Hail to the Winners!

KLee wins the Social Media Award for an invitation from a five-year-old student to be his f@cebook friend, so as not to limit his ability to ask questions to the school day alone. We are a little speechless.

The coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award goes to Amy, for her response to KLee's FB lament: "I have a sudden need to know why koala spit is green and if ostriches eat meat all summer long, if at all."

KLee responds with answers to those questions, and the Random Bonus Fact of the Week, the length of ostrich intestines. One never knows when that kind of information might prove useful.

Amy brings a terrible tale of credit card cancellations due to a security breach, earning the Financial Shenanigans Award. This award comes with a complimentary and heartfelt cluesticking, and the advice that should this happen again, we want the branch manager to hand-deliver the new card immediately, with groveling.

JenR is the recipient of the Old Skool Award this week, since she forgot her whine. (PSA: please remember that small whines are good whines! We do not give awards for whines of substance, because really, who wants the distinction of being the most miserable person in a given week?)

KLee wins the Style Award for best use of a phrase usually ignored by the under-80 crowd, "and Bob's your uncle." The Pixie lexicon is hereby expanded with this excellent addition.

Neighbor Lady wins the Field Trip Award, with small medals of honor to supportive co-workers and the student who did not bark on the bus. YAY! Sounds like a great trip!

Esperanza and Days win the Swimsuit Follies Awards for their respective complaints of inadequately fitting swimwear. Congratulations to Sweet for graduating from swim diapers! And thanks to Liz for suggestions befitting those of endowment.

The Last Lost Pill Award goes to Sue, who saw it swirl right down the drain. Gah!

Sarah earns the Parenting Is Not for Sissies Award, for her chilling tale of a stomach bug hitting each and every family member, and her last. We are thrilled that it decided to vacate the household swiftly.

Practice Makes Perfect Award to PK, who used the practice tests to persuade her independent thinker to just move along to the next question if she believes the answer sheet is wrong. Progress!

Rosie the Riveter Award goes to Liz, who dealt with the bad combination of too little sleep and a too horrible boss. The Posse would like a word with the boss.

Occupational Hazard Award for Sue, who complains of Bridezillas. The Cluestick Posse has been notified.

Days wins the Parenting Brilliance Award for taking a potential weather whine (HAIL, in JUNE) and making it into a grand adventure -- the salvaged hail has taken up residence in the freezer, to entertain another day. And it sounds like the frosty fun will be welcome, given the other whine about it being too darned hot.

Bon Voyage and happy travels to KLee, who has worked for 2 years to raise the money for her GS trip! Wishing her beloved JF luck with the interviews -- our fingers are crossed. The Cluestick Posse plans an extended stop at the MIL's house.

Hugs to PK on the loss of a beloved pet; to Sue, who has struggled with the headache monster yet again; and to all other Pixies in need.

Thanks to all who offered support on pet-related, carsickness-related, and other issues. Thanks, too, toDays for passing the frozen beverages!

Aunt Cranky's Lament

Are there even enough cluesticks to go around, anymore?

First, there's the weather -- I think it has rained every day of June so far, and it is not supposed to be like this. Then, the pook-cidents. And I don't even want to get started on politics, except that it does not help the generally rational home team when someone decides it's a good idea to over-share on social media. Do you think welding of the zipper might count as a charitable donation, or merely a public service?

My daughter called all furious this morning, because her roomie's overly-helpful mother used all the hot water to wash dishes, so daughter got a cold shower, which did not put her in a good mood for finals, and "why does a 24 year old need her mother to be here all the time to do things for her?" AW: I told her she won the parent lottery, since we don't do that to her.

So, despite the Universe's desire to make me utterly cranky, there is a little good news. Friends graduating! Big family reunion picnic next weekend, and I'm not hosting this year! Son is a year older, and he likes his birthday presents! Daughter's coming home for a visit, and also applying for internships! My friend's wife is doing OK after surgery! There is a baby quilt lining up for friends, and baby quilts are fun fun fun!

