to accurately assess the situation, for multiple reasons.
W: Sweet's philtrum was still all red and chapped this morning. I suggested more Vaseline (which I had put on last night), but she didn't want to "go to school with that." Having suffered from my mother making me go to school "with that," I relented. AW: She seemed somewhat less snotty this morning.
W: Our neighborhood has a FB group. It can be helpful at times, but the catastrophizing (shut up, spell check. It is too a word) and hysteria is driving me batty. Case in point: Neighbor posts a series of pictures of police at a house on my street. Captions it with something along the lines of "Protect your kids. A drug raid in our neighborhood! It happens everywhere!".
AW: The city police department's PR officer comments almost immediately that it was "a court ordered search warrant for a non violent offense, and there is no danger to the community." Amazing what clear information, calmly delivered, can accomplish.
W: And another post, proclaiming the entrance to the neighborhood had been "vandalized." It was the landscaping company, working on the sprinkler system electronics.
Yikes, esperanza...such unnecessary drama! Perhaps time for group norms to be established, like "Fact-checking matters. Before you post about a situation, it is helpful to confirm the nature of the situation first."
Esperanza: I'm glad that the police PR are offering level-headed corrections! Dear goodness: so much catastrophizing.
PK: so many hugs. I'm absolutely horrified by STBX's PA attempts. Are the courts going to have to force him to pay the GAL?
((( PK ))) I'm with NL and the rest of the posse -- STBX is being a jackass. Also, WTFireplace about not paying the GAL?
The girls know you love them, and are taking care of them, keeping things steady in this rocky time. They just feel divided, which is really common for kids in a divorce, even without that BS floating in from their father. Middle to high school years are usually fraught enough without that going on! Kids have a lot to sort out, and their toolboxes for critical thinking are only partly filled. It WILL get better! xoxo
Esperanza -- Glad Sweet is on the mend. There are just going to be some years when the school photo is not one you necessarily want to frame and put on the wall for the rest of eternity. And that's OK!
Also -- I propose the posse for the nosy inaccurate neighbor on FB. Sheesh.
AW: Some tension resolved about something something with an annual event I help put on, which is coming up soon. And the moral of teh story is: if you need help with something something, ask for it.
(((PK)))
AW: Had the visit with the dentist again today to talk about the night guard that was TEH WORST, and he listened, told me what he thought had gone wrong and why, and had his assistant make three molds of my mouth to send off to get a full-mouth guard made instead.
W: I have these painful little bone spurs under where my lower teeth are on the tongue side, and it took a while for the assistant to get the mold plate in a configuration where it didn't hit those fireplacers and set off little bombs in my head.
AW: Turns out, the bone spurs are from clenching. This may keep them from getting worse.
Waitaminute -- bone spurs are, like athletes get? And you can get them in your MOUTH? I'm still working on using my muscles in a better way. Is there no end to the bad news this year????????
This is also new information to me. I could get BONE SPURS in my MOUTH from CLENCHING MY JAW? Like, a think that I do all the time?
(We're learning all kinds of science here at WW, this week!)
My philtrum is developing a twitch.
They can also occur from tooth extractions
"WebMD further explains that a bone spur, or osteophyte, is an outgrowth of bone that can occur along the edges of a bone. Bone spurs can form in any bone, but they are most commonly found in joints where two or more bones come together. They also occur where muscles, ligaments, and tendons attach to the bone. Some of the most common parts of the body affected by bone spurs are the neck (cervical spine), low back (lumbar spine), shoulder, knee, foot and heel. They can also occur in the mouth after a tooth extraction or dental surgery. The jaw is one of the most important bones in the body, and it has an important role in both eating and communication. One condition affecting both of these functions is the presence of painful bone spurs in the mouth. Bone spurs are really a smooth growth of bone that is formed by the body as a response to damaged bone. When bone spurs occur in the mouth, they are known as oral osteophytes."
Ouchy ouch! And yikes!
