Thursday, July 26, 2007

Winning by whining

Hugs and chocolate to all the whiners with Whines of Substance! It's been a rough week for several people, I can see.

Style Award for bringing grace and poetry to the Whiner's Ball:

  • Yankee T for:
    Won't you come on, my A/C?
    Won't you come on?
    I sweat the whole night lo-ong.
    I've done the cooking honey,
    It's hot as hell,
    Can't find my old saro-ong.
    You remember that one cool evening,
    I turned you off
    While heading upstairs to the john?
    I know I'm to blame,
    Now ain't it a shame?
    My A/C won't you please come on...

  • Purple Kangaroo for a long poem that includes the following verses:
    The verdict was in.
    We canceled the sitter
    Dinner got burned;
    The steak tough and bitter.

  • But the kids all slept
    Early and well
    Leaving us with
    Some time to kill.

    So what did we do
    To celebrate
    Our great and marvelous
    Year number eight?

    We cleaned the house.
    Oh, yes, we did.
    We talked and scrubbed
    When the sun hid.
The Old School Award for those really pathetic little whines, the ones that we all have, except they usually just irritate us, only in this case they are awfully amusing
  • Margalit for the impending loss of the Weekly World News.
  • Phantom for leaky pull-ups.

"Elevated Risk of Mullet" Award for funniest use of language:

  • Klee for "the reason that I'm on a diet is that I have sucked small children and a couple of satellites into my gravitational orbit."
Debangel was on a roll in giving out awards, and gets credit for handing out the "Elevated Risk of MALLET" award to the fireplacing idjit who gave Scrivener the wrong information, and the "Life's an Itch and Then You Die" award to Robin Andrea.

And I'd like to offer a special aint it the truth award for Margalit for "Mental illness SUCKS, I tell you!"

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Jeepers Creepers, it's Wednesday Whining

Welcome back to Wednesday Whining. As usual, all whines are welcome, from the little things that you'd be embarrassed to complain about anywhere else (old skool whines) to the big things that make it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Anti-whines are allowed, but not required; verse always gets our attention (and might win you a style award).

Please don't use the "anonymous" option that blogger allows -- but feel free to adopt a pseudonym, either for ongoing use or as a one-shot deal when you've got a whine that's just too personal to have floating around the internet with your name attached (long live Itchbay Snorglemuffin!)

NO HARRY POTTER SPOILERS!!! If you need to whine about the content of Deathly Hallows, go to Phantom's spoiler thread. (Feel free to whine here about how tired you are from staying up to read it, or how unfair it is that you haven't had a chance to read it, or sick you are of everyone talking about it.)

Everyone is encouraged to lend support, pass the chips, and nominate prizes in comments.

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Hugs and chocolate to all the whiners with Whines of Substance! Cluesticks for those who need them. Life sucks sometimes, which is why we are really glad to have this community of fellow kvetchers.

Style Award for bringing grace and poetry to the Whiner's Ball:

  • to Liz, who wrote an ode to mysterious cat pee [thereby also bringing bodily fluids to the festivities]:

My five year old son

My much-loved little one

Has two pairs of shoes that stink

I've washed them in bleach

And scrubbed them each

In the black porcelain kitchen sink

The stench they emit

Is not normal foot sh*t

They smell strongly of pee from a cat

I have no idea

How feline urea

Appeared as we are petless and all that.

The Old School Award for those really pathetic little whines, the ones that we all have, except they usually just irritate us, only in this case they are awfully amusing --

  • To Andy, for a classic whine: "All of my jeans have suddenly become significantly tighter. I think they shrank in the wash, because my weight is right where it always is, and I'm positive that my routine of walking around all day and night while forgetting to eat hasn't led to any increase in my waistline, but is it even possible for jeans to shrink? I surely do not know; I just know that it's a pain."

  • And Bridgett, for a whine of trying an environmentally-friendly paint-stripper, only to find the piece she was stripping was, uh, veneer over plywood: " It went from crap to craptastic and only cost me 4 hours of labor and $15 for the very very sticky goo."

"Elevated Risk of Mullet" Award for funniest use of language:

  • To Peripatetic Polar Bear, and "the chewing on tin-foil fun of an administrative retreat."

By popular consent, we have some one-time-only awards this week!

  • For Lisa V., the "Plucky Comic Relief" Award for tales of woe stacked so high that all they can do is laugh and wonder when the locusts will arrive, delivered in an entry that begins: "It's cavernous, but it seems like an adequate place to whine. It's like we've moved from Phantom's living room to the church or rec center that lets the 12 step group meet in the basement. Hi, I'm Lisa and I am a habitual whiner."

  • For Songbird, the "Pithy Sum-Up" Award, for concluding her whine thusly: "I have never been good at patting my head and rubbing my tummy. Seriously."

  • For DevilMacDawg, the "Best Use of Wildlife in a Dramatic Whine," for her description of an epic stand-off between the family cat, and an intruding fierce! box! turtle! [Ed. Note: also, good luck on the bar exam. Turtles will not be on the test, which tells you just how removed those people are from real life.]

Thanks to everyone for playing this first Brigadoon edition of Wednesday Whining!

Per our brand new tradition, the whining thread has been closed, to appear from the mists like magic again next Tuesday night.

[As a general rule, we're not going to have comments on the awards threads, but we're opening up this post for comments so that y'all can leave any feedback about how this first week at the new location went. Got any useful suggestions? Positive feedback, in particular, is certainly welcomed! ;)]

Late edition: comments are closed. Thank you to all the pixies, and most especially to Phantom. See ya next week!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Welcome to the Whiner's Ball!

Welcome to the first Brigadoon edition of Wednesday Whining, dedicated to our Hostess Emerita, the incomparable and fabulous Phantom Scribbler!

When last we met, there was animated discussion about whether and how to continue weekly whining festivities. These new digs and a group of host/administrators were the solution. Those who voted to send WW gentle into that good night are forgiven and welcome.

So, here's how we plan to embark on this new adventure in whining. Each week, a volunteer moderator will be the primary host of the celebration, in charge of setup and cleanup. A Wednesday Whining thread will be posted on Tuesday night. Whining will end Thursday morning and comments will be closed. There will be a brief concluding post on Thursday, awarding limited prizes only: [1] Style; [2] Old School; and [3] "Elevated Risk of Mullet."

Everyone is encouraged to lend support, pass the chips, and nominate prizes in comments, as always.

Let the whining begin!

Update: Please introduce yourselves! We lack the superpowers to correctly identify anonymice. Thanks!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

The first award

Since Phantom won't give herself an award, I will:

The BB-inspired "Lonely for Dat" award goes to Phantom Scribbler herself, for showing us all how to make a thoughtful and gracious transition from something we know we loved to something we hope we still will. This award comes with an actual, real-world bonus of free Thursday mornings and quiet Wednesday inboxes.

Yasher koach, friend.


(Edited: Ha! I even put the graphic on. Just like home if it weren't so big and pixillated. Suggestions on tweaking?) [Edited: Happier with that? --Scriv] (edited: kudos to S. for posting the graphic, and scriv for advanced tweaking skills! -- kathy a.)(Edited: whaddaya know? This group blog thing might work! --s.)

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

In the beginning...

If you're interested in being an administrator for Wednesday whining's permanent site, please email me: phantomscribbler AT gmail DOT com.

Edited to add: I think we've got as many administrators as we can, you know, administer right now. Thanks to all of y'all for volunteering.