Pixies, please tell all. We may as well wallow together.

June!

Happy Birthday to Amy's daughter! Thanks to all the pixies weighing in on the important topic of gifts, particularly the thorny question of a special doll. We admire the judicious solution of letting her use the birthday money to choose another something special.

Congratulations to NUD's daughter, who is now a college graduate and employed! Kudos to NUD for a parenting journey well done.

Style Award to Liz, for sharing a joke about summer in Vermont.

Sympathy to all experiencing weather whines this week: rain and cold, blistering heat, cold to blistering in a matter of hours, high winds. The coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award goes to Sue, for her observation that "rain does not need to be shoveled."

Old Skool Award, Brevity Division to JenR, for "My brain is tired today." Old Skool Award, Culinary Division goes to Sarah for her lament that she has "not yet mastered home burritos."

Dahlink,Your Hair is Magnificent! Award to Days, who has found the ideal stylist, someone so talented that even the wee boy now looks stylin'. Woot!

We have two awards in the Bodily Fluids category: Sue for the cat bark waterfall and associated dry cleaning, and Esperanza for "Operation Potty Train, Naptime Subdivision" and associated endless laundry.

Adventures with Mechanics Award to Esperanza, who discovered that the scary "check engine" light really only meant the gas cap was loose. Let's just send a little cluesticking over to the mechanical genius who decided this was an efficient way to inform drivers of a loose gas cap.

Name Under Development wins the Training Adventure Award for a slight mishap at an otherwise good conference, resulting in a hairline fracture, with an Impress the Boss and Peers sash since this did not occur in privacy. Ouch! Adding insult to injury, NUD is alone with the litter box this week, and scheduled for the rung of heck known as moving the office. We will cluestick anyone who declines to step up for box-packing duty.

Kudos to Liz' mom for the excellent advice that tasks be immediately delegated to complainers! A gentle, educational cluesticking to Esperanza's beloved, who complains regularly that she does not buy "the good stuff," and left to his own devices would spend a week's worth of grocery money on a weekend's worth of culinary delights. Beloved, let us introduce you to the budget.

While the Cluestick Posse is saddled up, we may as well pay an enthusiastic repeat visit to Liz' "friend" [redacted], who seems a little slow on the uptake when it comes to realizing she's doing something wrong.

Many hugs to Sue's friend, who has suffered one loss after another. In the tradition of black humor, at least they are able to joke that if they threw in a broken-down truck, they'd have a country song. But oh, such sorrow. Many hugs also to the loved ones of PK's friends; those poor children, losing both parents so young, and in close succession.

No appointment necessary

Bring 'em on! Whines big and small welcome.

My son stopped by to work on his car. I had to hide his birthday quilt -- the front's all done and bordered, and it includes baby's first cool shirt, a piece of his grandpa's shirt, a bit of boy scout pants, curtains from our old house, music, animals, pirates, etc. etc.

Old Skool: he complained about the paucity of immediately edible food in the fridge. Dude, we do not need to stock for a platoon since you don't live here anymore! Ah, well -- a quick run to the market solved that worry and the dinner question [burrito night], and the leftovers got cleaned up in the meantime.

What's cookin' at your house?

Hugs, Cluesticks, and Awards! Finally!

Ay, chihuaua, pixies, such a week.

Many hugs to the families and friends of Sue's son's friend, who died in the helicopter crash; p_k's friends' young boys, who have lost both parents; and YT, whose great-nephew died. We offer hugs and prayers and "holding you in the light" (as the Quakers say). We hope that each of these grieving people will be surrounded by loving friends and family, as YT has experienced.

Hugs also to KLee's husband, who lost his job this week; and to KLee herself. And to kathy a's friend's wife, who underwent extensive surgery.