On to holidays. I just looked up hannukah, and it starts on 12/24, Christmas eve. My future DIL's family is coming for Christmas, and I don't think we've had such serious overlap of the holidays before. Ideas about gracious nods to our soon-to-be family's traditions?
I obviously need to re-create the blue stocking with stars of david for Dad. This isn't a kosher family, but still. Need hints!
Latkes. Use this recipe
I forgot that they usually bring latkes! That looks like an excellent recipe.
I remember there was some significant overlap between Hanukkah and Christmas a few years ago, and a grad school friend and I combined efforts for a Christmukkah party. Basically, we deep fried everything, but especially something that she just called cookies, but were deep-fried dough with icing sugar, and basically the same thing that the Mennonites around here call New Year's cookies? We had those and latkes, and also Christmas dinner stuff.
Ouch, Liz!!!! I'm glad the dentist took the time needed to get you the right mouth guard.
Liz, if you need something temporary, I really like the Plackers disposable mouth guards for my small, sensitive mouth.
Thank you, PK! But, it's been 37 years, I can wait another 2 weeks.
AW: An odd connection story from the grocery store. I was on the aisle with plastic bags, toilet paper, paper plates, etc. A whole bunch of different things. I was looking for wax paper, which I buy approximately every two years. A man came up behind me, looked at the shelf briefly, and then--a little bit exasperated--said, "do you have any idea where wax paper is?" I said, "As a matter of fact, that's just what I'm looking for, too!" And handed him a box. It just seemed such an odd coincidence that it was strangely touching. I'm still trying to look for the good in the midst of the mess, and I'm counting this encounter as good.
AW: Sweet was feeling substantially better this morning, thank goodness. And I got a sweet note from her teacher yesterday, praising her hard work as of late. (The teacher had already sent me an email saying much the same thing, so I'm pretty sure the note was as much for Sweet's benefit as mine. She read it to me and was beaming.)
W: I also received a note from Mini's teacher, about a disturbing story she had written, about her cousin chasing her with a "nife" at Thanksgiving. Not true! Impossible, as the house is small enough that they never had any unsupervised time. When questioned she said it was "an imaginary story"--duh, Mom--but was unable to say why she had written it. When I asked her if anything had scared her over Thanksgiving, she refused to talk any more and went to her room. I'm definitely keeping an ear out.
I like random sweet encounters in the grocery store!
About Mini. Kids have feelings sometimes (don't we all?) that they may not be able to describe very well, because they don't really have a full set of emotional language yet. She might have felt the busy house was overrun. A houseful can be uncomfortable. And maybe she was pumping up the drama for the sake of her fiction? It's good she could explain the story was fiction. (Also good the teacher checked in!) Just my theory. xoxo
What Kathy said.
Is it possible that Sweet has had some dreams that have scared her, and that she's working out in story form? Just thinking about the anxiety issues we've been dealing with here.
Speaking of child anxiety issues, and esperanza is probably very experienced with this: between baby pictures and pediatrician appointments where we review some of the issues that E dealt with as a baby, E has become pretty fixated on the medical issues that she had (the NICU stuff and her CPAP use, the umbilical hernia, the head stuff and physical therapy, I can't even think of what else). She is so interested in medical/physical stuff anyway, but I find that sometimes she gets worried about new babies, thinking that they all need help breathing. She also has a lot of questions about why these things happened to her, if they aren't something that happens to most babies. I think there are also some worries that there is something wrong with her. We do a lot of reassurance, and we do big, deep breaths and marvel about how strong her lungs are now.
So, is this all a normal part of the process? Is there anything I should be doing to help her process all this, and not to be anxious?
Hmm, QWP, Sweet doesn't show the least bit of interest in her early months. Once the oxygen tube went away, most of her challenges are not visible in photos, though.
Upon reflection, Mini's story might have been based on some playground encounters at Thanksgiving that got a little wild. Sweet, oddly enough, stands her ground with big boys on the playground, but Mini gets a little more intimidated.
QWP -- It's good Lil E is interested in stuff! But one thing I remember from her age range is -- to *not* answer more than they are asking, AND to keep it simple and age appropriate. So, the story line might be: you were born earlier than usual; you had to be in the hospital; they helped you at first, and now you are fine! xoxo
Esperanza -- If Mini seems stressed by the rude older boys, one thing that might help is role-playing other responses. Someone else can play the big boy, and Mini can try out different ideas. (Honestly, this can be hilarious sometimes!) Knowing she has some options might go a long way.
I like Kathy's scripts!
That's the script I've been using! The CPAP I explain as just "you only needed it for a few hours, and it helped make your lungs strong." (She's very interesting in the respiratory system, and she's very aware of her grandpa's trach and ventilator, and so the pictures of her with the CPAP get a billion questions.) But then she starts claiming that she had "too much carbon dioxide in her bronchioles" and a bunch of stuff, and I have to correct her back to "no, you just needed a little bit of help." (The weird thing is that my dad actually did have issues with carbon dioxide buildup, and so I don't know if she overheard someone discussing this, or if she just has deduced that lungs breathe out carbon dioxide and therefore lungs that need help getting strong wouldn't breathe out CO2 properly.)
Dear dog, she has a vocabulary! And big ears!! She might need to know that Grandpa's problem with his lungs was *not at all* related to her needing a little help right after she was born. And then move right along to something else! If she wants science info, maybe marine mammals are a good subject -- breathing air, but mostly living underwater. Or, fish -- how do they get the oxygen? It sounds like you need to feed her curiosity without feeding worries.
Wait a minute: I think I've figured out the fixation on her breathing. (Other than the fact that she's mesmerized by everything medical, and pretends to be her GP during quiet time, taking care of her stuffed animals. BTW, she is basically Doc McStuffins.) This year, she's had some weird breathing episodes connected to her allergies, which her allergist and pediatrician have been trying to figure out, and she's been on and off of an inhaler, as they evaluate if there's asthma. A couple of those episodes have been really scary, and maybe she's still processing that experience, and maybe she doesn't believe us that her lungs are "all better now"? We've had quite a few appointments about this, in the past year, and maybe I'm not the only one who occasionally frets about this.
That makes a lot of sense. (It's like how she still sometimes processes the experience of spraining her ankle last year.) I can deal with that and address it pretty easily.
If she does have allergies and asthma -- those are manageable! It's better to get it diagnosed, and then you can do more prevention. (Son has asthma.) (It has not stopped him from anything.)
Oh, I know they're manageable! I think she's been worrying about them, since she doesn't really understand why she's had those scary breathing episodes. (Okay, I am fretting about the breathing stuff right now, myself. She's been sick for three weeks now, and although it's been getting better during the day, the night coughs and congestion are getting worse again.)
Liz, the disposable mouth guards are cheap, and make a significant difference in pain levels and functionality for me. One night of forgetting to wear one and I feel it by the next morning, often for several days. 2 weeks worth of less pain might be worth the few dollars?
QOWP, that sounds like a very reasonable theory.
Wedding! They love the local space! June 10, assuming that's still available!
Not only that, but the bride to be wants to join the zumba class that was going on when we went to scope it out. ;)
YAYYYY!!!!!!!! Wedding!!!!!!!!!
--NL
Wedding!!!
W: 5:30AM wakeup, after an E bedwetting episode. Second one this week (and second one ever). Something about this cold is keeping her from waking up with her bladder. And then she didn't go back to sleep, because her beloved blankie and stuffed kitty needed to go in the laundry, and she wouldn't accept any of our substitutes. Staying home from church today. (And I've agreed with E that she's allowed to have a pull up for the next few nights, as we get things figured out, and so that she can get caught up on sleep. If she pees in her pull up, she'll still wake up, but we won't have the same clean up, and she'll go back to sleep.) We need to get better: 4th birthday tomorrow!
I have friends who didn't have the ability to get the wake up signal until nearly their teens. Go for the pull ups and don't worry about it.
Liz on iPhone
I agree about pull-ups. She is fine during the day; no worries at all. The midnight floods are just hard, and can't help but make her feel bad about something not in her control.