And now (as she rubs her hands together evilly), the cluesticks! We will need several posses this week. One for KLee's husband's former employers. One for Liz's "friend" who needs some lessons in said relationship. One for people who call Sue while she's on study leave. Another for JenR's insurance company, the "poopyheads," with a bonus posse for her employers. And, while we're at it, Canadian weather.

I believe we have time for a few awards.

Sue gets Old Skool for her admission that she will miss Oprah.

We have two Mullet awards this week!

* First, to Sarah for her admiration of Sue: "..if there ever were a case for ALL CAPS"

* and to Sue herself, for this one that made me snort my beverage: "I want to patent 'phone coffee,' but I may need to come up with a name that doesn't sound so close to 'phone-you-know-what.'"

A very Happy Birthday to Amy!

As Days suggests, we'll send quilts to all of our winners, plus anyone experiencing vertigo, difficult situations with their mothers, teacher's evaluations, and any other whines we might have missed.

Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Whining

Yes, pixies, it's that old fable, The Boy Who Cried Wolf.

Well, if you replace The Boy with The Sweet Baboo.

And Wolf with one or more of the following: Tummy Hurts; I Need to Go Potty; Frow Up.

Tummy Hurts is useful when one wants the pink tub that one used to Frow Up about a month ago. It would be such a great container for toting toys around. Better than a direct request, which is likely to get denied, Tummy Hurts is the best in toddler strategy and manipulation. Bonus: gets Mama excited. When Tummy Hurts does not work as desired, try Frow Up.

I Need to Go Potty is used when in the carseat for extended periods of time. Boredom sets in, and I Need to Go Potty results in a trip to a convenience store, restaurant, or other exciting location. Best of all, it also results in removal from carseat. Bonus: grateful little sister also benefits from carseat removal. Alternate setting: in bed, while not falling asleep at the parent-defined desirable time.

Will the potty training whines never end?

AW: She's talking enough to play these little games. I'm grateful for that. Remind me of that, please?

Greatest Hits Edition

Don't touch that dial, Pixies! We've got a solid-gold lineup this morning. (NSFW with speakers on!)

First, a hearty Happy Birthday to the lovely Esperanza! We've pulled out our magic wands to ensure that you get your wish of a Mama's Day Off! (No way do they look just like cluesticks! They're, um, all sparkly and everything.)

The coveted Elevated Risk of Mullet Award goes to Liz, who complains: "In this humidity I resemble Roseanne Roseanadana. The hair, it goes SPROING."

Sue wins the We Are Family Award for her anti-whine about a good visit with her sister and brother-in-law. Apparently, her BIL still likes her after she divulged some of the deep secrets of the Pixiehood; sounds like a great guy.

School Days Award to Purple Kangaroo, whose search for the right school is turning up some good possibilities. Yay!

Liz wins the Theme Award for offering not one, not two, but three car-related musical selections! That's some dedication to the craft. My personal favorite is Fast Car.

The Medical Mystery Tour Award goes to JenR, who spent 4 days in the hospital, and they still don't know why. Hugs, chicken soup, and many wishes for a swift recovery.

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News Awards to our ace team of long-distance diagnosticians -- PK, Liz, and Sue. Maybe it is Lyme disease...

Elizabeth wins an award she'd rather not have, the Long Distance Daughter Award, with all kinds of bad things happening back at the homestead this past week. Hugs, chocolate, strength to you.

The Dental House of Horrors Award goes to Purple Kangaroo. Yeeps.

Sarah wins the Rain Award for her big event scheduled for a time of showers, leading to the possibility of melting attendance. Hope it went well!

Liz wins the Old Skool Award for a surprise visit from Aunt Flo. No links for this one. The darned filmstrips don't cover this particular topic in the Joys of Womanhood series, anyway.

Amy is runner up in the Old Skool category, noting both arthritis and age spots although she is a whippersnapper of just 37. (I can say that; I'm older.) I think we can all agree that it sucks getting older. But heck, gives us something to complain about, eh?

That about wraps up this week's show. Tune in next week!