Thanks, everyone. After all the potty training regressions, I second-guess going back to pull-ups a lot. This will all be fine. (And we have an unopened box in the top of her closet, for this exact reason!)
We live near Oakland, where the body count from that awful fire is now 30, and more deaths expected to be confirmed. While we were looking at the wedding space yesterday, my future DIL's mom called, frantic to be sure she had not been there the night before.
Whatever else people are saying about the fire, it is probably at least in part because local housing is so unaffordable that people were living (and doing their art) in this firetrap of a warehouse.
Absolutely horrifying, Kathy.
Kathy, it's heartbreaking. Hugs to your city.
AW: Sorry to change the subject abruptly, but Mr. Q is officially finished his first two grad classes! He just printed off his final project from the second class (all 60 pages of it!), and he gets to go to sleep at a half-way reasonable time tonight. Meanwhile, in spite of exhaustion and another fireplacing cold, I managed to make birthday cupcakes and four batches of playdough for preschool tomorrow. And I'm about to have a four year old. Now I'm going to go collapse into my bed and sleep heavily.
WOOT, Mr. Q!!!
And Hippo Birdie to Ms. E!
Happy Birthday Ms. E!!!!!!!
And congrats to Mr. QWP!!!!! Fantastic!!!!!
:) Neighbor Lady
((((kathy a and oakland))))))
--NL
Ooops signed that twice.... obviously not awake yet!
Also, so relieved about St@nd1ng Rock and proud of those who stood up for clean water!
--NL
Hooray, Mr. Q! Happy Birthday Lil E!
I hope you're hanging in there, NL.
W: File this under: good intentions. We hosted an Open House yesterday for Mr. E's new church. He insisted on going to *bux for large containers of coffee. I contended that this would take too much time and cost too much money. As we are not coffee drinkers, I suggested that we ask the church custodian for some help (we have done this in previous years). Anyway. My suggestions were ignored. It did indeed take too long, and as is his habit, Mr. E came home with way more coffee than we needed. After the party was over, the coffee was still hot, so I decided we could take it to the fire station to share with the firefighters. I called, and the nice man on the phone agreed to accept my coffee. It wasn't until I put it in the car that I realized that the only thing we had left was 6L of decaf.
AW: He was very gracious. Mini was saucer-eyed at the thought that we had just talked to a real-life firefighter "without an appointment." I had to explain multiple times that I had not called 911 to ask them if they wanted coffee.
HOORAY Mr. QWP!!!
Happy birthday E!
Esperanza, that is both annoying (Mr. E) and utterly adorable (Mini).
AW: Change is good. We moved Mr. Spock's bed out of the office we all share and into the former and newly cleared out "guest room". That involved moving the sofa bed out of the "guest room" and into the shared office. It was a game of Rush Hour, but we were able to do it all without calling in outside help. And the office feels much better, Mr. Spock reports he slept better. Neither MM nor I could hear him snoring, despite his being physically closer.
AW: Muffin Man vacuumed and mopped the kitchen floor (payment for us bringing a forgotten homework assignment to school so it wouldn't get a failing grade for being late, despite the fact that he'd DONE IT.)
I'm glad that you all can get better sleep, Liz. It's funny that the guest room, while closer, seems to have better sound proofing than the office, for your and MM's sakes!
Esperanza: I'm laughing about how Mini thought you'd called 911 to offer them coffee!
AW: giant assignment submitted (I drove it to the university for Mr. Q, during preschool), and E got to share chocolate cupcakes with her preschool buddies this morning! We also went to the grocery store and got her a helium birthday balloon, which is our annual birthday treat. And, because I took the car today, and had time to kill after the university trip, I went and got my criminal record check (for preschool volunteering), and spent time at the art gallery gift shop, buying Christmas presents! I'm now exhausted, but that was a good morning for both E and me.
I'm glad that she's absorbed the lesson that 911 is for emergencies only!
Following yesterday's Open House, I've spent the entire day (8 hours) on the couch. I've done some napping, some work, and a whole lot of interneting. Baboos ETA: 10 minutes.
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